Gemini ex stalking me, but refuses to actually talk to me?

  • I will try to keep this brief and only to the relevant points. I'm Pisces female and I broke up with my Gem in February. We'd been best friends for 10 years and on/off lovers for ~3. It was his decision to break up- he lost his job, got rejected to the grad schools he had applied for, and all we did was argue. He basically sent me an email saying, "I'll always love you but this won't work, bye!" It was pretty traumatizing because he had done the disappearing act before, but it felt more permanent this time.

    Anyway, I am a writer and I have a blog that I write in regularly. I can see who visits my website and their IP addresses. I noticed about a month and a half ago he had started checking my blog daily- sometimes multiple times a day. Then, two weeks ago he started commenting under an alias. Most of the comments were harmless, some were a little "bitchy", some heartfelt.

    I assumed this meant he was still interested because I texted him this past weekend and tried to reconnect. He was very cold and aloof, almost like a different person, but still seemed receptive to what I was saying. I ended up spilling my guts to him about missing him, not having closure, blah blah blah... this went on throughout the whole weekend. FINALLY, after I let it all out and embarrass myself, he tells me he is in a relationship and the most important thing to him is not to ruin it. I got really upset that he didn't tell me right off the bat so that I could save a little dignity. He didn't seem to care. He even said, "If I thought we could coexist on the same plane, I would".

    So here this man is peeking into my life daily, and making anonymous remarks, and then when I try to approach him and reconcile, he turns around and says he can't even COEXIST with me? I thought that when Geminis moved on-- they MOVED on, no? If I was truly over someone, I would certainly not check their blog/fb multiple time per day. I'm so confused- is this typical Gemini behavior? More than anything, I miss him as my best friend, but I don't know how to take his response to me. Literally, two different people I'm dealing with right now.

  • This man has moved on with someone else, but he hates the idea that YOU might get over HIM like that. That's why he is 'stalking' you. This is about him, not you. He's keeping tabs on you - not out of love but out of his ego that you might quickly replace him. he's also afraid you might be saying bad things about him on your blog. Believe me, you were lucky to get away from this insecure, self-obsessed person. Cut him out of your life for good and find someone who is worth your time and effort.

  • Thanks for the input. I always read that when Gems move on, they MOVE ON, so I was a bit confused why he'd still be checking in daily but not want to talk to me. It's weird.

    No more responses? There's so much Gemini hate on this board, I was hoping to get some more clues!

  • He was curious to see if you really let go that easy. He got his answer. His ego is too big for the messy side of love. He also has a double whammy in his chart that makes him more impulsive--as if a Gemini was enough in that department. He is conflicted inside between being free yet in control--at war. He can only take so much out of his control--if the rest of his life is going good he can handle the vulnerable love feeling with you but he bails when too much does not go his way. He's mostly a "fair weather relationship". Do not let his ego goad yours---do not feel like a fool for being honest and open with your true feelings. At least you risked rejection to live your truth. You are much healthier for that as that is a part of unconditional love. You were honest and now you make a choice. Don't waste energy trying to make logic out of his behaviour as ego based desicions are hard to justify. It is sad that you had a good friendship you miss but the change is about him--people take other roads sometimes but often roads cross again in a wiser the future--or not. Let it go for now and live your best life.Most of all don't let this burning rejection close your heart---you don't want to miss the possibility of something new! Blessings

  • thank you, Blmoon! I've called him a fair-weather friend before. It just bewilders me, that's all. If someone is my best friend, they have to commit a horrific act of violence before I let that go. People who just "get tired" of those they once loved dearly... it makes no sense to me. It makes them shallow, hollow, superficial people. Oh wait, that's exactly what many Geminis are!

  • No, that's what anyone can be. Don't make the mistake of pre-judging people - give them a chance to show that everyone has good and bad qualities. It's very wrong to write Geminis off as shallow and superficial. I could say to you that all Pisces are just naive, frightened dreamers but that would be so underestimating what they truly are.

  • ImaginedNation

    your screen name fits you well today! You are reacting from ego and as I said it loses logic at that perspective. You need to let go and do something busy to release your anger. Some of my dearest relationships are Geminis. I know you are just venting but I had to say that! Also, if indeed he really was your best friend you would not be so harsh--hurt but not harsh so we tend to mirror our relationships in revealing ways---meaning--you are being a bit fair weather your self. I don't mean that in a judgemental way--just the law of attraction and we have all done that.. You say you already knew him as fair weather--so in that respect you knew--and you accepted--unconditionaly? Stop feeling betrayed--no one can betray you unless you betrayed yourself first. Humbleing wisdom but it sets you free from resentment and anger. If loyalty was so high up on your list and you ignored that when he showed you who he is then you must accept your responsability in this outcome. You are not a victim--he is just being who he is. Accept him or not and move on. Happy Thoughts! Blessings.

  • You're right. I did at one point hold him in high regard, yes, as my best friend, but he has done the disappearing act one too many times for me. If that's just who he is and my only choices are to deal with it or move on, I'm definitely moving on. I've done the "unconditional" and "loyalty" thing too many times already. Obviously he's not the kind of person who values that. Over & Out.

  • Are you still around ImaginedNation? We are soul sistahs! Except that my Gem was/is an extremely talented liar and manipulator. I can't even go into the outrageous things he's done/what I allowed him to pull on me! As an example, he once stole all the change out of my change jar (over $80) and his excuse was he needed to buy me a birthday present and didn't want to disappoint me!

    His latest stunt was--out of nowhere; I was clueless--he announced he had a girl friend. (BTW he always said we were best friends, NOT bf & gf). I loved him so much I was willing to put up with her--I knew 2yrs was his "limit" before he pisses a girl off enough for her to leave--as long as he didn't lie to me! Well, guess what? Lies, lies, lies. Suddenly I have HER txting me, telling me to get lost, I'm delusional, etc., etc. and Mr. Gem is silent. He's pulled more crap, but the bottom line is I am so furious & so hurt, I'm afraid of doing something really stupid. He owes me $300. I have in the trunk of my car a large sign that says "Eric C won't pay his debt to me." And I really, really, really, really want to park my car near his work entrance/exit and tape this sign to my car!!!!!! Humiliating him in front of his co-workers wouldn't even begin to level the playing field, but it would make me feel a helluva lot better! Can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

    Hold my hand, please? I don't want him "back." But I miss him terribly! When I realize how deceitful he's been I know I could never trust him again. My end of the relationship wasn't done with this "thing." It came out of left field and now I'm fighting ghosts! Help!

  • I feel for you! I have a 'ghost' stalker as well in my life - a former fiancee, who caved in under pressure from his family and married another girl instead of me. Through the years we have communicated by e-mail, text, etc., but he's also been checking up on me ( he calls it 'checking in'), and then pulling disappearing acts that last anywhere from a few weeks to several months. Now, after many years abroad, he's coming back to the US, with wife and kids. He claims he wants to see me, but when he was here recently for 3 weeks I didn't see him ONCE, though he kept making dates then breaking them or standing me up.

    You would think it would be easy to let this creep go, however, like you, he was my best friend for a long time, and I still have very deep feelings for him. I am really hurt that he used one excuse after another to break our dates when he was last here. I've thought of giving him the shove, and just dumping the whole thing, but then I still will never know what really is going on with him or why he is coming home after all these years away. I feel haunted too, because I cannot have a confrontational meeting with him to clear all this up, and/or say goodbye. He probably will never see me, for fear that I will tell him that I don't want to do this any more.

    That seems to be the nature of the 'stalker'-ghost syndrome, I think - they have to have the last word, their secret agenda and life that you can only guess at. I'm trying now to break free, whether I ever see him to speak my mind or not. I recommend you do the same. Run, don't walk, for the nearest exit. If you ignore him for long enough perhaps he'll give up. Perhaps he never will, nor mine either, because that's how they thrive. But you can have a good life without him, if you refuse to let him haunt you any longer. Remember, men like that have to live in a world that they control, that is the way they exist, and it is a dangerous fantasy to be involved in. Good luck.

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