RCdreamer Writes....

  • Sorry today I am lacking in words. An elderly family friend is having gall bladder issues and I find myself overly concerned. Not having a good feeling about this and it is occupying my mind. I'll do better tomorrow.

  • Im sorry to hear this RC i hope that your friends health improves soon im sending an Angel your way . Lots of Love Mags

  • thank you so much for that.... and you are right on target... whatever your gift is i can say it is good insight forsure... and yes i am struggling on what to do... the problem is everyone that has giving me a reading says hang on and it is going to work out there is a strong bond between us... yet we are not fully together at this time... and with that i get confused is it him or someone else... so i seek for more info... i dont know maybe its standing infront of me and im blinded to it... but in any case i loved your advise... it was so helpful and informative... i wish you so much future luck hon, you deserve it for the help you offer to others... and the piece of mind you give to us... jennifer

  • jaffeebella - always happy to help in any way I can. I know the answers are not exactly what you were hoping to hear but I will never pretend to know if I don't. Trust your instincts, follow your heart. There is a bond between you, you mention that but I can hear the distance or perhaps the uncertainty in your words. Remember we have tunnel vision we look so intensely on what we are aiming for, sometimes you need to take a step further back and allow the bigger picture to come into view perhaps that will give you the answers you seek. Wishing you the best and remember with this person or the next or the one after that you are still you and you deserve to be true to yourself.

  • Thank you Mags. I can always use an angel by my side.

  • I always tell Dot she's a better friend to me than I am to her sometimes. She can be a pain too! lol! Thinks she's my mother!

  • I've been Dot to another friend of mine and the hubby's can flare up their jealousy over the close bond we have and my determination to not allow my friends to be hurt. I hear ya, "Thinks she's my mother! " I know exactly what you mean. But it's all out of love and caring for what's best for you hon.

  • I know, I'm a brat too sometimes. She says she gets to emotionally involved with me.

  • Boy seems like I'm slipping, sorry. I've been busy today and I'm just bushed, can't wait for little one to go down, this mom mom is T-I-R-E-D. Don't you know that is the one word the two year old knows.

  • I found myself really thinking about my grandparents and parents yesterday at one point I even came to tears unexpectedly. Sadly I think I get that way when a loss is near. A dear friend is ill and her surgery is still pending, I worry she is suffering needlessly. I think deep down I'm not ready to lose her, I don't want to be thinking the worst but feel I am preparing for the worst case scenario and not handling it well obviously.

    My thankful buddies and I are holding a prayer circle of sorts in the next hour and hoping the combined energies will aid us in all our needs. Where two or more pray together .....

    My immediate thought was I need money, lots of it to get off this vicious cycle I'm on and propel myself forward. But almost as fast as I put that into words I was back pedaling. I don't know if it's wrong to ask for money exactly. I don't think it is. It just seems to me there are greater things to pray for like my friends health issues, people in need of jobs, homes, care, comfort and love. it's my hope that we will make a difference in one another lives but the truth is I already know we have made a difference in the lives of one another. I think this is a remarkable place this forum, it brings together people who might otherwise never meet to share their inner most thoughts and feelings, dreams, desires, fears etc. I really am off my game tonight, I grow more and more tired with each sentence. So I will bid you a good evening and try to do better tomorrow. Until then know you are never alone, others do care and we are here if you need us.

  • Well last nights "thankful" prayer circle was amazing! I felt such energy pulsing through me. I slept better last night than I have in months. I felt peaceful and exhilarated at the same time. It was a great experience and God willing will impact a lot of lives positively. We as women are powerful people but to bring those energies together was just a power to be reckoned with indeed.

    It occurred to me the other night that I don't have a photograph of any kind of my brothers, myself and my parents. We were never fortunate enough to have formal portraits done and to my knowledge there is only one photograph ever that has all of us together and that includes many other family members at a reunion. We are scattered in the midst so it's not like a good cropping would fix it. So I thought about it and came to the conclusion I'd try to draw the portrait, each of us from the time frame of the last time we were all together before my mother passed away. Surely many will think this is a daunting task not worth undertaking. I used to draw many years ago. I'll admit it is not my greatest talent but I'm pretty good and although it takes me a great deal of the time the results are definitely recognizable of who the sketch portrays. So wish me luck on that, it'll surely take me some time. I've jotted out a few options of positioning. I dug out some old photographs from that time period to be as clear and concise as possible. There's no telling if it will work but I'm game for the challenge so I guess I'll be stretching some other creative muscles. If I manage to accomplish this and am satisfied with the results this will be a gift to my brothers and myself to at long last have a picture of all of us together.

    Now I was wondering, I'm the baby in our brood, the youngest surprise package that came along 14 years after the youngest of my older brothers. Born & raised during the depression my folks didn't have formal pictures done, there was one of my eldest brother before he turned one and another of the two boys again before the younger turned one. None of me, none of us as a family, none of my parents together. They got married during war times and were depression raised children. Because of the lack of pictures I learned to take them at a young age. My dad gave me my first camera when I was 5, I got serious at 10 and have been at it ever since. Has an absence of this type ever encouraged you to over come it in your own life?

    One things for sure my daughter will never say "there are no pictures of me", there are tons. Even some of her closest friends come to me when they are looking for pictures from their childhood which they luckily shared with my daughter so I have them. I got the call to photograph one of her friends bringing home her first born, that was a momentous occasion indeed, I was proud to be a part of it. How about you what talents have emerged over the years that others take notice of? I for one believe these are among the gifts we are given. Something to share with others and at times make a difference in their lives because of it. Don't think this is boastful, I'm just curious, everyone has special talents. Some are great athletes, others great speakers, perhaps you are a fantastic baker or you sculpt, whatever it is, care to share a little story about it here. I'd love to hear it.

  • Hey girlfriend, my talent which I inherited from my Grandmother Lillian, then my mom Pat is baking cakes. My Grandmother was a great cook and her cakes were out of this world, actually my Aunt Audrey also inherited this gift because she was always helping out in the kitchen with Mama. My mom always baked too and is another great cook. I actually didn't start baking until maybe 2002 or so, we had an office party and I baked a chocolate cake and got good reviews, so then my cakes were requsted at functions. I've never been the artsy type, can't draw a straight line, of course have always loved writing poetry but baking became a hobby that became a way to make extra money. Once i started baking for extra money it really took off especially during the holidays, the thrill has since gone now and I'm bored with baking and want to do something else now but am not sure what.

    Maybe you could be a freelance photographer RC? Do Weddings are something just a thought.

  • P.S. Everyone called my Grandma (Mama or Ma) my mother was also Ma (Which she hated) my mom had airs) So at family get togethers if anyone said "Ma" they would all yell "WHAT!"

  • I can hear the "what" scream now. The word "mom" produced the same response at our family functions over the years, I'd almost forgotten that.

    I love that you were the baker in your clan. My mom oddly enough wanted to be remembered for her funny cakes but was not a successful baker. She bought her goofy cakes at the local bakery and I'll admit they were memorable. I did later realize the fault wasn't all hers, our oven was defective. Everything you cooked in it was overcooked on one end and never cooked in the middle, something about a bad element I believe.

    I used to do wedding photography on the side years ago but I no longer have the equipment to do it with. My digital is just a crappy point and shoot, the results don't please me more often than not. It was cheap and I got what I paid for, for sure. The rest of my stuff was affected by the fire. One of these days I'll get new cameras, a nice digital SLR but that isn't high on the priority list right now anyway. it is a good thought to keep in the back of my mind though.

  • I think being poor builds character and integrity in people and especially kids, you appreciate what you have more, the kids now a days want it all and don't appreciate any of it, they take it for granted. I think everyone had it hard in the olden days, black people were already poor for the most part so the depression didn't mean much I think, people had gardens and grew their food mostly and had chickens and pigs, familys were closer and everybody knew everybody. Now we are a wolrd or even neighborhood of strangers. Kinda sad!

  • You are so right. That is one of the things I hate about now living in the apartment. Before I knew almost all my neighbors. I knew their kids, their pets, it was a good community. Now we live as you say amongst strangers. No one knows their neighbor, nor do they care to know them.

  • I woke up irritated this morning. It felt like all night long I was dealing with money worries. This bill is coming due and I don't have the money yet. I was really hoping for it to somehow come into my life blah blah blah. As I sat up this morning I thought to myself. You have to stop that. You know the need is there but you have planted the seed to the universe for help in that department, it will come somehow. Breathe, now put those money issues aside and get on with your day. Talk about your hard pill to swallow.

    I believe it is true though we cannot allow ourselves to be all consumed by events or issues in our lives. As humans we do it everyday, needlessly unfortunately. It struck me yesterday as we were discussing energies on the thankful thread, imagine how much energy even one person wastes on "worry." Yes it is a part of life, mine greater than some, a bad habit, a hard habit to break if you will but nonetheless a true waste of energy that could be better used elsewhere. Don't you agree?

    I'd look a whole lot younger if worry had not been such a great part of my life over the years. My wrinkles and gray hair are not solely hereditary. I probably wouldn't feel as old as I sometimes do. I am going to spend some energy trying to find other ways to handle the stress in my life because worry does not seem like a worthy opponent. Certainly not one I should allow to win on a daily basis simply because I give in to the fight and don't throw a punch to push it away. I think it is time to get myself in better shape. Perhaps as my father would have said, to get back down to my fighting weight. A time or place in my life where I felt more confident, less criticized or judged by my appearance. Where I felt stronger because I stood up for what I believed in and didn't care if others agreed with me or not. In society today we spend so much time trying to be accepted by others that on some levels we become someone we are not.

    I've said recently I feel like "I lost myself along the way." I think I am beginning to understand that in ways even I didn't know I meant the first time I said it. Perhaps if I can put on my gloves and go a few rounds with "worry" and come out of it feeling like I'm not going to take it anymore, maybe then I can overcome the place that is so easy to go in times of stress. How does one choose not to worry as an option? Sounds silly I'll admit but maybe like in any thing else it's just taking the first step. Maybe by allowing worry to be a factor in my life it's like smoking almost without realizing you are doing it because you've done it for so long. Or maybe it's like reaching for the chocolate or some form of sweets when things just feel like too much to handle. Nothing says you have to give in to a craving or eat as a means of releasing pressure or covering up a problem but some of us do it. Nothing says you have to smoke or smoke more if you are struggling with something inside but people do. Nothing says you have to worry and yet it's hard for me to remember back far enough to a time when I didn't.

    I think for today I want to research and analyze this factor that has become such a tremendous power draining part of my life. Maybe it's time to give up this habit. Maybe "deciding" is the first step. Maybe it's easier said than done but our subconscious works in mysterious ways maybe by telling it, enough is enough, things will look better, other thought processes can bring forth options I was too blind to see before, maybe just maybe it's that simple. They say the first step to getting better when you face an addiction is to realize you have a problem and own it. Sounds silly but I am a worry-a-holic, I need your help, I need to take the first step to not doing it anymore. Will you help me?

  • Hi RC- Worry is not good because it's "doubt" as opposed to "FAITH." Faith is the substance of things unseen, but "KNOW AND BELIEVE" That help is on the way, make it automatic when you have doubts, to replace fear with love, doubt with faith. Think about it, every month we have worries and every month something comes thru. I used to make myself almost sick every now and then with a "fear" of something and it never happened and even if it did, it would'nt be as bad as I thought.

    Im the opposite really don't worry much at all, they say God watches over Fools, just say. "Lord don't know where the money is coming from, but I know it's on the way!

    Expect something good to happen, maybe the mail, maybe a stranger, who knows, Let God fight your Battles! He always wins!

    Love you and don't worry, remember throw off the cloak! It's keeping you back from your victory.

    Love you!

  • RC- I write letters to God tell him how much I want or need and most of the time it comes, one time every cent I wrote to the dollar I received! It works!

  • I've done that, written to God and you are right He comes through somehow. It's time to write some more I guess. Thank you for that reminder. And you are definitely right about having Faith.

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