RCdreamer Writes....

  • It sounds like you have a great attitude about facing the losses in your life and coming to terms with the difficulties. I for one am still working through some of those but I'd like to think I'm making progress.

  • Dear RCdreamer (and all who have contributed to this thread)

    Your words and experiences here have intrigued me and moved me in a way that I did not think was possible. You are all articulate and intelligent.

    I came to this forum at a time when I was heartbroken and felt there was no light in my life. Like everyone here, I posted my questions, hoping to find the answers that would take away my pain. Somtimes the response was what I wanted to hear, but mostly the answers were what I already knew to be true in my heart...

    I don't have anything profound to say except THANK YOU to those truly gifted individuals who share their gift here. I believe that your gift is the Hand of God working through YOU. And that is a wondrous and beautiful thought.

    May we all walk in the Light of God's Love.

  • DecemberGirl, thank you so much. I sure appreciate your kind words and am truly glad that this forum has helped you as it has me. I personally think it is a remarkable place and I share that with many people, mind you some think I'm a little nuts but for those willing to risk a visit, few are disappointed. May you find all the answers you seek and even the ones you don't yet know you need.

  • 9/3/10

    It's another new day. I had a very restless sleep last night, lots of goofy dreams whose content seemed to make no sense at all. With the holiday weekend about to be in full swing many people have big plans we at our place don't. Funds are low but the rent got paid so that's what matters most. It makes me think back to years ago at our old place, we had the best holiday gatherings in our yard. None of them fancy but we always had fun. I've often said since the fire I miss my yard and I miss my grill, that rings true this weekend too. It makes me think back years before that even when we used to feed the family cooking on a little hibachi filled with charcoal. How on earth we managed to feed a family of ten and the friends who dropped in on a tiny one foot square hibachi is beyond me. But you know what when I think back on the fun we had I don't remember waiting to eat. I remember the gathering of loved ones, good friends, tossing around the old frisbee, chatting it up at the picnic table. We had a blast those are some of my fondest memories. I will take great joy in visiting those memories this weekend. I hope no matter where you find yourselves headed that you will be safe and have fun and enjoy the company of those around you.

    I've mentioned to others how I often share stories of our past with my granddaughter now she is two so how much of it can she understand you might wonder. But God love her she listens attentively and often asks questions. We break out old photos and discuss who is who and what was going on. I know she will probably never know the feeling I had sharing those hibachi cook outs with the family but I hope in my sharing those moments and her hearing the love and laughter that comes from those memories that she can build similar ones in her own future. Life isn't about who has what, how much did it cost, where did you get to go, it's about our relationships, the people whose lives we touch today, tomorrow or maybe it was yesterday.

    Think about it, wasn't there some kid in elementary school who befriended you and made a real difference in your life. Maybe now you look back and think how on earth did we come to be friends. I have one friend who I met at orientation a few weeks before high school started. We were both entering a new school, just so happened we were going to be in the same class. As I look back on it now, I wonder how we ever found one another. Neither of us would have sought out the other under normal conditions although we grew to be best friends over the years even watching our own children grow up together over the years. It's over 30 years later and how we managed to meet in that crowded auditorium is still a mystery to us both but I know in my heart we were brought together for a reason. We shared burgers and bowling and hanging out like most kids do. We shared our dreams, aspirations, good times and bad and we gave comfort to one another during difficult times. We helped one another as young mothers, we drifted apart for a time but we always pick up right where we left off. They say people come into your life when you need them the most, I suppose that's true. Neither of us knew it at the time. I often say "divine intervention" when something happens we don't know we need but it always happens at just the right time. My pal and I aren't the same people we were in high school or when the kids were toddlers but I know if I needed her tomorrow she'd be there and vice versa. It makes you wonder were the stars aligned for us to meet? Maybe she was some family member from another lifetime and it drew us together. Perhaps it was just fate that two kids feeling insecure found someone else feeling the same way and built a bond to one another. I myself like to think God knew I needed a friend and so he brought me Alice. She'd never come to this site, it's not her style but her story will likely impact the lives of others over time. Don't we all have that kind of story? Were you a cheerleader, the most popular kid in school or the class clown? Or maybe just maybe like me you were one of the invisible few.....

  • DecemberGirl

    As wise woman and shaman Sandra Ingerman said, the true life is in the spirit. Don't attach too much importance in the material and physical. There is lesson for everything. We each have our own lessons to learn. It is the lessons that we take with us in our next life, not the physical form.

    Since we can learn from everything and everyone, life experiences are also something we can learn from. A broken heart is an experience. You will learn that as long as your heart is beating, you are still alive and you are able to move on. I wish you well.

    RC Dreamer

    In previous page I wrote The wise woman has said that thoughts create realities. The ancients knew this, and therefore they were careful with words, because thoughts were translated into words that will manifest. It is an ancient knowledge long before the Bible. This means it is still applicable now.

    Your thinking is yours. It will only change your reality anyway. Only you know the truth about you and your progress so you will know what to do about your own life. I wrote a lot on here since last year, because I learned a lot all my life and I took all lessons seriously. Whether people take it and how, is not my concern because their lives are their responsibilities, not mine. They will create their own realities. In the end, we only get back what we send out.

    I think I wrote enough on this thread. I'll go back to my own journal.

  • Hi RC, I've just been catching up on this your glorious thread, wow!! there are some wonderful insightful words written by all!!......I need to come back and read it all again and to digest some of the most profound things that ring so true to me!!....

    You are right when you say I shouldn't call my fear "irrational" as you say, it is very real to me...I think I get a bit frustrated about the fear I have, it truly is affecting my health really, because I don't get the quality sleep....the frustrating part is I know I should have the power of thoughts and ability to rid myself of it....but I just don't seem to find the answer to it, even after all the questions to my higher self to SHOW me the way....maybe I am "blocking" it by my frustration, I just don't know any more????....I have tried all sorts to lessen the fear, I always have to have some light coming through from somewhere, most of time I leave the TV on with no sound just get the feeling of not being alone, I know we are never truly "alone", but I'm a visual person and suppose I need to see the movement on TV to ease my feelings, I do have a little dog but he just loves his own bed downstairs, and I have to say, this is where I have slept for a long time now, not in the dogs bed though, I purchased a hard wearing leather settee bed....LOL.....I try essential oils for relaxation, asking for protection from angels etc etc....still, I cannot shift this "stuck" energy of fear....I wake up most nights at 3am and can't then go back to sleep till I see the first chinks of daylight coming through the curtains....but, like I said before, I will work through this and I just have to find the faith that my answer will come from me eventually!!

    much love and warm wishes to you RC....keep up this wonderful thread of yours!!...it's going to help so many of us to work through all of our different experiences we have to face 🙂

  • Dear Leoscorpion,

    Your response to my comments:

    "Since we can learn from everything and everyone, life experiences are also something we can learn from. A broken heart is an experience. You will learn that as long as your heart is beating, you are still alive and you are able to move on. I wish you well".

    Your words put a lot of what I am currently going through in a much more meaningful perspective. I guess I never thought of a broken heart as an "experience". I learned something important today through your words and this thread.

    Thank you, RCDreamer for starting this meaningful and important dialogue. Thank you, leoscorpion for responding to my thoughts and wishing me well.

    Have a GREAT weekend everyone 🙂

    Love and Light

  • you have a great weekend too decembergirl

    hope everyone has a good one too

  • HealingWays,

    I understand where you are coming from believe me I do. I too fall asleep routinely to a television set, thank goodness for the sleep timer. If I didn't walk the same kind of path myself I would say yes you can put the thoughts to rest but I understand the uncomfortable feeling you encounter. Been there, done that. When we lost our home to the fire a few years back, everything was in upheaval, I had no idea where we would end up living, how we would make it, what belongings survived etc. But the one thing I truly prayed for was "please don't leave me in the dark". Now you can call me a chicken and some would say I was acting like a seven year old and you know what so be it but that fear was overpowering so I do get exactly what you mean.

    I wish I could say the advice I am about to give is that of an expert but it's not it's just from me. I would suggest you pray to your guardian angel or spirit guide or God whatever works for you, some saint, I don't think it matters to whom, I would pray that they be with you to protect you and watch over you & your home and keep you safe from harm (and evil if that is something that you fear). I would work on protecting yourself with white light, you may pray to the Archangel Michael to act as your protector not just for one night but for all time.

    With respect to your waking up at 3 am you are not alone in that respect either. There are many ways this can be explained away and again I'm no expert on the topic. I have read that it is "the witching hour" meaning that it is the opposite time on the clock from that time which is believed to be when Christ died on the cross which was said to be 3pm. I have read about the scientific outlook where some believe you cycle through your REM sleep period in approximately 5-6 hours and this is believed to be that amount of time from when many people go to sleep. Others have said that 3am stands for the time frame when the veil is thinnest between our world and others. I could certainly understand how the energy that could cause would be enough to wake us from our sleep.

    Beyond all that you may find the answer somehow lies within yourself. The reason you cannot rest comfortably in your home or the reason you wake in the middle of the night. I wish I had the perfect answer for you, I just don't. Better to admit that than misguide you don't you think. Know you are not alone. Reach out in thought to loved ones, to your ancestors, to us whatever works to make you feel less alone in what it is you are facing. I know when I myself am feeling at my wits end I go to my room, I have a picture of my mom there that I love, I pick it up and hold it and talk to her. It helps me to see into her eyes even though I know I don't need the photo to reach her. I pour out my heart, my fears, my concerns and I can feel the love surround me so I know I'm not alone. My mini melt down may only last a few short minutes but I always feel better after drawing mom nearer to me in spirit. I hope this helps you in some small way.

  • DecemberGirl

    Glad Leoscorpion was able to help with the new perspective on what you are going through. Sometimes we get so caught up with the emotions of an event that we cannot always see clearly what our options are or other ways to look at a situation. An outside perspective can make a real difference, kind of like you can't see the forest for the trees.

  • I am too tired and way too busy packing up a BIG house........working on my own writing and site creation to bring in Abundant REAL MONEY............and continuing my site development......to write..but I am enjoying sharing your journeys


    Once I make my move (don't have a place yet--that will be found in mid-Sept and I will move in end of Sept!_ I will be able to relax some and participate. meanwhile I'll just cheer you on!

    YAAAY! Go my EVOLVING Friends GO!

  • Good luck packing and hope the move will go smoothly for you. Meanwhile drop in anytime.

  • Hi RC,

    I think that its wonderful that youve started this thread , its a great idea i prefer to write things down as well it helps me see things in a more clearer frame of mind, thankyou for sharing your life experiences with us all .

    Lots of Love Mags

  • Hi RC, thank you so much for all your insightful words to me :). I truly do appreciate your time and sharing of your experiences that are so very similar to mine....that makes you an expert in my eyes, you see, the term "expert" to me conjure's up someone who has studied on any given topic, and of course I respect them for all of their learnings, but, unless they have "experienced" the subject they are teaching makes them very knowledgeable....but, like I said, it's the one who can offer insight on something they have gone through is the "expert" to me....:)

    I remember reading something a long time ago about the waking at 3am, and I just can't remember the content!...strange that isn't it, I wonder why my mind has blocked that explanation?....it's got me guessing now....what you read about it being the time "the veil is thinnest" is ringing true to me, it makes so much sense!.....I will look into this, your right RC about the answer to heal this fear is in me, I just need to be more loving and patient with myself to find the healing of it 🙂

    once again thank you my friend, you've helped me more than you know 🙂

  • Good Morning,

    No great words of wisdom this morning I'm afraid. I am glad I could help and that what I've learned over the years is aiding others even if in my own eyes I'm no "expert" LOL. I certainly didn't create this thread to cause drama, Lord knows life dishes enough of that our way without us helping out so your kind words and gracious thank you's really do mean a great deal to me. I am honored what I have to say really matters to others or is considered of some importance. For me being the shy kid who always took the back seat to go unnoticed this is a bit of a stretch and well thanks for coming along for the ride with me.

    The two year old wiped me out yesterday. Man that kid has energy and is more determined than most adults I encounter, it's amazing to see life through her eyes.

    This being a holiday weekend I suppose a lot of people are out of town, getting in one last taste of summer. We won't be going anywhere special just hanging around home. I kind of feel like summer passed me by this year. I'm not a big fan of "heat" those wonderful 100 degree days kept me pretty much inside a lot this year. We complain about how hot it is and head indoors to our air conditioned homes, open the refrigerator for a drink and turn on the television for some entertainment. I often think back to my ancestors and wonder how on earth they weathered things like this muggy hot summer. There was no A/C, no refrigerator full of cold drinks, heck probably no ice for some of them. In a small home crammed with people (they grew big families to tend their farms and thanks to lack of birth control). The kids might have run down to the creek or lake for a swim to cool off but what about poor old ma and pa. Did they just sit and sweat, dripping their way from one day to the next? Must have made for some short tempers. And poor ma still had to fix the food on an open fire or wood stove, talk about if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I must have lived in that lifetime at some point because I am so fascinated by it. Simpler times, times when families spoke to one another, read a good book, shared their days. They worked hard to create the best life they could for themselves and their families. Today when the kids all have cell phones, they tweet, Facebook or text, few can hold a decent conversation and many could not write a good letter if you paid them to because they wouldn't take the time. Our lives are reduced to abbreviations: BRB (Be right back) LOL (Laughing out loud) the ever popular WTF which does not require explanation and you won't get one here so don't ask for it. There's nothing more frustrating then seeing a group of kids all typing away on their phones and realizing they are doing so to one another because sitting three feet apart they have nothing to say to one another verbally. I can remember my mom taking time several nights a week to get together with some lady neighbors over tea and cookies or what have you just to chat. Dad and friends would check out a game together, or maybe play some cards. You know guys they can't just "talk" there must be some activity to separate them from sharing their feelings openly. Kids went outside to play and spent time together, not because they had to but because they wanted to do so. Granted those were simpler times but I think it is the simple things that are missing in our lives today. Spending quality time with our families by choice, having a good conversation, being able to write a well written letter and share your experiences, or just getting the days work done so you could rest at the end of it. We spend our lives rushing through everything to get to the next and in the process we miss the moments we call our life. Maybe for just a few minutes this weekend think about what it is you are doing, are you connecting with another person. Maybe instead of shooting off an email or sending out a text try talking to another person. Turn off the television (or computer - sorry folks), put away the game systems, notice for just a second who else is in the room engage them in a conversation. Sadly it might be harder than you think however you might be surprised what can come from just a few moments, if you only take the time. Make the time, you deserve it and so do the people that you care about, give it a try.

  • Beautiful brilliant advice:-) I'll be checking in RCDreamer...dream on!


  • The Sunday before labor day and the realization that I have been out of work nearly a year lays heavy on this mind of mine. I have been trying very had to push away the pressure that I feel but unsuccessfully for the most part. The little one is off to visit the other grandma so I get a reprieve and think I will take this day to rest in quiet or at least in much quieter surroundings than when she is bouncing about.

    My alone time has come to be a rare commodity and yet it is still a lonely time. I often frustrate myself as I spend the time aimlessly and could be using it to ground or meditate or just rejuvenate this body of mine that grows weary.

    Last night I flicked channels from one rerun to the next, I simply could not focus to just be still and see what would come my way. I find that hard. Not so much the fleeting thought as just my body does not easily come to a resting place unless I am truly exhausted which is never good. For a few minutes last night I thought about what I might be doing if I lived in the good old days, I wouldn't be flicking channels or listening to a stereo. There would be little funds for oil to light a lamp so reading would probably be out of the question. How would I bring this jumpy jittery body of mine to rest if all I had was the quiet of the night and the light from a window pane? It made me wonder, would I count the stars, talk in my head to God and all those around me alive and dead. I wondered if telepathy might have been strengthened in times like those or if the farmers yell would be required to communicate over great distances. Great distances indeed like from here to the next home or from here to our home not of earth. How many people over the centuries of this earth have wondered the same things that go through my mind? How many have tried to connect with God and still wondered somewhere if such a being really exists? How many were frightened by nightmares or dreamed of angels or laid restless in their beds pondering what might be possible?

    How many of you look over your shoulder and wonder if you saw what you thought you did? How many of you hear a voice to turn toward it and realize you are the only one in the room? How many of you feel the presence of a loved one who has passed and are afraid to share that experience with others because you don't want them to think you are crazy?

    How many indeed.......

    I for one am one of the many who is grateful indeed to have this place to come to and express my thoughts, feelings and wonderment without fear of being ridiculed for thinking as I do.

    I have many questions, sometimes I wonder do I really need the answers or do I already know. I envision this place in me full of overwhelming light that has a small crack in it so you can see just a glimpse. A crack much like how an earthquake might cause just a hairline fracture but beneath it rumbles a power just bursting to get out like a volcanic eruption. Does such a power lie beneath the surface of us all? I wonder....

  • Dear RC,

    Found your journal last night and as i was reading it was as i was reading about myself, and need to say that kinda freaked me out. It has been about 2 months that i came to tarot,com to see if i could find some help in the readings to try and figure out what i could do to understand things that are happening in my life. I only remember my childhood from about 8 or 9 years old and have often wondered if something happened to me that i don't remember are i just have a very bad memory. I wasn't a bully i would say, but i didn't take anything off of anyone either, girl are boy i would throw down with them if need be, but i always took up for the ones that others wanted to pick on are shun. HA. (guess that is why i think i wasn't bully).

    I have always wondered if i had a little something extra. Why i say that is that i think about i need to go see this person and see how they are doing and this goes on for a couple of months and then i hear they died, then there i am saying dang i wish i would have went on and seen them, but it to late then. this has happened several times, and then when i'm around people i seem to say things that they were about to say are they say it and i was thinking the same. Do not understand it is why i started coming here to see if i could get some insight on things.

    Guess i don't need to say that i'm not a writer like most on here, never was very good at English in school so sorry if it takes awhile to understand it.

    Had to post and tell you i THANK YOU SO MUCH for starting this post and hope to learn more from it.

    Thanks again and have a blessed day

  • witchywomen,

    Welcome and thank you. I'm still honestly not sure what if anything lies deep in my past. Things would suggest there must be something there. I often think of things said to me that did later in life affect how I presented myself. Silly things like dad commenting on how I better get a bra soon when I was about 12. As the tomboy who was playing ball better than most of the boys I took offense to that and it wasn't until years later I realized what an impact such a silly statement could have on me. Like you I looked out for the ones others picked on yet in hind sight I see I had no such guardian for myself. I look back on ridicule during the days of junior high and I can honestly say I remember some of it as if it were yesterday so obviously it affected me deeply. Does it mean I need a psychiartrist? I don't think so. But lately I've come to realize by holding on to those simple things, those comments I never cast aside as mere teasing acts but allowed to stay with me like a choker around my neck have had an affect on me. The impact hurtful words, looks and actions took on me I realize now caused me to be the introvert with little self worth, the woman with a poor self image, the mom who went overboard so my little girl never felt like I did. I get it now, I'm beginning to see and understand how some silly comments said to me in my youth very much affected the person I have become. I can't say it's all been in a bad way, I think because of how I was treated I go out of my way not to treat others that way. I take the time to befriend the lonely. I say how proud I am of a childs achievement. I made sure I hugged my kid and told her that I loved her. Yet I know I was starving for that same affection in my own life. I saw a clip of a home video I shot one time I think it was my daughters birthday or Christmas she was about 8 and in it I heard myself say to her "I love you." And she responded "I love you too." I was surprised to hear myself say "really? say it again." Sad huh? Tears came to my eyes as I watched that and heard myself say those words. I'm welling up right now as I write this. It matters how you treat people and as a kid I couldn't understand why no one else understood that. Sometimes I wonder still today. I'm still not exactly sure what is in my past that cut deeper than these silly words. I'm not really sure I want to know. But I think by coming to terms with the fact it was something and not my imagination and not just me not being good enough or like everyone else that I can begin to realize like the book says "I'm ok."

    Lord knows I still have a long way to go to feel good about myself but I'm working on it. I'm putting together the pieces of the puzzle that form my life. Sure there are pieces I can't find just yet. There are others I'd like to take nip out of and change so they were different but then it would all come together so we can't change the past but we can learn from it. And we don't know what the future holds yet but we can try to make better. For now, let's take a minute to just enjoy the present, they say it's a gift but so many times we are so busy looking in front of us or behind us that we never see where we are in the moment. Sometimes it's a really good place and we miss it. Try not to miss it, you deserve to celebrate the gift that is the present. Today find one good thing. Is the sun shining, maybe there's a nice breeze, did someone say "I love you", maybe the bakery had fresh bagels or you'll have some ice cream and it really hits the spot, just take a minute, pause, there's something there you're grateful for, I know I'm grateful you stopped by so thank you. Have a great day, stay safe, smile....

  • RC, oh how the universe is on all of our sides......one word stuck out...LONELY.....

    One hard realization for me was for 40 years I was lonely. Horribly lonely and feeling so alone. yet, always surrounded by people and married for 21 years......The only time I felt alive was being with my childrean and teaching them. meaning, sharing the why's and importances of life.

    that is why I wanted to share that. Even though you may feel lonely, your words embed themselves in my heart. You are sharing and touching so many people. I know your struggles are hard and real. Yet you are GIVING abundantly and for people like us, who have not been given abundantly, your ability to still give is a rare besutiful pearl.

    I really have no clue why I am about to type these next words, but here goes.......I feel it is very important for you to realize and embrace yuor beautiful gift of eloquence and clarity. You need to straw strength from it. You also need to allow the positive energy you aer giving off to others, strenghten you back in return. I have a really silly analogy for you..

    Like a car battery and alternator, the battery does very little...it serves to start the car, once that transpires, the alternator takes over, running everything and recharging the battery. Even though ones job is great and the others quite small,w /o either one working, the car is inoperable.

    I see you as the alternator...being everything to as many as you can. Which is a good thing, but......you also need to take your small breaks and allow the battery(ies) that you charge give back to you every once in awhile.

    And, this is gift is dying to be made known on a much larger scale. My advice, think on ways to accomplish that. You have so much healing power and strength to give.

    Love and glorious light,


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