ASCLAC part 4
OMG! Taurus7! Do you know how many times Aries has said "Trust in me and us.....I swear, I will never eat crab legs again and I will NOT crack you open bc I love you EXACTLY the way you are !!"
LOL! Kinda made me giggle, at least I'm not alone beign this way
Why its so hard for us
Well for me
I'm the oldest of four, have always been mature and responsible beyond my years, took care of my siblings, acted as a parents to my friends, my whole life I have felt like the "last line of defense" so I'm terrible of letting go of control, what if someone needs me? I have to be there and be strong for everyone, so to give up, to allow myself to be so hurt by one person means it will put me out of commission for a while if anything were to go wrong and I wouldn't be in a sane mental state to help those who ask me for it
So when you told J, what happened/???
Hi all, sorry I haven't been around much. I hae been transfered to a new assignment and I have to get used to the flow of things.... Oh and speaking of flow..
OMG! FLOW! ((((big, huge, warm hugs!!!!)))) hope all is well on your end of the globe.
Lua I want to post to you because I think Kel's spot on with his assesment but I'll do that tomorrow if that is ok, it's just because I read what Kel wrote and I want to comment....
Oh, before I forget- SV how's the new place, Cusp- OMG! I would have done the same thing -- then wondered if it was the right thing or not, &- I am lost I have to read your story.... ok, give me a sec
Part of me misses being single
**when I am in a relationship I get antsy after a while-- only time I haven't gotten antsy was with 3 people-- all 3 I had a VERY rocky time with so I didn't have time to get antsy because I was too busy with the drama.
part of me misses being able to use s*ex to communicate with people,
**I know, I understand 100%. I still do use my "flirty/flirty" at work. I have friends and then I have "work flirt" friends. I NEED them. It's an ego boost for me, wrong? maybe but I'm not giving them up any time soon.
being able tot alk about sex....when i had sex with someone, i usually woudl feel very comfortable around them, i felt like i knew them
** again, I am the exact same way!!!!!!!!
But now I have to be careful what I say to people, i dont want to hurt Aries feelings so Im very careful not to look like i'm coming off as flirting or looking for anything more, I'm being forced to communicate in just a strickly platonic way with no agendas, its very unusual for me
Again, Kel- to keep me happy FOR ME, which allows me to be happy FOR OTHERS I NEED something-- and that's the "work flirt" friends. It's not a dinner, but it holds me over til my next meal.
I now have to VERBALIZE things instead of expressing things in terms of sex or sex talk; i ask people how their weekends were, even when i dont care.
Hmmm... well, that I always did BUT I am a woman so that could be the difference there. I ask about their kitchens and pets-- honestly? I could care less. Damn, back in H*LL again. Oh well....
but rather feel a need for creating an overall positive atmosphere whereever i go by taking interest in others, aries has had a profound impact on my life in such a short time.
Again, I think the difference is I am a woman so for me this was a given, I did it anyway. This is just how I think "normally".
Kel _ OMG !! J is the oldest of four !! When i told him..he laughed. I try to take it at face value. I think it scares him how open, honest, real, not controlling and funny that I am. I do Kel. I feel like his laughter is his acceptance and resolve. You would get such a kick out of us. We are so crazy !! And..so guarded....we are working on that..we are..
But here was today...
he was at work..i was at home...
i fix his lunch almost everyday...but I told him on monday that i prolly would not be able to except for monday..his response...aaawww....ya..made me giggle
Today..we had a bad storm..so itexted him...good morning..
him - I'm hungry
me - what am I going to do with you ?
him - just teasing lol
me - baby bad storm coming
him - ya sirens just went of
me - ok gotta go get ready for work
Him - ok
Me - baby b careful....bad storm just blew my door open
him - wow
me - going to basement power out
him - ok
me nothing bc I was on my way to work
him - b careful
him like 30 minutes later..
Hey Dorothy are you ok ?
Me - I am absolutely fine evil flying monkey and I brought you lunch bc the thought of you being wet and cold made me sad!
Him - AWE..;) thanks...
So see Kel !! UGH !! Why can I not just tel him that I love him and he is the best thing that has ever been in my life ?? BC he is. And I know the same is for him....I can tell you why..the crab hokey pokey....for real.
We are so damn good together, yet so cautious !! he asked me to bring him his sweatshirt, he met me to get his lunch.....sometimes, I just cry bc I love him so much!!
Kel - side note..I feel so connected to you !! I do. How weird is it that we are like living parallel lives ?? I want to talk to Aries !! lol I do. We would so click !! lol Crab legs..who knew ?? I know that Aries loves you with all his heart. Ah kel - revel in that. You are so lucky....
Oh kel _ I forgot to say.. I told J that i would eat him...but in a pleasureful way.....lol I know...I'm bad..but it works for me/us ! lol
He laughed !
Laughter is a good thing with you crabs ???
Thanks Moon for responding! I hope you post an update soon!
You make sense, i just can't have that work flirt stuff lol Aries would go madddddd!!!
OMG!! YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE!!!!
Aww I feel connected to you too, it's nice to see a relationship with a crab that's actually working. How long have you two been dating? I think it's about the same time as me and Aries, 6.5 months or so?
I think crabs need to be SHOWN how to trust, ugh we have such horrible trust issues lol
I think you two are so cute, I love that you make lunch for him, these cute litle gestures will always be returned
Aries does know about this forum, but he doesn't have the patience to post haha He is an Aries afterall, he's always on the go go go...but so am i for the most part so it works. Sometimes I feel like we're just two little kids that are running at full speed giggling, thats really the only way to describe our relationship
YES!!! I love to laugh, i laugh a lot.
KEL !! OMG sometimes all J and I do is giggle..he loves my giggle..i even giggle sometimes during S*x...ya he gets me !! lol We have been seeing each other for 10 months...I tried to break up with him twice...the first time he gave me like 2 days, the second less than 24 hours....long story, different time.
i think one of the reasons J loves me is bc I am not heavy. I love to laugh like you and he does too. I bring that out in him. He looked at me one day..and I kid you not, I had been throwing up all day one day, i told him, our boss actually came out and brought me water.....and in the midst of this story that I am telling him..he says to me...d8mn you are sexy !! I said WHAT ?? I JUST told you I was vomiting and you say I am sexy ?? I raised one eyebrow...and say..you are messed up....and he laughed !! That damn laugh of his !! UGH !!
Kel _ I can tell you..I have never, ever in my life loved anyone like I love him. I can honestly say that I never knew what love truly was before him. He is my comfort, my peace and my storm !! lol And I do not want it any other way !! If a day goes by w/o us talking it seems like years......
I told him today, when I decided to make his lunch, that i could not bare the thought of him being wet and hungry ! He texted back....ty babe;) And I knew he meant it more than anything. I then told him how much I enjoyed making his lunch..his reply...;)
kel - is that good ? Please tell me it is !!
So in all this talk of letting go yesterday...after I entered my last post, I called Aries. I told him everything, everything that i posted here, waht I was feeling and more importantly why I was feeling it. I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I told him I felt vulnerable, so I'm going to try to let go this time for good and just enjoy the moment
Sexy while vomiting? lol!!!!! Sounds like something I would say, there's something verrrryyy sex when we see someone under less-than-ideal circumstances. For instance, first thing in the morning with the bad breath and the crazy hair lol Mmmm my Aries has never looked so s*exy than when I get that first morning glimpse of him...mmmm so raw and unfiltered
I can tell you are in love it just oozes out of your posts, its so sweet; I know how you feel, I've been in relationships before, this time it's different, it feels more real. ANd while I may say stupid things and b*tch and moan about missing being single...it's only because he affects me so deeply that I feel unbelievably vulnerable and saying those things make me feel like a have little more control over the situation, when in fact I do not lol
So his texts about lunch, the thing about texts is, they can be a nuisance because sometimes it can be hard to find the right thing to say. So don't dig too deeply into his text responses, sometimes it will just be a generic answer merely because he doesn't know what to say/how to express what he's feeling without being in person. We Cancers are BIG into face time because we can show you how we feel with a hug or a pinch or a smile, and texting convey no emotion at all
I would however be a little concerned about the fact that you tried to end it twice...that kind of rejection we don't forget. It should be addressed and it may also be the cause of him holding back. If you've done it twice, what makes him think you wont do it again? He wont share deep thoughts with someone who just might up and leave
KEL !! I am so proud of you !! I am ready for the follow up. can know how hard that was for you. I can't do it yet. Yet, we know that j knows I love him, bc he feels it. However..you took a huge step. OMG, did Aries cry ? I would have been in tears ! I think I am in shock, only b/c I know how hard that had to be. but tellme, after it wa all said and done did you feel better ?
I'll tell you more about the break up thing later. Right now, I am just lost in my thoughts for you and aries.
Aries and I have pretty good communication, he always wants to know what im thinking and he makes it a point to remind me every now and again that he does lol So me telling him this wasn't enough to make him cry
I've told Aries things that I've never told anyone before, but those were just sorta facts and things that happened in the past.
This though, last night was one of hte first times I think I admitted to myself (and to him) that the reason for my hot/cold behavior; or sweet guy/sarcastic jerk act, was because of how much i miss him. So yea it was a nice breakthrough
I think things are getting better--I was able to help him see how his friends affected my ability to 'get along' with them. Also, as far as the party, I was able to show him my views about his stuff via the tenant's stuff, and what I could deal with regarding what turned him on outside of our relationship. He also could see that interest in info about clubs via the party staffers had to be what I was willing to do first--not just 'jumping into' what he preferred for his own comfort's sake. He also know what works for me in not 'just jumping into' entertainment like that. Now if I could just schedule my recent work op--finally, some work!!--with our upcoming activities!
Kel - I love break throughs. They are the building blocks to a strong, stable and lasting relationship.
Funny stuff at the last minute!! I got an early e-mail for work that actually first went into the Spam box!! This was at the store I use the computer at...my fiance couldn't figure out why I couldn't get back to the campsite before he had to take off for his job, so I had to let him know about this unexpected opportunity to work again--work in my field is far and few between already! Then I needed to use the restroom after I called the rep about my availability for the afternoon interview in the city where I live. My cellphone fell right into the toilet<lol>!!! Fortunately, I got an e-mail confirming me for the interview and assignment after I'd made that call on my cellphone; I didn't have to worry about her trying to get back to me on that (she had been in a meeting when I called and left my message). My fiance got his messages about this assignment and the hours expected, so at least he knew I had to head back before the cellphone dropped into the toilet, too.
We can still attend that party, but now he really had to face the fact that my schedule wasn't necessarily 'convenient'...that's how it's been up to now, and it definitely affected his priorities for this week!
Hope I can also enjoy the work (promoting bus cards, really cheery kind of work since I do convention work as a rule) for a change, since I'll be making some good money to treat myself a little...it's been rough!!</lol>
Tomorrow looks good...I don't have to come to work (training) until 7pm, and before that my fiance wants to 'hang out' with me and have us sleep over at our mutual friend's place in the city. He was pretty worried when he couldn't reach me by cell, and took time out in his workday to contact me on my landline number. He called me again after that; I wasn't in my room at the time. Nice to know he wants to spend time otherwise spent where he lives on his two days off, with me. He let me know when he called from work that the co-worker thought my gesture of a saved cooky was 'sweet' and to say 'thank you' to me. Well, I guess she didn't hear much about why I took off that day when she was acting weird <lol>, but it helped to remind him how past "friends" treated me to motivate him to 'push' how I deserved to be treated. Not only that, but the way he kept introducing me to everyone in the store where he works (the co-worker wasn't in that day!), to make sure everyone knew we were back together again.
Funny one of the things he wanted me to know was how to set my security for the networking site we are both on, so others won't bother me...he knows my two exes still try to contact me, and that was something he was pretty upset about when it happened.</lol>
hey all! move went well, everything is great! just trying to unpack and get settled
both Gem and Pisces have both been over and loved the place. I'm more confused than ever between the two of them...
I've got to internalize...think about what I need
Gem is taking me to the symphony tomorrow
Pisces and I are going to an amusement park on Saturday for pre-halloween stuff.
my close girl friends think I've already chosen Gem...I dunno...
my bday is on Tuesday...ugh...I'm getting old...LOL
Hi all! Happy HalloweenHappy! I wont get a chance to catch up as I'll be super busy
Pre Happy B-day SV! Sounds like you have a fun weekend planned. I am taking the kids out on Friday-- I have to get the house together on Saturday because THE NANNY IS MOVING IN NEXT WEEK HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then on Sunday it's trick or treating with the kids and Sunday night I'm going to the parade in the city. I'm going as a nun-- a naughty nun ..lol.. I figured since I am going to H*LL anyway, might as well have fun on the way down!
How is the new place SV? Hope it's nice.
I finally was able to send him an explanation of my point of view on feeling coerced to go to strip clubs with him, but it helped that he'd sent me an e-mail about "shoulds" and "shame"...in being expected to do things that others thought one 'should' do. It was geared towards 'shaming' in sexual matters but I felt it appropriate--and ironic-- because I felt 'should-ed' in being expected to get a lapdance from a woman, expected to watch some strange woman make out with him there...while he wasn't expected to do the same with some guy! I think that really 'did it'; he was able to see the unrealistic expectations and my own personal boundaries being 'should-ed' without shame. So it was great to hear him agree that wasn't something I 'should' do if I didn't really want to. Of course, I let him know if he wanted to get a lapdance for himself on his own, that was his own business and I could deal with that. After all, he's probably done that years before he met me and even those clubs have boundaries between performer and customer. It would just feel like 'slow torture' to me to be expected to sit and watch and 'shouldn't' feel anything myself...
Moon !! naughty nun..I love it !!
SV - glad your move went well !!
Lua - where are you ??
Kel - guess who I spent the most glorious day with ?/ yep J ! We were shopping for his halloween costume...and....drum rol......guess who LOVES me !!!!!!! AH ! yep !! J ! Omg, omg, omg !! I feel like I could fly to the moon and back and yes I told him !! YAY !!
He invited me to watch his oldest daughter play basketball on sunday, actually, he said...you NEED to be there !! He said..you DESERVE to be there........
he asked me what would I do without him ? I said, I would be lost, miserable and sad !! Then he started kissing my neck and told me he loved me !! I said, I cannot get enough of you !! And...I love you more than I have ever known love in my life !! What I thought before was love, does not even come close to what I feel for you !
We cuddled, made out and well...ended our perfect day in a perfect way !!