ASCLAC part 4
Oh..and note to all of us cancer addicts....do NOT wear silver hoop earrings to work or around your cancer guy if you want them to pay attention.........total distraction.......all I wear is silver jewlery....rings, bracelet and I have this way cool necklace..he grabs my necklace all the time. Today, it was the silver hoops.....like a cat with their favorite toy...I was like...um..will you PLEASE quit ! lol
It's heartening to know that someone out there is having a good time enjoying their man...more power to you!! Sex is wonderful with someone who really loves you--let's hope he truly is deserving of you!!
I myself opted out of an evening in my City with him tonight...last minute call too typical, and I felt pressure to 'just go along' with that. Besides, he loves S.F. because it has all these strip clubs and social things that his (suburban) county lacks...and I anticipated a potentially humiliating experience having to 'just go along' with random encounters along the way. Not necessarily to a strip club, but his idea of 'socializing' has become rather compulsive. Saying a clerk who won't return his intense gaze 'is afraid of her erotic energy'...she's probably just wanting to focus on her job <lol>!! He called up, and I said "I'm not up to going out tonight"; he asked--somewhat defensively--"why is that?" I replied "I just need a break". I got a "Well, we know how that goes..." and "take care of yourself" and that was the end of the call. But really, what difference does it make whether I am with him or not? The same things happen, over and over again. And I am talked to like I am some poor "square" who is 'not with it' in this scene...</lol>
I swear I am not going to post on another cancer thread again, every time i do, trying to help other women understand their crabs i get bashed by the same person. She's supportivr to others, I don't know wny she's so mean to me.
Yikes, Lua! What kind of 'support' is that? You deserve better...maybe they are just projecting their own frustrations onto you, and that ain't fair!
now fast to Lua, then i catch up. i also have an interesting article to post for you guys, but all a bit later.
so Lua, come onnnnnnnnnnn. don't give a damn about that person. i didn't see who you are talking about, but i had a guess and then i went checking and my guess was right.
do you remember her coming here months ago and just bashing us all here on this thread??? it is always easy to bash people when you were lucky enough to find the right person in your life already...
don't care about it Lua! pleaseeee. either ignore or defend yourself.
Cusp and katie-I'm not going to bother defendiing myself, she called my crab an egomaniac and pretty much bashed me for running back to him every time he decides to get my attention, it's not as simple as that. Cusp, she doesn't even have a problem with a ccrab so i don't know what she's doing on that thread, she's happily married to a Virgo.
Katie, you are right, she came here and called us a bunch of insecure whiners.
Meanwhile there's 2 guys that want me to go out with this weekend, including the pilot. I have no clue what these guys signs are, the pilot is very expressive in writing so he could be a gemini.. They are both attractive picture wise but you never know about chemistry, like that South African guy. Their personalities may turn me off as well, who knows. I get it won't hurt to keep dating and see if there's anyone I click with. I've given up on crab although I will see him in a few weeks. Maybe he will sense that I am not all that interested in him any more. Today he sent me a link to google locater, like he wants me to know where he is at all times....he WANTS me to stalk him? Does he think I really care where he is?
guys, first now the article i was talking about. i got it from a very dear friend of mine and i thought i share it with all of you.
i dont know who feels it fits, but i found myself and crab in it pretty much. what do you think guys?
A soul mate is anyone whose presence in your life brings growth. Very often they will trigger your deepest issues and insecurities, which can then cause more pain than you ever imagined possible. In many cases, you are unknowingly having the same effect on them, you literally mirror one another.
A common scenario is two people who meet and feel an immense connection. One of the people has deep insecurities and abandonment issues. They fear rejection and may have experienced it many times in the past. They feel this intense connection and they embrace it, but not in a healthy way. Their insecurities mean that they embrace this connection in an overpowering, obsessive, needy way, totally ignoring their own needs, completely lacking personal boundaries and allowing the need to be with this person to overshadow what is actually happening on a day to day basis.
The other person has similar issues, but they manifest in a different way. This person is also insecure, fears rejection and abandonment but they dont cling to this connection in the same way. They deal with their deepest fears by running away from anything that has the potential to hurt them. In other words, the moment they feel love, they also feel fear of rejection and to avoid that pain, they seek to escape the situation, often without a word of explanation and frequently just as things appeared to be getting better.
When this happens, it is the worst possible scenario for the person who was holding on so tight. All of their fears, insecurities, needs and unresolved issues from the past are immediately brought to the surface and the pain can be immense. EVERYTHING that they feared hits them like a freight train. Everything that they fought so hard to avoid, by holding on to the connection so tightly, hits them all at once.
The thing is that all the time they were acting out their own insecurities and holding on to this person so tightly, they were actually failing to see the other persons fears, in fact they were actively TRIGGERING those fears because the constant giving, lack of healthy boundaries, acceptance of ANY behaviour and clingy neediness was EXACTLY what made this person feel insecure. When someone associates deeply loving another person with being vulnerable, out of control and at risk of being hurt and abandoned, then giving love unconditionally is the quickest way to send them reaching for the running shoes.
Both parties in this scenario had deep issues and they were perfectly matched to bring them all to the surface. But this confirmation is just the beginning and very often it is precisely where people get stuck.
First of all we have to get past all the common misconceptions of what the term ‘soul mate’ actually means. Dating websites often portray this encounter as someone very special who is predestined to enter your life and that the two off you will walk off into the sunset hand in hand, and live happily every after. This is further reinforced by fortune tellers who claim they can predict when you will meet this person, what they look like etc. All of them supporting the notion that this will be a perfect trouble free match that will bring you eternal happiness. While a soulmate will often force you to face and address your inner demons, and doing so can bring you immense growth, it doesnt come gift wrapped with hearts and flowers printed all over it. Change is hard. We are often resistant to it, and if your life is unhappy, then bringing someone new into it, without addressing what made you unhappy in the first place, will often result in two unhappy people. There isnt another person on the planet who can heal what makes you unhappy, but a soulmate will throw salt in your deepest wounds and constantly remind you that they are still there and you still need to deal with them.
Too often I find that people just dont want to do the work on themselves. They hope that things will just change and this person will return and all will be well. Quite often the person DOES indeed return, but guess what? Those issues are still there festering under the surface and it wont be long before they explode onto the surface again and everything is right back where it was last time.
How many times do we need to be shown what we need to address before we stop hoping and pretending it isnt there and trying to build what we want without making good the foundations? In an ideal situation we only need to be shown once, but all too often in soul connections we go through endless cycles of pain while we struggle with our own growth.
One of the most common ways I see people getting stuck is when they join forums and chat rooms, buy self help books and seek out people who are experiencing something similar. In the initial stages this can be a comfort, it can be informative and helpful and ease the pain. But it MUST be balanced with a healthy dose of reality.
Misery loves company and sitting in a forum full of lovesick victims over a long period of time is not only unhealthy and depressing, but it can also interrupt personal growth. You know you have a soul connection, you know what you have to do, you know what will happen if you dont do it. Yes others can help and support you and you can offer the same in return but lets keep this in perspective.
Spending all your free time going over and over and OVER what someone else is doing, how they are feeling, why they acted as they did, how much it hurt you etc, is NOT addressing YOUR ISSUES. Getting readings about what they are thinking and feeling, who they are with and what they are doing is NOT living your life for you, and finding your own personal balance and happiness.
Constantly obsessing over synchronicity and listing how many times you saw a car the same as his, how many times you saw the number ’11′ today, how much you dream about him, how you feel his energy, how you KNOW its not over, is NOT healthy. I am NOT suggesting that it isnt REAL. I am not saying ignore it totally and do not even acknowledge it. I am not denying that there are forces and energies at work that we can only FEEL, but I will leave you with these questions and please, be honest with yourself;
Have you become so caught up in the romance and dynamics of soul connections that you invest more energy there than actually addressing the issues that the connection brought YOU?
Do you spend more time and energy thinking about the connection than concerning yourself with the most important person in your life – YOU?
Do you read multiple articles on soul connections but only embrace the parts that allow you to romanticise the connection, while ignoring the parts that urge you to make yourself the priority?
Be honest with yourself – are you STUCK? "
Oh my, I can totally relate!! I triggered insecurities in crab that lasted for 13 years, and then he triggered mine...the forums and support, lol that's us!!
So how do me work on our issues to get unstuck?
Lua>> glad im not the only one who felt it fitting. your question is good, i wish i knew the answer. LOL
LOLPET!!!! if you would ever drop by, which i hope you'll do!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! (i was sneaky, saw the date on FB) LOL! hope you are fine, we miss you!
Katie - OH MY!! Nail on the head!!!!! That is EXACTLY what's going on with my and my little Taurus!!!!
Yes katie, it really hit me..I copied it to read again. It's so true. I mean I knew it somewhat before about him being a mirror thatreflected my inner most issues...and I feel like I am not over him because that means I still have these issues to work on, and maybe when i work through the ussues I won't be stuck on crab any more...and I'll move on to the next guy that will bring up more issues or a different set of issues, lol...
Happy birthday LOLPET!!!!!!!!!!!
hey all, ok so I'm going on vacation for a week starting tonight...and I still haven't caught up!! things are going in fast forward! I'm moving in two weeks and then it's my birthday! aahhhhh!!!!
here are a few things I caught...
Lua - please dont let others bring you down. only you know how much your cancer affected you and only you know what can help you get through this. also, if you feel like it's the best to meet with him, then that's what you do. different people react to their situations in their own way, some people try to help others by telling them about their experiences, and some just get angry and lash out. you do what you can, because what goes around comes around. and yes, it's good to have you as a friend on FB! :)!!!
Katie - I hope you're ok. I miss you tons and I need to catch up with you. i'm sorry that your crab keeps sending random a*ss e-mails and hurting you. ugh...
Taurus - thank you SOOO much for your explanation on Pisces. that actually helped me out a lottttt!!! he always tells me that he's super easy going and calm and "go with the flow" guy, but there's something about him that makes me think there's waayyy more to him beneath the surface. he's so unbelievably helpful and caring. he is extremely shy when it comes to talking deeper though, and that's my problem as well so I feel like that's where our roadblock is. either way, what you said just helped me out SO much! thank you!!
Kel- I hope you're ok honey. best wishes!
LOLPET - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
OL - HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!
Moon - Where ARE you?? Friend Request me on FB!
Scorp72 is SSC lol
I don't know if you picked up on that, did you forget your login info SSC?
LOL!!!! Yes, I did!!!!! Sorry guys! It is me, SSC!!!
cuspglyph - my birthday is 11/2/83. sorry bout that!
oh and cuspglyph - I'm kinda happy that you opted out of your date with him. he seems like he really doesn't want any kind of commitment right now. what do you want from this situation? where do you see it going?
hey guys! ok a bit catchin up to do for me. i'll try...
Kel>> i dearly miss you talking to us, but i understand if you are busy and i also understand if you have 'problems' and are not too social. i just hope that things get good again for you, and you know... needless to say we are here whenever you wanna share.
oh and on you i see how moody crabs are. gosh if (my) crab is like that... or i guess he is even worse, it must be bad for him too.
Lua>> yes, the article is right on. i mean strange cause i was aware of my insecurities and i was kind of guessing his... but i could never connect it so good as the article writer did. how we mirror each other and bring out the worst insecurities from each other. and typical also my clinging and my unconditional love towards him and him pickin up his shoes and running away for all the reasons mentioned in the article.
LOL about the meeting someone new that brings out other insecurities and so on and so on... vicious circle. (let's hope it won't go down like that)
SV>> im glad you didnt take my comment as an offense. i didnt mean it that way. and it's good this way. although i could (at least i feel so) NEVER date multiple people in the same time, i don't judge it in case both the guys know that they are not the only ones.
wow and so many things happening to you!!! vacation? to where? moving? to where and for what reason? I'm glad for you!
and dont worry there is nothing really to catch up on regarding me. but you misunderstood, crab is not poking me, he is poking his exgf.
SSC>> sorries, i did not figure out that it was you. new guy sounds amazing, glad for you. age difference does not count if he is mature enough. lot of older people are like children and a lot of younger are really adults. so no worries about that.
crab is completely off the table for good?
Katie - No problems! LOL He is immature on some levels, like the constant accusations of me cheating on him! LOL He'll make comments like "What guy did you have over last night?" "You get rid of your man yet?" He CLAIMS he's joking but we all know that he's joking but yet serious, the need for reassurance and validation. It's cute sometimes but it's a daily occurence! HAHA And of course we've had our "moments" because we are so stubborn and intense. I would say that 90% of the time we are FANTASTIC but the other 10% could use alot of working on. I will say this, when we do have a falling out, we don't stay mad for more than an hour! LOL What worries me is his Venus sign in Aries, you know how easily they fall in and out of love! I'm getting the impression that he's a little distant in the past 2 days. He claims that he's just tired but something just doesn't seem right, you know us Scorps and our sixth sense! LMBO!!!