ASCLAC part 4
I called crab, finally got through..i wasn't letting the skype forward to his cell..first thing he asked was "When are you going to manila again?" which is crabean means "I want to see you in Manila"
I said "maybe end of October"
Crab: "Not until then? I'm going for 3 days on Oct 2"
(hmm, I get the feeling he wanted me to go now..is that why he was trying to get me to call him? It's very rare he's there's for 3 days, usually 2 days..but no, my crab will not say anything directly..he will not say "I miss you and want you to meet me in Manila")
We talked for about an hour..he hinted at being flirty.....I stayed friendly...he said next year he's going to move to the beach..he said "you'll really like it there, it looks just like where you live" is that indierectly inviting me to visit? Then he said something about getting vacation and coming here in January..but he didn't say "I want to come visit you" he said he wanted to go diving here.
Always sideways, never directly saying things...
He said he's sending me more things...
I get the feeling, he does miss me, he probably regrets the way he acted towards me in May, and now talking to me acting like nothing ever changed between us, like time has not gone by, crab time again, he was friendly and sweet, asking me about Manila which he means he wants to see me, yet he's being cautious...but wants me to let him know when i will be in Manila.. asked me to call again sometime, I said you can call me too..
Ah cra*p ..all the feelings came back...crab has this affect on me but it's the roller coaster ride all over again..He wants to start our little long distance affair again..geez, if I had only found someone else by now I would not give it a thought, but it's sooo tempting...I miss him...
Moon, you can't get your thighs to open up?Lol, that's what it looks like it said, hhahaha..
Talked to crab and now I can;t sleep...
What's going on with you that you keep holding onto him? I can tell from your post that you understand what he's doing (giving you breadcrumbs) but why are you tolerating it? Deep down, seeing him again after 13 years, what did he touch inside of you that you now won't let go?
I might not be around to catch the response, but I will read it when I get back on Sunday
Just to sorta show you where I'm going with this...
Let me give you a hypothetical reasoning...
Say that him coming back after 13 years, it was like your knight in shining armor! Flying across the world to rescue you from peril! But then he disappeared and rejected a relationship, so then this made you feel liek you weren't worthy of a knight in shining armor...in this example, the root cause would be a lack of self-worth. So if you were to work on this issue, i think poof! you wouldn't get sucked back into his bread crumbs anymore
That's sorta where I'm going with that train of thought, that if you can solve whatever root insecurity he touches in you, that he can't hurt you anymore
I hate f-ing crumbs.
MOONIEEEE, as much as I shouldn't keep talking about him lol I want to hear what you have to say about the Scorp convo
Let me think about this... is there a way I can post on face book to you? can I write something to you that you can read it?
I'll probably check the forums once more again tonight, but you can send it to me via facebook message if you want to keep it private.
Hey all- thanks for letting me vent it was therapeutic I agree with U Kel wrong timing situation with crab...I have to be true to me.
anyway I am keeping scorp around for time being ... I think in long run I have to be able to relax and feel good about me and he does that for me
kel- glad if I helped...
Taurus7 yes many irons in the fire ... be honest with ur self is good thing... it is part of growing.
moon saw pic U r soooo cute
katie-thank you... I get what U said ... still felt guilty reason is I know me and I knew to keep him distant ... so is still shame on me but I agree shame on him too
I am feeling sooooo much better found charlie on FB heehee
well everyone Be good
peace and blessing
XhugsX all around
try to update soon
Ah cra*p, just posted a long post and lost it!! I'll try to see if i can recapture this, it was mostly to Kel but others please feel free to also give me insights!
Kel-for a young guy you are extremely wise and have deep thoughtful insights, that's probably why all of us older women here love you!!
I thought about what you said, and you know Kel, you make "working on yourself" sound so easy but it's somethng I have been doing for years, and somehow when i am not having feelings for anyone or not in any type of relationship or pseudo-relationship I feel so much more secure about myself.
I truly believed that I couldn't be in a relationship until I worked on myself and that is the main reason I didn't get involved for 14 years. I dated somewhat but I even stopped dating for 11 years. I met a lot of men but I would analyze them and find fault with all of them. Many people told me that I could not grow aas deeply unless I was in a relationship because they are like mirrors and they bring up issues you need to work on. I even stayed celebate for 11 years because I declared to myself that I was not going to sleep with anyone until I met Mr. Right who loved me like I deserved.
When crab showed up after 13 years I did not see him as a "knight in shining armor". I saw him more like a stalkerish disturbed boy who had an unhealthy 13 year fixation with me, and I felt sorry for him. I went out with him because I felt sorry for the boy. I slept with him after 5 days because I knew he wanted to, and I figured it has been so long and if I waited until Mr Right to show up I'll probably be celibate forever..lol. Even after he left I didn't really think about him, we exchanged emails like friends, and life went on. A few months later I was going to Manila for extensive dental work and I knew he flew there sometimes so I emailed him and we decided to meet, but there were no expectations. I guess it was then that things got intense and for several months he didn't disappear, but I guess that's how most relationships with crabs start out...
So what did he touch in me that brings up insecurities? Maybe it goes back to my childhood. My mother always made me feel less than adequate, no matter what i did I felt i was never good enough for her. My father was loving when he was around but like crab he worked for the airlines and he would disappear for weeks, months, sometimes years...I knew he did it for work but as a child, I saw it as disappearing. Crab's connection with aviation brings up memories of my father, somehow feelings are tied in, I think.. If it's really these deep childhood insecuirties that crab brings up, then it's not something that can be solved so easily..I've been working on this for decades!!
In the last few months, I've felt secure, I forgot about crab most of the time, concentrated on my own life, worked on my fitness, went out with friends, other men, flirted, had fun felt good about myself most of the time, I've been open to other men and other relationships, what else could I do? Why do I still get affected by crab and his "breadcrumbs"? I did act quite aloof though...I didn't jump on his breadcrumbs and eagerly say "Oh I miss you and I will meet you in Manila!!" When he mentioned coming here I ignored it..
I need to remind myself that this crab is selfish. HE wanted me to call because HE misses me and HE wanted to talk to me, and now HE wants to see me. Even when he came here after 13 years it was because HE needed closure and HE needed to see me. When I went to see him in HK, HE was feeling depressed and HE needed space so HE pushed me away. No regards to my feelings or my needs. Everything revolves around HIS feelings.
Logically I know this, but crab is like a drug. I know it's bad for me, but it feels good when I give in, at least for awhile even though I know the withdrawal is even worse...I don't think I love him..I love him like i love chocolate although I don't think chocolate is as bad for me, lol...I can give into a bit of chocolate but I love my abs too much to completely give in to an excess..I'm just addicted to him perhaps because he provokes some of the feelings I had in childhood...it goes deeper than just wanting abs, lol...
Kel, if you hadn't met Aries and gotten involved in a serious relationship, where would you be with scorp right now? Do you think you would be in the same place with him? Would you have been able to let go if you were single? I feel like if I could meet someone else that showed a bit more interest in me (unselfish interest) it may be easier to write crab off completely..I am fine being single, I was most of my life..but because I am, when crab throws crumbs I feel drawn to it...like a very hungry bird without other food..if I'm feasting on cake I don't think I'll be attracted to crumbs.
Good morning everyone!
Kel>> have a really nice weekend, a beautiful wedding party and drive safe!
Moon>> yes, please try to open those photos and then upload them! we wanna see them!
ohhh from this i remembered! i will take some photos too and post them, cause i forgot to mention, my over 1 year long 'struggle' for growing down my original hair colour (from dyed black) finally succeeded!!! YAY so i am newly a red head!
Hey Shorty! Really glad to see you more often here again! makes me happy, as we missed you a lot!
Lua! Girl, with
Lua! with you on a separate column! (my laptop's hyper sensitive and as i type it always does weird stuff...)
i dont really know what to say! you know my story... and i could say now that you should just cut all ties and walk away. but i also know it is not that easy.
i realized one thing. you can ask for opinion, you can take some of the advice, but after all YOU are the one who will decide what to do.
maybe it is not time yet to cut the ties. maybe you still have something to learn from this. i trust that things happen, when they have to.
look at me, i could (should?) have walked away earlier, but then i was not strong enough or just was not time yet. i still needed some pain to be set into my heart in order to be able to say: it's enough.
so my only suggestion would be, listen to your heart. what do you wanna do? and do that!
Katie, I don't know what to do, i go back and forth..I do need to go back to Manila next month, for my 6 months doctor's appointment follow-up and the dentist. I don't have to tell crab I am going, right? Or maybe see crab as a friend..I'll see him during the day and not spend the night with him, I do want to keep him as a friend. Do I need more pain? I got upset with my bff for sleeping with her crab after she spent months "getting over" him...maybe I'm doing the same thing, opening myself to more pain?
I don't know if it's my heart or my addiction to him that I am listening to..in a way I was so happy last night thinking "He wants to see me again, he still likes me!! He was just depressed!! Now he wants to see me!!" Stupid me...
So what I was trying to do by asking you those questions, was to get you to think, think deep. If you can figure out the reasoning behind why you hold onto crab, why he is your drug, then I think you can start to tackle the problem.
With me, it wasnt until I sat back and really analyzed why I was holding onto my Scorpio, what was it about what he was doing to me that kept me coming back for more. When I figured out the connection, how what he was doing was reminiscent of things that happened to me when I was younger, I was able to "break" taht connection. I began to see that it wasn't Scorp that I was drawn to but rather taht I had sort of "unfinished business" with myself. Once I could distinguish the two, it became easier to distance myself from Scorp because I stopped projecting onto him my unsolved demons.
Working on yourself is not easy. If you want to look at it in terms of astrology, you are a Leo - a fixed sign. I am a Cancer - cardinal. Fixed signs have trouble making changes, they're solid, they're who they are. but when they DO make a change, it's permanent. Cardinals signs are always moving, always changing, pressing forward (I see this same trait in my Aries too) so when there's an obstacle, he make the changes and press forward, however these changes are not so permanent and I often find myself taking 2 steps forward then 1 step back.
But also Flow mentioned to me that for women, its harder to let go of that emotional connection than it is for men. So maybe that has something to do with it it as well
I see the connection you make to your father with crab, but I think that now that you clearly see that connection and put it to words that you can start to seperate the two - your feelings for your father and your feelings for crab and I think in time you can push those feelings so far apart that crab won't hurt you anymore. That way you dont have to actually "fix" the feelings you have about your dad to have your distance with crab, does that make sense?
And you're absolutely right about your crab, he's very self-centered. He's not thinking about what YOU want, how he can meet YOUR needs...and that's what you want, a guy who will care about YOUR needs. I fall into this trap too, I get so wrapped up in my own emotonal waves that everything is self-centered and it's only about what I need. I have to make a conscious effort to say "Hey Aries, what do you need? What do you want?" Thats the kind of guy that you want, someone who wants to know what your needs are
Ok so to answer your questions:
I have thought about this a lot, where would I be without Aries. It's really hard to tell. I went from being slutty to completely shutting down, focusing on me and my career, no sex or FWB or anything. ANd then only about two months into that, I met Aries. So it's really hard to say...I would like to think that I would have kept on that train with my career and no sex; but honestly a part of me thinks that I might have regressed by this point and gotten a little slutty...which means I may have slept with Scorp again. It's not likely that I would have, but it is possible, maybe just once to remind myself why I shouldn't do it. If I were still single, I probably would not have let go of Scorp completely, I would have used him to fuel my ego. I would have tried to maintain a friendship, maybe even gone over there a few times. But ultimately, no I wouldn't have let him go, and that convo I had with him on Friday, I would have probably secretly loved that, that ego boost. But I wouldn't have viewed Scorp in the same light taht I did before. I stopped seeing him as someone who i could date, was I hoping he'd be a man and try to sweep me off my feet? Yes. But I had to live in reality and realize it wasnt going to happen. He didn't respect me and he never will and I deserved better than that. I was ready to date and to love and be loved...
Something though that I've learned dating Aries
You can only go so far on your own, you can only conquer so many demons being single. When you date someone seriously, it introduces a whole new set of problems and a whole new set of demons that you didn't know you had or never had to face when you were single. So you'll never be 100% ready being single, and if you wait unti you are, you may miss out on someone amazing. The key is to have open communication and have both parties be willing to work through things and fix things and to practice patience
Woah I just spent all morning typing this up lol hope it makes sense, now back to work for me, have to finish this stuff up before I leave early today
O.J. Simpson is a Cancer....shudder...lol scary, I think I saw a statistic that said Cancers are the most common passion killers of everyone that gets convicted in the USA...scaryyyy lol
hey guys, since Flow is not around and Shorty does not have THAT much time and Adventure is absent too, i take on and paste some stuff about Venus retrograde in case any of you is interested.
venus is in "shadow" phase already since 5th of Sept and will be going into full retro on the 8th of October...
so here it is:
"WHAT DOES VENUS EFFECT:
In general, Venus, the goddess of love, rules feelings and emotion, aesthetics and tastes, relationships, fashions and all forms of desire, money and wealth. Venus rules social attitudes and behaviour, along with aesthetic tastes and inclinations. She symbolises female relationships and social interactions at every level—and her placement also indicates our values. She governs romance, marriage and other partnerships, capacity for humour, and the pursuit of pleasure.
During a retrograde period the things Venus influences will be less apparent, or be of less concern to the world. Visual sensibilities are reduced. People dress with less flair and our colour sense tends to be muted. This is not the time to purchase clothes or jewellery, change one's make-up or hairstyle. Redecorating or refurbishing homes or business should also be avoided, though there is no reason why decisions that have been made earlier should not be allowed to come to fruition during this period.
With Venus retrograde, the pace of relationships slows down, so this is not the best time to get married or give big parties. Since Venus rules diplomacy, slowdowns in all sorts of negotiations can be expected, including industrial disputes, legal issues and diplomatic endeavours. Unresolved issues from the past will come forward and demand resolution.
It is a time when we are called upon to go back and take care of unfinished business, particularly to do with relationships, emotional and financial. Often we are forced to deal with deep feelings that have their origins in past events. They are activated on an inner level but are often difficult to express to ourselves or others while Venus is retrograde.
VENUS IS RETROGRADE THIS TIME IN SCORPIO (YAYY):
When Venus is retrograde, everyone's emotional state is more introspective and we tend to react emotionally to the issues and concerns that relate to the sign involved. With Venus retrograde in Scorpio, people with this sign prominent in their charts will be especially prone to such introspection. Scorpio is a Fixed Sign, so it also has a notable effect on those with the other Fixed Signs prominent in their charts. The Fixed Signs are Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. Nevertheless, Venus does turn in a favoured segment of the zodiac, (the Terms of Jupiter), so we can reconsider our personal feelings and relationships with an eye to the opportunity to gain insight into one's own mode of relating, whether sexually, creatively, or financially.
Venus the love goddess also turns in auspicious conjunction with the Fixed Star Menkent, a variable double star in the shoulder of Centaurus, the Centaur. Menkent is of a like nature to Venus, though the constellation is said to give hard-heartedness, with an inclination to vengeance; it also gives a love of arms, strong passion, and an energetic nature. It may be connected with poisons, so watch out when the jealousy and vengeance of Scorpio is awakened! Venus in Scorpio is sensual, possessive and brooding, jealous to the point of being vindictive, yet intensely loyal in love. Since matters from the past tend to come forward during the retro phase, an old flame, or reminiscences of lost love, may reappear.
Jealousy is likely to rear its ugly head as intense passionate emotions are aroused, and we can expect undue attention both in the media and in personal life to the pleasures of the senses, particularly focused on outlandish luxury and indulgences. Excesses of sex and passion may lead to health complaints.
Venus in Scorpio stimulates a magnetic attraction to the opposite sex, though in the retro phase a more fated or destined feel suffuses the atmosphere as we seek to fathom the depths of relationships. Romantic connections with their roots in the past will thrust themselves forward again for those whose charts are affected. The presence of Mars in Scorpio further deepens and intensifies this tendency. Mars and Venus are the planets of masculine and feminine attraction, of passion and desire; they have been in and out of conjunction for quite some weeks now, and indeed Venus turns retrograde in the conjunction but does not quite catch up to the passionate Warrior Lord again until the end of May 2011. This means that in effect the conjunction is astrologically active for almost nine months! Venus moderates the harshness of Mars, but Mars energises the sensuality and passionate desire of Venus, especially in Scorpio, the night-sign of Mars and the sign of the detriment of Venus. So if you've been feeling a little randy (or like blowing something up), blame it on the planets!
VENUS RETROGRADING INTO LIBRA
Although Venus turns retrograde in Scorpio (the sign of her detriment), she retrogrades into Libra, her day-sign, on November 8 at 03:07 UT. Venus, the lesser benefic, hits her direct station at 27°40' Libra on November 18, just as Jupiter, the greater benefic, also turns direct in Pisces, so this date marks the inception of a more fortunate phase, thank heavens. It is worth noting that intense Pluto, the Lord of the Underworld, has also just ended his retrograde phase, and Venus is much better placed in Libra, so some of the pressure is likely to dissipate, at least until she returns to Scorpio in direct motion through the zodiac on November 30th.
When Venus moves back into Libra on November 8, 2010, the tendency towards jealousy and vindictive behaviour is reduced, inclining the collective more to a purer, more refined affection, especially for those who have Cardinal Signs strong in their charts. Cardinal Signs are Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn. Relationships take on a certain intellectual objectivity, but the element of scheming is still present. Libra is the sign of the strategist, so can also be manipulative when it comes to selecting associates. In social situations as well as relationships, the deeper passions are less likely to surface. Flirting becomes more the norm in sexual interactions, but don't let that fool you!"
Lua- all I can say is please becareful as I think crab is going to hurt you. If he is anything like me... this limbo will never end. I am going to make one of two suggestions...
Kel, Me, Katie, SV, lilshorty.... we were all in Limbo... I think your crab has you in it too. Kel, gave it up and met Aries, SV gave it up and met... lots ..lol..
Katie and I gave it up... and were healing.
I think, until you accept that crab boy will be a limbo guy, you will never be "relaxed" with him. Just MHO.
Limbo is fine, if you can do it. I couldnt.
Can you do limbo?
Katie- I sent you and email with what I wrote... tell me what you think.
Kel, I will send you a message on facebook.
lilshorty! OMG girl! I am so happy we are going to H*LL together! ..lol.. SV? you coming along???
Ok, to all.... I watched a dvd last night "Death At A Funeral" Very funny!
Moon-I've won 2 limbo contests so i guess i can do limbo, lol!
Ok, at least the limbo dance...easier for me to bend low because i'm short..
Joking aside, I guess we all gathered here because we were all in limbo. After 4 months I thought i was out of it..but I hadn't expected crab to go back to the way he was..I guess he's coming out of his 4 month shelltime and now wants me to come back too..very selfish...I'll be careful..not sure if i'll tell him about my next rrip to Manila, I have a feeling if i do he might try to get a flight there or change his schedule so he can meet me, but his airline is always changing his schedule so he may not be there at the same time. I'm not going to schedule it around his flight roster this time. I've accepted he's a limbo guy, I know he'll never come around the way i want him to, but I think he'll never really disappear either.
I've given up, really..at least i think I have and it's not like i'm going to run into him by chance, and i'm open to meeting other men, I'm concentrating on other things in my life right now.
There's a big drama going on because of the competition, it's the American military people from Guam making a big stink that the locals were against them. There's a girl from the military that got 2nd place, but she didn't even look that great, but she brought about 500 people with her who were chanting her number and screaming for her that the judges seemed to be forced to give her 2nd place. She thought she was going to take first, and a local girl took 1st and now a bunch of her friends are making harrassment phonecalls to the local girl that took first and bad mouthing all the judges, etc. Another miliary guy who got lst place in his weight division but didn't get 1st in the Jr's division got upset and went home when he was supposed to get on stage again for the overall, bad mouthing the judges and spreading it all over facebook, what an idiot...Not all American military people are bad, but these people are making a bad name. The woman who got 1st place in the tall division is a military wife and she got it because she deserved it, she was gorgeous..People create so much drama..I lost and didn't place so high this time, but I'm not blaming the judges or saying it's because I'm from another island, I'm looking at my weak points so I can improve them. The fact that I got up there with girls half my age is already a positive for me.
I hope life is treating you good and that your in good health.
I am (sound like a broken record) extreemly busy and private life is hectic with all kinds of events.
Libra is not one of them.
I just wanted to say that astrology zone is up for the month October...and also read up Tarot's forecast.
PS. Adventure ..if you read this. Look for LibrasLair in All things Libra and she can hook you up with me. If you want to.
Can you guys tell her please if she happens to miss this? Thanks.
Hey Everyone! Hi Flow! Thanks for reminding us for astrologyzone!
Lua>> listen, i wanted to say that even if our stories are so similar, and the two crabs are so similar too... i gave enough chances already, you might have not yet.
i mean, once you can dance back and see whether it had anything to do with his depression and whether he is out of it now and will be "normal". but i would say with caution whatever you do!
again, listen to your heart!
Moon>> have read it already in the morning with my coffee LOL. loved it. now im soon leaving work, give me some time to comment in bigger details in a mail once im home already.