ASCLAC part 4



  • p.s. I held him up to his "open dialogue" ideal, and got a good response. it turned out she had the problem with this; haven't heard from her since and he even brushed off her help with a query on the site in favor of mine. i think he realized i was prepared to be upfront but also more aware of the complications from her end.



  • Cusp - good advice. I am going to think on that.



  • hey guys. Long time no talk for me. how are you all?

    Adventure - Charlieeee! is everything okay? how are things with your Scorp?

    Lolpet - so did you officially buy a new phone? did you have any contact to Scorp?

    hi Cusp! hi Taurus!

    Taurus - What happened??? i mean, they can behave pretty f-ucked up, but yours seemed to be so stable. if you are ready and willing, tell us. 🙂 and don't make rush decisions, you normally need a lot of time with them.

    if anyone from the old team would come up here: Hello to all of you! 🙂

    LUA???? if you would ever peak in, please contact me. i miss you! you completely disappeared from the face of the earth. i hope you are fine!



  • Hi Katie,

    How are you? Whats happening in your life?

    I don't come on here so much as I used to. So much going on.lol

    Scorp is currently in Rotterdam working so I have a few weeks respite.lol

    I do have a new phone, but I am struggling to get to grips with it, so both are now in use. Maybe one day I will have the courage to switch the old one off. I am hopeless with technology now. Far too advanced for me!!!!

    Take care.

    L.xxxx



  • hey Lolpet! i don't come often either, but sometimes i like to check in to know what's up with all of you gals. I mean about some of you i know through FB, but for example about Adventure not.

    I'm doing fine, thank you.

    Crab is pretty much out of the picture, and to be honest, i miss him less and less (luckily).

    My long term Saggy ex is pushing boundaries again, wanting to get back with me. I love him a lot as a person, but I don't really think we will get together.

    My elementary school platonic sweet-heart Cappy is for some time in the picture. i mean, i don't see him often, but from time to time we party together we the old classmates and he is really into me i think. i am into him too, but he looks a tiny bit complicated too.

    otherwise, i'm enjoying my life as much as possible, bringing out the best of every day. I finally could get upset enough about my body that i started to work out on a daily basis. 🙂

    it makes me feel better, and i hope in some time, physical progress shows itself too.

    and also, i decided to get my a-s-s out of this country again, as economy and government is not to my likings. I am heading back to Spain/Ibiza for the season to work. I'm leaving end of April and not gonna be back to my country till end of October.

    I have mixed feelings, cause my life here, my emotions towards myself and my family life is better than ever.

    But i also missed the excitement, the sea and the sandy beaches and the palm trees and all that fun i had there. and also my friends there and everything. so i guess it is for the best.

    🙂

    wow, so Scorp is in Rotterdam? for how long? Ouch about the new phone struggle. I hate new phones. in the time of touch screens and all... i still have a dead-old Nokia, that can't even take photos. LOL i could change it, but i just so love it. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

    Take care and let me hear of you sometime! XXXXXX



  • Hi Katie! As of now I am about to embark on a sort of "journey" with the whole relationship thing via a mutually friended person. Kind of hard to figure out at first, because she was recommended to him a while back, and he had an appalled reaction (the recommendation from same person who tried to interfere with our relationship). So when I noticed this sudden addition, I took the initiative in trying to get to know her better as a person. (Kind of hard there too, because she wanted to meet up with him in person without saying anything about that). Well, it was a wise move because she appears to be one genuine and authentic person with nothing to hide--a far cry from the interfering "friend". Also, despite a recent broken engagement and 'on the market' status, affirmative about my relationship status and warm towards both of us. So WOW--this is progress. But I don't want to jump to old conclusions unnecessarily, either. It just hurt when the interfering friend was suddenly so possessive and hostile (and secretive about her own relationship) last year. It's a relief to be able to have a genuine connection.



  • hey katie charrlie!

    wow so you going to spain? that sounds awesome i would love to go there one day.. if fact alot of europe. one day when i can afford it lol! looks so beautiful in spain. ooh im envious!

    me.. im ok. havent seen scorp for a month. im getting on with it- well trying to. not easy. started new studies which are challenging but good distraction.still surfing occasionally( waiting for better weather conditions) and still got my cat. he is getting fatter but very sweet. I miss scorp but I am not chasing him.Time to get tough. I met a nice lady today who may offer me some part time work.

    you sound alot better. hey are you in contact with moon and kel? maybe i can get emails somehow or something?im not really a fan of facebook although here and there ok.

    well chow for now xx



  • hey Adventure!

    yes, im going back to spain. 🙂 i love it. i love palm trees, the sea and well, generally spanish people, their mentality.

    haven't seen scorp? ok, i totally missed it. Last time i've read from you, you went on holiday and stuff and things were ok.

    well, im sorry. but somehow i feel you can handle it better already than before.

    good luck with the part time job, i hope it works out.

    i am in contact with moon and kel too. i can't give you their e-mails here, but if you write me to katie82hungary (at) hotmail dot com i can naturally connect you to them. 🙂

    xhugsx



  • Just texted fiance about an event he wants me to go to that is populated by LOTS of women...OMG, what the heck is that about <lol>? Hope it's not more of the same nonsense I've already been thru!!</lol>



  • My fiance has been more receptive to what can't be taken for granted in relationships lately, but it's how it's interpreted/or has been before that makes the difference. A tense moment with our new friend led to open discussion of what is seen and what is known about things like that. He actually started to question his mental health in regards to ' forgetting "what happened that led to the actions I took out of despair about him being able to put himself in my shoes; he told me this morning he needs to hang onto even things he realizes were mistakes. He said "Scorpios are like that; once we make up our minds about something we are very loyal to that, and it's hard to let go of our mistakes..." BTW, our mutual friend is the real thing--she is more than willing to put herself in others' shoes and there is no agenda, despite her recent broken engagement. Even he could sense her need for someone to 'fill a hole' with that situation, but she is capable of stepping back, too.



  • It's been a rough, iffy week. On one hand, we were able to talk about what hurt in an objective way that even he could deal with. On the other hand, the same behavior even I couldn't deny would continue to be a problem. We were standing together in the store after his evening shift, and I noticed him staring at a young blonde until she went to her truck and he tried to say goodbye to her. It seemed she wanted to ignore him...and it felt like it was a compulsive need on his part to keep trying to do that with women. I did my best to ignore that and even treat us, but wound up texting i needed to go home and even that i believed he had an addiction to other women i couldn't help him with! That was hard; he tried to text me to get home safely (it didn't help i'd handed him the ring and asked him to just send me back my art later) so that was thoughtful...he is honest about what he can't or won't do, so it's a matter of what i can handle.



  • LUA,

    You're in my thoughts girl. I hope you and your mom remains safe with all that is happening now around you.

    If any of the old poster has contact with her on FB please let her know that I send my love and wish her much safety with this tsunami that is making it's way towards different islands.

    Flow.



  • Since then we nearly broke up and then got engaged again. I've noticed he's more aware of what triggers the problem for me. He flirted with a gaggle of girls but had his arm around me at the same time. And has admitted our mutual friend is only human, not someone to put on a pedestal just because he wishes to see her that way. Progress?



  • over the weekend was really interesting...when I got to my usual computer networking site there was an update of "it's complicated", made public. I asked him why he wanted to make that public, since he was upset a long time ago when I mistakenly put "it's complicated'' on my status--meant just for him, but since I didn't get the settings function correctly, appeared public to him. Is this 'take that' a Scorpio need, even if it doesn't get you what you really want? He didn't want to break up, and once I told him "Well, if you really feel that strongly about this, why not just end it?" he hastened not only to return it to private settings, but sent a request to me to put ''engaged to (his name)" on my status. (I never changed the engaged status on my side, but once someone changes their rel. status with a particular person, that person's name is part of the change). Anyway, I did so since he seemed sincerely regretful about the whole situation. He was even curious to know what he could do that would help me. But even after I'd done what he requested, the status of both of us didn't appear on his side! Not only that, but "it's complicated" was still there, along with the public view of "engaged to (my name)"...seems a little passive-aggressive to me. And a reminder that it's really none of our friends' business about the ups and downs that about us, not them.



  • p.s. ex still trying to 'get a hold of' me via passive left message "clicks" (this guy is a Leo-Cancer and I was with him for nearly 7 years, til he got physically abusive. A real charmer but in the end, more self-serving than trustworthy. The charm made it possible for him to get away with things, and not just with me!!)



  • Today looks brighter. I gave myself time to take care of my needs away from the usual lunch break with him (i dropped my cellphone in the toilet so I missed it) and mixed feelings about female contacts. It helped to realize his latest efforts--and continued efforts--to ease my mind; i mean, it was obvious now he didn't necessarily have a problem showing how things were for others in seeing us as a united couple. And vice versa. Little things can give funny ideas; like when he told me he wasn't able to walk in a high school area because of laws about "minor" areas and adult presence...like when he befriended a high school age girl who didn't look it, yet she avoided him and i also found out she attended high school for real via an older coworker where she was employed. Again, the flirtatious behavior with a gaggle of like-aged girls--maybe a midlife thing? The much younger friend he'd tried to ask out who appeared later to "friend'' him--with an honest admission to want to relive those college days? Yes, it's a problem for him but not as awful as I'd thought. Interesting he told me he couldn't perform after a checkup, but even i knew that before. Perhaps that 's what leads to that seemingly compulsive behavior with other females. But he can only sleep with me, if he wants understanding of that ...and he knows it.



  • Ironically, mutual friend posted about sharing relationship e-mails between partners with others...heck, why would anybody share those intimate e-mails with others? What about a 3-way-exchange instead? At least everyone would be on the same page <lol>!!!!</lol>



  • well, it was interesting to read she understood and respected her ex's need to have it all out in the open as far as exchanged e-mails with other people...that was refreshing. even though she didn't think it was necessary or applied to her as far as deception, she was able to see that as his move to honor his own need for openness in the relationship. so it was wise to just hang in there until i got a clear indication this wasn't some sort of way of talking about a subject he might have mentioned to her. with him, his behavior has gone back and forth so much, it can be hard to know exactly where he stands on issues like that. whew!! so i won't have to worry about what i had to struggle with in his need for a close female friendship last year, as far as leaving me out of discussions about personal problems. that was such an important deal-breaker for me, as i didn't want to be staying at my own expense--it sure didn't make it easier for me to have a more intimate relationship if that was a problem. she also acknowledged my presence during a crucial moment when she really needed help with a physical problem the first time we all met up. he'd made a comment about that, and she expressed appreciation for his being there for her. and then when i good-naturedly added a "like" on that, she gave me acknowledgement too, and with ready affection for me. well, that sure was new!! I felt even more a part of this friendship, and that was a far cry from feeling left out...so painful the first time around with this situation. I feel so thankful, and spontaneously expressed my affection for her likewise. looks like a win-win thing this time..but it's about time this happened for me, anyway. i've been patient long enough, and really don't want any more damages done to what is good about my relationship with my guy.



  • i actually got a reading about the developments since i was proposed to, which told me it was a matter of healing but also that there was some emotional healing between us that was crucial in our relationship. i was deeply grateful for that reading! i added that i was just concerned about the touching part of these friendships, as even i know he believes in the theories of Wilhelm Reich, which emphasize the importance of "orgasm" in such touching even in friendships. now there's a tricky area! but even before he committed, he was trying to touch me more intimately. so i guess it's a "what is this, exactly" issue overall. kind of disturbed by recent networking wall "likes" on mutual friend's wall suddenly being hidden. don't know if that has anything to do with anything; since she posted a 'transparent relationships' i would think that would be 'transparent' too



  • amazing...while she had a partner who needed to know how she 'shared' she was compassionate about that, even though she felt it unnecessary...well, that is a comfort; i was afraid they would 'bond' over that issue if he couldn't be open with me about resolving it together. Yes, i agree with her that "trust needs to be earned". I sure didn't know what to make about my guy's sudden moves towards me without even asking me if that was okay, and his assumption (and anger when I didn't ) that I would just sleep with him right away, without a defined relationship. she may indeed be a good example for him. And i still recall her bio stating "monogamous" as far as her relationship preference. guess i need to pinch myself i am dealing with someone mature in that department who would be a real ally to me.


Log in to reply