ASCLAC part 4



  • Hi Moonbeauty, im sorry to hear that you havent been well, far out that sounds like an awful illness. how is it caused? good that you are starting to feel better and that you can be writing again soon.

    we need our creative outlets. i know i do. there is a massive cyclone about to hit north of this country. makes me think there is always a power greater than ourselves. and nature has the ultimate power.take care of you



  • Moon - I have been good! My cousin has suffered with Chrones disease sine he was about 12. He has been through it all. The best advice I can give is, your diet adjusts will help you so much. I am so sorry you are going through this !!

    Riding the wave...LOL TIDAL wave is more like it!! LOL



  • Now the wedding plans!! He actually told me he was checking out the "good news" about how we could get married. This morning, he told me it was time for him to get the size for his ring finger. Well, I know better than to 'jump' even if this is good news. I carefully brought up the fact that I feel closer to my friends (and that includes that "friend" as we have managed to communicate on a more equal level--big surprise for me!!) than to my own family. I know from experience how they would just sabotage my relationship with my spouse (witness what happened to my older sister!!) Thankfully, he understood my dilemma about interference in that area...so far.



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  • Hey Moon,

    Good to see you back here. It has been a while!!! Hope you can find medication to help you deal with your crohns disease. One of my colleagues suffers from it, but has found a way to incorporate it into her daily life without it causing her too much grief,

    Loved what you said about Scorpland. So so true!!!

    Stranger,

    I think you just have to find a way to accept that your Scorp is secretive, it is one of their traits. That doesn't mean he is doing anything bad when he is away from you. My Scorp used to tell me about his friends and what they got up to. He wasn't doing what they did, and he didn't condone it either. But they were his friends and he accepted them for what they are. You should too. You may not like them, but you have to put up with them. Trust your Scorp - he keeps coming back. AND - you managed to get away on holiday! Yay!! Progress.

    Scorp contacted me again out of the blue to ask me about something he could easily have gotten himself. I am being very polite, and nice but I only answer what he asks. I haven't made first moves to contact him. And you know Stranger, I DO feel stronger.

    I was thinking tonight that I could quite happily continue my life without him if I had to. I don't want things to go back to how they were. I sleep at nights, I don't have the worry or the grief he creates when he is around. I have peace. Yes I love him, I always will, but I wonder if he will ever settle, ever be content. I can be, I'm not sure he can. He is always looking for something bigger, better - I am content with who I am, what I have. I don't need material things to make me happy. As long as me and mine are happy and healthy and have enough to live on I don't need anything else.

    I have surprised myself tonight - I always believed that we would make US work. Now I am not sure. I can feel myself detaching. Weird!! I deserve better from him, always have. Now I won't accept less.



  • Ok..I am frustrated with J.......I am....almost 14 months and the dude is STILL testing me. It hurts. it does. Why can't he be as vulnerable as me? I feel it, I do..yet I do not push and prod, just not who I am..but I am seriously considering ending it.

    Why does he have to protect himself so hard against me? I have been so real.........and honest. I just do not think I can do this........I don't.....



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  • Now he wants a specific wedding date, and wants a ring for himself as well. I'm actually scared to go thru with this!! It feels like my life is in someone else's hands!! Although he understood and respected my desire to keep my intrusive family members out of our marriage. I'm just so confused!!



  • Cusp - go with your gut.



  • Lolpet - what a powerful ephinany you had. My last post was a little pity party. Sorry for that. It is just that sometimes I get frustrated.

    However, you, have grown into realizing, perhaps what we all need to realize. I do not think real or the right relationships we have should be so difficult and hard. granted, every relationship takes work. That is a given.....but work as in building a ship and setting it on water or work like removing the Titanic from the depths of the ocean??

    I will take the previous....lol



  • Thank you Taurus7...I think the bottom line is better communication. If he respects my fears, that's a good sign of cooperation.



  • Cusp - true. He just worries me for you. All I want is for you to be happy and fullfilled. That is what I want for all of us. If that is what he does for you, then yes. It is a good thing.



  • Hi Taurus7,

    Sometimes it helps to look back at how we have been taught to communicate in our families. Ironically, my mother has similar placements; her being an Aries gives her the same planet ruling: Mars. I've noticed her emotional reactions are similar to his--rationalizations. And of course, she wants to defend herself, even if it's aggressively rather than assertively likewise. Same Mars placement; Mercury ruled by same planet. Even her Destiny Card is in the same group!! Well, all that really means is that I myself need to be aware of how I have learned to handle fear and communication when I notice parallels. Being more direct has worked wonders, as it's 'out on the table'. And using the word "I" for myself as well--as in "This is what works for me". It is up to him what he does with what works for me. He can't argue with what works for me; my mother may be unhappy that I do what works for me, but she can't deny the hypocrisy of what she says works for herself--at my expense. Neither can he. One issue that pops up for the long-term is second hand smoke. I have been very vigilant about self-care (good for me!), but he needs to realize that "I got through my operation; you can too if you get cancer too" just won't cut it. I'm trying to prevent such things if I can for myself. I am working on getting that out in a way that respects his right to be a smoker and understand I need to take care of myself while he does that, if he wants a long-term relationship that includes living together.



  • Cusp - Oh how I know!!! Communication skills and listening/processing skills are key. They are. I think J just feels that everything has to be perfect before we move to the next stage...and well, I just do not think perfect is attainable.



  • So, so true Taurus7!! Sometimes it's just unrealistic...better to say that neutral word as well as unfair, because whose definition is he going by? He may mean things that are not in his control with the word "perfect". Only you can tell him what certain words mean to you and what works for you. It's up to him to work with you on that or not. Or follow up.



  • hey lolpet,

    if you're around.. are you ok?? wondering how everything is going for you...sorry i havent replied to your last post , i hit an emotional wall. be good to talk , perhaps even email if you would like.

    x



  • My fiance seems to be up to his old 'last chance' thing again...we were supposed to be planning our wedding, and the other day he did a ; - ) in response to a female member of a group site--that we are both on!! Then later I went on a group chat, and both immediately 'disappeared' as soon as I showed up to chat.



  • Hey stranger,

    Been in a bit of a state myself.lol. Sent you an email today, got your address from an old friend from the forum. Let me know on here if you don't receive it tho and I will try again. Much love. L.xxx



  • Well, it is official....I am definitely in the ASLAC club, J has broken my heart and for me, I think it is over. I am not sure if I can get over this or if I even want to put forth the energy to try.



  • Taurus7,

    If it's not a two-way street, it's not a partnership. Even my fiance knows that by now...I once told him "without relating, there is no relationship". The only thing that's left is 'how'...what he considers communication can be too different than yours to work. I try to touch base with what has worked in the past, because my fiance 'scares' easily with new ways...I think that's the Scorpio need to be 'in control' of what's coming. I pay attention to how he interacts with others, and what's his limit/way to deal with what he doesn't want to hear. And remember what he declares to hold him up to it when he contradicts himself. It's disarming (literally) to deliver this in a calm way, because his feelings stir up easily when he feels he needs to be defensive. So far, it's worked for me. Don't know what's worked for you, so this is just an opinion.


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