ASCLAC part 4
I am SOOO happy to hear that you are feeling fine and also that scorp is still around (moreover that things are much smoother). I sooo kept my fingers crossed for you!
Crab has left, don't know exactly which day. he came to see me last Wednesday (on the 5th) and told he is leaving on the 6th...
I only know that Sunday he was already in London, cause my ex was there on vacation and they two met...
well, that is it, new year, new life i guess. i missed you A LOT Charlie! like i miss Flow too.
Good for your Katie! I'll FB message ya!
Hi all, Happy New Year to everyone, I hope this year brings you all everything that you wish for yourselves. Good health, happiness, and wealth to those that wish it, peace of mind to everyone and most of all, love.
I am sorry I have been away for so long. I really have missed you all so much. I popped by to read up, but couldn't contribute. Too hard. It has been easier to be on FB where everything is more superficial than here!! This forum only reminds me of Scorp and I am still trying so hard to forget him.;-((
Last time I posted, I told you all that we had broken up (again!). Since September, there has been no contact, and I have been trying so hard to get on with my life by keeping busy, avoiding anything that would remind me of him and was just about managing to get by. At the end of they year I promised myself that I would start this year Scorp free. I deserved to be treated better!
Until ....... 2.45 am on New Years Day.
Scorp texted me to wish me a happy new year, told me he had been at a party and had been thinking about me and would never forget me.He apologised for everything he had put me through. THEN he told me that he had met someone he liked when he had been out, but couldn't get me out of his head, and couldn't function, because I KNEW him. I was trying so hard to be nice, even though it was killing me to say that eventually I would disappear from his head, that it would be an adventure getting to know someone new, etc. It was awful!!!!! I cried so much as I was replying. He didn't say if he was seeing her, or how long he had known her but I am guessing he was.
Then he told me thanks for talking to him, "luv you. forever. mean it" . Ten minutes later he texted to say he didn't want to be with anyone else, he loved me, so much. Repeated in a further text "I luv you. Yes you" Asked what he would have to do to be with me, told me I meant everything to him and that he wanted to see me. I told him to sleep on it and contact me when he woke. NOTHING!!! That was it.
So, he came around, rubbed my nose in the fact he has someone new and broke my heart all over again. He chose HER.
Why would anyone do something like that?? Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Why reopen the wounds and then pour a ton of salt on them???? It was cruel and heartless.
I still can't bring myself to hate him. I don't know how to. He was (is, if I am being honest) the love of my life and I don't know how to cope.
My first move though is to buy a new phone. I don't need any more grief. but I am not sure I will be able to switch of the old one! Help!!!!!!!
I am really struggling. There is someone trying their hardest to be with me, but I can't do it. I can't hurt anyone because Scorp has done it to me.
I did seriously consider telling S that I had met someone too, to get him out of my hair but mainly to provoke a reaction. I have always been constant, waiting, while he was the one who was always disappearing. But I don't like lying, and I hate playing mind games.
Any suggestions folks????
(apart from mega doses of anti-depressants - don't want to go that route either!!!)
I am so glad I came back!!!!
Being able to talk about the past few months to you all has actually made me feel better. Bottling everything up hasn't really been helping, and to be honest, my bgfs really didn't like S very much because of what he did to me in the past so I haven't told anyone at all what I have been going through. A problem shared is definitely a problem halved.
Being a typical Libran though I am torn between letting go and waiting(just in case). I don't know the full story with him, and have been making assumptions - which may well turn out to be true. But what if they aren't?
I need the full picture before I can make a decision. Just don't know if or when I will ever get it.
But a big thank you to you all for being here. I don't feel so lost anymore.xxxxxx
None of us should feel we can always figure out relationship problems by ourselves...especially when it involves other people. And it can be hard to get cooperation from partners at times, even when they ask us what we want. It may not be what they want to do, and then they can try to hide that fact from us to 'spare' our feelings and keep the relationship going for their own convenience.
I discovered a photo that showed the person I was concerned about having an unfair advantage in the image department--that showed her as a real person, not exactly the glamorized image she posted on a regular basis, so I took that photo as an example of bringing that person down to earth in my partner's eyes. Unfortunately, he is rather gullible in that department and is willing to let her run his emotional life (and ours) based on her glamorous image (this has happened regarding other sudden "acquaintances" as well. So I felt it only fair and honest to put this posted photo for him to be able to see. I know I have endured an unusually long time withholding such info, expecting him to see that for himself, but No--he remained in an idealistic fog that nearly ended our relationship prematurely. It's not my fault she advertises herself unfairly. Reality is what is needed to set things straight when that happens. I make my own realness available on a daily basis!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone doing any good new year resolutions?
My goal is to gain 10 more pounds of muscle
GRRRR! BABY GRRRRR!!! lol!!
i want to look more like jamie bamber from battlestar galactica, such a hunk
i can do it too! i'm 5'8" and about 166lbs, I figure 175lbs would look pretty sexy hehe
Lua? any thoughts?
Anywho here is a pic of Jamie Bamber just to get you drooling
Cheers! Hope you gals have some good resolutions
hi katie, lolpet, kel
first, lolpet i have to respond to you . this really pulled at my heart what you wrote.i soo hear you. feeling that anguish and pain,, i have been there so many times, you know that.
ok i dont know the full story of what happened that night(nye) and how the conversation flowed between you but it sounds like what he said to you was heartfelt. i am unsure about this other girl.. are you sure he is with her? what happened exactly the morning he came around what did he say?
two things of note- he called you and told you that he wants to be with you he loves you and doesnt want anyone else. you know the scorpionic tests. you didnt say you loved him back... and i know what it is like to be put on the spot after so long... i soooo know the feeling that you dont want to respond right away, because you dont trust it, because you have been thru hell and back waiting and angsting over it, wondering if he will come back, not ever knowing.. but hoping, and then when it happens- bam! fear and anger and past hurt rears its head and we go into self protection mode.i dont know if you can relate to this. i wish i could give you a big hug. i only have one friend off the net that i can talk to about scorp who doesnt judge and even then sometimes she just doesnt get it..it can be very isolating so i fully understand where you are at. do you really want to not see him any more? you said he was the love of your life. you are a strong independant woman like me- this draws scorps but they like to be in control.its complicated.
you said you met a new guy? whats he like? what do you feel about him? i wish i could take away your pain. wonder if there are scorp man pain vaccines out there?? i just had tiff with my scorp after days of things going good and he took off two hours ago. all over the holiday stuff and money again.. sigh. stupid poo head .maybe i will just go by myself. im tired of it though i like company these days on holiday.not talking out me though now..
lolpet, like you said i would seriously find out the truth about him.. if there truly is another woman or not. hang in there beautiful everything will be ok big hugs xxx
katie,, i missed you too charlie! wow so much has happned huh.
kel, cheeky boy! just dont go getting too muscly now- not a good look in my opinion. i need to surf more tone up .. the xmas eating has spilled over ..hmm more surfing and sex( with a bit of luck)
new years resolutions? just be happy healthy and light in spirit.success with work and creativity and fun. yes FUN. i want to have fun times happy experiences. boredom can go jump out the window! as well as sadness..
ugh i forgot about this super cleeeeen forum must be polite and not say such terrible things such as S.E. X. how naughty of me
one more thing.. lolpet.. i think you made it clear how you felt about other guy..i probably wasnt listening properly but thought id just ask. hope you are ok..
katie- full on that crab and your ex met in london!jeez.
Thank you so much for your support.
It is good to see that your Scorp has been around quite a bit since I was last around the forum. I am sure he will come back shortly - he doesn't seem to be able to stay away.lol.
S didn't come around on New Years morning. He texted me on his way home from a party where he had been thinking of me. He told me he had met someone when he had been out - didn't tell me when he met her, or if he was still seeing her, and I was too scared to ask. I told him it would all be new to him, but it would be an adventure getting to know someone new. He said he didn't know how to function, cos I knew him. I told him at that point that although it had been nice to hear from him, he had made me cry. That I wasn't ready to move on with anyone else yet but I didn't grudge him his happiness. That was when he asked what he had to do to be with me, and told me he loved me. Forever. (seems to me that forever only lasted til the drink wore off!) He asked to see me, but I couldn't leave my daughter on her own at 4am, there were no taxis and he couldn't get to me. I told him to contact me when he woke and we would sort something out, but that I was scared he would change his mind. he said not to be scared, I knew he loved me, and that I meant everything to him. That was it. When he didn't get in touch that day I was too hurt to text him. I assumed he had chosen to hurt me instead of her. So I don't know the full story cos I was too scared to ask and find out the answers.
The other guy has been around since last year (thinks I am beautiful inside and out) but I don't see that developing into anything more than friendship. He is not for me. S was the moon to my tide. Always will be.
A psychic told me that he would come back, he won't be able to move on, that there will be a "confrontation" with a lot of truths but she is not guaranteeing a future with him because there are THREE men around me, but I only have a future with one of them????? (I think the other one is the girls father) I can't see any future with him, and as I have said this other guy just doesn't do anything for me. He texts me 3 or 4 times a week or chats on FB, but I am not at all interested in him romantically. It is a boost to your confidence(if I had any.lol.) to have someone interested, but I wouldn't use him that way.
Nope - I think I will be alone now. Man free.It doesn't scare me at all. I just don't need Scorp keeping popping back and forth into my life to hurt me. I am going shopping for a new mobile next weekend. The old one will be getting switched off once all the info is transferred over. He will have to wake his new gf in middle of the night when he is lonely from now on - and she lives a lot further away from him than I do.
See, I may be a Libran, but I CAN make a decision occasionally.lol.
If you ever find someone with a vaccine/antidote against Scorps then give me a shout.:-))
One good thing has come from all the mess - I have dropped a dress size in the past month. Badly needed. It has been the incentive I needed to start looking after myself properly. All that comfort eating wasn't good for me or my clothes!!!
Katie - I think you are so lucky that the cause of your problems has moved out of the country - wish Scorp would do the same to get him out of my hair for good.lol. At least now you can move on without bumping into him. May this year bring you someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve good things.xxxxx
Kel, I think you are lovely just the way you are. That last FB pic was sooo cute!!! You two look like you were meant to be.xxxx
Speak soon folks - take care out there.xxxxx
ok it sounds like you have made up your mind about scorp. its a pity he didnt contact you the next day.im sure he's thnking about you though and reading your text messages all over again. if he's still drinking alot he was probably hungover.i do understand you being sick of that .i have a close friend whose partner has a drinking problem- has gone on for years- and their r.ship is volatile because of it.but he wont stop altogether. he tried to once and went to rehab etc but she missed him so he left. there is always two sides to things.. you know what i mean.she is also independant like you and me.but longs for closeness and commitment.ahh the madness. lolpet i dont think sorp has a new gf. i dunno.. maybe he has.. but then if that was the case i doubt he woudve been wanting to come and see you at 4am. he just sounds confused to me.. but it sounds like you know who this girl is??far out you sound like me and just as stubborn lol! im saying this cos before you seemed like you wanted to know the truth. and now you dont. trust me i know completely that feeling. cos the truth may hurt.or it may not.such a gamble. but if you honestly believe that you can let him go without knowing then fine. you have both been apart for some time now and i guess he was wanting to know where you stand with him. glad you are feeling better about your figure but please dont stop eating altogether! i lost so much weight years ago over stress with scorp..feeling so scared i wasnt attractive to him anymore etc.. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. but yes i know the comfort eating. its all that powerless feeling.. for me its that i have what i want but then its not enough. how to explain that better i am stumped. maybe never satisfied i dunno.but i know people can change cos i did. but i guess not all people can.you have to want to change.thing is with scorpios is that they are very fixed signs. yet then there is the eagle thing..so they can transform. but they like a their lifelong female eagle to be in the nest with them watching them do it.
you deserve to be happy Lolpet.we all do. these men we have been with are difficult. but i know i am difficult at times too. sigh.i wish i had all the answers but i dont. all i know is that this year is going to be a better year for all of us.xx
Lolpet and Stranger - glad to have ya back !!
I do not really know you, but am learning more about you both !! I look forward to more !!
Kel - I want HIM for next xmas !! WOW !! lol
J (my cancer) and I are doing great !! We had our 1 year ! WOOOHOO !! he loves me !!
I still make his lunch.....lol I make his favorite things.....he is overwhelmed by it all. !! Go me !! I told him......I LOVE taking care of you babe !! He said..Ya...I know..;)
When he holds me, I have never, ever, ever felt so safe.........go crabs !
Hi Taurus 7,
nice to meet ya. You sound really happy with your Crab. Good for you. Long may it continue!!!
thanks again for your support. I don't know anything about this other woman, apart from what he told me by text. She lives in Edinburgh - about 25 miles away from me (approx 35 from him). I have no clue about what he is thinking. I would like to know what is going on, but I won't ask - partly because if I contact him he won't reply.lol. Then I get upset with myself for trying, and more upset and angry with him for beeing such an idiot!!!! He is sooooo stubborn.
I just have to wait it out. I do love him, always will, and I really miss him but I can't wait around forever "just in case" if he is already with someone else. I can't do that to myself. I have very little pride where it comes to this man, but I have enough not to want to make a fool of myself waiting for someone who doesn't want me. I would just like to know what is really going on. Why contact me if he was with someone else? To make me jealous? or as you said, to see where the land lies - if I was with someone too?
I could NEVER stop eating.lol. I lost 30lbs through stress many years ago. I had no appetite. Could probably do with losing that again but not going to happen. I am the size I am, and content in the knowledge that I will never be a stick, but that I am doing ok for my age. I haven't let myself go. And I love food far too much not to eat!!!
I have lots going on at present with family, so luckily it has all taken my mind of Scorp. I have a couple of nights out with the girlies planned for the next few weeks too. No point in sitting about moping. What will be will be.
Each day that passes makes me stronger. The first two weeks were always the worst, then I let reality take over and just get on with things. I know I will have a few hiccups, but I will survive.
He isn't bad, but I am still holding out for Jason Statham. Santa couldn't bring him to me last year, but I am hoping if I get my order in now, that he will be on my doorstep next Christmas instead.
I live in hope - always.
Love and light folks.xxxxx
hi taurus, good to meet you. i tend to be a bit on and off with this thread.things have changed a bit..
so you are going to wait for him.sounds like he was waiting for you but then got sick of it? man this trust stuff is a biggie with you two it seems as well. it seems to me that he was out that night and yes maybe met somebody.. i thnk he hoped to hear from you .. but when he didnt he thought that maybe you had moved on and perhaps he was considering the same. just out of interest how did things end for you two back in september or october? you are in a self imposed limbo. i have been in same place.do you want him to move on lolpet?do you want him to change? do you want to know how he really feels for you? he told you that night.maybe its not enough?
do you want things to change? i think your psychic could be right about him coming back.. but then you said before you dont want him coming and going from your life.what is the longest you have both been apart? catching up with your girlfriends sounds like fun.
Mentioned female friend's boyfriend from post in august of last year...last time that happened, silence for a long time before texting back about the weather. This time--quiet, a return to the computer--and renewed enthusiasm about our relationship. Coincidence?
Funny how some little coincidence can change things, eh. Today I opened up the lines of communication.
Today Scorp's niece was in my office. Turns out she is having a baby, don't think she is even twenty yet. She is 29 weeks but only found out 4 weeks ago. So I bit the bullet and sent Scorp a text to mention I had seen her, and that it must have been a surprise to the family.But a happy one.lol.
He texted back saying family isn't happy, I don't know the half of it, but anyway - how was I?
sent back a "good days and bad days . Kept busy at work and have been hospital visiting for 3 weeks" asked how he was doing and where he was working etc.
Felt ok afterwards. Calm. I am always content when things are ok with us. So 3 hours later he texted again to ask if it was my grandmother who was in hospital. Must have re-read my texts.
I do feel better that I have made an effort, even if we didn't discuss "us". At least he knows I have no problems/issues with being in touch. Will also give me a chance to squirrel and find out what story is if it continues, altho I cannot predict with him if it will or not.lol..
He didn't meet the girl at the party on the night he texted me. It was sometime between split in September and December. Thats how I was unsure about the whys/whens, if she is still around,etc etc.
Longest we have been apart was 6 months, but he texted every 6 wks or so to tell me he missed me/loved me. He didn't contact me for 3 months this time so I am guessing she was around before Xmas.
I have always wanted the drinking to excess to change - didn't happen often, but often enough that it needed to stop, to stop the middle of night terrorist texts, but also for his health. I don't think that is asking too much? I cannot cope with the "drink monster" - never could. Having said that, I am sure I put up with a lot more than anyone else will!!!!
I believe that deep down he does love me, and I don't want him to move on, but if he wants to then I have to be happy for him? does that make sense???
Anyway - he knows where I am, what's going on with me. ball is in his court if he wishes to discuss.lol.
I am looking forward to going out and having fun - hasn't been fun time with grandmother in hospital with pneumonia and what he did at New Year. Things are looking up tho - contact made and grandmother is on the mend. Really thought we were going to lose her. She's 94 next month, tiny and frail. But she has a strong heart and a stronger spirit. She is desperate to get home, and we are desperate to have her home.lol.
Thinking about haircut - new image for a new year and going to treat myself to something new to wear. About time I was good to me, I always put everyone else first.
Enough about me -(I am bored of whining!!!) did your Scorp come back after your tiff? Are things back on track with you two?
well you sound better .. good to hear that things are looking up for your grandma and that you feel calm in yourself re scorp. and a new haircut and outfit? sounds great! i really need a haircut too..its all over the place and wierd.i bought some clothes a while back been wearing here and there but havent really been out enough to wear enough of them. wow thats young for having a baby( your niece) .there again maybe she will have more energy.
how am i? to be honest i am really struggling tonight and today. i had a text convo with scorp last night.. i contacted him first to say goodnite then he said same back and said he was missing me like crazy. he is up at his mums working all week. he didnt tell me he was going up there. it really upsets me that he doesnt ring me. he hasnt called tonight and i feel really low. its is full moon beautiful warm summer night and i am alone.i dont think i can take much more.what i am wanting is so normal..when i was sick a few days ago( i have had a u.t.i) he didnt call once to see if i was ok, but just texted to say hope i was feeling better.feels so removed, and my panic sets in along with anxiety.. that i cannot rely on him that he is not there for me 100%. this scares me so much. yes we had a great week together but its not consistent. and my own life here is just not filling me up meantime. alot of my friends have left and got married or dropped of face of earth.. things have changed and frankly i feel very isolated. i dont feel like i have the same energy like i did years ago to go out and meet new people. young people intimidate me a bit sometimes. i feel old.( my turn to whine). so i have had a cry tonight, feeling miserable, then hating myself and my life for being in this situation.i feel insecure, and i dont like this feeling. surely if he truly missed me he would want to hear the sound of my voice.i just dont get it. then i start not trusting him and thinking he is seeing someone else while i am sick. just last week he made me a work bench, and bought me jewellery which he has never done before, and was really into me. now.. nothing.i go from being elated to completely depressed all within a week.
so . no, i am not coping very well.
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. Hope you are back to full health soon.
I think that you are very like me, in that you don't have enough faith in that man's feelings for you. I know how secretive a Scorp can be, but also how thoughtless. I am sure it wouldn't occur to him to tell you what he was doing/where he was working, but that is how they are. But men can only concentrate on one thing at a time, they don't multitask like we do.lol. They don't think it is a big deal to keep things from you. I don't even think it is intentional!! Men don't cope well with our illness either. They don't know what to do, what to say, so they say nothing. Then we think they don't care. But they do - they just can't express it.He has told you that he is missing you like crazy, he has made you the bench, bought you jewellery. He has invested in you, there is nobody else!!! I know exactly how you are feeling, on this Scorp see-saw. But it is what we signed up for. I hated that Scorp would rather text to tell me he loved me, rather than speaking to me. I felt our whole lives were run by text. It shouldn't be, but that is who they are, that is how they feel most comfortable. And some contact is better than none?
(PS - it was HIS niece who got pregnant - hence the excuse to text him)
I think that because you are feeling so low health wise, it can influence your view on the world too. I don't have the same energy I used to have. I'm getting old.lol. Often when I was at my worst after the split I didn't feel able to go out and socialize, I withdrew then thought my friends didn't care when they didn't keep coming around to ask me to go out. They were giving me my space, letting me wallow for a bit because I needed to, but I saw it as neglect.
The world is a scary place when you feel it has turned against you, but if you don't make the effort to go out and meet people it becomes an even scarier place. Please don't isolate yourself - people deserve to get to know you. You are lovely!!!! You have people here who care about you, we don't want you to be sad.
I am sending you a huge hug across the miles. Hopefully it will make you feel a bit better.
A big smacker too. MWAH!!!! xxxxxxxx
lolpet thanks for the hug. i am so pissed off with him. sick of being alone on a friday night just cos he cant make the effort or plan anything.now its too late to go anywhere.i was hoping to go out with him tonight but nup. and i dont exactly feel like sitting around watching television at his mothers place. fuck that. life is going to waste.had a fall out with his mum anyway.
bah humbug. thats what i think. he cant handle any of my feelings or take one bit of responsibility for his actions or lackof. he's a poohead. yeh the world is a scary place at the moment.. i need to pluck up courage. thanks for the kind words xx