After 23 years.......

  • after 23 years of nothing but mental and sometimes physical abuse, I can honestly say that it's finally over between me and my b/f. We have two kids, although we never married. Lately though its been really bad between us, I don't know when but all of a sudden he became perfect (or so he thinks) and I mean this man really thinks that he is never wrong, and he thinks that there is nothing that he can't do. My opinion though is if you are so smart and perfect then why are you living off of the government, while I get up and go to work. No matter what I do or say to him it's always wrong. He is always putting me down for everything. He actually threatened to call athorities because I have three cats and he says that our daughter is going to get a disease from them. I mean you would not believe the arguing we did over these cats.There is so much more but I'm not going to go into it. I know he is the reason, that I have let myself live such a sheltered life, actually I know that I am to blame for letting this go on for so long. My problem is now that we are not together I don't know what to do. I really just don't know what to do. I even find myself thinking about him, wondering what he is doing. I really hope that someone on here can give me some great advice soon, because I'm thinking about calling him and kissing his butt to get him back and I really don't want to do that......Thank you all!!

  • It sounds like you made the right decision to leave this person. After that many years of being with someone you will be going through a period of transition and after having your world revolve around this person for over two decades....this is natural that you feel a sense of loss. You need to look at the things that you enjoy and immerse yourself in those activities to fill the void left in your life. Think about all those things that you wanted to do but were probably told were "not important" and that you shouldn't do. Work on building up that self-esteem that he put a dent in. Empower yourself and fill your life with positive and let the negative go. Because you have children together he will always have a connection to you. How you allow him to connect with you now is your choice. Good job letting go of something that was not positive for you. Now go out and find the things that are! Stay here and meet some new people. This is a really wonderful place to be! Love and blessings.

  • Yes, totally agree with AuntBuck!! just adding couple of lines on!

    It is totally normal you feel this way. for 23 you have learned to live in his world. but as you say it never worked. this mean you gave up on your fulfillments to make it happened for him. you ignored yourself. and older you get, more you fill the pain that is never resolved:"your happiness"

    don't call him. hold yourself tight. suffer this addiction and let time heal you properly.

    for the insanity of mind don't call or ask him back. but don't hate him.

    is not all his fall on your unhappiness. its just that you have to grow at this time. so let it be.

    suffer this. this is the last you can suffer. later you are going to see how wonderful life is without him. start enjoy every day. convince yourself each moment is beautiful without the pain hi caused you. and keep going on stuff you love to do and enjoy. give yourself time to heal.

    in a clear mind you are going to see the clear sky

    relax and let yourself grief and stay in this wonderful forum.

    I believe this happened for e reason. good luck!!

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