Ms Sunny, relationship advice please ;-)



  • my info L (May/19/78) his J (Oct/6/73)...

    I want to know how he feels towards me now and if we have hope for a future together (commited relationship, eventually marriage and kids)...

    He's been "around" for two and a half years but not giving real clear future plans or feelings towards me...

    I want to decide if it's worth keeping him in my life or if it's a "going no-where" situation...

    please could u give me some insight...

    Thanks so much in advance, HP



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  • this is the thread you are referring to. I am very sorry I never saw this post until now. ugh! I will look at this question tonight or tomorrow the latest... and remember to take care of you...

    xo sunny



  • yes this is the one MsSunny, thanks so much 🙂 everything happens for a reason I'm glad you saw it 🙂



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  • my info L (May/19/78) his J (Oct/6/73)...

    I want to know how he feels towards me now and if we have hope for a future together (commited relationship, eventually marriage and kids)...

    He's been "around" for two and a half years but not giving real clear future plans or feelings towards me...

    I want to decide if it's worth keeping him in my life or if it's a "going no-where" situation...

    please could u give me some insight...

    sunny>>>>

    as disappointed as you may be, I am not going to recommend whether you stay or leave. that is not for any reader to decide. most folks tend to stay in a relationship because they are not done. so obviously, you are not done with him.

    the first thing I wish to point out for any relationship. some people are not very good with expressing their inner truth for fear of rejection or looking too vulnerable. He does not have the ability to tell you how he feels, so it's up to you to look for the signs such as action can show you how much a person loves you and wants to please you.

    he looks to you for all the answers, he feels a bit lost. I am seeing money or financial issues and he maybe looking to you for financial help. if this is the case, my suggestion would be for you to stop loaning or helping him out with finances. he does not have good self worth... did he lose his job or lack of employment?

    are things changing between you 2... as if you can't put your finger on his actions or behavior... the truth here, is that the both of you are changing internally, and I do see a struggle with you on trying to decide if he is worth holding onto or to let him go.

    what are you so afraid of? that if you let him go, he will disappear forever? if he does and he does not fight for you, then you lost nothing. if he really loves you, and wants to keep you around, he will fight for you.

    this is scary, and you don't know if you want to put him to the test, he may fail in your eyes...

    i dunno sweetie, I will be honest with you... he looks miserable to me, and finances are his top priority right now, as I don't see him focusing on love or relationship, his head is not into that.

    my suggestion for you is to pull back, and pull back a lot. stop asking him about future plans, as he has no clue, as he is having trouble focusing, I am picking up depression.

    one of you maybe high maintenance... materialistic and to focus is about money, stability, and long term.

    I will wait on your reply before I go further... sunny



  • Hi MsSunny thanks so much for your help... below is my reply...

    Ms Sunny said:

    "are things changing between you 2... as if you can't put your finger on his actions or behavior... the truth here, is that the both of you are changing internally, and I do see a struggle with you on trying to decide if he is worth holding onto or to let him go.

    what are you so afraid of? that if you let him go, he will disappear forever? if he does and he does not fight for you, then you lost nothing. if he really loves you, and wants to keep you around, he will fight for you."

    Happydoc says:

    Yes I have seen in his actions even though very sporadic and not communicative at all... that he does at least likes me a lot, his eyes... I could even said "I knew he loved me" but after so much time maybe I've been dillusional...

    I also can see that he's hurting but doesn't let me even close enough so we can get close and talk more...

    I have never seen him or think he's struggling with money and he has never said anything to me regarding this... he also has had his job for the last 10-12 years...

    Last year in March 2009 he said he wanted to focus on his career and didn't want a commitment...

    I do think he's materialistic, as he has mention to me before the career path "I should" take to earn a good living...

    I'm still in school and not making ANY money whatsoever for now...

    I am afraid (but less now) of moving on and being in a relationship with someone else because perhaps emotionally I'll cross a bridge I wont be able to come back to (me internally...)

    and he wont be able to fight so that our love could grow again...

    Also that maybe spirit is saying be patient have faith and I cannot hear this anymore?

    Also that perhaps he needs my help... just emotional anyway... like I say I have no money... and he knows that...

    If I knew he loves me I could cheer him up to he can figure out things for himself... at least someone crazy like me to remind him that things will look up and we should have faith...

    Sometimes I feel discouraged with my research... but I know something will happen and things will get sorted out... in my bad days I know "tomorrow would be a new and better day"...

    We haven't really talked for three/four weeks... but I had a "jealousy tired of this" moment and sent an unfriendly e-mail... Not saying we wont ever talk again BUT saying that if he's with someone now I was happy for him and stupid things like that...

    I do miss him, i wish I could hug him one more time and perhaps talk and if we aren't in the same page then I can openly say " I cant do this anymore please understand, I'm sorry"

    I know that our trust could get damaged or our love if I close the door completely and never look back... maybe i'll hurt him even more??

    Is not that I want him with me every minute of every day... i just want to be able to talk on the phone at least once a week and a coffee here and there... once every two weeks?

    ok i'll stop... i' have to do some work this afternoon and dinner but i'll be back this evening...

    and I truly appreciate your insight... cheers 🙂



  • I see that I have misinterpreted a few things, and only a few things in the spread of tarot I used.

    happydoc>>>>> have never seen him or think he's struggling with money and he has never said anything to me regarding this... he also has had his job for the last 10-12 years...Last year in March 2009 he said he wanted to focus on his career and didn't want a commitment...I do think he's materialistic, as he has mention to me before the career path "I should" take to earn a good living...I'm still in school and not making ANY money whatsoever for now...

    sunny>>>> you are the one that is unemployed and lacking a steady income. however, you must have someone supporting you if it be your parents, or a student loan.

    he your friend is interested in his own goals, and is focusing on getting ahead career wise, which would help his goal to achieve financial status. nothing wrong with that... clearly you 2 are on separate pages, and I do believe he is being upfront with you. his feelings are not of love, but of friendship. not trying to hurt your feelings in any way, but you need to understand that his actions towards you has been very clear. watch his body language and you can tell if he is truly interested in you. he is not responding, and you still believe that there is something deep within him that you feel a strong connection?

    I do not see it currently with the tarot spread I used, and based on what you have said about him, his responses are pretty cut and dry... he likes you as a friend, and I think he is not in love iwth you as you are very much in love with him.

    since you 2 stopped communicating and it's been 4 weeks already, and he is hoping you do not pursue him. he is hoping that you do not keep asking him about where you stand with him.

    all guys want s e x... but once a lady starts the pressure of commitment, kids, 1 and 1 exclusivity, and why has he not called, etc. they begin to back off real quick. you pursued him too intensely, which really scared the pants off of him.

    don't be afraid to let him go... if he really misses you, and wants to show you his love, then he will step up... but he has not done that has he?... it's your choice to either change your direction, or to continue to hope on him, when he has not given you any reason to.

    think about this....



  • Ok, sounds good, after so long and after so much... I'm so done... I truly believed it was love... but well I guess I made a mistake...

    I'm fine now, more tired than anything... just want some good time without drama or lies...

    It wasn't easy... but I'm ready and looking forward to better things... thanks so much!! I feel like a big fool now... oh well... I guess I'll get over it...

    Night night and thanks again... Truly...



  • no sweetie, you are not a fool. it's really a big difference between being a man and a woman. we communicate so differently.

    look at this one as a stepping stone.. find another duck in the pond.

    there are few books you may find them of interest, and I believe they will help you out.

    why men love b i t c h e s, and why men marry b i t c h e s, by sherry argov

    its' an eye opener, and I 've read both of them, and well let's say, I wish I read these books 40 years ago, it would have saved me many heartaches and drama.

    xo sunny


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