Dear Captain..please help me again.

  • Dear TheCaptain, i require your help again..i have been doing my best to move on from this man and be just friends with him but he neither lets me move away nor come closer to him. he goes that extra mile to stay aloof from me and i feel he's playing a lot of mindgames. He takes me for granted and shares most of his problems with me. he flirts with all girls but me and refers to me as his good friend but when we are alone he doesn't behave like a friend to me. he now tells me that he wants only casual **** and one night stands and is not looking for anything long term and feels relationships are a stress. yet when i try to stay aloof from him he makes the craziest of excuses to meet up. he purposely tells me "he has stuff to do" because he knows i would get all curious and ask (but i dont anymore). His best friend and brother like me a lot but they dont seem to know much because he doesnt discuss his private life with anyone. sometimes when he gets moody he tells me i have all the negatives of a gf but not the positives. if am just a friend, why make these statements??further, he tells me not to expect anything from him nor does he expect anything from me but then adds that if i had used my "feminine" sense properly, we could have avoided all the arguments and unpleasantness and not pushed him so far away.

    He's also told me that he has given me more chances than any friend or gf of his. During one of our fights when i was convincing him to be friends and not stop talking to me, he confessed for the first time openly that we have never ever been friends. though we officially dated only for a month..the remaining 6 months we were still dating even though we liked to call it as friends to avoid complications

    Sometimes i feel that his head is so messed up from his past relationship that he just wants to have fun and relax for a bit but i dunno if at the end of it he'll come back to me when i have done evrything to keep him happy and he acknowledges this too and adds that i really do care about him a lot.

    I cannot understand this guy at all but i really really want to know. i cant rest until i have it all figured out. i would love to know what's on his mind for me.

    any help from you would be really appreciated.

  • in my deepest heart i do believe and feel that if he decides to overcome his past and sort his head out and stops thinking relationships are a stress, we would have something very beautiful and fulfilling. sometimes i cannot watch him ruin his own life doing things not good for him. i love him too much

  • There is the reality of what he has told you - that he wants only a casual relationship. Then there is the fantasy in your head telling you that if only he can change, it will all be perfect. Your 'deepest heart' is not your intuition but your desperate hopes and dreams. How long are you going to get by on a fantasy, waiting and putting up with less than you deserve in the vague hope that this person will somehow magically overcome all his problems? 'IF, IF, IF' is all you have at the moment and those are BIG Ifs. Now you must decide if you will keep holding onto a dream or face the truth and go out and find someone who is real. It's all up to you.

  • i know captain...i have to let this go for my own good and move away so that i dont get affected. Can you sense anything for me? In general? like how my life is going to be? i am struggling with several issues at the moment and feel so bogged down 😞

  • Your life is what you make it. If you inject positive energy into it, it will move forward to success. I sense great ability and talent in you that you have not even scratched the surface of yet. You need to promote your talents more and believe in yourself enough to push ahead witn your ambitions and dreams. You have so much potential but you let relationships bog you down because you don't think you can succeed alone.

  • biggest fear in life is being left all alone. sometimes i think i am too too sensitive and that i have ruined my life for this man i loved so much. i even didnt get back with my ex who was an amazing guy because of this man. can you sense anything good for me who will share my life and be there for me always? i have recently had problems with finding a job and my thesis is suffering so badly as well because of all this. i despair too quickly. i think i'm too lost

  • Your life is not over so how could you have ruined it? Why do you fear being alone so much - do you not trust yourself or believe you are strong and self-sufficient enough to be able to cope alone? You want someone who will always be there for you - that person is you. When you can love yourself enough to give yourself everything you need, you won't be so desperate for anyone else in your life.

    You are not lost - you just think you cannot do for yourself but you are wrong. Call on your inner wise woman and warrior to get you through. You probably aren't used to finding solutions yourself - I sense a long dependence on others to tell you what to do. But you have everything inside you that you need to move forward. Sit down now and make a list of what you want and how you will go about getting it. Don't stop until you have thought up several practical ways to achieve your goals.

  • i know i am strong enough but the truth is that i am unable to let go of this man! i dont know why am i behaving so stupidly. over the past few months i have struggled with my life so much. i have become the person i would never want to, done things i never would and all he has done is take advantage of me in everyway and treat me so badly!

    sometimes it makes me so angry and i want to make him feel as bad as me. that's one of the reasons why i dont want to just walk away because i'll be letting him off easy. but then a part of me thinks that why should i destroy my life to make him feel bad and then another stupid part reasons telling that this is what will make him feel bad. i want to hate him so badly for everything that he is done to me. once upon a time he went mad convincing me he's not a player and now he just wants to hurt me even when i stay aloof!

    like yesterday he pinged me online asking me to set him on a date with some girl when he knows that i dont know any single girls and what feelings i have for him and makes up stupid reasons to fight with me! he invites my friends and leaves me out and they all go out on a weekend! how can i carry on normally!! i hate him for this and i want to make him pay so badly.

    its not like i dont have anyone else in my life. my ex boyfriend with whom i was for 4 years is one of the most amazing guys i have ever known but our long distance thing didnt work out properly. inspite of knowing this entire issue he still wants me back and supports me emotionally.

    the irony of life is that you either love the wrong person or when the person is right, time is never with you

  • You are not taking enough responsiblity for your own part in this relationship. As much as you want to punish this man and get the better of him, you have to admit to choosing to get involved with him. Maybe you are also punishing yourself then for being 'so stupid', as you say. Time to drop the desire for payback againt anyone, including yourself, and walk away to find a new challenge. At them moment all you seem to want is to destroy this man and yourself. What's the point of life if it is only all about revenge? This relationship is nothing to do with love.

Log in to reply