Here goes anything goes !
Well, I am a 42 year old taurus woman with 3 beautiful children. Inspite of my horrible marriage, they are great kids. Fun, smart, life loving, sarcastic dreamers. I would not have it any other way.
For the longest time, I allowed life and this world to push me along. Accepting what was thrown my way. I did it willing. My kindness, caompassion and love for people ruled me. I still have that, but now, I am doing my best to learn how to push life for me.
It is hard sometimes. B/C I have this insastiable need for everyone around me to be happy and fullfilled. That really brings me more happiness and fullfillment. yet, I had this horrible habit of trusting everyone. And, I learned that there are just some people who are not deserving of my gifts.
If that sounds harsh, please understand. I wish no one ill will. Yet, I realized that I am worthy of love and respect. And that begging for it is not the way to go. Took me 42 years, but, better late than never. Right ? LOL I think this place is amazing and thank you all for being here.
It's not wrong to be a trusting person, Taurus7. in fact, it's important for your wellbeing and personal development. You just have to learn to listen to your intuition rather than just jumping in without 'looking'. Your intuition will tell you who deserves your trust and who doesn't.
I am just flabbergasted reading your post was like reading it as if i d written it myself ,as my story is virtually the same as yours im 41 with 3 children , for years ive put up with whatever was dished out my way always trying to make people happy being the peace keeper that i am never wanting to rock the boat as long as eveyone else was happy so was i . I to would put my trust in alot of people , only to be hurt or let down time and time again so i can totally understand where you are coming from ,i found that once i hit 40 i was starting to find my true self , i was realising what was really important to me and i was starting to say the word NO more often and if people didnt like it bad luck unless its my children of course who are the most important people to me in the world they are my whole reason for being ,if theyre upset im upset . ( i will do anything to make them happy)
Good on you for taking a stand , take back your life ,remember as long as your children and yourself are happy thats all that matters !!!!!!!!
Sending Love and Whitelight 2u Lilac
WOW! Like lilacrose, I can totally relate! So many similarities! I just signed on for a few minutes to see how everyone has been doing and saw your thread and just wanted to post and let you know there are others who are like and feel the same way as you! I usually I have a lot more to say but I am currently dealing with some health issues and a good possiblility of back surgery that are kinda preoccupying my thoughts. I will post more to you once I can be more focused. For now, I just want to say, don't loose that compassion, kindness, trust and love for others just do it in a way that is healthy for your own mental, spiritual and physical well being. You can't be all things to all people but you can give of yourself in a way that rewards & brings happiness to your soul.
Take care my friend and best wishes on your life journey!
Love & Blessings
Thank you Captain. That is so very true. At 1st, I just trusted everyone. Then, as I grew older, I realized I could not. I never really actively looked for signs from people. Meaning, is what they are saying matching up with their actions ? But now, I have learned !!
@ Lilac and danr thank you, thank you, thank you. It is nice to know there are people who can relate and are kind and supportive. I dislike mean, hateful people. Life can be so ugly on its own, why add to it ?
I am slowly rebounding and finding my true self. It took so much for me to utter the 1st "NO". And to actually stand up for what I wanted and needed.
What got me started on this, is my beautiful sweet oldest child just told me one day, mom, what is wrong ? You are not yourself and you are so detached.
That was my wake up call. I was just so tired of the arguing, then succumbing just to make peace, I guess I temporarily lost my spunk. Or, just laid it down for the greater good of everyone else. However..NO MORE !!
I cannot wait to get to know all of you better!!
Dear taurus 7,
I have often been told often that i am to kind for my own good like it was a bad thing , im not very confrontational i will try to avoid this if i can ,but sometimes there is just no getting around it ,i have realised that i can still be the caring kind person who i am and still say the word" NO " i dont want to hurt anyones feelings but if it doesnt suit my children or myself i now have the courage and confidence to deal with these situations . My whole point is what Danr said is spot on dont lose the kindness , compassion and trust that you have for others just do it in away that its not going to effect your well being and more importantly the well being of your children.
Stay true to yourself , do not change the kind and caring person that you are . Looking forward to getting to know you better as well .
Sending Love and Blessings 2u Lilac
lilac, I do understand that. danr's post really impressed me. Especially since (he ?) has so much going on. That the time was taken to reach out. That is who I am. I am the kind of person that if I see a person drop something in the parking, I will help them. Hold doors, or you know when you see someone who you have never met and you just smile, they smile back, I greet them with a simple Hi. My children are the same. Kindness is far too rare these days, and I am just not happy if I not kind. That ios why I have to be so careful with who I "bond" myself with.
But I am happy now. I am more at peace than I have ever been. And it feels good.
Its great to hear that you are finally at peace with yourself , and you are so right kindness is far to rare these days lucky that are still some kind hearted caring souls in the the world like yourself , I feel that you are a real earthangel truly blessed.
Sending love and whitelight 2u Lilac
May I join the group? I feel just like all of you. I have come to sarcastically refer to it as the used and abused. Never intending to become that way and never feeling like anyone around me would hurt me I too found out the hard way how much you do out of love and consideration does not always return to you. Taurus7 I don't want to sound like a downer so please don't take it that way, I am so impressed that we have found our way here and share so many similarities. Been through a lot and lost myself along the way, I only recently realized that. In doing so I realize I am a shell of the person I thought I was, like your daughters description of feeling detached. In not wanting to be confrontational or fight I just continued to give up my power to others to keep some peace within myself. I think in that process a part of me slipped away. May I ask what did you do to reconnect?
Lilac, thank you so much for the kind words. I think there are many earth angles hanging around here !!
RCdreamer, nice to meet you. I did not think that you sounded like a downer at all. In my own personal experiencelife is just bad sometimes. I learned the hard way that it can suck you dry, however, only if you allow it too.
Well, i did a couple of things. 1st off, ending a 21 year really bad marriage. Which was tough. I thought we would be married forever. We just were not a productive couple, we tried very hard, but we always came up short. We realized that there was no sense in continuing the misery.
I started saying no and NOT feeling guilty about it.
And, I quit putting myself last. That was the really hard one. I always gave willing. If the kids needed something and I did, they got what they needed. As it should be. However, I realized that I was giving them everything. Event hings that they did not need and doing nothing for myself. That actually happened while I was still married. That and saying no.
I went back to work full time too. That was a big help for me.
But, here is the big one, I started learning how to love myself. The woman who I had become, I didn't even really like her. So, I looked at her and started phasing in the quailiteis, ideas and dreams of my youth while at the same time, getting rid of the things I did not like.
For example, I waited on everyone in this house hand and foot. I looked at it as my job and I was primarily a stay at home mom. When it started going bad was when everyone started expecting it. Which was, my fault, I created the monsters....even though I love them.......I taught my youngest two how to do their own laundry. They were 10 and 12 at the time. I would help them, but not do it all. I just couldn't between work, extra cirricular activities and me time.
And, I started reading again. I love to read. So, it was nice picking up something that I loved to do.
Wait till your fifties girlfriend! It only gets better. Life is too short for anything less than what makes you you--no apologies! I'm a fixer and a giver too---and had to learn or die--to put myself on that chore listt! Self sacrificing martyrs are not attractive and do not age well. I really salute your anthem---I love the rewarding part of getting old enough to finally have it my way--to speak up--not settle to be nice--you go girl! And yes it is in our own power and our own doing when we let others feel "entitled" to our hard work! I had those days too--then one day I stopped shopping for a week let the dishes stack mountain high--boy do they start scratching their heads--I'm thinking atitude adjustment time I did this with four kids and one called my sisterinlaw and best friend to ask if something was wrong with me! My sisterinlaw said she laughed so hard and told them well do you think maybe it could be you are all driving her nuts!?
I went on a vacation--first in years--and they actually got the message!
Nice to meet you Blmoon !! I cannot wait til my 50's !! You are right..martydom is ugly.
What amazed me the most, is how well EVERYONE changed after I put my foot down. My ex and I are actually good friends. Who knew ?? My kids are happy and now competent. There is no more underlying tension b/c mommy is stressed out to the max.
It was a hard kick in the face ( but a needed one) that I was a big cause in my own tension. I just accepted that that was how it was supposed to be. man, I should have thought a little bit. But, things are good now.
I have never felt more comfortable in my skin than i do now ,i feel that saying life begins at 40 is really true the only person i need to impress is myself ,its true when give all we have we gain no respect . Im mostly on my own as my husband works nights , my kids are still little i have a 10 , 7 and 3yr old my eldest will do chores no problem but the7yr old is not so eager, he expects me to do everything for him wait on him HAND AND FOOT whenever i try to get him to do something like put his toys away he carrys on like a DIVA ,i know that he is only 7 but i want to nip this behaviour in the bud as this is one of the monsters that ive created, that i am now trying to rectify and i certainly have my work cut out for me.
Well lets see, for me so far, 20's becoming an independant adult but wanting to have fun and still childish in so so many ways, 30's independant but somehow lost me in this decade being what everyone needed me to be, putting everyone else and their needs first and giving up on the things I wanted to do and accomplish in life to fix and give, fix and give, fix and give till it just about broke me! So by the end of my 30's I left a dysfunctional marriage and me and my son (5 at the time) went to visit my dad & stepmom in a state where we knew no one and we've been here for 8 years. That was the best decision I ever could have made! I just left everything behind and we started over. I miss my family back home but we have made such a good life! ...40's I'm working through this decade to reclaim me! Finding out who it is I really am, who I want to be and most importantly, becoming who I want to be! A person my son and my family could be proud of but again more importantly, a person I could be proud of! I have my ups and downs and temporarily lapse at times to that fixer and giver but I am learning to recognize it and stop that behavior. A lapse is only a relapse if you don't recognize it and continue that behavior! Still got work to do but I AM becoming that person I want to be,,,the real me!!! 50's, well that's 4 years away and I'm planning on it being an amazing decade
We have a lot of similarities in our life stories girls! And together, we remind each other that there is someone else out there going through the same things we do and we help each other to learn and grow, we support one another and we WILL be an even better version of the person we are wanting to become!!
Have a beautiful day my friends
Love and Blessing to you all
Wow you are all so empowering. I'm glad I joined this thread. Yesterday I had a girls day out with my daughter and granddaughter. I had saved up and gathered coupons to take the little one on a fall clothing shopping spree. We had a blast! Did not buy anything that wasn't on sale, used coupons and saved some more. It was a gift that hopefully will keep on giving by them seeing the joy and love with which it was given. My daughter questioned me several times about did I really want to do this. I said yes, it had been my plan so I knew I was prepared for it. I even managed to find myself a pair of name brand sneakers on clearance and use the coupon to boot. My daughter was so impressed that I got something for myself. Maybe that is step 1 in finding my way to loving me or at least making my needs a little more important. I think I have a lot to learn from you all, I hope you are continually willing to share.
In my teens I provided for the nieces and nephews cause the brothers couldn't afford to, struggling newly weds. In my twenties, same thing, then father lost his job plant closed, mom went on disability heart condition, I quit college and went to work. By my thirties single mom caring for elderly dad just going through the motions. Here I am 48 feeling much much older and realizing I not only don't know me very well but I have no clue what I want out of life. Hoping to learn that here. Open to all suggestions. I read an article the other day that said if you can imagine it your mind will lead you to it, just imagine what you want out of life, what you want for yourself. My question is this how do you begin to figure that out?
I am so glad I made the decision to FINALLY start posting here !! The love, kindness and pece that i feel coming from all of these posts, makes me feel like home. Really.
And RCdreamer, I said that to say excellent job in starting to take control !1 Allow your natural self to come out. You were created and are a beautiful spirit and soul. Never doubt that. Never doubt that you have a purpose. But never doubt that your thoughts are unvalid or not worthy.
What you did for yourself, your daughter and granddaughter, was a beautiful thing. To me, those are the things in life that count. The "heart" moments. When you know after your day, you can lay your head down and sleep wonderfully. B/C you did what you NEEDED to do.
I have not come even close to figuring this out. But so far, I am at peace with the journey that my life has taken me. I fully embrace the hardships with the joys. I weep at the sadness, but yet I laugh at the silliness !!
And, for a very long time, I am happy.
Love & wishes coming true to everyone !!
Dear RC Dreamer ,
You are a wonderful mum and grandmother , good on you for buying yourself a pair of sneakers we all need to treat ourselves now and then (more now than then i say)
I have read a book called creative visualization for beginners by Richard Webster which teaches you how to get the things you want by imagining in your mind, first you need to find a quiet space which is very hard for me with my 3 yr old , i normally do it at night before i go to bed surround yourself in whitelight and send out posiitve affirmations to the universe for example( i will be a stronger person ) you must focus on words like i will ,i can, i am for what ever it is that you want with the power of posiitve thought .
SENDING LOVE AND WHITELIGHT TO ALL
You are so right we do have a lot of simliarites in our storys i have two questions for you ,
How is Amantin going is she recovering ok ? and just interested to know what starsign are you? as ive just realised the majority of us on this thread are taurus .
Peace and love 2 all Lilac