Here goes anything goes !
lilacrose I know what you mean. I hope one of these days you'll be able to get back to your tarot but with a toddler around, they always win. Been there done that on the user friends, it's like we have a magnet inside us that says come use me up and spit me out please. LOL I know what you mean my mom would say the same things or my dad or my gut and every time I ignored them. I went through a period a few years back where I weeded out the users, when I got done there sure wasn't much left. It makes you almost afraid to have new friends because what will they do to you in the end. Or you wonder what did you do karmically to deserve that treatment. Hopefully the mom won't cause a rift for your daughter and the friend and maybe you can keep a safe enough distance as to not hurt yourself in the process.
I'm with you, let's party!!!
Hi Taurus7 - I understand your dilemma all too well. Living with people who - when youask them to clean up their dishes in the sink or clean up the bathroom after themselves and leave it nice for the next person - they just do not do it. WHY? because they know that you cannot stand a dirty bathroo m and you will clean it before you use it and after you use it.
So they say - okay or they say nothing and never do it. OR you live with people who never what to do what you want to do, who "fix" things so that you are always spending our weekend
going to THEIR relatives birthday parties. Or you have to spend EVERY holiday with THEIR relatives and they never jsut stay home and lavish any attention on their own family - much less on you. ABout 8 years ago I got sick of it - I thought that moving a bit further away from my husband's relatives might help our relationship and our family out. But all that happend was that he left me alone even MORE to do all the household stuff. He still controlled everything. If I wanted to do something or said the kids or the house needed something - he would blow me off - but if the garbage man made the same suggestion - then he would listen and it meant something. Then I started to say NO. I started to want something for myself. I started to demand payment for my work (WE both work fulltime and then I would have to come home and work somemore). He would not discipline the oldest child - gave in to her all the time - hence she is a spoiled brat - talks bad to me - doesn't help out - he does norhing about it - his lck of rescpect for me led to HER lack of respect for me. SO then I said - fine. I am not your maid or gardener or electrician any more. I would come home fromwork exhausted and go to sleep. THen he would take the kids out to eat (he never cooked anything) He would take the au pair (babysitter) with them. Not even bring me back a doggy bag. He never brought me out to dinner - just me - or took me on any trips - just me -- anyway - the less I did and the more I tried to get them to do their own chores, the more we argued and one day he decided he wanted a divorce. (Unfortunately he decided in the middle of a recession and it has caused great financial undoing) I have finally come to the realization that the life I have had was not the life I wanted anyway. I am getting rid of as much stuff as I can. Grandma's china, extra furniture, etc. I am paying off bills (My husband had to move back in before we can finish the divorce because the attorney bills mounted up to so much I was going to declare bankruptcy).
I also realized that he has kept me dependent upon him for a number of years. I used to be the indeoendent one and I got "lazy" - We also had kids and most of my extra salary went to childcare and such for the kids. Now I have a few months to try to get things cleaned up. If he doesn't pay me enough support to keep the house, then I will let it go. I no longer care.
A long as I have a job and don't have to live in a van down by the river, I will be able totake care of myself and our deveopmentally delayed daughter. The oldest will be entering 9th grade so she will be more independent in a few years. I have to take care of myself. I just look at all this stuff that we spent money on for the kids. I think of all the money I spent on extra lessons and programs - especially for the oldest daughter, which she never appreciated and now I don't have th money to help out the little one who really needs it. That's what hurts. But we will be okay. I might be lonely but I will not be cleaning up the toilet after someone else.
RC..when I read our horoscope..I was like oh please no !! Yet i know it was true. We are just so misunderstood. We truly are. Especially in today's world, it is so hard for people to accept our total altruistic behavior. Yet, my cancer man is coming out of his crabby sheel b/c of who I am. So, that freaks me out, yet I accept it. It scares me. Especially after a horrible ending to a day with a bad encounter with the ex.
Yet I say this to say, that of all signs, we are so strong and mighty, yet we can doubt that in ourselves beyond belief ! We are so good natured. Loving, kind, accepting..yet...very rarely o we get what we give.
GO bull party !! LOL
I already feel so close to so many of you !!
Let me just say that the days of a matador taking me down are over !! No longer will I take the familar path. Matador be Da****.
Sorry for the pun. But anyone who wants to run after me or before me, better beware.
B/C I am Taurus and I am strong and kind and loving and take me as I am or do not take me at all.
Welcome Turtledust to our "fixer/giver" support group! Find yourself a comfortable spot and join the party! Lol!
On a serious note, I'm really glad Taurus7 started this thread. I can so relate to all of you as I see a part of myself in everyone's posts. Right now there are so many thoughts going on in my head that I just can't seem to organize them to get the words out the way I want too, so I just want to say a great big thank you to all who have posted here! We go through our ups and downs and I'm in a down right now and trying to get back up and get back on track. If that makes sense?!? The past couple days I have been struggling to not fall into old patterns. The good thing is that I do recognize and see it but the hard part is to not take those 2 steps backwards but to continue moving forward. Someone that knows how to play on the fixer/giver and manipulate so well to their advantage is doing everything to pull me backwards and I am struggling to let go and move forward, I don't if I am making any sense but sometimes just acknowledging it out loud, or in this case in writing, seems to help. What I really want to say is that coming here and reading the posts, it helps so much to give me the strength to utter those words "NO MORE". I have worked too dang hard and I am not going to relapse to someone's selfish, manipulitive motives! I love and I care but that doesn't mean I have to sacrifice ME in the process! Anyway, thanks for bearing with my jumbled thoughts! Lol!
Thank you so much everyone for being here and sharing!
Love & Blessing to you all
I got two sound bits of advice from my father's girlfriend (also a taurean). I was talking to her about my indecisive attitude towards a few things and she told me to make a list of all the things I don't want instead of a list of all the things I do want - she said then you will really know what you want. I have not tried it yet but I will. And now I've forgotten the second one. Oh yes, she said that it is really good to say "no" and not to be afraid to say "no". I must start saying "no" a bit more often.
x to all you fellow bulls and I looove a good party.
I hear ya, the misunderstood mighty loving souls call them Taurus. Bull party!!!! It's great to hear you are having a positive effect on your man. I have a daughter who is Aires but on the cusp, just a week before my bday and that week is as wide as the grand canyon sometimes. It's amazing to see how different people can be just a few days apart sign wise. As mother & daughters do we often but heads but she is beginning to get it. I like that. For a long time I was the mom who bent over backwards to make her not feel the lack of a dad in her daily life. In the process I guess I spoiled her rotten, believe me it showed it's ugly head. But I was also the mom who would explain to her 7 year old why mommy said no we couldn't go to the zoo, not because I didn't want to go but because we had to pay the electric bill first. A lot of people said I should share such financial issues with a child but in my own way I just wanted her to know I wasn't just saying no there was good reason. Her daughter the two year old is such a loving giving child but being two you know that can change in a moment. So recently I began watching re-runs of the Extreme Makeover show with her. Friends said I was nuts let her watch Dora but I sat her down and explained what was happening, the people needed help for something they couldn't fix on their own, that all those people in the hard hats and blue t-shirts where there to help them because when someone needs your help it's the right thing to do just help them. Now when I flick on the show she'll settle right down and say "what happened?", "are they going to fix it?", "they're good helpers". You see if we just lead by example they may buck the system all the way but they do get it. I know my lovely Scorpion granddaughter is going to be one wonderful, loving, giving, caring person throughout her life and I know this because she already is one, if nurtured others will be greatly blessed by her being a part of their lives, this I know.
It's not always about the psychic stuff, sometimes it's just accepting what your gut tells you is true and being willing to not just accept it and believe it but build upon it. The people who come together here on this forum have great purpose, to help others, some don't even know that yet but it's true and we here will all be blessed by that in time I believe that. I trust that God put us here for a reason, maybe sharing here is a part of that, I like to think so. Have a good day everyone, you deserve it.
Sorry for the typos writing in a hurry, "shouldn't share finances with a child", Blue shirts were there to help, you get it, I'm just a stickler for the stuff. Sorry.
RC ,ive just realised that my user friend shares the same sign as us, i forgot she was a taurus (on the cusp) so i think that it doesnt matter what sign we are, users can be anywhere among us . My daughter is also an aries as well as my toddler my older son is a sagitarius .
With inlaws say no more i have had the worst experiences i could write a book, i could be here all night posting (LOL) at least your out of it now im ,still dealing with their petty ways ive just had my motherinlaw over for dinner and i have steam coming out of my ears !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The advice that you got about writing a list about what you dont want sounds interesting , ive never thought of doing it that way before it could be a reverse cycology theory, yes its worth giving it a try, as you said i might make the things that you do want seem a whole lot clearer.
<<<<<<sending angel="" wings="" 2all="">>>>>> LILAC</sending>
lilacrose, you're right users can be anywhere and everywhere but we are strong, steadfast, bull headed women who do not have to allow ourselves to be used and abused. Stay aware don't allow yourself to be taken down, you deserve better but if you are like me and I know you are, you will be a good friend to the user because it's what you do. Hold true to yourself.
RC I tell my kids the same - we can't go swimming because I have to pay the bills - I don't think it does them any harm and anyway why lie. Kids are too smart to accept a lie anyway.
You are so right, paddifluff, that was my theory. I'd rather be honest and much as it wasn't what she wanted to hear than just be the mom who always said no and she didn't understand why.
"lilacrose, you're right users can be anywhere and everywhere but we are strong, steadfast, bull headed women who do not have to allow ourselves to be used and abused. Stay aware don't allow yourself to be taken down, you deserve better but if you are like me and I know you are, you will be a good friend to the user because it's what you do. Hold true to yourself."
Dear RC ~
You don't know how much I needed to see that post!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I'm not a Taurus, on the cusp, just a few hours making me a Gemini. Not exactly sure how that works out being on the cusp, but people tell me that although I am a true Gem, I also have some Taurus traits. Anyway, just reading through threads trying to absorb some energy and gather strength from ya'll. Lol! I have done so much work on myself, especially this past year, to find the real me and get moving in the direction I want for my life, but sometimes I just hit a brick wall! There are just certain people that know how to get to me and will manipulate situations to get me back to that place of putting them and all their needs above all else even if it's not in my best interest and I see it but sometimes it's such a struggle. Do ya'll have people in your lives that do that to you? And how do you keep yourself from falling back into that "fixer/giver" pattern? I guess I'm just frustrated because I see it happening and no matter how determined I am not to let it happen, I find myself regressing a bit! But coming here to this site and to this thread, helps me remember that I don't want my life to be that again! I AM strong and I DO deserve better!
Thank you again to all of you! You give me inspiration to keep moving forward and to be strong!
Love & Blessings
Glad my words could be of help. Like you sometimes I don't take my own advice until it's too late. It's the nature of being a giver. I don't have any one special in my life right now but my daughter is known to push all the right buttons more often than not and one other person. I considered her my best friend still call her that but in the last six months or so I have seen a side of her I guess I was blind to in the past. It surprises me to see she is all about herself, more concerned about money than people, recent health issues and even deaths in her family and that of her husband brought to light a very ugly side of her. Now I shy away in conversations and such, my lack of a vehicle means we don't see one another often as I always went to see her she rarely reciprocated. Like I said I kind of "weeded" out the users awhile back, it really left me practically alone but what was really sad was that they didn't notice I was not a part of their life until they needed something the next time and I said no. That two letter word can be so hard to say sometimes but doing so builds your strength and takes back some of the power we give up by being the constant giver.
Sometimes you'll back slide, you'll give in and help out, knowing you shouldn't or regretting it later. But if that happens shake it off, start over, every day is a new day. If you let the frustration of it drag you down it can be crippling so just decide not to let that happen. I'm as guilty of that as the next person I kick myself for giving in or doing something I really didn't want to do or feel was not my responsibility but I've come to the conclusion it's not the end of the world.
A dear friend reminded me recently that life is like an emergency broadcasting message "this is a test, this is only a test, if this were a real emergency you would be directed where to tune for further information." All this time I was worried about failing, feeling so out of touch. Like you I've done a lot of work on myself in the last year or so. You know what I figured out, I was my own worst enemy, the guilt was like a costume I chose to wear no one was forcing me to do that, God forgives and loves all his children and everyday you get a do over to try to do better the next go round. The choice that is for us to make. it took me awhile to realize it's like riding a bus, we have an agenda, a direction we want and need to go but you know what we are not always driving the bus, we're not navigating, we're just along for the ride. We get frantic because we don't know what comes next, will we get there on time, on our schedule but I think realistically we have to believe and trust we're not alone in this journey and we are a short sighted society, those who see the big picture know what is around the corner. Whether you believe in God, Spirit, Source, whatever works for you personally, it's that power that guides us, protects us and sees us through the situations we strong willed humans get ourselves into. All hope is not lost. I for one am counting on that theory being correct. LOL
Taurus bull girls !! I have so missed you all !! Welcome turtledust...i want to tell ou...honey, you deserve so much more !! I can see and soMehow sense your kind spirit. But, i can also feel your pain. maybe b/c I can relate having been in a horrific marriage. I just want to say to you....step out !! Quit taking the sh*t. Really, you are far to special than anything less than the best !!
So, my life is going full steam dead ahead !! I love it. I love the new energy and zeal I have found. To some degree I feel a little bit dangerous, but in a good way !! LOL Let me just add with a huge grin...my cancer man is a very, very happy man !! As she should be, yes, that is right !! I am proudly claiming my excellent taurean traits !!
Why would he NOT be in love with me ?? LOL I cannot believe how different this is from my horrific marriage. Oh the time I wasted. Yet, you know us, I look at it as valid b/c of my children. Never an empty glass during this bull party !!
I just want to encourage all of you to quit accepting less than what you give. I have found it is not necessary. It isn't.
I am ( as we all probaly aer) smart, giving, loving, funny, witty and often times goofy .......and I love who I am. I would never want to be any other sign. EVER !! I love living out my personality. I love being free to be me. I know that is kinda corny, but really, the only description that applies.
@ RC...I always shoot my kids straight. It is the only way we know and it is NOT a bad thing. We get ourselves in such a big pickle when we try to state anything except the obvious. I ahve quit doing that. I feel no regrets or remorse. Kids need boundaries and they need an accurate understanding of real life. What better ones to give them that than us ?? b/C we can deliver it with love and copmpassion. Not harshness or meanness.
i love you all and am hoping that the universe is smiling on everyone today !!
May you all receive what you give !!
Thankyou for your kind words and you are right about me being like yourself,( which is defientley a good thing) and a good friend to the user ,spot on thats me to a tee, i even text her the other day and she cut me short what a glutton for punishment i am . I can get very upset at this behaviour because i feel that i should be treated like i treat others ,but as my scorpio husband has said to me time and time again (( NOT EVERYONE THINKS AND ACTS THE SAME AS YOU DO)) and i know that i should not let this get to me but i cant help the way i feel.
The last couple of days i feel that im reverting back to old ways feeling negative not positive i know i have to get myself out of this way of thinking sorry dont mean to be a downer, i think that i need to find some quiet time to clear my mind , but you know how hard it is to do that with the littleone around <<<<< who i love to bits who i couldnt live wthout>>>>>.
THANKS RC 4 LISTENING (((SENDING LOVE AND WHITELIGHT 2U))
lilacrose, at least you are aware that you are revisiting bad habits, negative thinking and the like that is a sign you have grown passed all that. Acknowledging it is an accomplishment in itself now just find a way to turn yourself around and not allow yourself to wallow in it. I myself get caught in that too. On a day when things are making you extra nuts, take ten minutes with that little one, not that you don't already but take ten quality minutes. Stop anything else that seemed important around the house that day look into that childs eyes hear their words, love exudes from such innocence and maybe that is all you need to put you back on a track, kind of like hitting the pause button. It may not fix the problem but it will give you a new perspective if only for a few minutes and that may be enough.
I was feeling really down yesterday, had taken it a bit out on my brother in a phone conversation but I noticed it. I remembered I needed to fix a toy for our little one so I gathered it up, got my screwdriver and went at it. When I handed that fixed toy back to her she was thrilled, her compassionate thank you allowed me to change directions in my day and not go back to that feeling sorry for myself place of frustration. I really needed that. If only we could fix our own issues so easily.
Liliacrose, must be the weather because I am having the same problem as you with fighting off the negative vibes and trying to stay positive. I regularly lock myself in the toilet as it is the only room in our house with a lock, and take two minutes time out, I have 4 kids milling around and it is impossible to take a breath for yourself in the din. But I have started today on my visio board after reading another post which reminded me I wanted to do it, I have prioritised my stress points, outsourced most of my translation work and this evening I am going to have a hot bath and time for me me me (and my vision board). And yes kids can lift your spirit but sometimes it takes a bit more. Good luck and here are loads of virtual hugs (((((((((())))))))))
Dear RC and Paddifluff,
Thankyou you guys both so much for sharing your experiences with me ,you must be right PADDIFLUFF it defentely must be the weather , speaking of the weather the winds are howling where i am (Melbourne Australia) and its starting to get very scary . Thanks RC for your advice on taking 10 minutes yes i defenetley need to do this more often than i am , i also have to take the advice of the wise old owl my mother ((((THE HOUSEWORK WILL ALWAYS BE THERE ITS NOT GOING ANYWHERE SO TAKE A BREAK NOW AND THEN !!!!!!!!!!!)))))) Like you said RC its good that i am aware of revisiting these habits but on the other hand i cant understand why i keep doing this .
PADDIFLUFF .I think that the vision boards are a great idea i need to priortise my stress points as well and believe me there are plenty of those LOL , and it is very hard to find timeout as my husband works nights its only when the kids go to sleep that i can do anything for myself and for the last week my toddler hasnt been going down until about 10.30pm and by that time im absoloutley exhausted to do anything.
THANKS GUYS FOR YOUR HELP((( SENDING LOVE AND LIGHT 2 U BOTH )))) LILAC
Lilac, don't lose hope, I've been feeling the same way. Like "pressure" real or imagined, intensified by the planets or just overall stress. I don't know which but I'm feeling it too. The last couple days I've been very melancholy, kind of worried and I've been trying to put my focus on worry, lack and need out of my head as I don't think positive things can result from those thoughts. So you are not alone. I know what you mean about no time. With my daughter working and going to college, the little one falls to me and as much as I love her that leaves no me time at all unless it is during naps or sleep at night. Makes it hard. For all we know the toddlers may be experiencing this same weird feeling only they don't know how to express it. Hang in there it will get better.
Any more beer in the bull fridge? Kinda quiet here, must be that strange cloud which has fallen over us all. I sure hope it passes really quickly and we can get back to the party! Oh yes and I do believe toddlers have their down days. My not a toddler anymore 5 nearly 6 year old has them now and again too and she gets really melancholy. They usually pass very quickly though. She was conceived on a moon cycle so I guess she is pulled and swayed more than the others. I am using my kids to get back to positive thinking. They are so focussed in the here and now.