My cancer man has stopped walking sideways

  • Hi. I am new. I have been reading through this forum and site. i really enjoy it. I am at a pivot crossroads right now. usually, I am not so indecisive. Yet, my cancer man seems to bring that out in me.

    A little back ground. I was in a bad marriage for almost 21 years. My cancer man was in a marriage for 17 years. We have been dating for 8 months. I have just enjoyed the relationship for what it has been. We were recently apart for almost 3 weeks. When we saw each other for the 1st time, it was like I could see a changed man. Instead of walking sideways, he approached me dead on straight. I have to admit, I was instantly nervous. He has been saying things and doing things that are completely different than from before. He has actually been sharing his feelings and reaching out and touching me.

    I guess what I am afraid of is that from what i am seeing, it looks as he has made a mental commitment to our relationship. I am not sure if I am ready for this or even want this.But I do not want to read more into it then I should. Any advice is welcomed !

  • Well, from what i've heard, it's really hard to get a cancer to do such things!! I guess what makes you nervous is that, being Taurus, you are grounded and generous, but definitely independent, so you are nervous about what this means for your personal freedom. Especially after a bad marriage.

    It all depends on what you want; Do you need time alone? Or is it worth it to give him your time? Decide this according to your (and his) emotional stability. Rebound relationships are co-dependent and unhealthy for both parties.

    It has been a good timing, in my personal opinion, 8 months isn't enough to marry but definitely enough to know that you enjoy your time with him or not. 3 weeks more might have given him the idea that he might rather want to be with you than away from you. He really thinks you're incredible, doesn't he? 🙂

    From what you say I don't see him backing off if you simply told him your feelings, if he is respectful, and sure of himself, then he will give you the space that you ask for, and still be there as you need him. I kind of have a feeling that if he does that then you will definitely feel more secure about being with him and less nervous about his commitment. More able to make up your mind. After all, the best feeling is when you feel safe with someone that adores you.

  • LeoLover, thank you. Yes, he does think I am incredible and that flatters me, and well, given that I am a taurus, well, need I say more.

    I do like him. I love being with him. I love doing things for him b/c I choose to. Not b/c I have to. That is where my bad marriage comes into play. I did everything and was NEVER appreciated.

    I do love my alone time. And, I have honestly felt that I need to allow myself time to heal. To focus and me and my children and just live freely. I am hoping he will understand that, and do the same for himself and his children.

    I really have no desire right now to even entertain the idea of a blended family or honestly, the responsibility.

    And it seems, the more I withdraw, the straighter he walks. And I think it is truly b/c he cares about me and what I have been through. And, in an odd way, I think he is trying to prove something to himself. I think we were both shocked as to how much we missed each other after our time apart. And, how much we needed to be together once we saw one another again.

    I know he is being somewhat cautious. he does have his feelings to protect, but, he appreciates my good qulities. In that I am not bitchy, needy, I do not nag yet, I encourage him, support him and do my best to validate his thoughts. We do not always see eye to eye, yet we have never argued. That in itself is a foreign concept to me.

    His kindness, concern and protectiveness, are almost like a drug, if that makes sense.

    And well, I guess I am just not ready to change where we are right now, b/c of both of our pasts. i would hate to see us become dull as a comitted couple. Sorry that I am blabbing so much.

  • I read my post, saw that I used the word drug and thought, dang !! That was a twilight useage. Not that I did not enjoy the books, but, I was dumba** !!

    Anyway, if you are reading this, he just gets to me. In a way that I have not experienced in a long time. I have decided that i am pretty sure that I love him. Even though that freightens me immensly, I am going to think on it. What I will do about, is another story.

    I was just not prepared for this. And, right now, I am just not all that trusting and he IS a cancer. Not that they are not trust worthy, just moody and introverted. Only time will tell. For right now, I will just let it go where it is going to go.

  • So....I realized that we were in love. Yes. Both of us. And b/c of our respective prior histories, we are both scared. The only thing I had left in me was..babe..let's just continue to go slow. As i really have zero expectatins at this time. My fears are large. he has four kids, most of them younger than mine..and i just do not want that responsibility right now.

    I know I could do it. Well. I just need me time.He respects that. So, time will be our judge.

  • I love this post. Looks like your cancer woke up to the reality of life without you...

    Your in great hands, enjoy it.

  • cancercutie thanks !! He is amazing !! In all my 42 years, I have never been so looked after, loved, respected and appreciated !! He is so kind and respectful. And, he smiles when I blow smoke out my horns !! LOL Sometimes, he is the one purposley holding and waving the red cape...all with playfullness in his eyes.........he loves the silent, playfull, flirty..oh no you don't mister, I am onto your tricks......look I shoot him back.

    Actually, we sometimes have our best communication without ever uttering a word ! Which is fine by me. My ex husband was a nonstop nagger. No talking is fine by me.

  • Oh my you make me so happy for you!!! you are SO in love! Ha ha that is so great, I really hope it works out for all of you, including for both of your children. (grammar?? :P) It seems to me that you are doing things the best way you know how, and that can only be good. I really feel a positive energy for both you and him, and I hope it works out for the best.

    really the most important thing is feeling safe and loved by the person you adore most. You know you can do or go through anything, and it would be okay.

    How are the kids handling it? Being one from a divorced family, I know it's usually hardest on the kids to see their parents break up and especially when they start dating again, so it's really hard on the parents to try to find happiness without loneliness.

  • Thank you leolover !!!

    The kids are another story. I am afraid this is going to be lengthy. I will do my best to stay focused.

    OK, my marriage was horrible. it was a very abusive situation. Always verbal and emotional, sometimes physical. Through all of that, I know my kids did not come out as screwed up as they could have been. That was part of my despair. How can I be in this situation when I am doing my damnedest to raise OUR children to not hate you ( my ex) and not be permanently scarred. That was why I broke. I could not play the game any longer. However, I waited to long, so my kids are way more meture then they should be and at times, very sarcastic.

    However, they were relieved by the split. It was like we could all breathe again.

    His situation was completely different. I am not really sure if he was ever completely in love with his wife. I think he wanted to be, but it just wasn't there. But seeing as how he is so naturually committed to family, he stayed. his kids need him desperately. And, right now, they need HIm and not me.

    And, I was afraid that after meeting his kids, I would become to attatched and vice versa mine and well, I am not prepared to even open that door yet.

    Now, here is the weird thing. We talk about our kids nonstop. I feel like I already know and love them. Thankfully, we are both on the same page as far as doing our best to maintain our kids w/o involving one another yet.

    The hard part, it was bad enough when I told him about the abuse i went through, but, when he started learning what the kids went upset him greatly. I know he wants to show my kids what a loving man/father can be like. I desperately want them to know that too. But, not yet. I have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are committed before I allow that to happen.

    I do not want my kids' hearts to be broken at my decisions again and nor do I want his to be disappointed again. His kids thought they were one big happy family, only to find out that was not true. There is still so much healing that needs to take place.

    it may not be the right thing, maybe we all need each other, but I am still too unsure of that.

  • So, this is kinda funny, yesterday, my beautiful cancer man told me he was moody !! I said really ?? Hmmm.....but this is kinda scary, all through his alleged bad mood, we talked for like an hour, he was laughing, then today, he said it was even worse, but we talked and texted.

    He does love me.

    B/C deep down he knows I am good for him.

  • My beautiful man. I love you. My heart cries out for you. My soul needs you. I just hope you know that.

  • You're Lucky. Both of you. Enjoy that! :0)

  • I am so enjoying this !! I think I love playing with him more than anything !! he is such a witty and fun player. As long as he is in the right mood. Which I can see, understand and respect.

    On saturday, I told him I needed a crucifix !! he laughedd.. i also told him to not call me untill he was in a better mood..he laughed again and said..Oh, I'll be fine come monday. Which i find totally funny. They think they are in "moods" when it really boils down to being in a situation that they are not 100% in control of. I have seen this in him. He will move mountainsto accomplish what he deems mountain moving worthy.

    He is so self controlled and disciplined !! It impresses me. I actually think it is very hot and I tell him so, which sends him over the moon. LOL

    And he was so ready to play today on monday !! LOL it even made it better that I was really ready to play and gently outwitted him, which confuses him, but he loves it at the same time !!

    This is like the best chess game ever !! LOL I have not been this emotionally and physically stimulated in my life !!

  • How wonderful to read of a success story on the elusive Cancer male. It is an amazing love; once they’re by your side you never want to let them go. Enjoy!

  • true. I have no plans on letting him go ! I am enjoying him !! And it is very nice to meet you !!

    They really are not as elusive as they appear. Deep down..all he needs to know is that to me, he is #1. And he is. I think for us, it was just timing.

    But listen to this..his birthday is7/07/ cool is that !! In 1977 he was it was7/07/ years old. And 7 is my given number !! Way before I knew him....

  • Pretty cool, like you were meant to be. And pleased to meet you too. Ya, they do need to feel secure. My Aries Moon tried to rush his Taurus Moon the first couple of attempts…hoohoo…you should have seen the Mexican standoffs there! I do think it's a matter of timing and maturity because I so do get him now.

  • Mexican standofffs !! I love laughing !! I can so relate to that !! The neat thing about being older and wiser in a relationship for me, is that the standoffs always end up with laughs. And, they are very short lived !!

    Too much fun to have !!

  • I’m happy that you’re enjoying it Taurus7. We all need to remember to laugh more often! We find so many things to laugh about, but our standoffs…no-no…very painful and long lasting, but it’s all history now.

  • Taurus7 i'm so glad you are having so much love with your cancer. would you please come to my thread and give me some advice? i'm stuck with my cancer and would appreciate your input. thank you!

  • Sure thing. I have read it a little bit.

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