Anyone in a HAPPY RELATIONSHIP or MARRIAGE with a Cancer man?
When I wanted to to felt I needed to end it, he would not let me. When he wanted or felt he needed to end it, he was back in less than 24 hours.
-- this is not a challenge not even something to consider as a trial - it was only a result of both of you being fickle-minded.
if this was a year or half a year break up and that either one of you found someone else but then realized in the end that you needed each other instead of the new one you found - that to me is a challenge.
xoxo - I have really been thinking about what you have been saying. Even though you come across as mean, I am thinking that is not how you mean for it to sound.
I, like any other bull am always up for a challenge. So, I have carefully though about your words.
Maybe one of the reasons our relationship works so well, is bc we are not cohabitating. maybe bc we do not share the doldrum of responsibilities bc we do not live together. Therefore, not having the opportunity to disappoint one another bc our human flaws might show.
I can honestly tell you, I am ok with that for right now. We are getting to know each other, better and better. Also, on/off again does not really describe us either. Nor does fickle. Scared, hurt, protective of ourselves, yes. protective of our children, yes. However, more so ourselves.
i will enjoy it while it lasts. And, I will continue to influence myself, him and others to find the positives in life verses the negatives. I will also continue to push him to believe in himself and expect more from life than the previous crappy marriage experience he had prior.
And if all we get out of this relationship is a loving experience and personal growth, so be it.
Keeping a safe distance allows you both to breathe and maintain a relationship that doesn't hinge on expectation, but rather the fullness of each new day independent of one another.
It sounds like you both enjoy the comfort zone of space, and you understand one another.
If a loving experience and personal growth is enough to fulfill you, you have the best scenario. You already have what you need, and therefor the searching and the yearning to be loved and understood does not play itself out in your realm.
The love you have within yourself is enough , and you find joy extending that love outward, giving, with no thought of receiving, completely secure. And yet does love return unto itself, with the ease of a warm spring day, in eternal renewal.
You have grown wise.
"It sounds like you both enjoy the comfort zone of space."
- Exactly. That's the reason why I doubt it if things will still run smooth as how you both have it right now when you both live together (with each your children and his children).
If you are both contented with what you both have right now without the need of making your relationship grow and have some sense of "direction".
Then so be it. Good luck and good for you both.
Another thing I thought about - what if you get pregnant along the way? Does that mean you will still refuse to live with him because you are both comfortable with the space you both have right now of not living together because you both have your other responsibilities because of each of your children? Or you'd rather not have a child from him anymore?
There is a borderline. Always there are limitation. We all pass through different stages in all our relationships because that's part of growing. There will be many changes that will happen along the way too. What you have right now is not forever. Not that I am wishing you all the bad things BUT keeping you aware that what you both have is TEMPORARY - this is not permanent.
And I am sure that your bf would want to settle down - live together - maybe have another child - who knows? Who knows what's on his mind and his plans, I am sure he is not contented with this setup either, he knows that sooner or later either one of you should open up the issue about "moving in together" especially when your relationship has grown deeper. THIS you can't avoid to come up because it WILL come up along the way.
Hi 2xoxoxo8, please forgive my intrusion. I think you are right about the level of committment it takes to face the challenges of blending two lives.
I had the feeling that Tuarus and her love had accepted that blending together was not an issue for them because it wasn't to be a relationship that involved each other's day to day lives and children.
Tuarus, if this is enough, well and good. If you are truly happy and content without reservation, it is the right thing for you.
If you are not completely satisfied and and comfortable, please consider what 2xoxoxo8 has offered in her wisdom.
You are wise to not blend so quickly, needs of the children should always come first and if they are not ready, they are not ready. Their readiness and state trumps the couples, that's my opinion. I think back to when I was a kid....my mom: "by the way, I ran away and married Pat, here is your new stepfather..." thanks for the heads up mom
Thank you for your message. I am glad that everything I said made sense to you.
Indeed, I have a different way of thinking now in my level of commitments with my relationships.
I used to think and LIVE the same way like Taurus7, but then my past hurts and experiences transformed my way of thinking.
It just doesn't make sense to be in a relationship - and I mean not just be in a relationship - but INVEST my time, energy, emotions, money, body liquids, my life, my everything on someone without looking forward to what the future will be between the two of us. I mean come on, I am not a teenager who have plenty of time to slack and collect boys before selecting. I need to see and not just see - there has to be tangible evidence that there is a sense of direction in all my relationships - else I am in an unstable ground - for what I am stepping on will fall down any time. It's like walking on eggshells - and THIS is something I don't want to get involve myself into.
I don't need a man to fill me in, to make me strong and help transform myself to become a better person, to make me happy, to have sex with me night and day. I also don't need a man who will only use me. I am a very independent person even to my closest friends, I don't seek help from them when I am in dire need of something. I don't kiss ass either.
(I should) and not just want - to be the rock to my partner (this is something that I won't fail to show my partner - that he should feel and know from the get go), and not be someone who will make things even harder for my partner. (I should) and not just want to have my own happy family - with a loving husband and loving children - in a simple and peaceful home.
Love is not about finding a perfect person to love but loving an imperfect person perfectly.
xoxo - I cannot have children any longer. Nor does he have any desire to have any more. Between the 2 of us, we have 7 kids.
I do understand what you have been telling me. I do. There are so many variables that play into this. I do know one thing though, if and when the time comes that we do live together, I am confident that we will have a solid base. Not some rash decision that we jumped into led by desires of the moment.
Which that is due to the scars of MY past. I know that. I really am ok enjoying what we have to the fullest. One thing I learned from my marriage is this, some people can change and others cannot. WHY? I am not sure. I do not think a persons inner self changes as much as their ability to have control over their actions and thoughts.
I am very gun shy. I am now protective over myself and children. Only bc I can be. I had to become that way in my marriage. I realized I married a man that i should not have married, but I did. No one or nothing forced me. Just my own foolish self. Then we had 3 children whose lives were being effected dramatically. Yet, I had to be true to the situation. I t wasn't always pretty, but, my children are well and they have a relationship with their father. They love him in spite of him.
Now, with my current BF, I learned a lot out of my horrible marriage. I told him I would not settle for anything less than the very best. That I want a man who loves and respects me for who I am and who i am not. If he can be that man fine. And if not, then it will not last forever. I get that. I am just not in a hurry nor am I prepared to throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.
BC we do have such a good time. We enjoy and get one another. We take our time and communicate deeply when it is needed.
And XOXO I do know that sometimes, some relationships are seasonal if you will. For certain time and place and only that. I just do not know what this one will be. But, I do thank you.
If this is how you want to invest your time, emotions, energy, money, etc. Then so be it.
xoxo - For now, it is. Thank you for all you have given me to think about and Patchlove as well.
I totally get where you are coming from and I admire your level-headness and focus. It is clear to me that you are someone who is consciously making an effort to live in the "Here & Now" which is what more of us need to do; we would likely find life to be so much less stressful. Don't waste precious time focusing on the past, you can't do a darn thing about it, it's done with and prayerfully you learned a thing or two from the lessons that your life was aiming to teach you! It isn't any easier to live life in the future either, because tomorrow is a mirage because once it arrives it's actually "TODAY" so live in that. It's where the old adage of "Stop and Smell the Roses" comes from; we should do it more often; even the Bible encourages us to live in the NOW!
You seem to me like you are living Consciously and that it by far the best way to approach life. Many times we find that the demands and expectations that we put on another are due to our own 'emotion-based' addictions, produced by our ego attempting to protect and keep itself comfortable; but often times it creates more stress and drama in our lives because it creates stress/conflict and unhappiness in our relationships because of the need to have these 'additions' that have developed over time from upbringing and prior relationships. When you make an effort to live more consciously and take notice of your own emotional/spiritual self you begin to realize/recognize these harmful emotion-based addictions and begin to work at turning those addictions into 'preferences' inside; this way if that someone isn't meeting everyone of your demands/expectations as you've grown accustomed to having them met or that we have established in our own minds to suit our "addictions" and the relationship can hopefully remain productive. Relationships are, as you and your friend seem to be conscious of, an evolution; they are not meant to be 'ready-made'; you live you learn you adapt/adjust and you grow. It's the journey toward this discovery and growth that makes it interesting and fun. Seems like you guys are making an effort to do that and not get ahead of yourselves. I admire you for this.
As far as your first marriage and it being unsuccessful; see it as a learning opportunity and not just a mistake, because that's really what God means for life circumstances to be anyway. I'm sure there are things that you learned from the experience and are the better for it; also you have a beautiful child/children from that so it was not all in vain. There is always something of value to be taken from most life situations/circumstances, has been my experience; you just have to be willing to look for it. Many people miss that; which is when you get to "retake" that lesson and this often times makes one resentful or bitter about life because we get frustrated with circumstances repeating themselves; that's when it's time to stop and ask the Universe/God to clarity/direction.
Life is the "teacher" and we are it's "students" and we have all come here to learn uniquely specific "Lessons" which are intended to ultimately teach us "unconditional" love for first ourselves and then one another; no two people's lessons are the same. The wonderful part about Life's lessons is that you get to re-take them each time you fail until you get it "right" and right is not the same from one person to the next. What may be relevant for my life is not necessarily relevant for yours; it's all about where YOU are in your cycle of life and growth. Again, I encourage you to keep living each day for the NOW conscious of where you are and what you feel and just enjoy it, EXPECTING that it will last and remain as pleasant as it is now. It is our thoughts/expectations and confessions that dictate our outcomes and results anyway; so more power to you for keeping a positive outlook, feelings and vibe cause like I said before our "physical" life will mirror our "spiritual" (conscious) one.
I've learned a lot from you! Keep your head up!
Peace and Love,
The Transformed - WOW, where do I begin? I appreciate that. I do. I am just honestly, trying to keep it real, focused on what matters and in the here and now. One of my 'lessons" from my marriage. In my marriage it was always what could be or should've been. I could never get my ex-husband to be int he here and now. Not for himself, me or our children. Even though we did have good times, we had so many needless horrific experiences.
Do you know the scripture..'when your light is darkness, how great is that darkness" ? Well, that was my ex. I prayed, I fasted, I had faith, but ultimately, it was not up to me, it was up to him. Yet, I did raise 3 beautiful children who love and respect their father in spite of who he chooses to be. I do believe that counts in the grand scheme of things.
That is one of the reasons why I will not live with J yet. he has 4 children who have no clue what it is like to live with an abusive father. My children have scars. As much as I hate it, they do. As do his, but their scars are different. whether I want to lie to myself or not, our children need time to heal. Mine, need time to feel safe. His, need time to adjust to how life should be lived responsibly. Not seeing their mother blow every dime their father makes risking their home in the process.
Also, J needs to realize that I am not like his ex. That, for some strange reason, I value his hard work and the money he makes from that work. He wants to and showing my children that not all fathers are mean. It is slow. As I feel it should be. No one, not my ex, nor his, nor us nor our children asked for this. However, it is our realities. I feel personally obligated to get it right this time. Solely, bc of the deep love I feel for all of us.
However, I will say, XOXO was right. I am afraid. It is hard to break a life pattern of not trusting men. Of not thinking that I am somehow responsible. That I need to do x,y and z to make everything right. But I am honestly to goodness trying to do that now. BC for some reason, it seems as if this counts more than anything.
maybe it is my age. I am 43. Maybe it is bc my life prior to this was so full of pain. Maybe it is everything added together. But, if taking it slow with J, living in the here and now, is what changes my pattern. And that of my children and his, so be it. Even if we do not live happily ever after. The joy and love I have felt in the here and now is worth it.
I feel so safe with J. Unlike anything I have ever experienced. If that is solely bc of the journey my life has to take. Then it is worth it. BC I cry huge tears to him, when I express how much I love him. Maybe, that is bc of my past insecurities and trauma. I know I will work it out. BC when I left, I left with a stand.
I was somehow, someway, going to take charge of my life and not be a victim or a statistic. I am better than that. So, for you to say that you have learned from me. Yes, I have tears in my eyes, I just say thank you. BC, all I have ever wanted to do in my life time, was love and love grandly.
People just made that hard.
Light and love
Well Done T, well done.
May love continue to light your way.
Patch - I can only hope..
2xoxoxo8, You are standing on solid ground, sure of your footing; a rock and an Island...as one one song put it. Your perspective is wrought from your experiences, yes, and you've grown into who you are because of them.
We all have our own perspectives...and thank God we are in a place where we can share them openly with another.
This is where we can come and learn from each other...and so wonderful it is to do so.
Thank you for what you bring, as well as T7, and all.
What a blessing this is!
Patch - it truly is a blessing! Thank you XOXO for not holding back on me. For being true to what you receive and sharing. Transformed, thank you for your support and patch too. kmuse, you too.
Our walks are just that. OUR walks. Shaped by our experiences, to e shared, contemplated, challenged and loved.
I do hope and pray that J and I will be forever. But only higher powers know that.
I rest in their hands to be guided and live as I am supposed too. For the 1st time in my 43 years i embrace this with open arms.
Dear universe, please let me do right by what you are trying to show me. Let me be true to my life experience. Do not let me portray what is false. But let my path for my life shine as a beacon for those that have the ears to hear..
Bless you all!
Well said Taurus7!
All I can say at this juncture is "Believe ONLY" and do not "Doubt"! The Universe/God is ONLY concerned for our Higher Good; and the law of Cause and Effect will ONLY produce what we whole-heartily (emotionally) "Believe, Meditate on & Confess" ; if those 3 points of energy MATCH, your Heart's Desire is yours!! So dare to believe, think and speak that it's for the long haul, cause there is NOTHING that's says it can't be. The Bible says, Believe only and do not doubt, for a "double-minded" man/woman is unstable in ALL of THEIR ways and should not think that they will receive anything from God/Universe! Reason being, you can not 'doubt' AND 'believe' at the SAME time; it makes you appear schizophrenic, lol; and the Universe then has NO IDEA what to "bring" you!
It is far better to have loved and to have lost, than to never have loved at all!! Love is the greatest expression of God's love in and through us!! Perfect Love drives out Fear!!
Go with it girlfriend!!
You're welcome ladies.
Taurus7- I really hope you will be able to overcome these fears in your heart. Be yourself. Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
And I mean, don't be afraid to show your ugly side to the man you love that you tend to be afraid of showing yourself because it may not impress him one way or another. We all have our virtues and misgivings.
Once you find someone who will accept the you that you love - who will accept the good, bad and ugly you - love can be very liberating.
You can let yourself loose with him and just be comfortable and feel at home. It becomes like your favorite pillow - who got your back, whom you cry with before you sleep at night, whom you punch because of anger (i oftentimes punch my pillow when i'm angry), whom you embrace because it feels so soft and makes you feel good and safe.
Most of the time when we say things to people especially if it is the truth that they don't like to hear, tendency is that it comes out offensive and that person who tells the truth becomes the enemy. I realized that some people who sees things differently from us - there are really something to learn from them - that every hurt and pain have something to teach us - something you can discover from yourself that you didn't know existed. That doesn't mean letting another person define you for who you are but instead being flexible towards others and how we deal with our relationships (may it be friendship, business or romantic). That makes us open-minded, mature, grow with wisdom (and not sarcasm or bitterness) and love anoter freely without holding back.
Loving someone and perseveres through better or worse through even the most unbearable times can happen and it is not being superficial or too idealistic. Love does come full circle, you may think that you'll never recapture the love and fire again once it cools down - thats a lie from the pit.
If TWO are in AGREEMENT, then separation, divorce, hurt, pain and even adultery will not stand a chance.
Love always find a way.