Anyone in a HAPPY RELATIONSHIP or MARRIAGE with a Cancer man?
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Im just fed up u know. I keep seeing these posts and today i just had it. Yeah men are scoundrells but we woman are nasty shrews. And if we state whats off wrong with men, we show our less attractive side. It shows what we try NOT to say n not to show. i just want women to know when they down men like a gang its not pretty.
i also wanna say had it been men, i´d stick up for the women.
I just want em to relaize just bc u hit it wrong n bad with one specim of a certain sign not to throw out a good catch who happen to belong to the same certain sign. its like throwing a barrel of perfectly apples into the river all due to one bad apple. N throwing the baby out with the bathwater comes to mind also.
i just want em to be fair. i dont like ganging up on anyone or certain signs. its bad reputation. it makes me dislike em. i get their hurt n all but what good is it to hang onto it? n thats what they do. they hang on to it.
all i want is look at urselves bc u aint perfect either.
Well said Charmed WitchBente.
I am a woman and I am NOT a nasty shrew. You are generalizing, the same as what makes you so angry regarding others views on these threads. The majority of women (and some men) cannot ALL be wrong when they speak their feelings regarding the cancer man (woman) in their lives.
I am a loving woman who is open, kind, generous and willing to work through problems that arise in a relationship. I take offense to you calling women nasty shrews. You should know better. And while a sign cannot dictate who you are, there are traits that fit certain people and link them to their signs.
CWB, this is the place where people who are going through an emotional crisis come, vent, and get help. If it makes a woman feel better to damn all Cancers to hell, it's alright to go ahead and let her do it. I have actually dealt with a lot of Cancers on the romantic scene and I hate to say it, but they are all quite similar...and once you've dealt with one, you know the warnings signs to watch out for when you meet another. I really don't have a doubt in my mind that all these women will be super cautious around Crabs...however, what I ALSO don't doubt is if they meet a Crab who poses no threat, is a good guy and takes good care of them, the fact that he's a Cancer will not stop them from dating him. I mean, just look at how many women have MULTIPLE Cancer 'horror stories', right? It's obviously not stopping them from dating that sign. Also, if they've discovered they don't mesh with Cancers, isn't it for the best of both people that they stay away from them? It's good to know what works for you and what doesn't.
So, really, let's not fight about this...I know good guys and bad guys of all signs, but let people vent and blow off their steam because it's really the only thing that will help them. Staying mad isn't good, but bottling it up isn't going to help them get over it. it really is better to just talk it out and get it over with. And also, figure out what went wrong and what not to do next time it looks like they're in that situation.
I agree with all aspects of what EVERYOE is saying. But, MariaRia, this is not me picking on you or anything like that.
But truly, how many people actually want help? I know some desperately do. But it seems that (especially in relationships) the complaining party does not want to look at their actions as to why a failed relationship happened. Especially with Cancers.
Cancers are tricky, delicate creatures. From my experience, and I believe that I can have a say on this matter bc of my current situation, my calmness keeps J centered. If I freaked out everytime he acted like a 'crab" We would no longer be a couple. That does not mean that I have put my feelings on a back burner.
What it means is, I allowed time for our relationship to develop. I understood myself and learned about myself and him. We both allowed ourselves time to get to know one another while taking it slow.
It seems to me that so many people ( especially young girls) are needing THE ONE right NOW! And I cannot help but wonder if the want the ring, the marriage, the kids more than they want the RIGHT one. The RIGHT kind of a relationship. A good, healthy, secure partnership with the right man for them.
See, the real tricky part is figuring out which girls need to do what you just said, and which girls need to run away at the speed of light. Because there are a lot of stories I've read on this forum where the girl is very plainly being taken advantage of, but she is so hooked on her Cancer/Whoever that she can't see that there's no hope. I know that people who actually have success stories with Cancers think that because they held in there, were patient, and let things develop and gave their Cancers chances, that all these girls need to do is the same thing. But, I really don't think so....I think a lot of the time these Cancers are not ready to settle down, or don't want to settle down with THEM and are using them as stepping stones.
MariaRia - Remember, we only get one side. I am not saying that every woman who has lost a cancer man or vice versa has screwed up. But, I have a powerful relationship with a screwed up cancerman and he has never hid in his shell for more than a few hours. And, honestly, I know that is bc of the person that I AM. And he knows that too. he knows that i am the best thing that has ever come across his life's path.
But, I have ALWAYS self reflected on me....what cards do I hold in my life? What can I do to get the best of what I deserve?
And, the second thing?? I honestly feel and believe that we were meant to find each other. I do. Of course my 43 years of going around the sun plays a HUGE role in that.
I honestly believe that we, as human creatures, hold the answers to our destiny's. Our actions/reactions play huge roles int hat. And honey, with much respect, I think the biggest downfall of humans is lying to themselves and wanting more than thinking and realizing......
And yes, I am proud to have the unconditional love and devotion of an amazing man who HAPPENS to be a cancer. But, 1st and foremost, I do not see his sign....i see what he hides from everyone else. I see his deep feelings, bc I have them too. I see and understand his fears, bc I have them too. I share with him and am also fearful of our deep connection. Yet, we try to not over think it and just go with it and ENJOY it.
Of course we are older and have BEEN THERE DONE THAT. BUT, what we have is powerful. For us, the thought of either one of us not being in each other's lives, stops us dead in our tracks.
I use my whole life's experience to teach my children. To realistically look for love and know how to spot it. To value themselves and NOT be deceived like I was. And my cancer too. To not settle but expect the best.
But I can tell you this, my cancer and I have such an ease and understanding.......all we sometimes need is a look. Most of the time, that is ALL we need.
He asked me once...why do you love me? I said, bc I see you in the beautiful wholeness of who you are and want to be....all he did was smile. But that smile packed so much more than words could ever express. And that was all I needed to see or hear.
Does that make sense?
And with all of that said....I cannot see any cancer using anyone as a stepping stone. BC when they know they have found it, they know.
Been reading this thread and thought i share my opinion which i am pretty sure that it will come out debatable to others.
I personally don't believe in long term dating (getting to know someone before commiting to the "right one").
There is no right one. Neither a perfect lover or a perfect time for love. A ring, marriage and kids are not necessary to be able to distinguish if the person is the right one.
I know a couple who waited years (6 years to be exact) being in a relationship but didn't end up together. Their reason? They wanted to get to know each other better before getting married. 6 years together is not an enough time to know someone. It takes a "lifetime" to get to know a person. Once you choose to be committed in a relationship you are also committed to accept the good, bad and ugly side of the person. There is no perfect person. There is no right one. You become the right person to the one you choose to love and that makes the relationship perfect.
I know another person who has a habit of collecting then selecting. This is not right either. People are not material objects to be used. People have feelings. And the reason for doing this is because they are not ready. Its crap. BS. How will you know when you are ready for a relationship? What will make you ready? When everything is perfect? When the timing is right? Is that an excuse to collect people before selecting? It's a scapegoat of oneself. A lie. Denial of oneself to admit to oneself that they are not capable of loving a person but only themself. It is a selfish behavior.
Couples who get married over years, even couples who just live together without marriage still end up separated not because they dont know the person they fell inlove with. Its because they "choose" to stop loving. Even married couples still have a lot of things to learn towards each other. Like i said, its a matter of perspective and commitment how far you can go with the person you choose to love.
Hence, i dont believe that there is a right one, that not being ready for something is only an excuse to oneself.
It's one's silly and stubborn behavior that makes a relationship die. Choosing to stop loving. Holding back.
If there is a will, there is a way.
There are million reasons to fall inlove and million reasons to fall out o f love
Also, just because things seems to be and feels to be perfect from the beginning or in the early years of the relationship that doesnt mean its permnent and that theres a guarantee it will last. Love is full of mysteries.
Meaning nobody can play it safe, play smart, play all the stategies and tactics to win love and make it last. The outcome is inevitable. It is a risky choice.
Very profound 2xoxoxo8, I agree with you on a lot of that.
See, Taurus, I don't disagree with you at all. Like I think if your talking about the right guy, like you said, then your completely right.
But the biggest part of your story is that HE knew what he found,right? He met you and he liked you and he wanted to be with you. I'll give you the perfect example as to the kinds of Cancers a lot of the women on this forum seem to be dealing with....the one I knew, all he wants is attention. Right now, he has THREE women on the go. Three. They are ALL in love with him. He is stringing each and every one of them along. Is he going to marry all three of them? Of course not. Two, maybe even all three, are going to be left heart broken and just as bitter and angry as most people on this forum. And why is he doing this? Well, I think he's terrified of being tied down. I think he wants to be free to do whatever the hell he wants. He loves women, he loves getting attention, and he isn't going to stop until he's ready or until he finds the right woman, or maybe both....maybe he's found the right woman but he isn't ready.
Still, that doesn't change the fact that two or three of those women are going to end up with Cancer stories just like the ones here. Not to mention the TRAIL of broken hearts he's already left. Like I know of at least two other stories besides the three he's with now. Now, men of all astrology signs do this, it isn't strictly a Cancer thing. But I'm just trying to show you that it is possible that a woman can be dooped by a man who had no intentions of ever dating her, never saw her as anything more then a friend or a good time, and yet lead her to believe if she just gave him enough love or gave him enough patience he'd turn around.
Now, I know that it IS going to take a special combination of woman to turn this guy around, but it isn;t going to be possible for just ANY woman to do it or it would have already been done. So, one day he will have his own personal version of you....but not until he's produced at least 10 - 15 of the angry women who have sworn off Cancers for good. And I honestly do not believe it was the WOMENS fault, I believe that he NEVER even considered giving them a chance because they weren't actually his type and he'd never get into a relationship with them, he just wanted their attention.
xoxoxoxo - I agree with a lot of what you said. Especially about love not being forever. People do change and they can make choices to alter a relationship. However, I do believe that there are certain people out there waiting to find each other. I do. It may be foolish or childish.
I also cannot make myself love someone. I can make myself be nice to someone though. Which seems to be lacking more in today's world than ever. Especially with the younger generations.
Mariaria - I am not completely disagreeing with you either. I know men like that exist. Trust me. I have had my heart broken before. But, my 43 yo self can look back at my teenage self and realize what was I doing with that idiot anyway?
There are so many layers to relationships and so many layers to people. But, we do have the power as women to not allow ourselves to be carried away and devastated as often as we are.
Taurus - I respect your opinions but most of your opinions and on how you see things I personally don't agree. I used to believe in destiny and soulmates. In waiting to meet "the one". It's always nice to believe in those things even if it is a childish thought or let's say a shallow thought of what love really is. This thing called "waiting for the one" is not at all in my philosophy anymore. What I do believe in is "the one who got away". Sure it is easy to find someone new or wait til the right one comes along, but do you think that's real essence of love? People always find it easy to let go of things that are difficult even people who are difficult especially their partners because they believe that there will always be someone new, someone better but what happens to you? Do you grow from your mistakes? Do you become a stronger person? Did you develop a stronger bond with your partner? Seeking to find or waiting to find someone new is not only the option when things get difficult in a relationship. This is where you are tested. Both couples are being tested on this of how strong they can keep their relationship to survive.
A true to life example is the one i stated in my earlier posts. This person i know is an experienced man. He was a good neighbor. A family friend. You won't believe me if I tell you that he had kids from different women. At his age of 54 he is still unstable in his relationships. He is also a Taurus. Just July last year he broke up with his 35 year old gf of 6 years. I remembered his lines he even told me and was very proud to tell everybody this - "my gf is going to be the last woman i will love." he believed in "waiting for the right one", in destiny - but what happened after 6 years? They broke up because his gf needed marriage but he can't, they even ended up living together but then it didn't work. His reasons - "if she didn't pressure me of getting married, it would have happen." ( like duh? Really? You're more than 50 years old and you're surprised that this issue will come out and that your gf expects you to marry her since you're both in a serious relationship?)
The thing he doesn't see is that he refused to change his ways. It happened to him before in his previous relationships but he refused to acknowledge. If he only learned from this mistakes and knew from the get go what he really wanted then they didn't have to waste 6 years but then not ending up together. Like I said, there's no perfect timing, perfect place, perfect person. It is how you as a person becomes the right person to the one you love that makes it perfect.
His ex gf is now engaged to get married next year. They are still good friends but you see the difference? She met a guy who values her not just to give her marriage and children but he found a man who didn't let her go. A man who values her and their relationship. Making ends meet. Blessing the union.
And about the thing you mentioned about being nice to a person even if you dont love the person. This is exactly the main point. People often stay in a relationship even if they dont love the other. Be nice and nice, swallow and swallow until it burst to unhappiness. Like being in a dead relationship. You keep being nice to keep peace but what does it do? Does it solve anything? Are issues got swept under the carpet? Pretending that youre happy with the relationship but then not? Its like a man who is nice and honest to all three girls - he love all these three girls - he was honest and nice because he told these three girls he love them. Like really? You love all three or you love yourself even more? He gave these girls reasons not to love him devotedly.
Its like a guy who stays in a relationship because of the benefits he gets from the girl. He thinks the girl love him because she takes him to other places, feed him, pay the bills, gives him sex, etc. This is a very tiring love. Sooner or later the girl will look for love from him that he cannot give because his love is fake.
Respect to the person that's what's important. Not being nice. Respect to your ownself. When you know how to respect the other person you know how to respect yourself. Love is respect.
"And with all of that said....I cannot see any cancer using anyone as a stepping stone. BC when they know they have found it, they know."
This is not always the case, some people don't know until after the fact, when they don't have the person any longer, sometimes, they can fix it and come back, sometimes it is too late, sometimes they come back years later, sometimes a week, months, a year, etc.,
I still love my cancer man. If he came back to me, with honesty and love in his heart and admitted his error in letting me go, I would accept him with open arms, though he'd have a loft of making up to do, and he'd have to prove that he is trustworthy. I would love him will everything I got.
I would love him WITH everything I got.
Love is respect.
This is the answer, this is the quest, this is what the women here are wanting (sometimes not aware of what it is exactly, but knowing they aren't getting it.) This is the one of truest definitions.
xoxoxo - We are not far apart in the way we think at all. I do feel differently on some areas, but many of the root issues, I feel the same way.
Love, relationships and commitments are tricky business. BC they involve 2 people who have had 2 separate lives and experiences.
My comment regarding being nice.....was meant more in terms of the new beginnings of a relationship. Which, is also translated to respect.
ie - a young man and woman meet and begin dating. Getting to know each other if you will. Many times, young people do(not always) but often, become intimate early in the game. Therefore, making their relationship a whole new dynamic. Say one is just looking for that feeling of new, intense sex. The other, is wanting love and commitment......then things are said, one can be caught off guard, and verbally respond w/o thinking.
Then, the relationship blows up. Then, the quest is on again and these people keep giving of themselves intimately, allowing them to be bound to people that they should have never been bound with to begin with. And for the ones who are looking for a true partner, a little bit more of their heart/spirit is broken off.
The ones who are just looking for a good time, well, the fall deeper into apathy for people's feelings and what a true relationship is. I find that so sad and heartbreaking. BC these people could very well be missing a perfect partner from them along the way.