Online dating warning

  • My good friend and roomate and I joined an online dating site. We both met guys and started talking to them regularly. My roomates guy started asking her for money and to make a long story short,came very close to being scammed. the guy i was talking to just dropped off the face of the earth one day! Oh well, his loss right? I just wanted to strongly urge anyone who is thinking about doing the online dating thing to PLEASE check out online dating scams First. So you are informed enough to see all the red flags. These guys are really good at what they do, otherwise they wouldn't be making money on it. Another thing I didn't like about the site was all of the predators out there! These "men" use those sites as their personal porn site .its really disgusting and disheartening for those of us who are truly looking. I don't know if I will ever do that again! I'm leaning towards NO lol!

  • Thanks for posting this. I belonged to a site. A number of people contacted me. Some interested in dating, others as friends. What I began to realize is that a number of them were then attached to my address book, even though I had never talked to them in any other way than thru the site. These people somehow get around the sites to hack into your computer and gather all the information on you they can find there. PLEASE be very careful out there. Check your address book often and make sure no one is there that shouldn't be. Also, don't go to guys homes. A number of them are planting cameras -- some connected to the internet. You don't even know they're there. We live in a time where unscrupulous sickos have lots of ways to get your personal information and prey upon us. Be VERY careful out there!

  • I want as many people to know about this as possible. I noticed the same as you, especially the guy my roomate was talking to.When she deleted him from her messenger, he was Still able to im her! Also, never give out your phone number or address.I also noticed that certain men i was talking to would pop up as online in a little box, even when i wasn't on the site anymore. I thought that was strange too.

  • I was just cruising a dating site..and reputible advertised one and noticed a picture of a guy that was on the Ct Sex Offender Registry

  • I wish there was some way to warn every female out there about them. They violate our privacy and intrude into our lives. They hide as much of themselves as possible. All the while digging into every possible aspect of our life they can find. I wonder just what WE would find if we dug into their lives?

    These guys are bad enough. I cannot begin to say how violated I felt when I realized the guy I was dating had cameras planted. When I told the local police they acted as if they could care less. Because I was in a consentual relationship with him (I dated him for some time before he slipped with a couple of comments and I slowly realized he had cameras planted in the bedroom and bathroom.) and he hadn't drugged or raped me, they wouldn't do anything about it.

    I just hope others will see and know what to watch for. If something 'feels' wrong, we can almost guarantee it actually is. The ole, "Better Safe Than Sorry" really is great advice.

  • Unfortunately this is not limited to just on-line dating (although it has a lot more avenues of prey if you will). With any situation I believe you should ALWAYS follow your gut! And by that I mean that "oh sht" kind of flushing sensation that you feel when in any situation.

    I have had profiles on a coulple of on-line sites and [knock on wood] have not experienced anything like you guys are describing. I have even signed up with a couple of "dating services". The best advice to any woman in the dating loop- go with your gut! If it doesn't feel right, don't make excuses, just make a QUICK get-away!!!! Be safe and good luck in your search for prince charming 😃

  • I too started chatting with a guy from a reputable dating site. Oh, he was a charmer... wrote beautiful letters, then hit me up for money. Well, I gave him a piece of my mind, told him what a scumbag he was. Then, I did a little research.... I found the same pictures that he had sent to me on other dating sites, except he used different names, and they stated he was from different parts of the country! Be careful, ladies... and guys as well! I'm sure there are whacko women out there as well! The good news is, I did meet someone, a great guy, and hopfully things will work out! Best of luck to all that are searching for true love!

  • Oh you are so right! I once was on and the same guy was sending the same emails to me and two of my friends! Just luckily we talked to each other on a regular basis and compared notes. None of the other experiences that i had were much guy i went out with for quite a while and while he was telling me he loved me he was also still looking on-line for someone else. The only way i found out was embarrassing enough one of my friends from work saw him because i of course was not looking anymore! Get a life people...go to a bar if that's all you want...some of us are genuine and would love to meet someone real!

  • Oh believe me there are tons of people out there warning women of Romancescammers. Over a year ago I met up with one and needless to say YES I gave him money to get home on. Several times. After about 6 months of this I started doing a search on this type of thing and low and behold I found a yahoo group that has posted pics of guys that are actually models that the scammers are using their pics. They post their information and even parts of their emails and talks on yahoo. I just wish that I had found them sooner. I have searched every possible site to find the guys pic that I talked with and have never been able to come up with anything.

    The first sign of a Romancescammer is when they go hi 'am" so and so. when they say 'am" 50, "am" single, "am" looking for soulmate. The big word here to watch out for is "AM" !!! They never say I am!!! So please do be careful. At least on myspace you can turn them in and they will be deleted but they will in turn make a new one. They work out of Cafe's in Africa.

  • Its such a shame that not everyone can be honest with others or themselves. All the good people can do is protect ourselves and try to help and protect each other. Women especially need to support each other and look out for each other because each one of us is somebodys little girl! We still havent heard back from Western union and we are still sitting on somebodys $1,500. they think it might be a stolen credit card. Areopa, I'm can truly say that you are a strong woman and I'm glad you can talk about what happened to you. I cant imagine how violated you must have felt. Especially at the hands of a "man" you trusted. Some of our experiences sound like one of those Lifetime movies and they seem so unreal like a "This really cant be happening!" but they are real and very painful . i send hugs out to all of us who have been taken advantage of.

  • MedicMom - Great advise - Thanks! Prince charming? I'd be happy with sincerity, integrity, and self-control.

    Redsox - Sorry about your experience. Thanks for letting us know.

    Precious - Great point. Why don't these guys just pick someone up at the local bar? My guess is the girls there are bigger risk-takers (maybe? or naive?).

    MadQueen - Thanks for the heads-up. I did not know about this.

    Bakergrl - Thanks for your kind words. I wish I was as strong as you perceive me to be. I actually became quite reclusive after that incident. It seems when it comes to men, I've been an exceptionally slow learner. My problem has been that I've disregarded the signs along the way that were trying to tell me, "Do not walk but RUN to the nearest exit!" Instead I repeatedly gave them the benefit of the doubt. (I think/hope I have it now. LOL.) I post my experiences so that, hopefully, others won't go through the same things.

  • Goldenflowers - Creepy! What made you look for him there? or had you seen his pic on the news?

  • Oh my do we all have something else in common! I want you to know I have subscribed to three, count them three different sites for payment. And its like I have to check to see which one I am on cause they are on all of them. Their pictures I mean. Only the names have changed. Not their real names just the one on the screen. Profiles are sometimes a little different. But I have been lucky. I am straight forward let them know who I am and what I want in my life. No nonsense crap. Needless to say you weed them out before they even say Hi. I should really listen to myself a little more but you know what the heck get a laugh sometimes and don't take anything they say to heart. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. I have different taste than a lot of women on these sites so that makes me different. Like I am an outdoors, no shopping, no traveling around the world, no gambling, don't like crowds, don't dress up kind of boring woman. Just like peace and harmony and the beauty of our world. So I tell them I am not materialistic. That hooks some but only for a short time till they find out that I don't want to be with someone who likes a lot of stuff in their yard or home. If they only have a path in which to move around in I can't go there. I will become grouchy. It disrupts the harmony I am looking for. So I have had a minimal amount of men who want to meet me. That's ok too. Now not to mention my beliefs. Scares them off in a hurry. Especially if they think you can read them. I want someone who is interested in talking and able to do the things I do but in their own way. So I don't have to walk on eggs when I get a feeling or message about something. I am alright being alone but I would like a companion to share things with. Now here is where I need to listen to myself. I have found that when I am not looking for someone in my life that's when I meet them. The relationship lasts much longer. But the ones I find when I am looking are here today gone tomorrow. No love loss. I look at it as well they did me a favor leaving before I get in any deeper. Life has taught me that. Didn't know any of this when I was younger and I put myself out there and I was a target. Any sad story sucked me in. Now I listen a little more with my head and a little less with my heart.

  • My experiences have been positive. I met my late husband online. The funny thing is that we emailed back and forth for six months before I discovered he was someone I had a crush on in high school. We both had moved to a different state. He had given me his phone number but I never called because of not wanting the number traced. Then one day he signed the email with his real name and needless to say I called. We had six beautiful years together before he died.

    I also met my current boyfriend online and we have been happy for four years now. I would never give out any personal information including my real name. Maybe I'm paranoid but in my younger years I had a date who I didn't feel comfortable about follow me home. Because I used a fake name when I met him he couldn't find where I lived in the apartment complex. Not soon after he was arrested for raping young women.

    My advice when you do decide to meet is to meet in a public place and do not go straight home when you leave. Have a full tank of gas so you can drive around in circles if need be for a few hours. Be aware of the vehicles behind you and beside you when you drive home just in case he/she is tailing you. If you can rent or borrow a car there is less chance he/she can find out where you live from the license plate. Let someone know where you are meeting. When I met someone for the first time I would make pre-arrangements for my son to call me in their presence. Then I would tell my son I would call him back at a certain time. My son knew if he didn't hear from me to call the authorities.

    Pay attention to any red flags that may pop up and do use common sense. Many abusers and users are very charming so let your head and not your heart rule. Definitely if anyone asks for money run the other way.

    Be safe but don't give up on dating online or off because of a few perverts out there.

  • Myoriah - Wonderful story about you and your husband. Thanks for sharing it with us. Great instincts about the perv. Thanks for sharing that one, too. I have had guys email me their number. I have called them from a pay phone. Most have not had any problem with it initially. Though if you talk to them for very long -- more than a month -- some have gotten pushy saying it was unfair. I haven't dated very much -- was married for twenty years and didn't date much before that -- so perhaps that has been part of my naivety. The guy that had the cameras planted I had dated for three years -- on and off. I kept breaking up with him, then he would call relentlessly and I would wind up going back to him. It was during a very difficult time of my life and I suppose I was a bit vulnerable and/or my self-esteem was low at that time. When I had finally had enough I changed my number and got a big dog.

    For the dating thing, I think driving to someplace relatively close - a grocery store or mall (somewhere you can go in to for a while and that has security personnel) -- then parking and having a cab take me to the actual date. This way they couldn't follow you or trace your plates. I've only actually dated one guy I met through a site. At that point it had been about two years since I had been with anyone and I let my guard down. We talked for a while online, then by phone for a time before I met him but I still made mistakes. When and if I date again, I will be more careful. Most of the time I am good by myself. I have my family and my pets and that is plenty of company. However, there are those times when the constellations tug at my heart (or my sex drive -- LOL) and I do wonder about being with someone.

    LibrasLair - The few sites I was on I was also straight-up with my profile. (You are absolutely correct, it helps to weed out a lot of guys.) The one I got the hackers on I have now hidden my profile. You're right, it seems most men don't like to think that you know their game or can figure them out -- or stand up to them. It scares the ever-living daylights out of them. Heaven forbid we should expose their lies or confront them publicly -- even if they have attacked us. But hey, it says A LOT about what kind of person they are! I have never really 'put [my]self out there.' I went on dating sites because I was naive enough to think I would actually have a better chance of meeting someone that was compatible -- rather than hit or miss -- that way. Needless to say I am more than disappointed.


  • Areopa I don't want to say I am not gullible but that is a trait I still have. Unless I get a feeling right off the bat from someone, I am pretty trusting until I have a reason not to trust. I guess my radar is better now at this time in my life. But the ones I talk to finally on the phone and feel there might be a connection, it all of a sudden disappears. You stop hearing from them. No mail and no call. Oh well its their loss. See I feel the same way that someone else on here does. I am truthful sometimes to a fault. And I have been told that. Just answer what your asked. Sometimes I answer before thinking because it doesn't dawn on me to evade or lie to someone when they ask me something. I think that scares men off too. I was called Lilly White by my first husband he said because he couldn't live up to my expectations. I said but I don't think I have any expectations. So this must be what you put on yourself and your afraid your not going to be the best you can be. Well then you have done this not me. I don't think he is the first man who feels that way about me. They do things that I never would and they know it. I am not a bad girl type and I never was when I was younger. Funny but not ha ha.

  • LibrasLair - We seem to be a lot alike! I also used to always trust until I had a reason not to. I have had to learn to, for the sake of self-preservation, learn to do just the opposite (not trust until I have a reason to trust). It is hard to want to trust and be open with someone yet keep your guard up and be aware of signs of something else. A lot of unscrupulous types take honesty as gullibility. It is most unfortunate. When they stop communicating with you, it's probably because they have realized that you are not someone they can take advantage of. Thank God for favors large and small, right? 😉

    On another note, it seems that your ex didn't want to see himself so he blamed you. I tend to answer questions honestly, too. Then afterward, I realize what they were up to. Those -- both men and women -- who are given to being more deceptive, (whether inherently, cultivated, or a bit of both) always think they have an advantage over us. Indeed, they may for a time. However, in the end, their deceitfulness winds up hurting themselves -- even if it's twenty years down the road. I just thank God I was spared some of the more horrible things that happen to people by some of these predators. I am alive to be able to talk about it to/with others.

  • Hey girls!

    I also trust until proven otherwise. I guess the reason I do so is because I cant punish one man, person for another persons actions or words. It does make it harder for us. The whole nice guy finishes last and yes, we get hurt a lot more than others just being good people. Hopefully the rewards will outweigh all the misery. Its gotta even out eventually Right? I'll keep picking myself up and keep going anyways lol! my roomate had a good point also. She said she's not going to let one scumbag make her paranoid or ruin her chance of finding someone. We found out some interesting info about the western union scammers today. western union and the FBI will not question or get involved with any money fraud unless its over $2,000. We were wondering why this guy kept saying to just send $2,000 when initially he wanted around $4,000.Then when he found out Kathy wouldnt send any of it ,he told her to send it back to this Martha Weitzler woman who was supposedly his sister's friend. We found this woman and western union got a hold of her. She tried to lie at first and say that she was sending money to her "brother" in Africa. The lady at western union convinced her to tell the truth. The scammers had this poor woman so hooked that they are the ones who told her to say what she said.She gave western union 6 other names of women she has sent money to and its been going on for months.She had been sending all this money out from her own credit card. we are sending her $1,500 back on Monday and I believe their are a few others who are sending her back some too. She still doesnt believe that she was being scammed !!!!! Can you believe that? Kathy talked to the head of security for Price Chopper where she picked up the money from, and he said nobody believes him about the scams all the time! She told him to tell people about the dating and figure it out for themselves then. They were so nice to Kathy and he told her that if she ever suspects anything about anything, he doesnt care if its with her job, western union,anything at all to feel free to call and ask him and he would check it out for her! What a nice man! Kathy got back on Eharmony. she feels pretty safe there. I'm still not ready yet. I havent made up my mind weather i really want to do that again. I'm still leaning towards no lol!

  • If you are holding someones money it is definitely a scam. My daughter received a check from someone she met online. She took it to her bank and they ran it and 10 days later they said it was good. It was for $2500.00. After that the person had my daughters bank info from the check and started writing checks to the tune of $7500.00 before she got it stopped and then she found out it was a check written on someones stolen account number and they want their money back.

  • Bakergirl, Have you ever tried I have found "very few" scammers on there. I had also met a couple of nice guys from there when I was in AZ. Nothing came of the 2 dates as they just weren't really my type of guy, but they were "real". It's a free site and you can look within a few miles from where you live. I'm enjoying the site even more now that I'm in LA.

    NEVER give out your email address and by all means NEVER meet them alone. LOL I always have them meet me in a bar where my daughter and boyfriend are. If they don't want to meet me there then I figure oh well as I feel very safe cuz of my daughter's boyfriend. I don't like the bar scene that much but hey it works for me cuz of the safety thing. Also a lot of men on there has been scammed or at least women have tried to scam them. LOL I love some of their profiles.

    My son was scammed by a girl on eharmony then quite a few more were trying to do the same thing. They had ordered electronic items on a fake credit card under his name. If he hadn't of turned over all the information to the police he would have been stuck paying for the items and there was 5 36" not to mention so many other items that was delievered to our house in Utah. Also my scammer came from a paid site too. Paid sites are not better than free ones by far. You just have to know what to look for.

    Type in scammers on youtube and see how much information actually pops up! It's unreal.

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