Has anyone successfully seduced a cancer?
you need to let him go...or you will get more hurt the moe time he keeps you as a 'friend'...
As the quote goes ' if you love someone set them free, if they come back they' re yours, if they don't, they never were'....
I think he is not ready for a serious relationship, but maybe wants one with you further down the road... therefore he keeps you as a friend and keeps in touch with you to keep an eye on you...during this time, while you wait, he wants to play the field and live the life...until he is ready to commit...and when will that be? Could be 2 weeks, could be 2 years....
Its up to you if you want to sit and wait or live your own life... go play the field too...
if I were you I would seduce him, sexually.... make him want more and more, seduce him so to the degree he doesn't know if its day or night... and then severe all contact just as suddenly, let him pin and miss you.... don't return calls and try see other men, let him become jealous... play the game he is playing so to speak....
I think if you play your cards well, he will come back to you much sooner....
But ask one of the psychics, Captain or Shuabby, or Kushikamikiba.... they're really good!
Cappylove, I know I don’t come across as warm and fuzzy, but I do understand what you’re going through; I’ve been there. I’ve known my Cancer for 21 years and we parted ways several times for reasons I won’t get into. During the first 17 years, we had been together for a total of maybe 2 years with breakups in between. The first time we separated every day for months I would curl up on the floor in pain and sob uncontrollable. I lived in a fog. The reason I am so adamant on creating any drama with this man is that he can cause you even more pain. If you feel the love as strongly as you suggest, imagine feeling the anger and hurt just as much. I absorbed all those feelings from him and it tore me apart.
I know you believe the timing is right at the moment, but he needs to be emotionally available to pursue anything with you or anyone for that matter and it doesn’t appear he’s there. He needs to mature and he needs discover what he wants. You both need to be in a good place for this relationship to be successful; otherwise it can cause you even more heartache. I wouldn’t wish the pain I (or he) endured on anyone, but I never look back and regret because in the end we both needed to progress in our own personal growth in order to be together today. As Taurus7 said, what we endure in life makes us who we are now. The peace we have within ourselves today allows us to feel a love that has no boundaries and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to explode with the love I feel for him. Believe me when I say, 20 years ago I know we couldn’t even comprehend that feeling.
Take the time to find the good place for you and everything else will fall into place.
Not contacting or responding is a good thing - stick to your guns girl! I know it hurts and you may have a few more sleepless nights but in the long run its what needs to be done. Let this one go for your own good. Sometime down the line you'll find someone who loves you without condition or a bunch of silly excuses to not be with you. I was friends with a different guy since kindergarten and I know he loved me more than I loved him - I didnt want to lose his friendship because he was so important to me and I didnt want to lose him due to a failed intimate relationship - it might not have failed but I was unwilling to try for my own personal reasons. I've lost touch with him now. I miss him a lot but its my own fault.
Your cancer is unwilling for the same reasons most likely. He's not going to change his mind. He's going to keep looking for 'grass is greener' and continue to hurt you. Maybe one day he might grow up - men do that slower than women ya know! But why wait on a 'maybe'?
Live life, find that mind blowing love thats out there waiting on you to be receptive to it. LA is a big town - date, have fun, keep yourself busy and pretty soon you'll be wondering why you thought he was all that anyway! Or why you thought you werent worth being loved by someone worthy of you.
best of luck and love to you
GF ~ I feel your pain, frustration, love, want, desire & confusion... Although I do agree somewhat with both Aqua & Pluto and I'll elaborate in a "minute" ok.
So, you went and got yourself sucked into the Vortex known as the Cancer man and dont know what to do because your afraid of the "what if's & the woulda, coulda, shoulda's." I have been there, done that. In fact...well, let me start from the beginning of my 15 years of being where you are ~ I'll try to make a long story as short as possible tho...
I met "A" waaaay back in 1990 when fate, destiny, God or some cruel Joker put us in each other’s paths. We worked in the same building, he was a PT lunch runner for a sandwich shop/boxer & I was just starting my career in the legal field...both of us were in our EARLY 20's. But I tell you this guy was my "weak in the knees, cant speak, heart racing and sometimes stop'g, butterflies in my stomach, either I am going to throw up or pass out, he could turn me inside out at the drop of a hat, ok ~ I just wanted to set the stage. We went on a few dates, I would see him out and about at all the popular weekend places & this went on for a few months, or until I heard he had been seen with someone else...being a Pisces, its in my nature to swim far away to lick my wounds and even tho I was devistated and still had to deal with seeing him around the building week after week, I NEVER let on that he had hurt me, I'd smile & play nice, flirt back, but that was it - we never discussed this other person until one day I called him and he told me "I dont think its a good idea that we talk anymore...why?...because 'my gf doesnt like it.'" OMG! There it was thrown out right there for all to see (gasp!) its laying at my feet...this ugly truth, the Pink Elephant in the Room...what is a girl to do, right?! I calmly said "Oh, I didnt realize you were seeing someone else. Ok, cool...blahx3. We avoided each other like the plague...Thank God he found another job, & needless to say she ended up pregnant...at which time my roommate and I decided we were gonna take on Vegas. So, just to be a bi*yach, I called him to "say good-bye." Two years later I'm back, working in the same building and yep I run into him. By this time I'm engaged to someone who just so hap'n to get a job that would keep him in another state for 2 years. “A” now had a son BUT they were no longer together (btw this other woman now hates the sound of my name – lol! Karma…she’ll ge’cha!).
Yea, so A & I started carrying on & I'm not proud of it, but I DO NOT regret it - not one single min. I spent with him over the next 10 years, during which we did the FWB, just friends, ph buddies as well as exclusive dating/mating dance. Until I finally cracked and told him "If you dont want me or if you are not willing to give me what I want then PLZ let me go so I can find someone who does, please A." And that still wasnt the end of us, we continued this way for another 3 years...When the most unimaginable thing happened ~ and even as I try to type this, I have a lump in my throat and tears blurrrrr my vision - A died. It will be 5 years exactly, 14 days from today. AND I am still missing, crying, dreaming, hurting, wishing, talking & wanting him. And I, me, my life will never be the same...ever.
They say it takes twice as long as the relationship lasted to get over someone - I only have 25 more years to go...his cell # is still programmed in my ph, even if I get a new ph or whatever, his # is the first one I enter...theres times I have such vivid dreams of him/us together talking and have even sensed his presence and then "fluke" type stuff will hap'n like a certain band (Rose Royce) will play...or something like that. Like he's proving I'm not out of my mind...he's with me at that moment. I dont know how much of its real or wishful thinking or just phantom feelings, but right now as I sit and breath and type right now - I would give ANYTHING for just one more night, day, hour with him.
Cancer men play everything having to do with feelings close to their vest, and when they like you, really "like" you they become the creepy boy that sits behind you in 3rd grade and pulls your hair, makes fun of you in front of everyone, to the point you cant take anymore. Thats when they kiss you long and soft and look deep into your eyes, run their fingers across your cheek so sweetly, and run their fingers thru your hair. And you cant even think – your head is literally spinning & you just soak it in. Then, they get up Burp, go to the bathroom, then the fridge, change the channel and its 3rd grade all over again... Its when they realize how deeply they feel that they start looking for the exit because they are scared beyond comprehension of what will hap'n next...saying to themselves “what if I lose control??” This is just the way they are. If they ask you to make 'em a PB&J, what they are actually hearing themselves say to you is exactly what you so long to hear, if that at all makes any sense.
You do have to let them miss you, wonder what you could possibly be doing that keeps you from answering the phone. One hint of another man in their territory, or being interested in their "comfortable old shoe," and they scramble to maintain their hold. “A” actually referred to me as such one time & I didnt know what to do with it. My cousin had to explain it to me that what he meant was I made him feel so comfortable, warm, safe, uninhibited...its like a child and their blankie...comfort foods...you know. I didnt like it then, but once I understood it I was able to laugh about it and even appreciate it.
I think someone used the phrase "if you love something..." and it holds some truth, it does, but being with A for so long, I use a different phrase, less threatening...or final:
Hold on tightly, Let go lightly...
I dont know if this big 'ol LMN movie of the month I just spewed will in any way help you, I think I just wanted you to know I empathize with you. BUT Cappy YOU MUST remember your own worth...in the process. (watch the Joy Luck Club or Like Water for Chocolate when you are feeling weak, helpless, depressed, sad...because he makes you nuts!!) This weekend you should "go take a car out for a test drive, the new sporty model, or rugged mountain type," you dont have to buy it, just kick its tires and appreciate the way an unfamiliar model handles the curves, in the rain, at a stop light"...I'm sure you get my jist.
I wish you the VERY BEST of LUCK - & all my good intentions...
it sounds to me like you need to stop thinking about him!!! all together, do not obsess! or he really will run for the hills, and a good idea to start that is by working on yourself. you need to nourish yourself and take of yourself, it sounds like you want him to do it for you and thats why you miss him so much. if you really like him and really want a relationship to end up lasting with him then you need to take it really slow and concentrate on yourself, plus once you start caring about yourself the rest will just fall together... trust me. and if you need something to help you getting over the wanting to text and call him thing, try this.. everytime he tells you something like you said he told you he hadnt felt like that with anyone for a long time, write it down in a notebook or somewhere and everything else he's ever told you that made you feel good and read it everytime you want to text him or are unsure of his feelings toward you.
it sounds to me like he really likes you and you just need to be patient, of course he doesnt want to be with you for the moment, he is just using the girls that he's with right now to get over his break up and taking time to himself. men take good care of what they want to keep around so its a good sign that he's not letting you jump in bed with him and its good that he's calling you, just dont let him think youve put your life on hold for him because no guy wants what they can plainly have.
stop doubting yourself so much. have Confidence and everything will turn out Great
!~ Patience is a Virtue ~!
i just came to the realization that he wants to put me on the back burner. i'm nobody's back burner. thank you girls from the bottom of my heart for all your support and suggestions.
good for you! i knew from what you said in your posts what this guy was doing - i've been put through it too many times not to see it when you described your situation. i'm sorry it happened to be a cancer - not all of us are bad people. he just seems to be one of those emotional cripples with waaaay to many issues in his life that he keeps denying exist. dont ever let yourself be someone's 'back burner' you're way to good for that and dont forget it!
best of luck with your next guy - he could be right around the corner! never know...
There ya go cappylove !!! You do deserve to be on someone's front burner...your own to start.
May I ask, do you meditate or use any mantras ??
taurus7 - i'd love to know a mantra or two if you know any.
cancermoonloon - not every cancer is like that just like not every black bird is a crow.
girls, i received a couple of texts from him over the weekend. but guess what?! i deleted all his text messages today. I felt liberated! i've also decided not to continue a friendship with him. i'm sorry, he doesn't deserver my friendship. my friendship is special and reserved for people i trust and respect.
and he is not worthy of my time.
CAPPYLOVE !!! I am so proud of you !! You are right !! You just created your own mantr.....I am worthy of true love and respect and i will not conceed !!
It is that simple. Mine were that simple in the beginning. Things like...i do not deserve to be hit, I deserve to be shown tenderness. i am worthy of kindness....etc...then they transformed into what I wanted and needed. Does that make sense ?
My new mantra is
I am a happy, lucky, healthy person and my life is perfect.
Cappy Love, I'm glad you're ready to move on. I have been in a similar situation for years now with a friend/coworker. Everyone assumes we are together when we are not. He gave me a lot of "signals" also. I found out that he really saw me as just one of the guys. He has been looking for something better for a while. The problem is that he has not found it and while he is looking time has been passing and we are both getting older. His friends say I'm the first woman he has brought around since his divorce and they all like me. They are not the problem, he is. One day at work he was very rude to me so I just shut down and have not talked to him in months. I have been completely incomunicado. Now when he sees me I look the other way and have really just left him alone. He acts as thought he wants to talk but I don't give him the chance. I just made up my mind that I'm better than that. I've got better things to do. I put him on the back burner and I am looking for something better. I told him how I felt, I put the ball in his corner and he did nothing. I don't buy this crap about his being hurt or sensitive and having deep feelings. He's a jerk who spends more time with his Star Wars collection that with women( any women). People always say you should let a man chase you but the way I see it is that this is good advice for some one who is young. I'm in my forties! I dont have time, I'm a professional in my field, I have more education than he, more assets and make more money . He should be flattered that a woman like me is interested in him. I open if he is willing to change, I just not holding my breath.
2Busy !! I agree 100 %. What an excellent attitude and mindset to have. Really !!
For whatever reason, so many women I know are lacking that confidence and bold awareness of just exactly how awesome they are !!
thanks Taurus 7, I have come to the conclusion that all Cancers are like this not just my coworker or Crappyloves problem child. I wish it could be different but its not. I will say that I am uncomfortable with the way most Cancer males seem more in sexually interested in their male friends than with females.