Has anyone successfully seduced a cancer?

  • been a long time fan of this website. i'd like to share my story... pardon the long story.

    me and S met at an ex company in ny four years ago. we had amazing connection, butterflies, chemistry, you name it. he was in a relationship that's about to fall apart and i wasn't interested in joining that breakup party and wasn't ready to be in a relationship. so i moved on. flash forward, four years later, i'm in the process of moving back to la where he lives. i just came out of a relationship myself and he is getting over another breakup. now we are both singles. we started seeing each other about a month ago. not really dating because we were just having some fun. we talked about our exes and our feelings toward each other. as i see him more, i start to develop more feelings. the connection and chemistry are still strong, perhaps stronger than four years ago. i feel myself falling for him. when i started seeing him again, he was "dating" other women too. i think it's his therapy to over his ex by seeing other people. i know he still hurts. i start to get a bit annoyed. i figure that we had a history together. maybe we are meant to be together. maybe it's fate that we are at the same stage where both of us just ended our relationships with other people. he said i need time to heal. he needs time to heal. but i just found out he started seeing a new girl after we got together. i thought he would be done with girls since we seem to match perfectly mentally and physically. he now says he wants to be friends, take things slow, and see where it will lead us. he also said he was afraid when he found out that i am actually moving back to la. i don't know why he is pulling back. he does like me and recognizes that we have amazing compatibility. so why does he still seeing other women? i want to be his friend with benefits. he even said no to it. i don't understand. has anyone successfully seduced a cancer and are in a committed relationship? what's your secret and spell?

  • couple of notes: he is doing what he said (being a friend). he texts me or calls me almost everyday to check on me. sometimes when i'm down, i can count on his sympathetic ears. he also takes me out to hiking and do completely non-intimate things together. he does kiss me when i ask him to but that's as far as he would go.

  • I am in a successful relationship with a Cancer. However, it was not b/c of anything other than knowing, understanding and wanting to be with one another.

  • I have been in a successful relationship with a Cancer for about 3 1/2 years. He wants a strong, confident woman....just be your natural self.

  • met up with S and he said he is not ready to get in a relationship with me knowing that doing so would take us to the next level and that he's not ready. he wants to date this other girl who does not have expectations and wouldn't mind just playing the field. i'm sad and disappointed.

  • It’s tough to be in a fwb when you have developed feelings for a person. I think he has shown you a lot of respect in not making you a rebound or casual relationship and as you know that has to do with him knowing that you want something more. Men and women too I guess, do jump right into dating again as therapy to get over someone else. Personally it doesn’t work for me, but hey, to each is own.

    It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship developing, albeit friends only. Why not see where that goes first? You may find that things develop on a deeper level because there are no expectations and friendship is a good solid foundation for a relationship.

  • aquabubbles - i understand what you are saying about "therapy" by jumping into dating again. yes i do think a small part of me was doing it because it took away obsessing over my past and focused all my attention on the present. however the big part of me really believe we are perfect. he said i was important to him. then why would he risk it by not dating me? i've been thinking about it over and over. it makes no sense to me. it's illogical. it's not the right thing to do. please help me understand.

  • if you want him to be your boyfriend, you cant let him be your friend. then he's having his cake and eating it too. you have to stand your ground and and agree with him that you dont think its a good idea then dont talk to him for at least two weeks.. do something with your time thats fun and exciting and get him to find out about it. all of this will make him go crazy and he'll be eating out of the palm of your hand... guys want what they cant have and if you act like you dont care, then he'll start to care that you dont care. it will drive him for so many loops he wont know what to do with himself.... this is all of course if he truly does like you, and if he doesnt respond to this you know at least you found out not to waste anymore of your time on him. Hope this helps 🙂

  • sorry let me specify that you text or email that first part and say you agree with him on the fact that you shouldnt date and add something to the end that leaves mystery like... haha you know what? and leave it, dont respond at all to his texts, this will leave him soo curious... thats when the doing something fun and exciting part comes in and when you do end up talking to him about two weeks later you can answer that question he's been dying to know the answer to with a (im sorry what? oh it was nothing, dont worry about it.) then if he aggs it on you can tell him that u were gonna tell him something but now you dont think its such a good idea. the agging continues and then you say, oh its not a big deal i just met someone during the time(yoou were doing that fun and exciting thing) and see how he reacts (but u gotta make sure he found out about that fun and exciting thing and it has to do with something that invloves males, like salsa dancing classes. he will get jealous right away and then ignore him some more, as this continues you have the confidence and you have game in your hands. men are like puppy dogs, you just have to know how to train them.

  • He said he isn’t ready to be in a relationship then I think he would risk more by dating you than not dating you. His wounds have to heal otherwise the hurt would feel like it happened yesterday and it wouldn’t be fair to you because you could bare the brunt of it. Plus it takes energy to start a new relationship, but if it’s something he doesn’t really care about then he doesn’t have to put much into it. I have to agree with you; it would be hard to stomach knowing that he is with someone else when he clearly has the choice to be with you.

    Just don’t do anything that will put him in his shell because it’ll be really hard to pry him out again and then to regain his trust. He has been honest with you so don’t play games, keep it honest and real. You can tell him that you’re hurt by his choice not to date you because you do feel a connection with him. And if you can’t handle it then tell him why, from the heart, no games because confusion will send him into his cave. BTW, I was thinking more on the fwb business. I don’t know that you would really want that because it would also leave him open to dating other women while he is with you. Ouch, that would hurt even more.

    I think he’s acting more than a friend though, because what friend calls and checks on you everyday? Certainly none of mine lol. I could be wrong but he appears to be building a more solid relationship with you, like he’s doing a slow court with you. They won’t come at you head on because that’s just too risky and if you call him on it he’ll change directions, but he needs to know where you’re coming from.

  • barbara2107 - what you are suggesting is the "no contact" strategy. does that work on someone who you've been seeing in a short amount of time? i wonder if playing this game would send the cancer back into his shell?

    aquabubbles - i'm just not sure how i can behave around him if we become platonic friends. knowing him dating another woman, aches me, pains me and irritates me. i want to take a break for me. but not sure how long i should do it... a week or two or a month? i'm also afraid if i take too much of a time to be in communication with him he may think that i no longer care for him and moves on. sigh...

  • If you need to take a break, then take a break and look after yourself. But tell him why; don’t just disappear because he’ll think that you didn’t care. They don’t like to be rejected. Of course there are differences in every man and I don’t know yours, but mine won’t contact anyone, even close family members if he feels he has been snubbed. You can always leave the door open to any possibilities, but (I’m not mad but I’m going to put this in caps)…DO NOT WAIT AROUND FOR HIM.

    It’s possible that his limit on a relationship is a month before he develops stronger feelings, so then he moves on before they can fully take hold. This could be one very hurt man and if that’s the case he really does have to heal before he can enter into anything sustainable. Can I ask if you’ve been intimate? Men connect more on a physical level, and if he wants to keep it platonic then this might be his way of slowing it down or preventing anything from happening further. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt because he didn’t hide anything from you and he hasn’t led you on.

  • We were intimate. He said he hasn't felt that way with anyone in a long time. That's why I'm so confused. Could someone who is either a cancer male or is in a successful relationship with a cancer male give me some guideline on how to get this guy back?

  • cappylove, I read the thread and as a cancer woman who has some experience in the world of cancers (!) let me say that I agree with both aqua and barbara - to an extent.

    is the man in question a good looking man? you say you've been intimate and he said what he said - so why isnt he with you? and more importantly why do you want him when he so obviously is putting you on the back burner so he can play around? We cancers are cagey - i have put someone on the back burner for years because I was trying to find 'something better on the other side of the fence'... lets just say that friendship withered away after much resentment on his part - and rightly so. without being mean - why are you so desparate to have this one guy? calling you everyday doesnt mean anything - it could be a power play - it could also mean that all he will ever want from you is a friendship - esp after being intimate. I told my 'back burner guy' that I loved him too - and i did - but not in an "I'm in love with you" kind of love - but mostly to keep him hanging on so I could have someone to spend time with when my other 'grass is greener' things fell apart. he didnt meet all of my silly 'requirements' that I've since put to rest - but he was great to hang out with...

    he also sounds like he has serious trust issues - mostly with himself. got burned and now he doesnt know whether or not to trust his own judgement or if he can trust another with his true heart...

    dont put your life on hold while he gets his together 🙂 if it was meant to be it would've been a done deal since you're both available now.

  • he is a boy next door looking kind of a guy. he said he can't get into a relationship with me because he feels he will fall deeply but he's not ready for that level yet. he admits we have physical and mental connection unlike anyone he's ever been with and that is making him afraid. he said when he learned that i was moving back to la he didn't know what to do with me. he also said it is not choosing between me and that particular girl. she could be any girl and he still cannot let himself going exclusive with me. what's funny is that he said we weren't dating. our relationship is beyond dating. he admits he is dating this other girl. what?! i haven't talked to him. he sent me a text asking if i'm doing okay. i didn't respond. what does he think i'll say? no i'm not, but thanks for asking?! LOL

  • There is no magical answer in how to get any man back. It’s not Sun sign related. You can’t just bake him a cake. The answer has to do with you, and what kind of memories he has with you, how much emotion he has for you and how much he misses you. All my long terms (3 of them water Suns) have come back at one point whether I wanted them or not, and it’s not because I have any magical seductive powers. I treated them with respect and I never betrayed any one of them. If you have their trust and friendship it will always be something they miss. Its emotion based and they have to decide what they want and you can’t make that decision for them. If they’re scared then you work on building the trust, but this doesn’t happen overnight and it could take months or years. Do you care enough to invest the time? The answer comes from you.

  • i couldn't sleep last night. i'm operating on a two hour sleep. i resisted calling him or texting him. ahhh... i miss him

  • Cappylove...I agree whole heartedly with Aqua and the other posters.

    Let me ask a few questions, how old are both of you ??

    For some reason, that seems very relevant to me. More so for them than you.

    I doubt very seriously that my caancer man and I would have been this attracted and connected with each other 20 years ago. But, I may be wrong. I am 42 and he is 40. We were both in marriages and have kids with our exes. Not with each other. My marriage was horrible, his was not horrible per say, but it was no longer working for him. I know that sounds horrible. But that is basically how he described it. I actually tried to encourage him to stay in his marriage. But, he was done. This will be relevant in a minute.

    But our past histories, mistakes we've both made, things we have learned, have made both of us who we are TODAY. That is the important thing...TODAY, here and now. yes, he is very attracted to and in love with me. He appreciates me and who I am. he wants to please me all the time ( which he does by just being himself) and he totally glows in my complimentary, easy going, nuturing taurus nature. We are relaxed and comfortable.

    However, I have no need to marry this man or create children or a life. I am totally happy with where we are right now. I am just enjoying being loved by him

    I said all of this to say this last closing comment.

    If he felt the same as you, he would be there. I hat eto see you so wrapped up in someone that is so indeifferent. He could have very well meant everything he said. He could be scaed out of his wits about the 'potential" that he COULD ( key word there could) feel for you. But I would hate to see you wait around for "something" and miss out on your potential "everything"

    Does that make sense ? Dang, this is going to be a novel by the time it is finished...which I think is not a good thing, b/c I desperatley want you to really read and hear every word.

    Love cannot be forced and a person should never 'settle" just b/c they think they need to be in a relationship or married or have a family. Trust me. I have 21 years of emotional and physical scars to back that one up.

    And well, EVERYONE in this world deserves to be loved for who they are. Exactly as that. I do not hink you are getting that from this guy. I also think you need to start loving yourself DEEPLY.

    I will talk to you anytime you want. I hope you understand that the intention of this post is to honestly help YOU !!

    Blessings and Love


  • I need help. I am so sad. He didn't want to hurt me but his honesty ended up hurting me.

  • Hun, I am so sorry. Love not returned does hurt. It hurts bad. I am so sorry.

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