Taurus Woman/Cancer Man ... How to approach this issue without scaring him away?
So obviously the lot of us has come to terms with the fact that these lovely cancer men aren't easy to handle. My current issue is with my cancer man (who finally committed of his own accord!) and his desire for space and personal time. I am struggling to come to terms with it, because it makes me feel like I'm not a priority in his life. Now that he is committed I feel that a certain level of communication is necessary. I'm not asking to hear from him all day, every day. But over the weekend I received two short text messages in three days! I tried not to be sore about it, and responded only when he contacted me so as not to make him feel smothered. He will say he is going to call me, and that it won't be "too late" but then loses track of time and doesn't call me until 1 am! I am frustrated because I like to have plans set, and he just seems to work on a time frame that isn't even a frame at all - or rather, it's all about him!
We always maintained very open and honest communication between the two of us, and so I feel like if I don't share this with him he will know I'm keeping things from him and i'll lose his trust. On the flip side, if I share I feel that I will risk him becoming more distant for fear of losing his ability to hide away when he needs to. I have tried to be as understanding as possible, but right now it's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place! Any suggestions on how to approach this situation? I'm at a loss!
** And as a side note, this is my first Cancer man. It seems that all I have done is constantly focused on how to make him comfortable and happy... when do they start completely reciprocating? Do they ever?? Or maybe I am being too stubborn to see the subtle ways they show it? I think he enjoys being chased by me. Sometimes literally! Last night, I made a joke and he pretended to get mad and stormed out onto the deck. I laughed thinking he would come back in shortly after making his point, but he sat out there until I came out to see what happened to him! These men are a challenge... he's lucky i'm up for it!
Oh my, you need to read the other cancer threads, and you will learn that you have nothing to complain about if you got 2 texts in 3 days. Cancer men disappear for days and weeks, even months and they appear again as if no time has passsed. What lead me to this forum originally was my cancer man suddenly disappearing for 2 weeks with no word or explanation when we used to at least text every day .
You have to understand that cancers have a whole different concept of time. But they aren't doing it to hurt you, they get lost and forget that time has passed. You say he loses tract of time, that is so typical..at least he called you that night!! Hey, my cancer man came back to me after 13 years and knocked on my door on the other side of the wold, literally and he tells me "I need to talk to you because the last time we saw each other it didn't end on friendly terms" He said it like it has only been a few weeks!! "last time" was 13 years ago!!!
Another point, cancers need alone time. If you want to stay with this man, you have to give it to him or you are better off moving on. All cancers say they need time away. It's not because he doesn't care about you. That's how they are.
Do they reciprocate? Probably not in the way you want. I don't think they even realize you are going out of your way. But they will be thoughtful and sweet in other ways. Mine gives me little cute gifts all the time, does things for me, etc..
My suggestion to you, since you said you have good communications with him is to state your needs, but first let him now that you understand that he needs alone time and you respect that and want him to have it, but tell him also that you need to hear from him, maybe something like
"I know that you sometimes need to be alone, but can you tell me when you need to do this so I will know and I don't feel like you are ignoring me? I also would really like it if you remember to call me when you say you will. Maybe you can try a bit harder and that will make me feel like you really care."
Do it in a non threatening way, the guy has no clue that not calling you early is hurting you. He's just being a typical cancer guy. Yes, they require a lot of patience, they are frustrating, they move slow and sideways, they expect us to read their mind but never even bother to understand how we are feeling. They feel their way of looking at things is normal and don't get why we get upset. They feel like their feelings are the most important thing in the world and they whine about it but don't take other people's feelings into consideration. This, my friend is the Cancer man.
Well, I have been on here now reading as much as I can about these Cancer men and their mysterious ways... looks like I have my work cut out for me! It's so funny to read these posts because I am seeing how much of a Crab my Cancer really is! He danced around the possibility of dating for two months, acting as though we were together by being posessive of me and protective, but then as soon as I would do the same he would get upset and say he didn't want to lose his freedom! How crazy and contradictory! It took me going on a trip eight hours away for him to finally realize he wanted to be with me!
I can't believe your Cancer man came back after so long and acted like it had been just the other day! That's how mine is with things. I always joke around and say he operates on "Jim Time" and that 6 hours to the rest of the world is less than 6 minutes to him. I suppose it's the stubborn Taurus in me that doesn't like this change in structure.
I suppose that I will have to understand that to my cancer man thinks he is putting in a good amount of effort. I would get frustrated too if the tables were turned and when I felt like I was doing a lot for him he told me he felt like I was hardly doing anything. I'm guessing it's the nurturing side of me that gets frustrated when he disappears because I want to be able to comfort him and make him feel better when he's upset instead of letting him retreat to his shell. What it looks like I need to realize is that letting him retreat there is going to have to be my way of being there for him. Letting him comfortably have that time, and knowing i'll be there when he comes back. Does it ever get old to be so pursuant of a man? That's a fear of mine in this...
Earlier today he told me that he "has to come up with new ways to mess with me" because I "know too much already" and he "isn't ready for me to read his mind yet." He said it in a friendly manner, but I can see he has some controlling tendencies. He loves to see me get frustrated. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a test? But he will giggle like a school child when gets my feathers ruffled. I feel like I'm dealing with a child half the time when I'm with him. Is that a typical Cancer thing? I was really surprised though, because he also asked me today how I was feeling. He said "Hey Babe, you seem to be a little stressed lately and I'm wondering if everything is okay. Is there anything bothering you at all?" From what I've gathered this is not a usual Cancer man? I feel like there are more questions than answers about him, but it is definitely part of the intrigue! Even when I answer questions, somehow he answers with another question and manipulates the conversation into something else completely without me realizing it until later! He's a sneaky one!
He gave me his word that we will be seeing each other tonite since he was supposed to last night but got distracted at a social event, so I will have to use this new knowledge to talk to him about this. I'll keep you posted on how everything goes! Thank you for your advice! And I hope all is well with you on your end!
"Jim Time" lol! So typical...yes, 6 hours is like 6 minutes.. My cancer acting like 13 years was a few weeks is extreme though..that really freaked me out.
Another thing with cancers is they like to test people, say things or do things just to see how you would react. They like "messing with you" . They think it's funny or somthing and will try different ways to provoke you, at least mine does. They do act like a child sometimes, I could swear my crab is 12 or 13 sometimes, when he's 34!
I understand that because you care for him you want to be there for them and comfort them but crabs don't work that way. I've heard over and over from crabs that when they are upset or have a problem they do not want that, they need to "go insde their" shelf and work it out on their own. So you just have to let him be. When he's done working it out he'll come out as if everything is fine. Your job is to be patient and wait. that's how you show you care to a crab.
Keep me posted, I'm always interested in hearing about other people's cancer guys, it seems to confirm to me that they are an alien species but most cancers act pretty much the same way!
You are being far too polite!"Cancer men aren't easy to handle" is the understatement of the century! Truth is, these men could be down right impossible at times(sorry cancer)
HE sure is LUCKY your are up for that kind of challenge.... Most are NOT!...
The sooner he sees the light the better for YOU & for HIM...
I have no doubt that ya'll get along fine & well but what I'm hearing is that you've already gotten into a habbit of what I refer to as "baby-sitiing someone elses emotions" ( I tink most of us have been there at some point)
Right now you may be so in love that you find it cute or endearing but Honey, that behavior could eventually get pretty old pretty fast (IMHO)...
As a fellow Taurus I know how important it is that lines of communications and affection are not strained in order to feel the love we desire & most of all to feel like we can be ourselves without having to "edit" our reactions,words etc.
...It isn't all about him...you are in this together...& you have feelings too
Sit down & have the talk with him about this. Make sure it is in a private & "safe" place. Make sure it is when You are both calm and relaxed so as not to come across combative or confrontational at all. If you are in a "committed relationship", communication is so important.
Good Luck & G*d Bless
These guys sounds like 2 year old brats. they need to control you, and do not want you to have the upper hand. they sound like a couple of sadists . yea that is the right word. they love to play emotional games with you, and it's cruel.
maybe you think it's just a game, but it's not. unless they have the upper hand, and be able to control you like a puppet, they will turn away and give you the silent treatment.
you like being treated as if you don't exist? very cruel..
what kind of man do you want? you want a boy or a man? these 2 that you have described are boys that have no maturity for a real relationship. and these 2 sounds like pathological lairs.
it's like high school all over again..