Need a little bit of help with a cancer male...thanks!
Cancermalegoingtoleave last edited by
Sorry, this is a little long! I'm new to actual start writting in these forums, but I have been reading them for some time now and see that many of you have very insightful things to say regarding cancer men. I'll start from the beginning and see if I can receive the same beneficial words of advice concerning my relationship with a cancer male. I am a cancer woman currently dating a cancer male and sometimes I feel like I get him and other times, I feel confused and a little lost to be honest! This man and I met online about 3 1/2 months ago.... it really isn't that long, but him and I have both agreed that we get along so well that it feels as though we have known each other much longer. We share a level of comfort with each other that he regularly points out and always pleases me to hear it! When we started out, he was coming on a little strong that it scared me a bit, but I was intrigued by it. Normally, if I meet a guy that comes on too strong I feel the guy is too needy and that he's expecting too much from me and I typically move on. This cancer male didn't come off in a way that seemed too much, I could read it as just excitement about possibilities with each other. Things were going great until about a 2 months in, his friends were starting to get on his case about if we were official or not with each other ( I've met his life long friends and got along with them great), he opens up to me about his fear of commitment... in fact, he litterally says that he's terrified. I tell him to relax, we'll take it as it comes. He starts acting funny.... he's not communicating with me... but I leave him be, I understand what it feels like to just want space and I was not taking it personal. About 4 days into his disapperance he texts me.... tells me that he doesn't know what to do, he's scared, and that he doesn't want to hurt me. I tell him that he's not hurting me, I understand the need for space and to do what he's gotta do... if he needs me, I'm here. He replys that I'm a good woman and he doesn't know what's wrong with him. I leave him be, the texts continue from him about him being scared, I did end of saying my goodbyes because he wouldn't let me in but would keep up the same charade, I was heartbroken. It felt like the right thing to do though. The next night he calls, saying that he's sorry and doesn't want to end things this way. We had a very good and long talk about taking things slow, and him being a little more open with me. I told him how I feel, he told me how he feels and we both felt like it was too good of a thing to just let pass by. Things feel so right when we're together, like we really get each other and we can completely be ourselves. Things were great, until this last wednesday.... I am in love with this man, I have not uttered the words to him because I know it would scare him... regardless if he feels the same way or not, I have tried to remain respectful of his pace for the relationship to feel comfortable and good about everything. He was leaving out of town for the weekend (last weekend) and we decided to see each other before he left. I had things on my mind... like, how can I feel this way about someone who's not really sure about me? These thoughts were showing all over the place that night lol.... he kept asking me what's wrong.... I tell him that I really don't want to talk about it, because I know everything is alright... after repeatedly asking me, I tell him what's on my mind. He gets really defensive, says that you might not understand why, but I do... you have no fear in this area, but I do.... I said, what exactly scares you, can you tell me? he says he doesn't know. Then says, I might feel the same way but I want to take things slow and build a friendship with you in the process. I said, I agree... I'm not saying that you're not doing enough... these are just thoughts on my mind... they weren't meant to be accusing. He says, I know you want more from me, I can just tell.... well I can't do that right now, I need time. I tell him that I understand... there is no pressure. I get ready for work in the morning and he walks me to my car.... he tells me to not be mad. I tell him that I'm not. What I didn't say was that I was hurt by how he reacted to me. He says okay, have a good weekend, I tell him to do the same. I text him on Friday wishing him a safe trip... I didn't hear back from him. I let it be. I know that he was back in town yesterday so I call him to ask how his trip went and I really wanted to address last wednesday and how I felt... to "talk" instead of us reacting so weirdly. He didn't pick up and didn't call back..... he has been regularly updating his facebook page about how the trip was great and he has great things in the future planned. I know you will probably say it hasn't been that long and to not be worried, but this isn't normal for him not to have the curtosey to call me back and two... I can just feel that something isn't right, I don't know how to explain it, but if you cancer male experts can help me to see a little clearer, and maybe give me some advice on what to do... I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks so much, sorry it's so long!
pfree last edited by
Well you are certainly not alone. Your experience of your male cancer tho is pretty mild compared to some. The push pull goes on for a while for a lot, rather draining.. Did me.I am no expert but I would strongly suggest to get on w/ your life... if anything is meant to be it will be...it's a suggestion from my own experience. Your guy is actually rather nice in comparison. he's told you he's scared. It may not be enuff info but I never got any info as to why mine "disappeared." I was baffled and hurt.
Try to have no expectations and let go. Cancer men are so confusing all the double messages and guilt trips and moodiness. Give him his space and get on w/ your life.
Best of luck