Will my cancer ex call?
I am a cancer woman who dated a cancer man for over 2 and half years...we even have the same birthday. I never felt so connected to a man ever! I felt he was my soulmate and things moved very quickly between us. after 2 months he moved in with me and a year later, we rented a house. To make a long story short we were having financial problems and had to move and we put our things in storage. At the beginning of our realtionship...little things were bothering him and we seemed to argue. This has went on and off since we started dating and I cannot stand to argue over the little things. I know financial problems will put a strain on any relationship and it did ours. We moved in with my sister and I could tell he didn't want to do this because of his pride. He is finishing a classic car and it was at him Mom's house. In late May, we had an argument and he started staying at his Moms. That's where he lived when I met him. We continued to talk and he came over a few times. I thought we were going to be able to make this work. A week would go by and things would be fine and then something would bother him again! I felt like I was on a rollercoaster for months and it wore me down emotionally. I left him a voicemail a month ago telling him I needed space and was turning off my phone for a few days and I did. 2 days later I woke up and turned on my phone and he had left me 4 voicemails accusing me of all things with sleeping with another woman. This was getting weird for me as I am very loyal and always have been and am interested in men. I waited a few days and left him a voicemail telling him that I could not take the negativity anymore and his voicemails were starting to sound emotionally abusive. We have not had any contact via voicemial or talking for almost a month. I do love him but don't know what to do. I feel like we both need some space regardless if things work out or not. We still have our things in storage together and that's tough. Does anyone think he will call me after this length of time? I'm a cancer so I know pushing is not the right thing to do. I feel like I have a broken heart and it sucks. Any advise would be great.
Is anyone out there??
Ethereal27 last edited by
I think you need to let it simmer. Get your space, and regain your own strength, as will he too. You simply cannot stand together, if you're not strong enough to stand on your own.
He needs to work on his trust issues and insecurities, and you need to work on your communication. Having space to yourself to recharge is one thing, not being able to correctively communicate in a relationship is entirely another. Avoidance will not solve anything.
That is what will lead to further problems, not only in this relationship but for future reference too. Find a way to regain your calm during emotional frustrations, without shutting down from each other. Learn to relax without running away..
yes, he will call. it's his mother you have to worry about. she influences him like a puppet. maybe you don't see it. his mother is manipulative. I don't know how old he is, but he is not ready to stand on his own as a man. which means he is not ready emotionally to set up house with you or another lady for that matter. it's his issues, and you can't fix him.
things fell apart when you moved to a new place and finances were tight. the place was just too much of a responsibility for him and he feels like a failure.
if you leave him alone, and it will be a long while before he steps up like a man and faces his issues with you. if he does not come back to you on his own, then sweetie, be glad it happened sooner and not after five years or so. he is like a big baby.. you will have to be the one to assure him constantly because he struggles with his self esteem.
I am sorry you are hurting, and I know it sucks to have a broken heart. one thing I do know, is that hearts do heal. you are stronger than he is and you both know it.
his mother or maybe a sister... are jealous of you.
Thank you both for your responses. They both make a lot of sense and it's nice to have an outside opinion. I agree the space and both of us regaining our strenght is the best even though it's hard. I woke up today feeling more relaxed than I have in a while. Not to say that I might be a basket case tomorrow....lol. I know his mother is someone I have to worry about and have known that for a long time. She is in her late 70's and lost her husband, his father almost 4 years ago and really clings to him and his sister and she also helps him out financially so she has him tied to her apron strings. His sister does not like him very much so I don't need to worry about her. Anyway, I know I will get through this and be stronger in the end and I am stronger than him. Thank you both for responding:)
I just want to thank you for your quick reply and feedback. it means a lot.
one more thing... stay true to you, always listen to your gut, and blessed be..
I was trying to find a way on this site to email and thank you but had no luck. Turn of events. He called yesterday and I missed his call and my stomach literally did a flip flop. I got scared. He left a voicemail last night. I called him back early this morning and we talked on the phone for an hour or so. I'm not sure where things will go but I do feel relieved that we talked without arguing. My stomach is churning a little bit and I feel I need more time. Thank you so much.
wow... I was careful not to say "when" he would call. my guide specifically said, do not talk about when he would call but that he would call. I could not tell if it would be 2 days, or 2 weeks.
I have discovered over the years, that when yyou let go, then the universe steps in. like I said, if he did not, then you are better off moving forward solo. however, I do feel lots of more testing for you 2 before you 2 decide to move forward together.
it would be good if he would move out of his Mother's house and to get his own place.
stay calm, and be true to you always, Robin
I agree with you. I'm not ready to jump back into anything right now. He needs to learn how to not depend on his mother....especially with him being in his 40's. A few things that I think he now realizes after our conversation is that I am a lot stronger than he thought I was and that I can live without him. At the end of our relationship I was very insecure and needy and I know that was a turn off but he can be the same way as we are both cancers. After talking to him I am missing him more but I'm not picking up that phone to call him. I may be old fashioned but I am a firm believer in not chasing a man. I want to thank you for writing me back, it's really helped me.....I don't mean to sound needy..LOL. Have a good day.
This guy drives me crazy. We have our things together in a storage unit and I told him in Friday that I was splitting my time between my sisters house and some friends of mine that I had not been in contact with for a few years. He doesn't know them. He just called me and told me that he had the locks on the storage unit changed!! He said he didn't know who i was hanging out with and he wanted to make sure his things are protected. I think he did it to be controlling so I would have to contact him to get anything out of there. Any thoughts?