Blmoon if you are there please

  • Dear Blmoon,

    If you are there please respond, I do not want to bother your rest, but I have a question for you.

    Last night he came to pick up my son to take him car shopping, He usually calls when he gets here, but last night he knocked on the door.

    In was in the back bedroom so I came out and they were already outside. I had just baked his favorite cookies so I ran outside and gave him a bag. He said Wow I thought I would never get these again and smiled.

    Did that help or not

  • bump

  • I also wanted to tell you that I have reconnected with my best friend from highschool. She and I haven't seen each other in 30 years. Unfortunatley she is very depressed and some days won't get out of bed, but she says since finding me she has gotten up showered and went to work everyday.

    WE had a big dinner last week at my house with her daughter and granddaughter and all my kids, she made us the best lasagne and we had a blast.

    I am so very thankful to have her in my life, but a small part of me is struggling with her pain as it echos mine and is about a man.

    I am so glad I never went that far into depression, but I am not sure I have the strenght to help her.

  • She does come at a good time--is a barometer of your own progress. Sounds like you do give her hope and at the same time she keeps your own pain in check. Give what you can but you are right to accept you can't fix this for her and like your own journey the bottom line is selfreliance and walking alone. I feel she is good for you and don't worry. Your situations are similiar yet very different so keep that in mind. Also, don't get too caught up in her bad days as she can't ignore her pain completely and they pass. This is a perfect opportunity for you to practice your new boundries of not giving too much. I don't see any real problems with her--she will be up and down but I see her moving forward. I get very positive vibes from the cookie incident--how good for you that he popped in to see that you still enjoy favourite things with or without him--good for you and very good sign that he could express his delight in all honesty--good sign. Just don't dwell on it or give it extra hidden meaning other than you are doing well and it's up and down but mostly up. I only get a positive feeling from you right now. Seeing you living well dspite him is the best way to invite him to be candid with you. He fears being faced with the reality of any pain he's caused and it will distance you from him as he tends to hide from messy emotions. Unfortunetly for him this other woman who pretended to understand his need for no drama is actually bringing it on full tilt--but thats part of his housecleaning and you just be your happy self and let him work through that--he will get tired of it when he sees it is not going to pass no matter what he does. At first he just told himself that it's just temporary and she's got a right to be upset over his family obligations but really it is getting old and like I predicted he will start dropping by unexpectedly in little innocent ways. He is starting to really look at you--at first he avoided that but now he is driven to see you from a distance--like new. It may seem brief but he is notiving you in a positive way. This is good yet please don't blow it by dwelling on it too much or obssessing on him--keep working towards being happy without him. Be honest with being glad to see him yet keep your boundry---it will draw him closer. If you dwell on it too much you will only create a needy energy that will work against you. Also the same reminder--enjoy the progress and avoid the fear energy when you get mixed feelings--just dwell on the positive and remember you don't always see the whole story when he does something that worries you---she still manipulates him at times. He has to work through that before he can be over her for good.

  • PS--buy yourself something nice--you've done good!

  • DearBlmoon,

    Thank you so much for your reply, you always are so helpful to me. I can't really buy myself anything right now, I have kids to care for, but I have been baking aot and that makes me feel rally good as it makes others happy.

    Today I made whoopie pies and willl share them with my friend. I wish you were close to me as I would bring a big plate to you.

    Thats one of things I thought he would miss about me, I am a great cook and always been a giver. He went to office parties loaded with goodies.

    I miss him so much, but a part of me fears I can't forgive him for this.

  • I would enjoy you as a friend as well. You are a strong woman--I love strong women. And may a special gift come your way! Not letting his mistake dimminish you is a jewel in your Goddess crown. Also, when you are broke, even the smallest gift is still a nurturing gesture. A three dollar bunch of flowers from the grocery store--a hunk of decadent chocalet--a new lipstic--a new CD---just a loving treat--a yummy new little candle---like when you see that special little something for others and buy it--do it as well for you. Not because you need it but because it says I LOVE YOU! Happy baking! I love the creative feeling of baking. I don't do it much anymore but like you always loved feeding others! Give give give--that's what nurturers do! Sad when a loved one takes such a soft blanket of love for granted. Don't let that one ungrateful ONE stop what you do best--keep choosing love--you are very loved and keep feeding those who value that. You are getting stronger and stronger!

  • Hi, I was just wondering if you see anything for me, I seem to be in limbo and don't know how to pull myself out of it. I have been feeling depressed latley, it seems the more I try to change my current situation the worse it gets! Thank you. Baby76

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  • WEll my lawyr called and has schedualed a meeting with my x for a week from saturday. I am so very scared to sit in the same room with him and have him act like we didn't spend 25 years as man and wife.

    I have felt for awhile that if he could just see me he would remember what we had, I think the reason he doesn't come near me is he knows he was wrong, does that make sence and will this help pull him to me or will it move himeven further away

  • Dear Blmoon,

    This week I have been working the early shift at work and getting up at 3 in the morning every day. I am not used to that and it makes me a little stressed. I try to eat early and get in bed by 8 or 9 and get enough sleep as a tend to be overly emotional when I am tired.

    A couple of days ago my son went to his dad store to return a broken carpet shampooer and he gave me a new nice one, so I text him thank you. He replied for what, so I told him for the new shampooer and he said oh your welcome let me know how it works. Sounds silly but he usually doesn't repond unless he has to.

    Last night my friend text me after I went to bed 3 times and woke me up each time and so today I am very tired and have been having bad thoughts about him all day. I keep telling myself that he is gone get over it and also have been angry at him for what he has done to me and the boys, than when I got off work I went to call my son and my phone was set on his number, funny because I had talked to April at lunch and his name is nowhere near hers.

  • You are feeling tested? The wheel goes round--first you are on top then on bottom--remember it goes back up. You are right about him prefering not to face his feelings. AND this is his lesson and he too finds he can't escape lifes insistance to change that. Your lesson is part of his as a partnership--you are battleing "letting it go". For years you pick up his slack--you feel for him--you do the work for him and now he must face that void--he has filled it superficialy but that will not sustain the truth he imagines. Waiting is hard for you as you--make it happen--you are a fixer. Let go. Stop looking for signs that mean ok now it will all happen--it has it's own timetable or he will just keep repeating the mistake if he comes to you open hearted too soon--he needs time to FEEL--he just does not feel his feelings in a constructive way. His issue is to just go after distractions that mask his emptiness--he has not been real for a long long time. When we reach our fifties all our issues come to a head and we either heal or suffer the result of our issues in a very big loud way--it's lifes way of one last push to change. Remember yourself--you get very axiouse on the down times. Be strong. He is getting closer to reality check-- it is in his face more and more but he is still not there as fast as you'd like. AND at some point you must deal with your anger. It is real. You can be angry at what he has done without being hateful towards him. If you sit on those emotions they will burst out at unapropriate times or in health issues. You have a right to your anger--let it out--cry and scream alone--beat a pillow--throw something then let the storm clear--have a good laugh and return to your loving self--it is ok to be angry! It's just not ok to hurt others with it. There will be a day when you will get to express your hurt and he will be finely real enough to hear it. Like I said, he is a man who hates drama and hides a lot and in your relationship with him you catered to that and really gave too much--you made it easy for him. He is not happy right now and trying desperately to be the same man with her as with you but she is not you so now he is constantly forced into having to face himself--it's a slow change. BUT it is real, I still hear spirit insist this man will change and by the time he does you will be making a choice--not a compulsion but for once a true choice. PATIENCE--and resist obssessing everytime he does connect in a real way though it is brief---brief will grow--let go of needing more and by next week you'll be seeing the view from the top of the wheel again. This new moon is fruitfull--make personal goals a priority right now and see some happy results----you are getting stronger! And it is starting to really show. Blessings.

  • Dear Blmoon,

    wow the wheel really isn't turning very fast. I have had a pretty good week, I am on vacation and spending the week with my 5 year old great nephew E.J .

    WE are gardening and later in the week doing the zoo and a baseball game.

    The lawyer visit got postponed again and I was hoping to go in there strong and looking good and give him something to think about.

    He came by on MOnday to tke Ty car shopping and I was out having dinner with April.

    I have been dreaming about another man, His name is Chuck and he got divorced last year, we were friends when we were young, but he has a girlfriend and doesn't even want to be friends, yet I keep having these loving dreams about him and I think maybe its telling me I am starting to get over Ron.

    I am acturally starting to hate him, I look at my beautiful boys and hate him for hurting them, yet I still cry everynight. What is going on?

    Also you said my situation is differant that Aprils, can you tell my why please?

  • I told you way way back about how your desire for him would eventually turn to "choice"---but you swore you could never see that happening--I told you I saw another man and you feeling attracted to a "choice" but you again wouldn't hear it--SURPRISE! I did finally tell you ok let that subject go as you were getting stuck on that confusion as it was not real enough. You are right on time with this! Embrace it--not try to figure it out in a factual way. Just that something cell deep is transforming in you that will attract a more balanced love--you will never be any ones take for granted doormat again. Your x is already feeling the shift--you go girl--it will speed his healing as well. The grieving is good--it passes briefly and releases and protects your health and keeps you from being bitter. Spirit says next time you talk to your x casually mention that your not definate yet but thinking of taking a vacation and if he'll be available for the kids. When he asks where--say not sure--got an invite for a singles cruise. Say you hooked up with an old friend---act very casual about it--no details--just plant that seed. Then on your end--those evenings before sleep you should entertain those thoughts--really imagine a well deserved dream get away vacation---leave out the why nots like money or time--just dream---spirit says dreaming is very good for this phase. Celebrate this crossroads--like I said it's hard to see yourself up close but you are getting so much stronger! BLESSINGS! ps--the other question about April--doesn't come to me at the moment--spirit says doesn't matter. Would have to look up that post. I'm taking a break just popping in for few that Spirit insists I respond and you are it right now and can see why! Very happy for you--you've done the work and growing as planned--keep your focus and trust you are right where you should be---let it unfold and try not to overthink things! NO FEAR--change feels a bit scary but it's all good.

  • Dear Blmoon,

    So sorry to keep bothering you during your rest, but it seems to me that you are slowly preparing me for the fact that we will never be together again.

    I am getting stronger and feeling a change in me, but for my personal healing I have to have to hear him say that he is sorry and wants to come home. Even if I decide not to let him I need to hear that our marriage was real and that he was wrong

  • I PROMISE YOU--YOU WILL HEAR THOSE WORDS! I got that as the very first impression from your first post. Big sign came up REGRET! And I saw you go from overwhelming need to becoming a whole person with a choice--it's all good! You have been doing your free will homework like a very constructive trooper. Has he? You lead and he will follow or not. That will be the choice--looking at him and knowing if he's changed enough to start over on EVEN ground. The whole point of your growth has been because you have been making the right choices without any garantees---that means you are doing it FOR YOU. Good things will come from this. You will hear the words you longed to hear--but I suspect they may not mean so much when the time comes as it will have you looking at him in sad detachment thinking--how said for you. For you to forgive him you will have to be feeling so much better with yourself you can see the blessing. He has to understand WHY he did this. You will not take him back without that growth on his part. By then you will know he can't be trusted ever again without that healing. Either way I see him as being apart of your life regardless if he meets you on a equal level of having grown or if he hasn't he will stay close as friends. BLESSINGS. try not to over think this too much--just keep moving foward and embrace the changes that come in you--it's all good!

  • Dear Blmoon,

    Last night I went out on the town with 4 other ladies. WE went to San Francisco , ate at a great place, had drinks and saw Wicked from great seats.

    It was such a wonderful evening, one like I haven't had with women for years. It was with April, her daughter and a few of her friends.

    One of the women is a psychic healer and according to her sometimes gets a sight, but can not control it well.

    During dinner she asked me about life and I told her about my marriage, got a little teary, she grabbed my hand asked me to be still and then told me I will never be with him again. She said she is sure of that, but she does see me with another man.

    I had such a great night, but came home and cried for hours, I am not ready to hear or feel that it is over for sure.

    Also I am having trouble at work and am not sure why, do you see anything there?

  • bump

  • She was right-you will never be with that man again--BUT what if he is NOT THAT man anymore? The celebration of that prediction is that you will never be in that position or treated as such and free will is still in the works for him--so he can grow like you and be a new man OR not. Either way you are doing so much better--and some of your work issues reflect that as you are changing and your job is like an old pair of shoes that don't fit so well so as you change your life will reflect that. I get the feeling your giving off a new vibe---you are speaking up more and value yourself more. Please don't let fear of the future hold you back--just trust it is all good and you will be happy. Was that night of feeling so good too good? You really did deserve it! It's an adjustment still for you--feeling good--deserving it! Don't let the future take away the feelings you had that night. I've got a bad headache at the moment so must cut this short--on my way out to dinner. Can't zero in on job specifics at the moment. Will try a better time.

  • DEar Blmoon,

    Wow what a horrible week, this trouble at work has gotten worse and I don't know what to do. I have been removed from the produce department and made a checker and no one will tell my why.

    m I must say my depsrtment manager and I don't see eye to eye, but I respect him and do a very good job. I have been working produce for over 27 years and then thought of it being taken away has me so depressed I can eat or sleep. and insight would be great. Also do you see anymore about my h and his __ut

  • You are giving off a new vibe this man does not feel comfortable with---he is a "ruler". He is a big fish in a small pond and has issues with men dominating over woman--he knows how to keep it professional but it's there. I see a female underminding you as well but she is only a small par--connected to him but don't dwell on that or you will get sidetracked.t. Also it has to do with politics of the workplace--on paper---nothing personal--you've been there long and often it is a across the board silent rule to replace employees with newer cheaper ones. Happens all the time---they won't fire you but will hope to make you so unhappy that you will leave. I'm not saying that was the intention but it is how it gets overlooked--you have to be more than a name on paper to the people who really make the desicions. Here's the test of your new self--getting past the emotions--your old self--and protecting your boundries. You absolutely must get an answer to why and must figure out from a calm head who to apeal to and it definetly is not this department manager. In fact do not let him goad you into falling apart as it will serve him to have you look bad. If you have been there 27 years you know the higher ups of your store. First you must feel entitled to an answer that makes sense. You have to be very professional about this request. Leave out the emotion. You must write it in a letter to a higher up. Leave out the feelings--write it as if you are your own lawyer. Keep anger at bay but yet state your case. Carefully word it how you have been a loyal employee for x amount of years. Express your passion for your job--how you love going to work and feel it is this satisfaction that has motivated an excellent performance--you thought. Let them imagine your surprise to be told you no longer were working that loved position with no explaination! Say you have asked your manager but he refuses to explain and you feel you deserve an explaination as you would prefer to remain in your former position. I would apeal to a higher up that is not too fond of your manager. When you write your letter do not go through your manager or office personal--make sure it goes directly to the person you choose. Address the letter with a professional heading--name address phone and e-mail. The reason you must remain head strong is when your manager is asked about it he will have to justify his decision and his reasons must not outway your appeal to fairness. Whatever happens the point is you--the new you are not a nobody--not a doormat and will protect your rights. At least you spoke up--you deserve an explanaition. Your manager will not be happy you went over his head but it will send a message that he may think he's a ruler of the small pond but YOU are part of a bigger pond and if he doesn't treat you fairly you will swim around him. Also be careful with talking at work--keep your steel resolve and smile a lot. Not everyone around you are as trustworthy as you think. Remember that sometimes when change is forced on us it is hard to see past the storm but in the future this will prove as the event that changed your course for something better--change is hard for you but you have come far on that one. Stay out of victim mode and keep your energy up--walking around bruised will not get you an answer. Use this event as a practice challenge--you defending you--using your head.

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