Hans, I'm sorry, I missed this post of yours
What's to care about? The beauty of your clear dissolving simplicity.
Should you even bother, or just concentrate on yourself and the inner journey and ignore the curious and the skeptic thoughts?"
I didn't realize until a couple of days ago that you had sent me this reply on a previous thread. I've thought about it and I'm not sure what it means. You are suggesting that it is best to concentrate on myself and the inner journey?
Even though I am not entirely sure what your first statement means, it has a lovely feel to it. Sometimes it takes me a while for the message to "click" - you know this. I think I finally understand the "existence" thing though. Or at least better understand it. I was talking to a friend about death; stating something like 'well you know you come from a spiritual state then you're stuck in this physical state and then you finally get to go back to the spiritual state and escape all the complications of the physical state..." when it suddenly hit me, it's all the same thing. An unending spiritual state exists all the while no matter what the current state of being (if I am not mistaken, you try to make this point a lot). Still doesn't explain the need for the physical state in my mind. And I'm not one to believe in Karma either - as if the point of this physical state is to "learn our lessons and come back better next time around". Life lessons are fine, but maybe I'm skeptical because so many people use "karma" the same way Christians use the threat of "hell". "If you are bad then karma is going to punish you" comes out sounding a whole lot like my Catholic upbringing where the theme was, "if you are bad you are going to hell". Existing in a peaceful state shouldn't focus on fear and punishments as a means to enlighten us. There has to be a better way than living in fear, right? Lol.
Anyway, I apologize again for missing that last post. I will try to pay more attention here.
Should you even bother, or just concentrate on yourself and the inner journey and ignore the curious and the skeptic thoughts? Just concentrate on yourself and the inner journey.
You are suggesting that it is best to concentrate on myself ? Yes.
There has to be a better way than living in fear, right? No.
You will have the support of the whole world. That's
why they cannot do any harm. You don't
have any power to fight, but there is no need for any
power. Intelligence is enough. It is far more powerful
than any nuclear weapons. And if people would
stand together intelligently, meditatively, they would
create such a tremendous energy that no power could stand
So don't be worried about anything. Just rejoice --
Okay Hans, I'm going to hold that thought: "rejoice and fight". That's a lot to balance at the same time, but as you say, when you have the support of the whole world I'm sure that it's just going to happen effortlessly. I'm not saying that as a joke either, I find that most of the ideas you have ever tried to share with me have been right, and probably those time when I find you...not wrong really, but I find your logic...uncertain in my mind, those are simply things I'm not quite ready for yet. It all comes together with time. Thank you Hans.
Hope things are well with you.
you are very right, it´s all about the right time.
Each stage has to be passed and each stage has to be
understood, and you have to ripen in many stages before
you can reach to the ultimate of love. Never pay attention to what others say. Always
pay attention to your own heart, because it is there
you have to live.
Ok Hans, this whole issue of the heart. You know I made an effort to bring things to some kind of resolution with my friend a few weeks ago. I tried to do it honestly. I was not a "miser" about revealing the things that I love about my friend and explaining my thoughts as openly as I could, but admittedly at the same time I feel that I have to take something in that away as well. I have to take me away.
You told me not so long ago to remove the bad from my life. While I still don't see my friend as intentionally bad, the circumstances that surround our relationship bring out bad things in me. It lures me into ego-based thinking and reactions that I don't want to have. Next I start feeling resentful and that's certainly not an ideal solution for anything. As much as I try to avoid those negative feelings, all that "trying" does is make me question why I'm in something that simply provokes resentment. So I am trying to walk away. It's not easy because my heart is in this and I am giving up someone that I do care deeply about.
I told him honestly that my decision is very much about me and how I need things to operate in my life to feel content - and that is through connection and through honesty. There has been enough time here to know that if I remain involved with him it will only bring me more unnecessary struggles. There are too many shadows here. And, as you often talk about - the give and take is not in balance here and I don't want to fight with him over it, and I don't want to fight with myself over it. And yet now, I still fight with myself over it, lol.
What makes me actually sad right now though, is that after all of this time, rather than deal with me openly, my friend avoids me. Well, not entirely true I guess, initially there were a couple of feeble efforts to let me know he wasn't going anywhere, that he wasn't ready to let go. But I am so weary with the idea of more of the same with him, I've resisted trusting that those attempts mean anything different than what's gone on before with him. It's easy to speculate that he doesn't really want me out of his life, but he also makes no convincing effort to keep me in it, and now I'm not sure if he wants me in it or out of it because he is apparently so completely unable to just confront was has transpired here and talk about it. We, or I suppose it's more "I", appear to be in the no-thingness at this point.
I just wish I had some more solid sense of, "ah ha, this is what the realtionship was all about", but instead he appears to have chosen to leave things hanging. I know it shouldn't matter but it does right now.
I know I've asked you for advice along the way here Hans, but it's been a very long time since I've asked you for an actual reading. I am wondering what do you see between my friend and I at this point?