Help with this relationship Im lost
Hey Im new to this site I just need some incite on this relationship problem that im going through. Im a Gemini and she is a leo. Well it all started out well in the first few months we was seen each other on a regular base and just being cool. When I first meet her she jut came off a long relationship. so she was up front she didn't want a bf right now. So i was cool with that but than we started doing things friends Don't do such as sex and kissing and just feeling each other more than we use to. But just like a llight swatch every thing changed. she said I was getting to close and she backed away I kno i shouldn't have got my feelings caught up. just because the bond we had I thought we was on the same page. I really feel hurt that she did this kinda with no warning sign. Now she backing off all the way no we cant keep a long convo going ask her do I have a chance she said I have to decided. Im not the person to just give up. I really like her fior her personality. its something that I want to see my self with long term. I just hate the fact that I may lose her and its driving me crazy everyday. I was going to call one of her friends jut to find out why she like this.. idk what to do. sometimes I have to resist texting or call because we use to do it all the time before this happen. should I give her space?
hey welcome to the site smartguy, well i felt like i needed to post something in here (since im like the only guy that is regularly on here) and its nice to get a guys opinion sometimes lol well anyways
you guys being a gemini and a leo should be a good match i believe, and were you guys just friends before anything started to happen?? and if so how long have you known her?
if shes just coming out of a long relationship and you just so happen to be there, all that kissing etc... might have just been her being lonely and wanting to be close to someone again, aka she was vulnerable and you just happened to be there, sorry if im blunt and to the point but im a sag guy thats how us sags are lol, OR maybe im wrong and maybe she did start having feelings for you and that scared her because it might still be too soon for her, and she doesnt wanna take the risk of being hurt again, and itf that the case(which i think it might be) i think you should just give her some time to think everything over. but dont just dissapear from her life, i say that you text her saying something like " look i know you probably arent ready for anything serious with anyone right now and i understand that, and thats fine with me even though i might want to be more with you whenever you feel ready but until then i will still be here for you as long as you want me too, so if you want space from me.....ok ill do that for you, although i do miss talking to you everyday"
omg sorry i started rambling on!!! lol all im saying is just show her that you care about her and that you will be there for her.
wanting to talk to someone all the time and missing talking to them is a good feeling, that means that you genuwinely care, and trust me man, i know how hard it is to not talk to them everyday when you do it everyday, but i think you should contact her in some way, but just be supportive of what she decides of what she wants to do, if she says she wants to be friends and maybe something will happen between you later, then go ahead and be friends with her and hope that it changes later, but you must ask yourself this......is she worth the wait? and plus some people cant see what they have in front of them and its just might be excatly what they need (like me and my GF were just friends and now we happy as can be) but then they let them go and regret it later
anyways take it easy and ill wait for what you say back. take care
Thanks for the reply I was like man nobody answering lol. But we been see each other for six months and for the last two it started to get bumpy. We talked about it many of times but I understand that a relationship is not what she want But its hard for me because I gave to much of my self to fast thinking we were on the same page . when I fall for a women I usually look at they way the is personality wise she very caring person confidence and smart. and she let me see that and that why I think i fell for her. I told her that I would not cross that line until you ready. because I was coming to strong on her. I think she still feel for me because she never ignore me completely. its just hard for me to return to that friend mode. right now I think she just trying to be free she goes out with her friends and family alot and just kicked me out having fun with her is that a sign that she wants me? but wants her space. im trying to understand the way she thinks
hmmm interesting....... dude trust me i know what you are going through, before me and my Gf got together, i was ....pretty much obsessed with this libra girl, and i fell hard and fast for her (or so i thought at the time) me and her hung out and had my arm around her and whatever and then after we started getting closer, she said that she just wanted to be friends but maybe later we could be more, i barely knew this girl, oh yeah we talked everyday and had alot in common and i got to see her personality etc... but i knew her for 3 months before i said that i loved her, (now i realize that it wasnt love, it was some baddddd LUST" she was shocked but she didnt run away, and was sorry that she didnt feel the same way, but also said that she could feel that way maybe some day. so i chased this girl for 6 months and i got nothing out of it, i didnt even kiss her lol, she wasnt ready for anything but i felt like i was, some people just need to KNOW someone for a long time before anything happens, esspecially if in a past relationship they jumped into things to quickly, so then it takes them a long time to "be" with someone, cause they want to know the person before they have feelings for them,
the girl i chased, felt something for me at one time (i believe) but she was just way too scared to do anything, she never contacted me first, i always did, i was the one doing all the work trying to be more and be there for her, but she didnt want it, she would invite me to do things with her friends and i even met her parents, but i got tired of trying for someone that obviously didnt want anything to do with me, and then she was "in a relationship" with a friend of hers that she has loved since she was a kid, and then i got mad and i ended everything with her, she blocked me, and i stopped contact, and then her "relationship" was over in about 3 weeks after that happened,
(which i think was all just one big game she was playing with me, stringing me along the whole time)
it hard to go into friend mode, i know lol but read everything i said and just be careful it doesnt happen to you, take care
kaye409 last edited by
Smartguy- Welcome to the site. Any girl can back off with no warning. When she feels shes getting too close to something, she will put up a wall. Its a defense mechanism after being hurt really bad. They are afraid that if they let down their walls too quickly they will get hurt again and its not a very good feeling at all. I've been through it many times and I still do it. What I think you should do is let her know you are still there for her but give her some space. It will give her time to evaluate things and possibly take another look at the connection you and her have(had). The one thing about giving her space is to not completely disappear. If you do, then that leaves room for some other guy to come in and try to sweep her off her feet which I dont think you want. Friends is always a good place to start and maybe thats what she really needs right now. Also, just let her know how you feel a little bit. Dont say too much to where it scares her, but say enough to know you care and if you are willing to wait for her then let her know that as well. Now on to the thing that made me a little bit concerned, do NOT call her friends and ask questions. That is probably one of the worst mistakes a guy can make. Thats borderline creepy stalkerish. (Sorry I dont mean to sound mean or rude but its true.) If a girl doesnt want to talk then let her be just dont go calling her friends. Its not smart. Its a death sentence on the relationship before it even starts. I hope this helps a little. I know Chev made some good points but I thought you could use a little bit of a females point of view. Take care and I hope everything works out in your favor
Thanks guys. Nice points, today was the first day we kept constant contact with each other again. I think she starting to get comfortable talking over the phone. I gave her space we don't hang out as much like we use to but I think its coming. Im not going to push it by keep asking her to do something together... Think God, I called her friend but I couldn't build up the courage to ask her about her friend trying to find out is this the way she acts. I just ask kept the convo simple about school business. I told her many times that I would be there I had to find out the truth in the last few weeks I just couldn't leave things unanswered I had to get to the bottom of it..... I told her that I need you to have confidence in me that I would never cross that line again unless you ready I also told her I take people feelings serious and I want to make it right.... she said sometimes I try to hard and come to strong and over think things witch I do when i make really bad mistakes.... I told please dont judge me as the type of person I am just hope Im on the right path. sometimes I feel lonely it come and goes like i lost her but when she talk to me or text me I feel better like today is that normal?
ok whew its been a few days and i havent had time to respond back, so in response to your last post... you called her friend but didnt didnt have the courage to ask her about this girl you like??,
well.... i must say that calling her friend might have been a bad decision and have her think your very weird, BUT you didnt talk about the girl you like, which was smart haha
everything you describe that you are doing...... coming on to strong, telling her shes beautiful, over thinking every little thing, etc.....Reminds me of how i was with the Libra girl i knew..... first thing i wanna ask you smartguy is .... i was wondering how old you and her are?? im only 22 and libra was 23, AND i gotta ask, how are you doing in life? are you sad, depressed at all? are you the nerdy type of guy that is quiet and its shocking when a girl likes you??
im asking all those questions because thats the way i was when i was hanging around her still, i was thinking this" omg, this girl is just like me, she is a nerd, have an understanding about eachothers pasts, i can talk to her about anything and tell her things ive never been able to say to anyone else" Thats what i was going through at the time lol, but the funny thing is the whole time i was wasting my time on libra girl, i was also talking to this other girl that was just a friend of mine for the last few years, and i could do all the same things with her that i could do with libra girl, talk about anything etc.... but my friend understood me even more than libra girl, and my friend could talk to me about anything as well, and we became best friends and started hanging out alot, i would talk about libra girl with her and she would talk to me about her guy problems, my best friend had all the qualities that i was looking for in a girl, and she was alot like libra girl as well, SO why was i stuck on the libra girl so much and not stuck on my friend??
because people like a challenge, guys mostly lol and libra girl was really mysterious and didnt talk much with me and kept to herself, and its kinda drove me crazy because i wanted her to talk more, and therefore i started thinking too much about things and jumped to conclusions. my best friend always talked to me, invited me to hang out with her almost on a daily basis, she made me feel wanted because she did the inviting, and with libra girl i didnt feel wanted, i felt like i was..... just pointless in her life, like she would get rid of me at any chance she could cause i didnt matter, and thats what eventually happened,
shortly after i realized that my best friend was the girl that i wanted to be with, and we have been with eachother for almost 5 months now, and i couldnt be happier with the way things have worked out, i think me and her have a relationship that most people would want, most girls want a guy like me, and guys want a girl like her, you know? lol sometimes it seems like its a fairy tale and your gonna wake up soon because you think it cant be real.
you might have everything that you want and need right in front of you and you may never even know it. i sure didnt haha you know that the whole time that i was hoping my best friend (my now GF) would notice me? even though i was wanting the libra girl at the time, its weird how things work out sometimes, i had to go through my stupid little heartache lust of libra girl to be able to see what i really wanted in my life, and it was my best friend lol,
OMG sorry for rambling, im getting off now haha, and hey what has been going on the last few days with this girl???? im soo curious, well take care
I'm only 22 years old Im the quiet type but once I get to kno people Im just as normal as everybody.. Im sad and depressed over this but not in life. I feel where you coming from. I just think she not into me like she use to. like on twitter she talk to my friends just as normal but when I try to talk to her she dont respond it just be the little things that gets me. She never call me I always have to call her to get her to talk to me. it just hurt so bad that im chasing her. like yesterday I I TRY so bad not to call her or text her but I just give in because i really want to kno what she doing... I just can't accept that I was a Jump off rebound guy. So I decided that I'm just give her space maybe talk to her ever once in a while not everyday like I still was doing. Im just suck it up and accept that she don't like in that way of being in a relationship and that we are just friends. I wish we never cross that line in the beginning. just like that song Half crazy.I think she worth the wait but I cant keep feeling this way all the time. if we were was friends she would at least keep in contact with me. hang out with her friends just do stuff as friends. but I feel like she still cutting me off after I cross that line, its like no return back to normal. I don't kno what to do. I do have a female friend that I LIKE but we never seem to want to go out with just me. I tell her everything we really cool as friends but I don't kno if it would go any further than I want it to so Im just be cool with that so I don't make the same mistake. So now it just a stand still if I don't talk to her she don't talk to me. so the main thing that Im thinking is just to give up all together with her.
smartguy, whats the update on this girl?? have you guys talked at all? hung out?
crossing that line in the beginning and having to pull back, i know it sucks lol have you giving up all together? sometimes thats the best thing you can do is give up, sometimes people dont realize what they have in front of them, and then they later regret never taking the chance and opening up to that person and always wonder "what if?....."
I still sometimes catch myself wondering "what if?" about me and the libra girl, but nothing i can do to change what happened, and i wouldnt change anything either, is she ever regrets letting me go or whatever, then thats her fault and she has to live with it, im happy with my GF now and im not just gonna give that up to chase something or someone that probably isnt as great as you think they are anyways.
Well the update is that we talk sometimes but it just don't feel right... well her ex is trying to get back in the pic now and she if the defense about not accepting him back into her life feb makes a year for them broken up..after a 4 year relationship he buys her stuff to charm her up. he kno her better than I do I only kno her about six months before she cut me off. sometimes I text her but it be like one or two reply like we cant hold a conversation.
I ask her out she cant never find time but she find time with her friends. when I call her and we talk and if she says im call you back she finds ways to return my call she says I for got to call you back whats up like a day later...... but its kinda like she a light switch with her feelings for me.. maybe im over thinking..... its like im riding the fence either you want me or not..... I can say if she was not into me she wouldn't be call trying to figure out what I want... its like she waiting for me to give up if we just stop talking all together.. im not the type of person that just role over easy I rater for somebody to tell me hey stop im not in to you I found somebody else. rather than leave me in the dark wonder if she seeing someone else or who she messing with. I wish I can find a girl that replace my feelings for her and just move on..... Its hard to give up when I have nothing to fallback on.
omg! smartguy, this is like hearing the story about what happened to me, everything that you said also happened to me, like wow lol, the ex bf coming back into the picture, she is hot and cold with you, she wants to contact you one day and seems so happy to talk to you, almost like a little kid but then she stops everything and avoids you, thats how she is isnt it?
and if your wanting her to just come out and tell you "hey dude im not into you that way" that is never gonna happen, truth is, that she probably is "into" you, but she barely knows you and doesnt wanna jump into anything fast, SO she just wants friends first, but she is also confused with her ex trying to get back with her, so she has alot going on and to think about, SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS!!!! she doesnt know what the hel-l she wants and when she finally makes up her mind youll probably be out of the picture and moved on already, at times it may seem like she is playing games with you, maybe she is maybe she isnt, who knows? but you cant be stuck on her and wait on her forever,
and yes you probably dont have anything to fall back on, i didnt either, but then i realized that i liked my friend that i talked to about the whole thing that i was going through and things just worked out for me after i moved on. i suggest that you move on also, even though i know how hard that will be, BUT i think you should ask her what she wants?? ask her if she wants you as a friend or as something more, ask her if she want friends first and then something more later down the road, and make sure to tell her how hard that is going to be when you have already crossed that "friends" line, she either likes you or she doesnt, get her to tell you what she wants and dont settle for a "i dont know" answer, this may be a little rough to do all of this but also tell her that you cant be waiting for her to make up her mind because you need to move on if nothing is ever gonna happen. take care
you right... Yeah she acts just like that all happy when she get to talk to me. other days it be like hmmm yeah im doing nothing like she don't want to talk.. I really think her friends is influence they way she act now idk but its like she changed over night. this might be crazy when last time I took her out the way she talked was way different. even they way she dress was like wait like she trying to give a turnoff signal. I ask everything under the sun what she wants I told her that I will not cross that line until you ready she said that I still have her friendship but its a relationship is something she don't want right now. she said we can still go out on dates but I haven't got one in two months so I just gave up asking its like she don't want to. its like I gave my all about asking her about this. my heart, energy and emotions with this The ball is on her side now she have to make a move.... the funny thing is im talking to one of my friends that I been cool with for a while I told her everything and we talk every day hey this might mean something down the road who knows lol