Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • CancerCan-

    I say don't tell him. It will do nothing but feed that Cancer Man insecurity. You are a free agent and so is he. Just don't mess him over or it will be done. Besides, it's just bad manners and you don't want to know everything he does do you? I don't. It would hurt me, and we are just 'friends' remember? lol Just hang loose or you'll lose him forever.

  • 2KnowMeIs2LuvMe:

    Thank u 4 ur post. U So reminded me y i love my cancer fireman so much. Yes we walk same path but by eachothers side. U also reminded me how much i can depend on him in time of need, n he knows me more than i at times know myself.

    U further reminded me, that b4 we can b an item we both need to like finish some lessons, divine timing.

    My firemancancer has been in my life since 2003, n been a very good friend, good friends like that u juss dont shut out. I was wrong to.

    KMJessica u meant well, safe ones sanity n all.

    4 now ill keep options open, n my 2 male friends i will keep in my life n hope soon one dat im worthy to walk through that divine door n have one of em in my life, n by it i can call myself mrs cancer or mrs libra.

  • When a man says he will call you, as a woman we think" Anytime from when he's out of sight to midnight" but the man thinks " Anytime from when I'm out of sight up until the day I die!' Then we have the guy who calls as soon as you turn your back to make sure you gave him the right number and if you didn't, he'd run after you. he calls ALL the time, like a flippin stalker!! Then you don't like him because he's needy!!

    When your dating someone, don't keep score. Guys don't remember if it's your turn or his to fly out to see whoever and all you do is set yourself up for disappointment and bickering. Just have him pay part of your airfare. Just make sure you know who has the best bargains, usually if you fly out on Weds or Thursdays you get a better rate. My Cancer ALWAYS picks me up. I tried to show my independence in the beginning but, he kept saying he would pick me up. we live 30 minutes apart but, I think its sexy that he's old fashioned like that,besides he's financally wayy better off then I am!. Don't be jealous of ex's, they are EX"S for a reason and if you show how insecure you are, you'll be an EX too. Be supportive of him and sympathic to his having to deal with issues that make his blood pressure go up. If you always have conversations about her and your voice and face get ugly, he now has 2 ugly relationships caused by her!

    Oh, I can relate to the 8 year wait. I did 11 but, it was on a guy who HAD been my boyfriend, he had to go back to North Carolina and take care of his sons, took him 11 years to get back to California and 6 months before he comes back, we lose contact. He gets back, stays with old friends and after 4 months marries their daughter who was about 35 and had 4 kids from a previous marriage. 2months later, he finds me again, and tells me the story. He and I meet because we were friends but, my heart was crushed. He introduces me to his wife, she'd heard all about me and how I had helped him... 2 months later they were having marital problems but, I didn't want him! His wife would come to me and ask why he was a certain way and, I had the answers, He was a Taurus. all the Taurus men I've met can charm the panties off ANY woman without it looking like they are trying. They are some of the biggest flirts and they seem to like a herd of females!! I now like guys that other women find kind of quirky and a bit dull! my Cancer is a Ruby in the rough!

    I've dated a LOT of different signs. My sign is the worse. Scorpio men are ahhh, self centered, jealous but all the time looking for the next female that had more money, material things. Now the sex is pretty good but, can't stay in the room all the time!

    I think one of the keys to finding a good fit in a relationship is to know what needs you need fulfilled. I like affection but, not all the time and not in public. My Cancer is a wonderful cuddler at night and we give old people kisses when we meet and when we part. I like my space and my time away so that we have something to talk about when we meet. I like being alone a lot, I get more done. He works 14 hours most days. Don't get me wrong, I have my social time and I go out with the girls. I got tipsy one time and was texting my Cancer at work, I didn't care, if it bothered him, he can turn his phone off or text me to stop. I had been watching basketball at a bar, telling him I want to make a bet about something and we wouldn't use money and I went on with some other stuff. He texts back "your funny" I text "ya. I'm a hooch when I'm enkneebreeeighted" he liked the idea of the bet and he came up with a hard thing I'd have to do, if his team made it in the final 2. Tells me he'd been really thinking about THAT for a longg time!!

    Sex is one thing and love is another. Just because a man makes your back and toes crack doesn't mean he's puttin it on you cause he loves you. Some guys are great lovers naturally, very good at the art of seduction. I have a kiss that tells on me so, I only kiss closed mouth the first date and the beginning of the second!! The first time I let my cancer kiss me, he told me later, it intrigued him.

    If you know in the upright, clothed position that he just likes you, it doesn't matter what other funky, interesting other position you get into because when your back in that upright, he still feels the same. Sex is just a hormone release.I have this saying "Men only have enough blood to supply one head at a time and, gravity works so we know which head wins!"

    If you "fall in love" when you have sex, don't have sex with a guy until he gives you what you need, the love. otherwise you are setting yourself up for confusion and hurt and it's your own fault. You don't have a love potion in there!!

    Make a check list of your needs. If they aren't being met, you won't be happy. Even if it's getting a call everyday. My sisters been married over 20 years and her husband calls her everyday on his lunch break. It would annoy me but, she loves it. He started that when they were dating. He loves it too, her voice brightens his day!!

    My big thing is: call me when there is a change of plan or your going to more then 15 minutes late. accidents happen. I worry and if I find out later that there wasn't a real reason for not calling and he just stood me up. That is Rude and very disrespectful. it tells me that this guy will be disrespectful to me in other ways so, lets not waste each others time and say goodbye now. Don't make excuses for the guy because he was 'in a mood' if it's that bad he can't call, he needs medication for those moods and you need to move on. You can't fix him!! those kind of people are energy vampires, sucking all the good life force out of you!!

    The funny thing about the ones I've cut off like that, they always beg for a second chance. I gave a second chance 1 time because we'd been on a couple dates before he started showing his true colors, he said things will be different that he would call me the next day, he didn't. I waited 2days, called his phone, got voicemail, said lose my number, don't EVEN THINK about calling me or I will cuss you out! now, I'm not ghetto but I said that to make him not call me!

    Love yourself, expect respect and accept no less!!

  • Oh boy, this sounds tooooo familiar. I also have a Cancer man in my life. It sounds like you and I are involved with twins. Yikes. All I can say is that he makes me smile. I would like more out of this relationship but I feel, like you, he seems scared. All I can say is that I am enjoying him in my life. Who knows what the future will bring. Hang in there, be good to yourself and be happy !

  • I have been with my Cancer on and off over the years and have been through emotional turmoil, misunderstandings, anger, heartbreak and separations. Ours separations were for years at a time where we continued on with our lives but we always came back to each other. Believe me, I have tried to move on from this man and so did he (he married, and then divorced 2 yrs later). Our most recent reunion has lasted over 2 yrs now. It would have saved a lot of grief if these forums had been around when I first got involved with this man, as it is I had to learn things the hard way.

    My Cancer has been damaged, and a damaged Cancer can be very self destructive. Not because they blame the other person but because inside, they blame themselves. It isn’t only the fear of being hurt again, but they also fear hurting others just by being who they are. The males are very confusing and this can cause some unpleasant reactions. The more unpleasant he thinks the confrontation will be, the deeper he crawls into his shell and the more he feels misunderstood. It’s hard to understand because for me, if you don’t confront things it might eventually go away but meanwhile misunderstandings develop and can fester into deeper hurt either for yourself or the other person.

    Cancers are so cautious about entering into a relationship. Their crab-like movement is actually quite intriguing (if you can summon the objectivity to take notice). If he is interested in you he will gauge your reactions, responses and analyse your motives. He will subtly question you about certain things to understand you and where you are coming from. Then he goes off and processes. If he doesn’t fully understand, you will hear the question again and again until he finally understands where you are at. Your responses have to be honest and not something you think he wants to hear, because he will know if it’s fake. Only after he gets the full feel of you, might he consider entering into a relationship. Meanwhile, you’re already in the deep end and he’s just wading in the shallow end.

    He definitely likes secure, stable women and will back off if he senses insecurity because it can lead to drama which drains his energy. My Cancer knows the vibration of my energy and knows exactly when my thoughts change, without me even saying a word. Your overall energy has to be positive otherwise he will have to spend too much time regenerating and depending on how many women he’s had to do this for it might not be worth it to him.

    I don’t profess to know all about these men, and there will be variations based on their rising, planets & placements and aspects. I do know mine pretty well and I also know that I have never truly loved any man as much as this one. Sorry if I have repeated some of what others have said (this thread is long!).

  • Hi everyone: as you can tell I've been out of touch for a while and off this forum because emotionally I'd been a wreck over my Cancer friend. But for the past 2 weeks I have been doing the 30-day thing, and lo and behold, IT DID WORK. We kept running into one another at work again (after he'd told me not to go down to see him every day as he was warned by his bosses that he was spending too much time talking with me at his post! So that hurt me so much, I myself withdrew and stopped going down. I was heartbroken, just heartbroken. All the time thinking he didn't want to see me any more, never thinking I could get HIM into trouble at work.) Anyway, doing the 30-day thing (but most of all, praying - going to Church and praying is what did it). We kept running into one another, and just polite conversation (it's as if we'd just met, honestly - after all these months.) But I played it real cool. It really hurt me that we were getting on so well, and then all of a sudden he put a stop to our friendship by saying don't come down any more, and he still hadn't asked me out. Anyway, to cut a long story short - we're back on track again. Then again it could be the 30-day thing. Now that I don't go down at all, I'd like to believe that he started missing me, as when I see him first thing when I go into work, he's there at this post and he's really pleased to see me and we talk for maybe 30 seconds. Anyway, the past 2 weeks, with each day we started getting back the friendship he had put a stop to, and when I reached Day 2 of the 30-day thing, I spent Saturday morning with him (he works but Saturdays it very slack). And I tell you guys, he explained everything to me, that apparently he didn't say never to come down, but just not every day as I could get him fired. He is right. He is so right. But I was being so selfish as I wanted to see him every day. (I know I'm not making any sense here, but if you read my past threads, you'll see the way he was treating me before - one minute hot, next minute cold. And as soon as we were getting close, he used to put this barrier as if to say don't come any closer.) But Saturday I was in 7th Heaven. And I know this man has feelings for me. But he just won't ask me out. Every time he has an excuse. But this time, as we were leaving work, he said to me (again, like last time) that he didn't want to go home, but he has to. (He has 3 grown up kids who depend on him, they don't work, ages 20 thru 27 believe it or not, and he does all the grocery shopping and cooks for them!!!! He's divorced!) So I said to him (yet again) why doesn't he come to Santa Monica (where I was heading.) He said with a sigh "I wish I could" but that he had to go home, return his daughter's car (he was driving her car), and do this and that....... same old story. I know he wants to come with me, but something is stopping him. This is a 57 yr old man. He'll be 58 in June! I mean I'm not asking for the moon. I'm not asking for a committment. He's so scared of something, and I don't want to ask him in case he retreats into his shell again. And when he does that I get so hurt. I am so fed up crying and wanting to be with this man. Just when I think things are going so well for us, something happens and he withdraws into his shell. But now I have started to play it cool - or trying to.

    Like most of you here, I can't get this man off my mind and off my heart. I have never ever had these deep feelings for any man, not even my ex-husband (who sadly passed away nearly 3 yrs ago. I loved him, but I was never in-love with him. Not like I am with this Cancer man. And you know, the psychics that say to you guys not to give up, that he's the one for you, and to wait and have patient, he'll come around. My psychics say the same things to me. I have given up consulting psychics for now. As they all said mid-June he will ask me out. Let's wait and see. We're nearly there.

    To Cappy2: For one minute I thought you were describing MY Cancer man. He sounds just like mine. Does yours have kids? By kids, I should say grown-up children. I know Cancer men are family man and love their children, but mine's take advantage of their dad and rely on him for everything, and the poor man is the only breadwinner. His kids just won't go and work. And the poor man doesn't even have time to go out. His life is work home, work home and provide for his kids. And I know he's struggling financially. I guess maybe that's why he won't ask me out. And he's shy with it. I've asked him (months ago) to come to my place but he won't. A girlfriend of mine said you never ever ask a man over to your place as they'll get the wrong idea. But what's wrong with a friendly visit, just as friends, to sit and talk, have coffee or wine, and just talk. Tell me guys, SHOULD I ASK HIM AGAIN TO COME OVER ONE EVENING? And he lives so close by. IS IT WRONG TO ASK HIM OVER? There's something stopping him.

    Oh and to my friend Londonlass54:

    I'm sorry I'm so late in replying, 'cause as I said I've been a emotional wreck lately, but not these last 2 days thankfully: to your problem, my guess is could it be that your ex girlfriend stirred up something about you to your Cancer man, and could it be that she herself fancied him and is now with him? I don't know, sounds suspicious. I mean for him to just walk out of your life like that, without a word, and after all you did for him. Just doesn't sound right. Something is going on here. And she could be the reason.

    Anyway guys, I have lots of posts to read yet and I stopped at CancerCan's May 28 post. I will finish reading the rest tomorrow, as it's now 3:00 am and have to go to bed.

    I really enjoy this forum and to know that we are all in the same situation with our Cancer men. But no matter how they treat us, WE JUST LOVE THEM don't we? I know mine looked so handsome on Saturday, but I didn't tell him. I shall do so tomorrow at work if I run into him. However I will NOT go down especially to see him. Those days are over. If he really, really misses me, he can ask me out or he can find a way to see me. He's not allowed to come up to our offices (because of his job). I hate company policies!!


  • Librachild- I wouldn't invite him over, he already knows that you'd like to see him outside of work. I'm sure he's considered the fact that you guys work together and if things don't work out and how awkward that'd be. I'm sure he doesn't want more stress like that in his life- I guess what you could do is show him what a cool person you can be (not showing he affects you emotionally like a friend) and that even if you guys would go out- it wouldn't change much at work. It's all in your attitude. View him as just a friend right now and take the pressure off him and yourself.

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  • OK girls....I have not been here for a week and it took forever to catch up with each of you! I have said it before and here it comes again....they are all exactly alike. Not responding to calls or e mail, etc. Going forever not calling until we climb the wall...all of it. Frankly...I was born and raised in the South and manners are really important. Its just plain good manners no matter where you are from to reply, take your calls, all of it. I'm the one who is middle aged and he is about 6 yrs younger and time is a it crucial. When I read about 3, 5, 6, 8 yr. relationships that still haven't totally totally led to a permanant, agreed upon, loveship or even the M freaks me out. I have been with mine for almost 6 months. I have been through absolutely every emotion each of you have. He has done every single thing your men have or have NOT done is more like it.

    And, like you, I have never been this way about any man before., I sorta ruled the roost and called the shots....!! Now I have given all the power over to him! Its when HE wants to call or when HE wants to go out or when HE finally chooses to return a call! I am also the one where he came on like crazy in the beginning and then backed off...did a disappearing act for a couple of weeks and came back ...apologized...just to do it ALL *******over again! Said he had to take things SLOWLY ....did he saw freaking S L O W L Y? As in Years and Years? Hell, I will be DEAD!

    I was flirting with and dating several good men when he came along and I actually wrote something like 'dear john' e mails to each of them after being with him only about 2 weeks! I am also the one that my psychic says 'he's the one'....give him patient...he is worth it" The same things keeps happening. Here and gone. Gone and here. He is the one who sants to go freaking SLOWLY!

    I should tell you all that Capricorns may or may not be of little patience. I just don't know. I am of the variety that HAS NONE! Nada! I have embarrassed myself calling first way too many times....I have wondered where the real person went that I used to be. Is this a game? Do they just want to see how much we will take? I fear that if I cool it and leave it all up to him that it will just stall us out totally. I can only wait so long...because of personally and my impatient spirit!

    *which are probably one and the same!) We are seeing each other now about once a week with very little communication by him between dates. It has dwindled some again. I am nuts about him. duh...we all are - or we wouldn't be here supporting each other. What a sorority we have created, thank God! And perhaps we should thank the girl who started this forum! I hope she comes back to see her legacy! You al have been life savers! Ya'll and what I am about to write. Pay attention!!

    I am going out on a limb here but I want to let you in on the reason I haven't already gone insane. I use a pendulum. USually just yes or no questions. If you aren't responds to what your subconscious knows but you don't. It has given me concise replies or what turned into correct answers 100% of the time. Its gives answers to past, present, and future. I asked mine to swing out and back for yes... and side to side for no and sits still if I need to rephrase the question. They can be made from anything...a ring on a chain...a string and a nut tied to it or a purchased one. I have about seven purchased ones and the one made from rose quarts is especially for love questions but I have found anything works just fine.

    You can get tons of information about them on line if you are curious. Anyway....mine tells me what the psychic told me....and many more things like "Is he at home right now?" "Does he intend to call me tonight?" "Will I see him this weekend?" Hold the chain or string about 3-4 inches from the pendulum and brace your arm to be sure you don't move it inadvertantly...ask your question and keep repeating it over and over. Give it time to respond. (about 5 - 10 seconds at first) The more you use it the quicker the response usually. Knowledge is priceless with a Cancer man!! I wouldn't have been here this long without using it. Try it if you don't thinks is just too wierd for you. It instantly gives you back some of the power!

    Let me know if you try it!

    Luck to all....


  • PS....Our subconscious is connected to the universal each of us are and we are all ONE. That is how it can also tell us the future...just as psychics do. IF you aske it the same equestion over and over...expect it to stall out on you. You can ask it once a day but not the same thing 8 times in a day!

    Good luck if you choose to try it.

  • So I'm one that has posted otherwise. I let the Cancer guy I was seeing, see me at my most insecure. I'm not happy about it. Is there a way of remedying this? Can I prove to him that it was out of character? How can I get him to come back around without seeming insecure/desperate?

  • I've been reading more of this thread, and it seems as if Cancers just retreat and do their own thing for a while. Is there any hope when they do that 4 weeks into a new relationship? This guy is like a magnet, and I think about him constantly. Plus, i'm a Pisces...doesn't make it any easier!

    I pulled some big time insecure moves on him last week, and I regret it...especially after removing myself from the situation and seeing what I did. (Which was very out of character for me. While I may be a Pisces, I am a Sag rising and lots of Aries in my insecurity isnt something I normally portray.) I apologized, he provided reassurance, and said he'd call and I haven't heard from him since (3 days ago). Can I hope that he's coming back? Should I call/text him? Shoudl I invite him to do something? Or should I just keep hanging out with you ladies and HOPE that he calls me? This is my first Cancer male, so I'm being thrown for a loop. 🙂

  • Cappy- I'm gonna try the pendelum thing. I'll let you know how it works for me.

  • get started you can ask things you already know just to have confidence. Like (giggle) ...Am I married? Or am I a male? etc. Just a couple of those should do it for you...then move on to the important stuff. Let me know!!


  • Dr. Pices....I did the very same thing in mid-April and, like you, that is not at all my style! Three days? This is what I would do...give it a little longer but certainly not more than a week....sometimes if you wait too long then it makes it a bigger deal....and he may worry its unpleasant so he won;t take the call. They read their emails but seldom answer....unless its in THEIR time frame! Right now he is just weighing things. They think about things a long time. An email that is friendly and not mentioning the recent situation is a good ice breaker....then when you call he will feel confident that you aren't upset with him. It may even prompt him to call you. Funny....they do these things to hurt us or get us P___ed off and then they retreat!

    Hang in there just another day or so if you can!

    Good Luck...


  • PS.... DrPices....

    If it comes up again....and this would be harder to say than write......or just get this out up front when you do write..... "I am so embarrassed about _____ that I can't even bear to discuss it right now. I never behave that way....So sorry." Or something like that and then ask him a couple of benign questions or tell him something you have been doing.....etc.


  • LibraChild -

    About asking him over. YOu and I thinkj alike and with any other guy (not a cancerian) I would say sure since you know him, know where he works, have gotten into at the least a friendship turned flirtship. But because he is one of our Cancer men.,...they are so afraid of going too fast that he may worry that you might even kiss him or something when he isn;t looking! (I am laughing but they are soi cautious!!!_ Why don't you do this...find a cool coffee house in the middle of your homes somewhere or maybe even closeby for him and ask him to meet you there after dinner one night for dessert or coffee or an ice cream or whatever place you come up with. He will think it safer (I am laughing again) and just may go for it as it is so public. Sosrry about laughing at what I was writing but they really are so SLOW and cautious about jumping into things., But I can tell you will probably still have to be the one to finally get a date planned.....but remember....just a little one the first time. Take it s l o w l y until he feels comfortable with this new concept for him! ((giggle))


  • j3d..... About those can't ask him so make a pendulum and ask it! I have directions already posted today. See if you can find it. They Work....really. I feel rather smug becuase I have information about him he has no idea I have. Like the fact that he has visualized living with me in my house....that he really does care about me a lot.....and yes....he has thought we may have a good future together. The asnwers come from where the psychics get it......through the collective consciousness...our subconscious is taped into ot. Use a pendulum and ask it your questions. The answers I got and still get ...ring true to me...I have gotten to know him and know cancerians...thanks to all of you.....and I know...I feel they are true. And sometimes when I ask...."did he think of me yet today and it says no....I am reminded its the truth and I asked for the truth.....and tell big deal....he's busy...he will before the day is over! SEE how darn consumed we all are by these mysterious, unpredictable cancerians? They are exhaussting!

  • I can't believe I was rushing so I mispelled Pisces twice! Sorry!

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