Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • Hey there everyone,

    After five months of NO contact, Out of the blue my ex cancer guy send me a mail last night on dating site. Nothin heavy though..... stating i am looking good etc. Also wink (kiss) which doesn't really mean anything, as people use those to get your attention.

    24 Hours later i still haven't replied. Mainly because i have no clue how to respond..... maybe scared to get pulled in again etc. Still love him dearly and don't think that would ever change. Would like to get comments please

  • What happened 5 months ago that you stopped speaking? Were you already having problems? What's the story? He may be worth it , he may not, depending on the background.

    Maria You are a celebriy. You have the best and most successful topics.

  • Sexygem, Thanks for responding. My story is on the "Please help with cancer guy' thread.

    In short... i was going through a terrible time emotionally.. (family things and robbery).. Now looking back i think it was during one of his stages as he use to refer to it. Instead of leaving it alone i was pressing for an answer.... which i now know was the most wrong thing to do.

    I do think he is worth it. But don't want to do or say the wrong thing again.

  • I'll check out your thread

  • cant find it, can you post on it so it willl show up under latest discussions, or copy the text and paste it here?

  • will post something there

  • instead of posting a long story about how my cancer fiend, uh i mean friend worked my head/heart over for 5 years w/ aforementioned character traits, ad nauseum, i am going to write a reply email to the lovely, sane, mature, Leo man i am now relating to, one w/ assets, a child, a life and a brain. Good Luck to all of you wonderful dear women i have been following for months on this forum. i can tell you, the cancer man (gorgeous, sexy, oh so uber-spiritual they think, what a joke) will ruin your life. they lie, cheat, are totally narrcissistic and self servingly self involved using CADS, and are the most horrible of all the signs. The End.

  • hi Taureen Girl... Wow that is a bit unexpected!! I am not sure what to tell you to do as I am still in my up and down relationship with my cancer.... Although we are making progress I am still having my moments... I say go with your gut on this one as usually your intuition is right on target! I can understand how you would not want to get sucked back into his BS - so don't - I am just telling mine when he p! sses me off or upsets me and it is working 🙂 You can go back but just don't let yourself become involved in that rubbish! If he wants you he will come to the party I think...

    Yesterday after another bust up and another get back together - all I had to say was that I was hungry and off he went to the shop to get me something to eat 🙂 It really is worth the effort at the end of it all....... As I absolutely love mine to death!!! He really is sweet, kind, funny, caring and looks after me well... And I know he never means to hurt me but as long as I keep letting him know when he does then I think we will work 🙂 Oh and keep a lid on my temper 😉

  • Hiprincess, glad you are making it work. Can totally relate because my temper gets in the way, a lot. Any advice?

  • HIP, Thank you. Yeah, unexpected indeed. Although from the start of the BS i had the feeling that he would be back someday, this caught my off guard.

    Honestly i don't know what to do. Never want to through that crap again! Once has been more than enough.

    As with many others, as soon as you ready to move on... they appear again.

    One thing i do know, i will not let him mess with my head again. If there is going to be something again, this time will be different.

    I've been following your progress, that of Tamie and a few of our crazy &&&& club... lol

    Glad that things are going well for you.

    Love and light

    PS: My temper has a lot to do with his hiding i believe... lol.

    Quixoticaquarianmoon, not sure of your age... i have learned to control mine over the years. I do find some stuff cause me to explode. One of those is being ignored. I do not handle that very well. Being lied to is another. Taurus traits huh...

    WIsh you luck

  • LOL! I don't know how this keeps happening! But it's pretty cool, so many people seem to be getting help. Or, maybe not so much help, but support. Which is just as good.

  • OMG this thread has been going on forever. everytime i read whats going on with you guys I can relate totally. havent been with my guy in an entire year but he still makes his presence known with out of the blue phone calls, text messages, even emailed me some pics a month ago. then stopped talking to me again. I quit caring little does he know I am with someone else now. so i just watch him do his dance to get my attention then when he thinks he has me its bye bye. So I just merely observe and dont read into anything he just wants attention and I am sure he has several others that he stays in contact with just in case he changes his mind. Too much.

  • Sure has lovin!!! Glad you have met someone - Cancercan said you were doing well 🙂 Really happy for you.... That is sooo funny that you are sitting back watching him n laughing to yourself... EMPOWERMENT!!!!!!!

    Quin - I have no idea how to control my temper - being a Cap I do have my VERY stubborn moments... And I get really angry over little things that really don't matter but at the time they feel like the entire world and all that matters in it... LOL! Especially when I do not get what I expect in my relationship - which is hard with a flippant cancer.... I tend to say things I don't mean and just want to get out of the hurtful situation - so I break up or just go home annoyed.... NOT healthy nor a good way to deal with stuff... So I too have some learning to do.... I am trying though..

    I spoke to a counsellor about it earlier in the year and apparently when I feel it coming I should just ask for a minute to collect my thoughts and figure out exactly what I am angry about and then go back to the "discussion".. My mother is my biggest trigger for it so I am learning with her I guess.... And she is my mum so she will always love me.. 🙂 Horrible but true....

    Taureen - I think you should do what is right for you and not worry about him too much 🙂 Do your own thing get your own life happening (which I am pretty sure you have already) and then the rest will fall into place for you.. Im not really sure what yours is playing at at the moment - but mine is SUPER depressed - found a thread on here saying other cancers were feeling that way.. Mine is NEVER like this.. I am a bit worried today.. It all came out last night.. Just his life etc - but he is talking to me about it and not going into his shell - prob cause i have opened up a bit too - so I think he is getting there. I say stand your ground and eventually the games stop and the true being comes out.... But I really am not sure after 5 months of no contact I would be so quick to jump back in either...

  • It seems lots of Cancers have the same type of behavior when it comes to love and relationships. My cancer and I met several years ago, and everything went cool. We have an emotional bond that makes us very similar. I am a Piscis, so the match is pretty good. He always refers to me as his friend, but when I talk about other guys, he gets kind of jealous about it. I love him secretly but havent confessed yet because I am afraid he will just withdrawl. He had a negative experience with a girl in the past he has told me, perhaps that affected his point of view over girls. He came to my home to meet my family, he has introduced me several friends, but only as friends. We have gone out a few times, but strangely, he dissapears through time. This has happened before, but he always comes back again. My friends told me "with him, things will be very slow". I noticed, lol! I have not heard of him in three months now, its so frustrating. I often think about if he stil thinks about me, or he just does not like me anymore.

  • Taurenngirl, I'm 52 in chronological age; but, still a Taurrean. I'm getting better with my understanding & compassion:)

  • Thanks for the advice, HIP. I'm learning to stay out of his way when he gets moody & not get hooked into the drama. I don't need to jump on the bandwagon, lol. Lord knows that I get crazy, too. I'm learning to be in the NOW, re: author, EcKhart Tolle.

  • good way to be quix! Mine bites my head off all the time i really just ignore it... He usually gets over it quickly and it is usually not me that is bothering him either.. So i just wait till he wants to tell me what it is... Doesn't stop me going crazy at times tho (specially after a drink or 2) but we get thru it together - he knows i get cranky and i know he does... Mine can go thru about 5 swings in half an hour sometimes - that is when it really gets to me! but i just go do something else until I get over it - watch a movie or get my mind off the whole thing.. But then I am a cap so it takes a bit to get me really worked up - unless it is really serious.... Or at least I think it is... LOL which it really might not be in the grand scheme of things.. But on a brighter note - I had a surprise gourmet dinner double date all cooked for me last night - it was awesome! They really are worth the BS at the end of it...

  • How romantic, hiprincess--you deserve it! Yes, they do know when they've gone to far and are willing to make amends.

    Mine just called with an offer for a dinner date/pizza/movie/window shopping for clothes. He told me how much he appreciates all that I do for him--he's demanding, though he thinks that it's normal. I will pick one or two due to a strict budget bc I'm not working yet. I don't really feel like going out tonight; but, the next time I fell like it, I'm going to ask him to take me out! He was on his knees this morning while talking to me, a gesture that I no longer take for granted or ignore because I feel resentful. They are very romantic when we treat them the way that they want to be treated. I must always remember to deescalate and keep my equilibrium or I will look and feel like an old hag, lol, wouldn't need a Holloween costume...

  • it was really nice.. I felt soo spoilt. But then it got better - he washed all my clothes and cleaned up and had the car all packed for our weekend away!!! I tell you when they are good they are VERY good but when they are bad they are VERY bad!!!

    I would not take those gestures lightly either! And i am sure if you ask you will receive!

    I am back in the best place with mine and all i had to do was say that i wanted to get back there! Man if I knew it was that easy I would have done it months ago - but i guess neither of us was ready then... 🙂 Soooo happy!!!! Oh and our weekend was a week after our 15th month together 🙂 almost like a marker for that anniversary...

  • Happy for you highprincess. Communication is key, my guy NEEDS me to talk to him. He does tell me what he needs, listening is another story;).

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