Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • Hi everyone, I have been reading this thread and am so relieved that it's just not me! Like the rest of you I have been involved with a cancer man for the last six months..what a roller coaster ride this has been. If I didn't know better I would swear it was all the same man. I too have never been drawn in and attracted to anyone like I have been with this man, The issue with not answering calls or text messages, tells me to call him all of the time, everything is on his schedule and convenience etc.. I am so glad for all of your posts and can't thank all of you enough for making me realize im not losing my mind. I am also a cancer and am nothing like this. I don't know it could be double trouble for two cancers to be together. Mine has issues with the word "relationship" and loves to say we need to "slow down" or "in due time" well damn if things progressed any slower we would be standing completely still. So needless to say after a conversation last month where the word relationship was used he has completely withdrawn and pushed me away as hard as he could with no explanation.( I assume its because of the conversation we had) What the hell is that all about? So now we haven't spoken in over a week and I am not calling him. Every other time I gave in and called and he acts like nothing ever happened. Not this time! Hang in there ladies and thank you for posting.

  • TruPisces7 (or anyone, really)...I'm going to ask something here & I don't want you or anyone else to take offense at it's bluntness cos it's not meant to be condescending nor insulting...

    Could you tell me why or how you could want to be with someone who just up & walked out on you after 10 YEARS, no explanation (I'm assuming as you didn't state one)?!?!? Seriously, RED FLAG x 100 and I'm sure there have been more during your time together. It's one thing to make a mistake by having an affair or fling while you're married (or together for that amount of time, etc...), realize you were an idiot, and then make amends or whatnot. But to actually up & chunk your life with the woman you SUPPOSEDLY LOVE aside after 10 years just like THAT and then come slithering back? Errrp. Sorry. Why would you want to play second fiddle...Why on earth would you not care that you & your feelings are thought so little of? Some loyalty...I guess they can demand it of others but make it their prerogative to give it or not?

    I'm asking because I just can't fathom this thread. Literally, I don't understand it & that's why I'm asking.

    To all the women on here praying for these men to be theirs, feeling that God isn't listening to their prayers, & whatnot...Have you ever stopped to think your unanswered prayers are a blessing??? I'm a Venus in Pisces & have a Scorpio Rising...I cannot fathom putting up with 90% of the stuff I've read on this thread. There's being patient & understanding & then there's being a doormat. It's all too masochistic for me...I โค me too much to allow anyone or anything have THIS kind of control over my life.

    And yes, I know a Cancer male, two actually as they are twins (27). They prey (unconsciously I assume) on vivacious & outgoing yet weaker/more vulnerable women...Vivacious & outgoing as this is how they secretly wish they could be (expressing themselves) but w/weakness so they can eventually put her mind in an armlock and warp it to change/break her. They actually would love to have very strong women, but those women refuse to stand still & deal w/all their issues & power trips.

  • KMJessica

    After much thought have I deside to give MR LIBRA a BIG BIG chance. Iยดve spent some time rereading every SINGLE email and letter, not to mention transcripts of our phonecalls over the years, and frankly I find I actually has more in common with him than cancer, then again cancer my fireman is the silent guy, so i wont know squat until he opens his trap. However Im not sure i wanna wait much longer 4 it to happen. So 4 now, he has been downsized to aquaintance / farawaysilent friend.

    Thanx 4 pointing this out to me KMJessica

  • OhJupiter: I know... right? Why am I putting myself through this... I guess because I have invested some much of myself and time...of course I want all to be well again... as far as him cheating on me and trying to make amends... I have never caught him or even suspected something like that until we broke up... truly, if there were red flags... i missed them... and even now i don't have proof.. i'm only assuming and going by what my psychics have said... my friends tell me that I haven't reached the angry stage yet and when i do... i won't want anymore to do with him... but its been 10 months now... wouldn't you think i would have gotten angry by now? I'm just sad all the time... crying non-stop some days... my dad is a cancer too and he is putting my step-mother through the ringer too... whatever is going on with cancer men i wish it was over already...does anyone that follows the charts, have any clue as to how long this phase is going to last for cancer men?

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  • i am attracted to a cancer who isgoing thru a divorce. he has lied, decieved many and is just not the man i had come to admire...thank you all for your insight , it helps to pull in my leo need to love and nuture...i still hold out hope he will come to his senses before something bad happens, health is not good, 49yrs, and so many irons in the fire...i am afard for him...

  • Hi j3d,

    I'm gonna start referring to my guy as "J" his first inital...

    Just read your post and here are my 2 cents, from what I am beginning to (think) I am learning about J is that his actions on MANY occasions are speaking volumes of contradiction to what comes out of his mouth. He will be admant that we are not dating, and that he loves me but not in love yet and then he will practically "eat me up", he will baby me, cook for me, make exceptionally wonderful [love] to me or several times in the last few weeks will even demonstrate jealousy--like the night I posted about him blowing his horn at me and whisking me away ๐Ÿ™‚ when he said we aren't dating and I was showing him what it was like to NOT date me. Normally he has not acted jealous and definately not displayed it in public! LoL

    As I'm sure you are not suprised he has/had the reputation of a player and that goes totally against his persona. Last night after I got off of work I met up with a mutual guy friend of ours, actually he was J's friend first and has been for years, at one of our hangouts for drinks and then we went to his house as we both are nightowls and we talked about J mostly. He told me that I seem to have some kind of hold on J because ever since his divorce he has seen him interact with lots of women and I am the only one that he's seen him spend as much time with me and the length of time we've been "hanging out" and also that he notices that J can't stay away from me if we are in the same room and that he see's the jealousy etc., Paul also said that even before he and I knew each other he had noticed how frequently J and I were out together at various places.

    Now to address your question, I would take that as YES, he does love you!!! Yaaay! As phobic as these guys seem to be about being labeled with relationship and all the fact that you stated you wanted a person who loved you to come spend time with you. I have saved several voicemails and J says I love you as well as the other times he has said it to me.... I let another friend listen to them for her opinion, to try and clairfy to myself I wasn't wistfully reading more into things. This is one time words are not contradicting actions. They just don't seem to want a label put on things.

    Thanks to this board I think I am beginning to interpret and understand J or I surely hope so! I am also learning to prepare myself for the next onslaught of anguish I am sure to endure, I'm thinking around June 7th, as that is our next full moon. I am older than J 10 years and have been divorced 22 years, obviously I do not wish to remarry ๐Ÿ™‚ so I am also trying to plant the seed in my heart and head that I will not have him as my "non-boyfriend" ha ha, forever but I do think he will always be part of my life as a friend. I am 45 (everyone thinks I'm in my 30's) and in 15 years I just don't see him still wanting me in the ways he does now. I don't think that came out quite right, just hope y'all understand what I'm trying to say...

    To address OhJuptier's question as to why we tolerate these things. I don't think we are given much of an option. I haven't ever in the past. This is my first Cancer and the magnetism is totally inexplicable. They just seem to totally mesmerize and before you know it you are consumed with thoughts of them EVERY waking moment. There have been many times that I have wished for 5 minutes that I do not have him in my head-even when things are good between us and I am feeling no insecurities. Your stating that you know two Cancer men and your interpretation of their ways with women will not make any sense UNLESS you get involved with one in an intimate manner. I take no offense to your question as well.

    These feelings I have for this man is something I never dreamed I could feel. I loved my husband more than life and what I'm experiencing here trumps that. In some ways I don't think I have been put through as much as some of the other girls here; mine has not come up missing etc., yet and with the nonsensical drama my ex-friend caused over the last weekend I believe that J would not disappear without a word. He was very upset that he may have broken my heart and I would not talk to him ( 3 voicemails that were conversations and so much raw emotion in his voice) He will probably end up breaking my heart totally but I will be given an explaination as to why.

  • Wow I dont know what to say. I so agree with Ohjupiter, thats why I got out. I couldnt stand being treated that way anymore. At the begining of our relationship 2 years ago, we spent almost every day together for 5 weeks and he had time then. Nothing has changed in his life, why would he not have time now ? He doesnt even have a job right now. I seen all the signs and couldnt stand it any more. Believe me I was just as into him as all the rest of you are into your men but I need someone who truely wants to be with me. No more excuses. I really hope that if things dont get any better for all of you, You will be good to yourselves and end it. Believe me you will feel so much better than getting dumped or ignored. Im not trying to talk any of you into anything cuz Ive beeen there, I know what your feeling and you have to decide for yourselves when youve had enough. Good luck to all of you.

  • BenteStoker

    Im so glad to hear it. I think your very lucky to have another man intrested in you. Im sure it will make things alot easier to forget Mr. Cancer. I think that may be one reason I held on as long as I did. Because there was noone else in my life. But I realized it doesnt matter, I refuse to be used anymore. Im so happy for you.

  • kmjessica

    I am sorry for all the pain you've endured and I wish you love and luck in the future. Keep us informed of your status and continue to pray for all of us here.


    I re-read the whole board and your situation and mine seem to be most alike. We will be fine. I am about to get off of work and go by the bar for a couple drinks, all the while praying J will be there or call if he is home, of course I would go spend the night in a second. I also know what you mean when you tell yours "he feels good" J hears that from me and I from him.

    BTW after spending Tues. night with him, I could also tell by the bed no-one has been there since me ๐Ÿ™‚

    Well until tomorrow!

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  • Everyone keeps asking whats going on with cancer right now. I wonder if maybee some of us our going through the same thing. Anyone have saturn in htere 7th house right now? I do and Im definatly learning a life leson about relationships.

  • I have read and paid attention to everyone's plight,advice and wisdom here. I began rethinking my behavior and didn't call him or IM him as much and became a little aloof....well by jeepers it worked. We have become so much closer and he has expressed so much more to me in the past truly is unbelievable. Give them their space and watch what happens. He doesn't say much but I have come to realize that he shows his and I quote "contentment" in other like cuddling, cooking for me etc....I have consulted tarot, astrology and psychics for months now and all say he is in love but still some trust issues that are beginning to dissolve and work themselves out...patience(and I have next to none) are the key. I hope that all here realize that you are wonderful,caring and kind human beings and that you deserve all the happiness you can find.....if you belive in your heart that the Cancer man holds your heart then go for it. They truly are worth the time ,tears and patience we put in.Know deep in your hearts that it is them and not you. That is the biggest piece of knowledge I can give. When you show that you can be independent from them they will sense this and wonder, and be slinging back like the rubber elastic..... I pray all Be well and Happy....memasun57

  • i am a cancer woman and yes when we are hurt it not only stays with us for a long time we are very affraid to open are arms and hearts completely. he is probally very sensitive and stand off ish at the same time, us cancers are pretty hard to figure out because we hide our most inter feelings but are very trust , you can win over his heart with lost of compasion and telling him you understand and letting him know how you feel about because like everyone we want know we are cared about. please right back i have lots more to say

  • I am a Gemini and I have been in a 8 year relationship with a cancer. I have 4 children by him, and there is still a lot that confuses me about him. He his very romantic and sweet(when he wants to be), yet he can be very moody and mean. He hates waking up in the morning, especially when it is early in the morning. I feel that he is very attracted to me sexually, but other times I feel like he is only happy when we have sex. He really is a genuine guy. he is a great father, the kids absolutely loves him. I think that they are really what keeps us going. Otherwise I think one of us would of been dead by now.

  • CancerCan and J3d: My Cancer's name starts with J as well!! I wasn't going to say anything, but that is so funny. Don't worry- these aren't the same guys!

  • To karmacutie I am a gemini too and i feel the exact same way. I feel like my cancer(7-6-77) is more than a boyfirend, he is my best friend, lover, brother, father, everything in one.

  • J3d: He's can probably tell he dictates your emotions- pull away to regain control of your emotions! You owe it to yourself!

    I wonder if Cancer's had a big 'in the mood for love time', back when Tom Cruise was jumping on Oprah's couch (He's a Cancer).

  • First, of all...Cancer is the crab and they can be crabby and cranky. But I see it like this...I always read that they have their own different way/sense of satisfaction. Also, their home is their shell. Their home is their kingdom & just not everyone is welcome. Just like the crab...his shell (home) is his own environment and they like it this way! He is also a water sign. Water signs have emotions more than most & in usually have less emotions than women. Not with the Cancerians. I think he really must have trusted this person and his feelings run/ran really deep. I always see water signs as this. Throw a pebble in the water & the water feels every ripple and feels how the water is affected, in every sense of the way.

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