Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • So ironic that ask today!! After the great start to my day, it ended with him telling my friend that he was still in love with his ex! All the while trying to call me on my cell which was in the car, to riding by the pub but not stopping, and then he calls the pub phone twice trying to talk to me.

    I refuse to speak to him and don't know when I will. I am very strong willed and it may kill me not to but as long as he doesn't know that. As of now if he is in love with her, then he can leave that mushy crap with me. I am not looking to marry, and it's like he steam rolls me over with feelings for me and then freaks out and slams on the brakes.

    I've been through this BS too many times and I don't have to put up with it. Does this resemble your Cancer KarmaCutie? UGH!

  • Hi Librachild,

    Hope you've had time to read my very long post! It's nice to know there are so many of us out there (both in UK and USA) obviously going through very similar experiences with these Cancer men. My ex hubbie is a Leo and I thought they were difficult and stubborn...... My clairvoyant tells me what I really need is a nice Sagittarius. Anyway I digress...... in answer to your question, I'm originally from London - Ealing to be precise which as you know is just up the road from Chiswick - what a small world! I'm now living (thanks to the ex hubbie...) up in Warwickshire, having moved north from Hampshire some time ago. Just a quick update on my situation, no news from my ex Cancercian partner and nothing from the now ex friend who met up with him. I feel as time goes by and she doesn't get in touch, it says it all for me. Thank goodness for our girlfriends and these forums!

  • I never memorized mine's phone number and I've deleted him from my phone! LoL, no middle of the night text's or calls....

    I am seething and when I get like this I am not nice. I hope I can stay ill for a few days, at least it keeps the pain at bay.

    Thank goodness for our GF's and this thread, to know I am NOT crazy helps!

  • CancerCan: Ahaaaaaah! A true Cancer! I have a whole forum on here about my Cancer under 'Will my Crabby Cancer come crawling back?'. My whole story is on there- but you do sound alot like me. Although our feeling are REALLY involved with this Cancer- we're trying to be smart about it! When I met him (in December) he still had a ring that she used to wear around his neck! Even though I normally would've ran away, there was something special about him. I did get to the point ,when we started seeing eachother, that maybe he should mourn this on his own and call me when he's ready OR something bad had to happen with her to break the bond of hope he seemed to still had. Him seeing her in those rose colored glasses almost made me sick, because had heard from mutual friends of hers and mine that she and my Cancer got together right after she had been in a long term relationship. So they literally called him her 'rebound'. I was hurt to hear that cuz I knew how he felt about her (he called her a 'soulmate'...) I hung in there and something bad DID happen between them, we found out she was into shady behavior when they were seeing eachother-cancers are really big on trust... soo I don't think he can bring himself ever trying to persue her again, not that that would matter because I guess she's back with the other guy now and happy I guess.

    I read a trick about guys being sentimental keeping exes stuff- 'just wait 'til you move in together, then that box somehow got lost in that move...' lol Anyways the next step for me is just live my life- He's going to have to persue me now because he'll know when he's ready then and when men go after something, it makes them want it more.

  • CancerCan

    I know how you feel. Its terrible you or any of us have to go through that. I kept my sister informed in everything that had happened, while it happened during my relationship with both my cancer men. She told me I was very crazy to stick around and keep going back to him. I knew she was right but there was something karmic about our relationship. If I believed in past lives ( not sure if I do), Id say we were together in a past life also. But no matter what anyone tells you, you yourself have to get to that point were you say enough already. Im tired of being treated this way by him. ( I said that so many times and still went back). But Im there now. Im done with him. Its been 6 days since he last text and 5 days since I text him. (which by the way he didnot respond). I cant wait till its a month. Ill feel so much better. And I have to tell all of you guys that its so very wonderful to know there is others out there that have or are going through the same thing. It makes things so much easier. I would have caved in and called him by now if it wasnt for this forum. Thank you Thank you.

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  • I too wonder what makes me so captivated by I said, 12 years I have managed to keep my heart guarded without too much work. He is in my head all the time, constantly, and I wish I could turn it off, even when we are in a good place!!

    He will not leave me be when I do try to step back just for simple space. Friday night, I was at the pub shooting pool with my son & friends, 11 p.m., he calls saying he's on his way--he doesn't even like the place I was; Saturday, he had his daughter, around the same time my phone starts ringing and texts coming in, etc., Sunday I stayed home he called up until he was at home, 2 a.m. left a voicemail that "he loved me, and hoped he could sleep without me"

    I feel like he doesn't want me, but sure doesn't want someone else to get me.

    My curiosity is killing me right now as to whether he will or won't try and contact me tonight when I leave work. Glad this forum is here too!!! I can go on & on about him and be understood! Part of me wants to turn my phone off, but then I want to know too if he will try....he told my friend he wants to talk to me about our situation.

    I don't feel there's anything to talk about, either we are a couple in a relationship, or we are "just hanging out" right now I'd probably kick him in the shin if he even looked at me. I do not want to hear he loves someone else, but I kind of doubt that, he uses the ex-wife whenever he freaks himself out. I mean he may but come on! I'm grown, make way more money than he does, I am usually very independent. I haven't asked him to be my life-long partner or boyfriend. He knows I love him, so I guess he is used to the clingy or needy type women? By now if I'd spent as much time with most other guys as I have him, I'd be turned off!

    I'll be looking forward to hearing all the tales of woe we are telling!!!

  • KarmaCutie--

    Gonna read your thread now!

  • I think we should all channel our energies in thinking and believing, " I am fabulous and the one for this man"...

  • Update....

    My best friend just called to tell me she saw him and that he tried to talk to her about me and she told him that I was silent and when I get like that it's usually not a good thing. Then proceeds to let me know he is really down and that I need to talk to him because he really cares about me.

    I told her I can't right now and I would not call him for sure. She kept insisting that would be the thing to do, but if we are just hanging out and he isn't "in love with ME yet" I feel I should take all my strength and avoid him. He can't keep waffling back and forth.

    I am a prideful soul, if I give in this time it will not make any impact other than he can do this when he feels like it. Can we say self preservation?!?

    Karma, We ARE and they know it too or else they'd leave us alone!!!!! My man hasn't spent as much time with anyone like he has me since I've known him. He needs to decide what he wants.

  • Dear j3d: I would really appreciate your opinion on my forum: Gemini in love with cancer man. I think it would be of great interest to you too..this cancer is driving me insane!!

  • Hello everyone,

    I'm over here in the UK reading all these posts and thinking - OMG it could easily be the same guy! These Cancer men certainly do 'get inside' your head - like a lot of you, I can't help thinking about me ex Cancer partner who suddenly walked out of my life at the beginning of February (for the 2nd time). No-one seems to understand how we feel - apart from this site which is a wonderful find. My dear friends tell me to put him behind me and get on with my life - which I know is extremely good advice but it's so hard. For me the worst part is that he just won't even talk to me - obviously doesn't think he owes me an explanation or anything. Despite the fact I helped save his life but that doesn't seem to count. People tell me he is fine which hurts like hell - how can they be fine when they've just walked out of our life without a backward glance? I find the weekends the worst as that was when we'd spend time together and I find these can be black days for me. Yes I have some wonderful friends and a very busy life plus one mad dog - so why am I missing him so much? Do they miss us - I doubt it. As for the so called 'friend' who met him for a drink a few weeks ago, I've heard nothing from her since. I did think she would text or e-mail but she has been very quiet and the longer it goes without hearing from her, the more it confirms my suspicions. Why can't they just be honest? A couple of people plus my Clairvoyant tell me he will be back at some point - with a very plausible excuse but I somehow can't see that - not twice. But, then again, reading some of these posts, it seems that a Cancer man thinks he can do anything.

    Wishing you all a happy and peaceful weekend from deepest Warwickshire, UK.

  • Hey Girls...

    I mangaed to make it a whole day and night without contact, but today my same friend from last night calls me to let me know he would be stopping by her house today to visit a mutal friend that bunks with her 5 days a month, his friend actually, but she still insisted that I talk to him, that he does care deeply for me and not because of what he told her but she said he ALWAYS gets the biggest smile on his face when I first walk in the room/pub. So I caved in and called him to see if he wanted to talk before I went to work at her place.

    I get over there, she has a pool and we have gorgeous weather today so I go in and we all chit-chat for a minute and I just went to the patio to sunbath. He was in the middle of his work day and he told me if he had to leave before I got there or just as I got there that he did want to talk.

    He came out with a drink for me and asks if I was still mad. I asked him to please let me say something first and I told him the main reason I was mad was that I was told to go there the other night to meet him to talk and I had not planned to see him as his friend is in town, but I get there, she is in bed and the 2 fellas aren't. Then I told him that I merely had to come to terms with myself in order to have this discussion. I decided sometime last night that we were doing just great before we tried to label "us" and before this talk of love came on the scene, and could we just drop that part and not ruin what we have.

    I also told him that there was one thing I didn't think he truly knew or understood about me and that was yes I care deeply for you etc., but I will not shatter over this (he had the moist pained eyes, thinking he might hurt my feelings) and as long as I know where I stand in the relationship I can handle it; and to please know that I am not clingy, needy, and definately did not want to try and smother him. Also too I knew he still was in love with his ex because he mentions her too often.

    He said he knew I wasn't like that and he'd never felt smothered either by me he just did not want to have to say something that would hurt me. Also that he wasn't just pining away for "her" that he would get over that in time. Mainly he didn't want me hurt.

    Then he says he's gotta get going and I'm sitting there thinking when will I see him or what will we end up like--the usual insecurities and he asks if I will be attending the shin-dig Sunday at his best friend and business partner's home (I've never been there) I told him I was unaware of it taking place he said "you've gotta come, it's always a blast" So if I have to live the next two nights without seeing him... I hope not.

    So, now I wait until I get off work tonight to find out.....I'm happy on one hand and the other is thinking here we go again! LoL

    That's what our problem is with these guys, they keep us guessing!! Keep your fingers crossed for me that I can see him the whole weekend.

  • They do keep us guessing! Why was he afraid he'd hurt you? Same with my Cancer, that he needs time to get over her...

  • Well Karma--I thought because he didn't feel as strongly about me as I do him. Guess that was part of it, then thanks to my BFF I get a text while at work last night that he was seen leaving our pub with another woman. Usually even if he isn't heard from or at our pub by my quitting time he ALWAYS shows up or at least calls. Nothing last night. I just feel numb and I hope if he did take whomever home with him for the night he had the decency to at least take MY pillow off the bed and not let her lay her head on it. Maybe it made him think of me?!? HA!

    Now I wish I hadn't talked to him yet, but too late. Anyway I went to the other pub met up with friends and then three of us went to a late night club and I actually was in a great mood and had a blast. Today the guy friend picked me up to go get my car and as we pulled out of the parking lot the Cancer and his friend were turning onto the street; so at least I have the satisfaction of him not know exactly what I may have done. Especially seeing me following Dave!

    I also decided I am not going to go the BBQ tomorrow. Me and my BF are going to another friends 1/2 million dollar house on the lake. It is about 45 minutes out of town too. I imagine that the other "she" may attend, it's a huge affair and I can't sit there and watch him flirt. Normally it doesn't bother me because I am a flirt too. I just need to stay away, not get caught in his eyes I love so much; collect my thoughts and get my heart in check. I will have ups and downs with this but I am very experienced at putting bricks in the wall around my heart 😞

    At least I have y'all -yes I'm from Alabama 🙂 I will probably post all night. Your other thread is helping too Karma, it's so weird how everyone of these men sound like they are one and the same! I know some Cancer women but don't recall them being like the men--moody & wishy washy. Guess it's never affected me about my girl friends moods LoL!

  • Well here I am again...I am beginning to be so very sad and I also am trembling and feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. Mind you I don't know for sure he did, but if so how / why would he sleep with someone else? We have an absolutely fantabulous connection there.

    If I could turn my head off for even 2 minutes. I read the other thread KarmaCutie started and many instances where the guy gets jealous or attentive when we seem "not theirs" has of course happened with me.

    Just two weeks ago he gave the we're not dating I was one of his best friends and he loves me to death episodes. I mentioned in another post I was going to show him what it's like to NOT date me. We hang out at the same bar/s too and he comes in when he knew I was off work, we speak and he leaves. Well me and couple others went to the all night bar that night too just as we were parking he calls my phone (he doesn't like me going there) we talk about 5 minutes and he says-"you can come spend the night here if you want" I was thrilled he called and knew I wasn't sitting around at home, so I said "if I DO call you it will be for you to come pick me up" and I didn't call. We didn't talk the next day either, Saturday, so I brought a change of clothes etc., to work and I made sure I looked great, well he calls that night asking where I was and I tell him in between two bars and we lose our signal. I didn't try and call him back and am sitting at a table full of guys-all friends I too have tons of guy friends-he came strolling in and I didn't acknowledge him so he comes up to us and speaks. I spoke, turn back and continue my conversation. Later I go to the bathroom and I could NOT resist not being close to him for a minute so I stop and chit chat. Well closing time rolls around, I was back at my table and he gets up to leave and says nothing. When we get to the parking lot he is sitting in his truck and I didn't even look his way; he blew his horn and I still ignored him--then he laid on the horn (hilarious, I was getting to him) so I look his way and he's mouthing something and I put my hand to my ear as in "I can't hear you" so he leans over and opens the passenger door and says "what are you doing?" I told him my parents told me never acknowledge a guy who simply blows the horn and not come to the door for me. Also told him me and the guys were going out late-he got ill and said for me to get in the truck. Told him no that I had made plans to go with my friends because I didn't know I would be seeing him. Well, he leans over and lifts me in and gives me the most passionate kiss; I melted of course then he says "you are going with me" and takes off with me. I was kind of PO'd and we sparred on the way to his house and I told him that he needed to decide what the heck he wanted to do either date or be friends but he would not jerk me around emotionally. One of the other guys called to see about me and asked if he should come get me and I said no. Well, he's good friends with my guy so he just comes over to his house anyway. We were outside it was beautiful that night-so my guy keeps making jealous remarks etc., way later we had amazing fireworks and he again tells me he loves me.

    Sunday we had a great day, we laugh a lot when we are together anyway.

    O.K. I am truly in pain now. I took a break, took my cell which showed I had voicemail. Of all the things 3 messages from him night before last. Sweet, honest also saying he loved me but not in love yet and also that he wanted me to know he had not cheated on me but he didn't want a serious relationship and he was sorry if he was hurting me.

    Why on God's green earth did they just now pop into my box??? Luckily no one is at work because I sat on that bench and cried. I have played them over and over just to hear his voice. I just want to go home, but I have an hour left. I feel so sick to my stomach. I am so praying he did not take another to his bed last night. And is at home with his kids tonight.

    I also could kick myself for allowing my heart to feel I have done so well the last 12 years. My ego would get cracked over a guy but I could manage to keep my feet on the ground. I am wondering too if the issues of the last couple days is his way of letting me know he was going to go out with someone. If so I appreciate him thinking enough of me to be honest about his feelings or is it all him freaking out and pulling away again.

    I hope I can sleep tonight. I really need that lakehouse right now!!!

  • hi,i am married to a cancer who is also been cheated a few times,and that

    left him a very big,should i say-if i spell it wright-enourmous scar.Cancers,most

    of them are like huggy bears and you should play him like a really good friend,show

    him the good things about you,and in no time he will be yours.

    divljakusa-from Croatia

  • This is the last few contacts I had with my Cancer guy. On mothers day he text and said happy moms day and then he asked me to come over. I told him I would after everyone at his house went to bed.( he lives with his mom and his 3 kids) He said I should just come over now that he didnt care what everyone thinks. (long story why I didnt want anyone to know I was there)It has to do with our kids.He said well we should date then its ok. I asked him if he was being sarcastic and he said he was being real. If it keeps us in good terms with the kids. I said, You wanna date for the kids sake. He said no silly what ever helps us.So I went over their and we talked till one in the morning. I text him the next morning and he never responded. So 4 days later I told him I hated it when I text and he didnt reply. Asked him what he really wanted and that I didnt want to play games anymore.I was getting a headache trying to figure him out. So i told him to be straight with me. He replyed that he didnt get my text till late that night and hes been busy with the kids. (there is always an excuse when he doent respond to me)then he said, trying to figure me out. LOL , that he cant even do that. Then he said we never seem to have free time at the same time. But if I wanted to try dating he is there.And told me not to get a headache over him. I told him it was annoying when he didnt respond to my text. He said noone ever calls him so he never looks at his phone and it goes dead and doesnt know where it is. But he would do a better job and that he just plugged it in to charge. He asked if he was on my mind at work even. I told him not to get a big head.

    So he then text me the next day and asked if I was at my daughters ball game. I told him no I was at work. I text him on Sunday night and he never responded. This last Saturday night he text me and said, hey you.

    Im so sick of all this game playing cuz when you say you want to date someone I would guess you would talk to them more and accually see them. And he has not shown me that hes that into me.

    So I text him back and told him that whenever he figures out what it is he wants I have no doubt that he would get it. And that I couldnt do this with him anymore. That he was right and we didnt have time for eachother. So I said take care and have a good summer. That was about 10 at night. He responded at one in the morning. He said, he was sorry he didnt respond earlier. But..he has nothing to say. He said he had no clue where I was coming from.

    So Im done with him once and for all. I dont think he will ever get in touch with me again. This was the best way for me to get over him, Cuz I would allways fall back into the trap when he would text me once a week or every other week. NO more. I feel so much better. Even though I will miss him very much. I have to move on for my own sake. I need to find someone who is NOT a Cancer.

    I hope all of you get what it is your looking for and again Im so greatfull for this forum, it has helped me out so much. Thank all of you for sharing.

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  • j3d

    Thats the way they are. They dont want commitment. But they also dont want to give you up. Not alot of women are like us. They would never put up with the friends with benifits thing. And the men know that it would be hard to find someone else who would. I think eventually you will do the same thing I did. You will get tired of his game and end it. You and every other women are worth so much more than the way they treat you. I found that out this weekend of myself. I have to believe there is a great guy out there for me. And if Im still hooked on him and playing his game , I wont meet that great guy. So I hope that if he continues this way you will get to the point were you say enough is enough.

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