Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • Hi all,

    Well, what can I say - reading all these posts about Cancerian men - are any other star signs as difficult I wonder? There certainly seem to be a lot on here about the Cancer sign. From what's been said I guess most of you are out in the USA, whereas I am here in the UK but also just come out (not of my own choice) of a fairly long relationship with a Cancerian. Not sure if any of you can make any sense of what happened to me but I'd be interestd in any opinions or suggestions! I'm a typical Virgo and had been married for 26yrs. I first met my Cancer man just after his marriage ended but he said they hadn't been happy for some time (they didn't have any children) but he had been married before and has one son. When we first met he made a comment that he never meant to get married once, let alone twice. We dated for about 18mths first time round, during which time he had about 3 or 4 'funny turns' when he went off but only for a couple of days and then was very remorsefull and then things would be ok. Then out of the blue he ended it over the phone and was absolutely hateful. I was heartbroken as I had fallen head over heels in love with this chap - I should add, at this point, that he had resisted all attempts for me to meet any of his family.

    Fast-forward 6mths and I got a text from him, saying he would be in the pub if I wanted to talk. To cut a very long and probably boring story short, we then got back together and dated again for 2 and half years. Last October, completely out of the blue, he had a heart attack. Lucky enough he was OK - I got the paramedics to him in 3 and half minutes and, my friends say, literally saved his life. He came to stay with me for 10 days so I could 'look after' him and things seemed ok. Unfortunately 6wks after the heart attack, we lost his father so things were quite grim. He insisted I was at his side for the funeral. We then had a reasonable Christmas but then for some reason I'm still trying to work out, our relationship took a turn for the worst from New Years Eve. 4wks later he walked out of my house one Sunday morning and out of my life - again! He had what I think was a nervous breakdown - obviously brought on by all the stress of his illness and also losing his Dad - I was there by his side every step of the way.

    What I find very, very hard to understand is that he won't have any contact with me at all - won't meet up, won't respond to any text. I've also tried writing a letter and also send him a couple of very small gifts but no response at all.

    I'm now very angry with him. How can you take all that from one person and then just walk away? It's been made worse now as a close girlfriend put a note through his door and then sent him a text and, low and behold, he agrees to meet up with her...... The same friend I should add whose house we were all at on New Years Eve. I might be putting two and two together and coming up with 26 but I am now very suspicous. Especially after the e-mail she sent me the following Monday after she'd met him - telling me he is fine but that I just put him under too much pressure back in January..... Personally, I don't think he knows the meaning of the word pressure - the pressure was quite welcome when I literally had to put my elbow in his groin while he was in hospital to stem the flow of blood after he'd had surgery - that was perfectly ok.

    What is it about these Cancer men? Why can't they just talk to us? This one said he loved me - this one called me his partner that night in hospital when he was obviously so very scared. As for this 'friend' - well I'm still not sure what her game is, she is keeping a very low profile at present. As for me, well thank goodness I have some wonderful friends, two fantastic kids, a good job and have just finished retraining as a Reflexologist - no thanks to him! I also make jewellery so have lots to keep me busy but I can't help but miss him. My clairvoyant tells me he will be back with a very plausible excuse but it will be too late for him as I will already have met someone else - well I wish this someone else would get a move on!

    Any suggestion girls?


  • ps - should also have said apologies for the very long post above!

  • your man sounds like hes confused between two women. i also have a cancer man his nmae is steven. your man will decide on his own what and who he wants , just dont wait too long

  • there the most stubborn and think there right about everything

  • Dear Stevani,

    Thank you for your replies. God only knows what is going through his mind. I just don't understand how you can go from what I thought we had - and that was something pretty good - especially after all we'd been through together since last October - to this. Especially after we spent Boxing Day with his sister and her family and he talked about us going on that 'once in a lifetime' trip out to Oz and New Zealand - insisting it was to be 'our' trip and not just his!

    I've decided I'll never understand a Cancerian man - and to think I though Leo's were difficult (my ex husband is a Leo....)!


  • Dalia: thanks for pointing out that being friends with someone isn't the end of the world but that it's a start.

    I've been doing the 30-day thing and am down to Day 17 and things have been looking up. Although I'm asking for my soulmate, things are looking up with my Cancer friend. I'm playing it cool, not pressuring him at all, and although I don't go down to see him every day at work now (as he told me not to, for fear of losing his job), faith or destiny is throwing us together nearly every day so I am able to see him and talk to him (albeit only for a minute). I'm really playing it cool now. If he wants it this way, fine with me. If he doesn't, he'll find a way to see me.

    Let's see, the psychics gave it till end of May-mid June and then he'll ask me out. (Funny one psychic had said February, Valentine's Day, and it didn't happen.) Every time they give you a different timeframe!

    MariaRia: I'll have to study the Tarot cards. I do the free 3-card readings on and it always comes true. But surely one Tarot card has 3 different meanings? How do you know which one relates to you? I guess I'll have to really study the cards. That's why it is so easy for me to go to psychics. I'm low on funds, yet I again went online with 2 live psychics. They all say the same thing, but this last one described my Cancer friend and his situation perfectly. And about his ex as well. It's things he's told me himself which I never told the psychic. Anyway I can't wait for mid-June, see if he'll ask me out then. If not, then my case is hopeless. But the 30-day thing might work. 17 more days to go.

    Londonlass54: I'll have to read your situation a few times more and then I'll reply. It's a bit confusing right now. (I lived in London - Chiswick - for 33 yrs before moving to Calif. My sister still lives there. Whereabouts in London do you live?)

  • Funny how everyone is saying that everyother cancer man sounds like theres. And for the sake of repeating every one else. It sounds like we are all dating the same man. I was set up with a cancer man 2 years ago. It was the best date Ive ever been on. We talked like we knew eachother for years. So we dated 5 weeks and his older daughter was friends with my younger daughter. I thought everything was going great. Untill one day my oldest daughter sat me down and said his daughter told her that she walked into his bedroom and there was his old girlfriend in his bed. So now Im crushed because for one thing he told me she was just a family friend. I confronted him and the lies began. to get to the short of it I broke it off. It was hard to get over him. I fell hard. Well he would text me every other month. And silly me would respond. Till we got to December of last year and we started hanging out again. The things he would say made me believe he was really into me. But now we are here today and he doesnt answer my text till a day later or not at all. So I dont text again. Then he text me saying he misses my text. And other crap. He is always making up excuse for everything. Im so sick of it. It is even to hard to be friends with him. I give up

  • I was involve with cancer for two years, and it started out great even thru I felt we were moving too fast, but out of no where he would have these mood swings that would last for a few days,

    and he could be rude and insecure. I learn that it was fear, worry, and just plain moody. I couldnt deal with it anymore, but we are still friends, I never know when I going to hear from him but its always a pleasant surprise and listening to him talk he seems to be changing his outlook on life and I do appreciate him for I learn a lot of positive things from him. I sure cancers are misunderstood, just back off they come around, they can be fun and interesting people. I just one dont have time for moodiness at least not for days. I do love him but had to more on, by the way I"m a Pisces

  • You are right the one I was with for two years was a Mr. Know it All and did not like to compromise, even if it would make things better between us.

  • Almondjoy225

    Your so right, because everytime I do back off and not talk to him for a week he is the one to get ahold of me and tell me he misses me. And yes they are very moody. One day he is talking about trying to date again and then I dont hear from him in a week. I know its a cancer nature but to me its rude.

  • Just to add a little more about what I know about cancer men. The last 2 men I had relationships with were cancer ( I will never date one again by the way) and I have a nephew that is a cancer. They love there families and the family is there life. They all have children ,both of the men I dated had custody of them. But it seems that even though they were living with them someone else was raising them. First guy it was always the girlfriend he was with at the time. Ex: he would go to the bar and she would pick up the kids feed them and put them to bed.

    the second guy has lived with his mother for 10 years and she practicaly raises them. My nephew and his wife lost there house and has been living with my sister (his mom) for the last 4 years. They have a very strong bond with mother. The second guy couldnt wait for me to meet his mother. I liked her very much, we got along well. But she would say strange things like when I retire we (meaning him and her and his children) are going to move to Oklahoma cuz thats were the work is for him. Ok this guy is 34 years old does she think he is going to be with her forever? It already seems that there a married couple. Its so wierd. My advice to anyone who says they want to date a cancer man is : RUN RUN RUN away as fast as you can, before you fall for him. Because they are very easy to fall for.

  • I agee with you kmjessica, he was insenitive to my feeling, which is rude, but he was very senitive when I tell him about himself, what a trip!

  • all the astrology books talk about how sensitive cancers are...........yeah, to themselves!! I finally learned that a cancer always has a hidden agenda. They are the best imitations of nice people that I ever met! I hope you are not fooled easily. Not all cancers are Tom Hanks. My so called best friend for over 25 yrs married my ex hubby, five months after I moved out and She told my hubby about an affair I had with a cancer man! I could go on and on but you will probably do what you want too. If, you like backstabbers, go for it.

  • Hello and WOW! Just found this forum and am very intrigued by your posts. I myself have allowed my heart to completely go (12 years) to my first Cancer. As my screen name indicates, cancer's can drive you up the wall!

    The majority of what I have read is so "on" it's almost frightening LoL...I met mine in November, last year. I really wasn't even really attracted to him. But our paths just seemed to keep crossing or he'd see one of my friends and ask about me. We we're into a casual friends with benefits pattern until two months + ago. He grew on me!!! One of my friends told him how I truly felt about him, and he asks me about it. Of course I denied it! But also asked him "what would you do if I did say I was in love with you - run?" He said no, and I need to quit being Miss Hard ***, etc., so I simply said I could love you but I'm not going to let it happen. Well, after that conversation it seemed like things magically started an upswing for us. About a week later I was so tired of trying to squealch my love for him, I did tell him that "I admit my friend was right about what she told you" ha ha...

    Anyway things continued to pick up, but as most all have said, the wondering when or if I would get to see him after my night shift job, was getting to me. He also is one who will say "call me" instead of the other way around. Well, I did not get an exact I Love You back from him at the time and I tried and tried to keep my fear and negative feelings out of the way this time but after another week or so and still unsure of my footing, another incident in my work life took place and kind of caused me to be in a very quiet, restless and thoughtful mood for a few days. No way were my intentions to play a game with him, but he was extremely unsettled by my silence; I am usually very happy and boisterous, he made several comments of how I was not my usual self. I don't know if he thought I was about to take off running from him or what; I had began to let myself stop calling him, just before the work thing and he would call me instead. He kept giving the "JUST FRIENDS" to me and everyone else until this.

    Now he has decided we ARE dating after all, we've only not been together about 5 times in 3 months or more...and it is just amazing how much more attentive he is to me. I am happier than I've been in years and thanks to daily Tarot readings I learned to bide my time with him and eventually let him realize he has been in love with me too this whole time. Too lengthy but a lot of his other actions gave that one away!

    Maybe we can hold each other up when our men get to be too much.

  • CancerCan

    Im so glad things turned out for you with your cancer man. We always hear the negative about them, But someone is marrying these men right??

    The friends with benefits is a big thing with cancer men as is them always telling you to call them. But when you do they dont respond. And its not just to the women in their life its there men friends too. The cancer guy in my life told me just a week ago that one of his friends text him about something but that he didnt respond. So at least I know it wasnt just me he didnt respond to. I for one have had all I can take. Im done with him. I cant evem be friends with him anymore, Its a waste of my time and effort

  • kmjessica,

    I can totally understand how you/we could end up in a frazzled mess with these men. As I think I said, before my work issue made me "weird" I already had started the talk with myself that I was not going to continue much longer. I would've been hurt to walk away, but I've been through a lot myself and will not settle. I was around longer than usual, this time, I fell before I could stop it! Anyway, a couple weeks ago he stated to a mutal aquaintence that we were not dating but best friends, I decided to show him what it's like to NOTdate me! Once again no game playing necessary, just made sure I looked really good and went out both weekend nights and was open to maybe meeting someone else. That's when he started showing his true colors, even though he didn't want to. I was thrilled but still played it cool.

    My guy too is the same non-responsive person with everyone but his children! We will just continue to try to help each other through the next crooks and turns. Watch your situation turn out like mine, when YOU decide to drop it like it's hot he will be at your feet in no time.

    Chin up girl! 😉

  • Cancer-can...did at any point your man give off signs that he might be interested in or look at other women with admiration...(lust)...mine did and I am struggling with what to do about it. Some how I feel that he is testing me to see my reaction. Should I say something or should I act on it...Not into games at this point in my life but will paly out if I need not being available. Are these men so simple that they don't know the pain they put us through? I have never given a man so much lattitude. I too am almost at the point of walking away all though the psycics say to hang in there...he is in love with you...but doesn't have full faith and trust in me yet...Soon he will confess his love .... Is this a pipe dream they are feeding me...We have been seeing each other for 14 months now...When does the rainbow come out...LOL

  • hah all men pull that 'test your security' test with looking at another woman. The best thing to do is pretend not to even notice... just take a sip of your cocktail and start a new topic. 😉

  • Memasun57

    He definately did, and I did not react, I kept my cool as I too felt I was being tested. The other reason being he and I both are huge flirts! LoL, so I would just let it go, then I would not be available/reachable or I would casually give it right back. We are both good looking people and get hit on a lot, no conceit here....That is the part I was talking about when I said his actions began speaking volumes about how he really felt about me. He would call, text, or come and find me if I was "unavailable" and he started showing small signs of jealousy 😉 That is how we met, flirting, but we have a mutual respect and trust so that neither of us have to get too bent out of shape when we engage in conversations, etc., with other people. We both know where we will end up when it's all over. Then when I kind of did game play a little, and show him what it was like to NOT date me, he all the sudden did an about face with his non-chalance.

    Although he did get me good this morning. He did not kiss me and say good-bye as usual, I work nights, he just said he had to go. I lay there fuming after he leaves...when I go into the master bathroom he had written "I Love You" on the mirror!!! Needless to say I melted.

    From what I can gather they have to have us pass their tests, even if they aren't aware they are giving them to us. It has been hard for me to feel as much as I do and I have been a basket case at times! But it has been worth the wait. We've been in each other's worlds since November, about 6 months. Once he truly knew he could trust me is when he gave in to his feelings and things are so good now!!

    I also agree with KarmaCutie, take a sip of the cocktail, new topic and revel in sexuality only a Virgo can exude!

  • CancerCan: Any issues with his ex?

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