Cancer man, and he is confusing
"According to him, when I told him to think about it (if I'm ever going to see him outside of work), he replied "I don't need to think about it. It WILL happen." This was a month ago. "
OH.MY.GOD. He did the SAME thing to me! He kept saying "we'll hang out", "Dont worry, we'll go out". And it never, ever happened. And then...all of a sudden, we went out to dinner once, and then for a month straight after that I was with him every single weekend, all weekend. Dinner, breakfast, coffee....damn.
I had the most amazing date with him last weekend, and when out dinner and drinks was over, he kind of sideways hinted at what I was doing after, but he NEVER, EEEVVVERRR actually comes out and asks me. it's always "So....what are you doing after? Oh, really? Nothing? Huh. Me either." and then he'll be silent. And I'll have to say "well...do you wanna do something?" and then it goes from there. There was only one time that he actually said it, and that's because I started hinting first.
I know how you feel, my friends say the same thing to me. But lately they're as confounded as I am. I read in several places that Cancers really take things like broken hearts, or soiled relationships to heart. A break up for them (whereas for us, it sucks, we weep, we move on) is like the worst, most scarring experience ever. And they just don't wanna ever deal with it. So, I guess, if they even have a slight feeling of doubt about you, they go into Super Insane Cautious Mode. And I'm still trying to figure out how to get out of it.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It's never easy when the man you love just "disappears" without a word. But how are you coping? How do we forget someone who is deeply embedded in our heart? Yours has been 6 weeks. You must be deeply heartbroken. Mine has only been one week. Has yours contacted you at all? I'm hoping mine will tomorrow at work. The psychics tell me to think positive, but I'd only be fooling myself if I do that. But deep down in my heart I KNOW things will work out between us. But right now I am so hurt, all I can think of is if he really cared I would have heard from him by now. The pain just doesn't go away.
My goodness, you're describing MY fella. It's scarey that yours is just like mine. (At least you're going out with him! How old is yours? Mine is 57 - a grown man!). Mine's exactly like yours - he never comes out with what he wants to say, but always "kind of sideways hints". I didn't realize this until much later when I think back over conversations we've had. He always used to ask me what time was I leaving work, am I working on Saturday (he does, up to 2 pm. And he eventually asked me to go see him then as we could talk more on Sat. And it was lovely. I used to take him coffee and we used to sit and talk, but he always did his job. Then we got reported by someone "jealous" I guess, so Saturdays is out. Those Saturdays meant the world to me because I was with him without the whole building noticing us.) He used to ask me what I did weekends, every little detail. Yet never did he say (when I told him what time I was leaving work) to meet up after work. I don't know if he was dropping hints, or just making conversation. Mine also used to say, on Saturdays, after 2 pm, that he didn't know what he was going to do, I guess the laundry. I always used to say to him to come with me to Santa Monica. Then his excuses would start: how he has to do the grocery shopping, then go home and cook for his "grown up" kids, (he's divorced but the kids live with him) then they have to eat, then he'll watch TV and have some wine, and then fall asleep. I know he wants to come with me, but something is scaring him. I can't believe it's me. You see I was brought up in London, UK, and I'm very forward, like the British. So to me it's OK for a girl to ask a guy out. But for him (I won't mention his origin) I guess the man has to do it! At least, MariaRia, when you suggested to your guy or hinted, when he said "What are you doing after?" at least he took your initiative. Mine just shys away. What do you make of this? About 2 weeks ago, again on a Saturday, at work, he said he didn't know what he was going to do in the afternoon. So I said to him "Come to Santa Monica with me." For one tiny second I thought he was going to say yes. So I said "Oh come on." He said he was tired (as he works 6 days a week), so I said to him 'You always make excuses. One day you're going to run out of excuses." You know what he said? "It's just that we'll be there 4-5 hours. I DON'T WANT TO BE TIRED WHEN I'M WITH YOU." What do you make of that? He leads me on, and at the last minute he backs out. I would like to think he does want to go with me (and doesn't want to be tired when he's with me so he'll enjoy himself), but something is stopping him. My psychics say it's all that negative dark energy around him. As soon as he gets closer to me something makeks him draw back. I don't know what to think. All I know is I want to be with this man desperately, and I don't know what else to do about it. I GUESS ALL I CAN DO NOW IS WAIT FOR HIM TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME, OR FOR HIM TO FIND A WAY TO SEE ME AT WORK. I CERTAINLY WON'T BE GOING DOWN TO SEE HIM ANY MORE. (Although I want to so much, but I've done all I can. He knows I want to go out with him, and he knows I don't want our friendship to end as I told him so. I guess all I can do now is to stay away and give him his space and not pressure him any more - and you said MariaRia that it worked for you when you did all the above.)
So next week I'll either have "progress" to write about or "more heartache."
You say "I am trying to let it go - and if we are supposed to be together, the universe will find a way to make it happen." I so much want to believe in that - in the "if it's meant to be." I wish I could be cool like you. Do you believe the Universe hears us? I've prayed to God so much for this man to be in my life, for him to want me, but I'm sorry to say God just doesn't hear me. They say there's always a reason why something happens; why a person walks into our lives. I always wonder what mine is: Before I met this man I weighed 164 lbs. I was overweight as I'm only 5 foot, but I was happy. I had no man worries, though I did have money problems. I was just happy watching my soaps on TV (GH & Y&R), and EATING. Ever since he came into my life, last September, because of all the worry, does he like me, will he ask me out ..... in three months I lost 40 pounds. I now weigh 117 lbs and can wear jeans again which I love. But surely that's not the reason why he came into my life - just so I'll lost all that weight? I can't even look at food now. But I do eat salads and vegetables and fruit, and chicken.
Have you consulted psychics to see if your guy will return? I know I spend nearly all my money on them and they give me so much hope. It's just the timeframe. I AM SO IMPATIENT!
Mine is 24. It depresses me that yours is 57 and he still acts the same way....mine will never grow, lol!
I found that the less I tried and tried to make things go my way, the more they went my way. The days where I just focused on doing my job and let whatever will happen, happen, those are the days when everything would work out and I would get to be with him. And, I think it helps that he senses I'm not putting any pressure on him. Now, however....I've gotten impatient. I wanna know what's going on. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up!
It's funny you mentioning him talking about all the things he's gonna do at home...mine would do that, too. But mostly, he liked to mention that he's going to sleep. Everytime we close the restaurant together, he says "I'm going home to sleep." "Man, I can't wait to go to sleep." "When I go home, I'm going to go straight to bed." And I used to wonder if he was trying to deter me from asking him to go out.
I don't know what to make of him saying "I don't want to be tired when I'm with you". Except that it seems like he's trying to say no, but at the same time trying to keep you biting the line. You know? So he's saying no, but not rejecting you. He would do stuff like that to me, too.
That's the most frustrating part...that every time you try to back away, he'll go for you again. He'll poke you and run and poke you and run...but when YOU try to run, he'll chase after you and ring you back in.
Try not paying attention to him and see his reaction
Librachild - I have to say - the things you wrote about your cancer are exactly what I went through with mine. Everyone here has told the same story, the same details - I can't even believe what I'm reading half the time because I have heard everything - almost word for word - before. Example - I just don't want to be tired around you. MY GAWD!!!!! I cannot tell you people how many times I heard that from my boy. And he meant it too. He always needs his downtime. The negative energy thing - are we calling the same psychic???lol!!!! I just can't get past most of this stuff.......it would almost be funny if it wasn't true........
MariaRia - I wouldn't be playing games with your cancer. They can cut through bullshit quicker than you can blink and you won't ever see them again. They are hard to trust someone to begin with, regardless of whether they've had their hearts broken, so if you are going to play games with your man - you better be willing to suffer the consequences.
I look at it this way - I believe that he and I are going to be together. I cannot worry myself about it, because if I do, I am surrounding myself with negative energy and that will prevent anything positive from coming to me. If my boy isn't the one for me - someone else will come along who will be better. However, I do feel that meditating on being the person that you want to be is the best thing for everyone here. It seems like everyone is so focused on why their Cancers are acting like fools, but what we should all be focusing on is that we need to take care of ourselves in the meantime.
Librachild - I for got to mention - you said that you prayed for God to place this man in your life. Have you ever wondered that you have already gotten your answer and that the answer is no? Or maybe even - not right now? Praying for a specific man - if he's not right for you - will not get you that man. Praying for someone to be in your life and be a part of your life and you two share a connection like any other - that person will manifest themselves in your life when the time is right.
before I met Pat, I started a 30 day thing. throughout my day and with a huge smile on my face, I said - Within the next 30 days, I believe that I will meet the man of my dreams, my soulmate and the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. He will be everything I have ever wanted and needed in a partner and I will be everything he has ever wanted and needed as well.
I got all the way down to "within the next 15 days" (I count down or else it will always be in the next 30 days - that's no good lol!) and I met Pat. For 6 months we were on top of the world. But then things changed suddenly and were devastating for me.
In my heart I know that no matter who or what he's doing right now - it's NOT ME and will never BE ME. I will always have his heart and I believe that we will be together. Period.
So - I won't hang out by my phone depressed and waiting for him to call - I will get on with my life, take this time to work on myself and be the woman that I am supposed to be when the time comes..........
Paulaj - It really makes me mad that he can mess around with my head as much as he likes, and I have to sit there and take it and be honest and open back. What you said, about them hating games and taking off if you play them -i've read that in a lot of other places, so you're totally right. But MAN, it makes me mad. I'm all about fairness....and that ain't fair. I would LOVE, Looooove for this to be straight forward. But he's the one dangling the bait in front of my face, and I honestly just wanna smack it out of his hand and strangle him with the cord.
LOL...that was bitter! But your right about focusing on yourself. I've recently learned quite a few useful things through this forum and books, and I've already started to adjust my attitude, or think about why i do the things I do. Actually, throughout this whole ordeal I've really learned a lot about myself. So, in that way it was really good. I'm very proud of the progress I've made! And you feel so accomplished when you know you've taken a little step in improving yourself. Or, at least learning yourself a little better. And, hell, it ends up helping me with him, too. Each time I realize something and fix it, I feel like our relationship improves.
Librachild: Good for you for losing that weight and how you feel he's helped you with that, but you're not convinced that that is the reason why he came into you're life. Almost like he still had unfinished business perhaps? Because I feel the same way about my Cancer! I was never really convinced I had been 'in love' before him. I have had love for my boyfriends, but that 'in love' feeling people talk about- I didn't think I have ever felt, until him. He made me realize what I really want in a man, like a missing link I feel he could be my best friend and lover all in one. I do reassure myself that "At least I know what I want now...", which is a great thing to realize, but I'm not convinced that's the only reason why he came into my life!
paulaj- i cant believe you said that, about the 30 day thing....I did the same thing with my Cancer. He was already in my life, but things weren't going well, and I'd just watched the movie The Secret and decided "screw this dude, I'm going to will the man of my dreams into my life!"
So, I said "Okay, universe. In two weeks, on the saturday, I will meet this man." and I described everything I wanted. So for two weeks I counted down, thinking about 'him', writing down "i am happy and grateful blah blah...'
And then, on that saturday, instead of meeting somone new, I found out that my Cancer was no longer going on his one year trip to Korea (which he didnt really intend to come back from) that made it impossible for us to be together. Something had screwed up with his application, and they booted him off the list.
I was totally floored. I kept thinking "so....is this supposed to be some kind of sign??" I still went out anyway, with the intention of meeting someone, but the night was a bust. Aaand the rest is history.
I've been married to a Cancer man for 31 years now, it was not easy!. When he gets angry he's mean, abusive and never, ever apologizes. I'm a Pisces so we are supposed to get along great. In the beginning, for most of our years together, he was very selfish and self centered, it was always about him. He made me feel unloved, stupid and ugly. He's moody and is in bed for days with a common cold. He also lied most of the time, and let you know when he didn't like something. Last 1.5 years he's been better, more loving, more understanding, and helping a lot more without complaint.
He is great to his siblings and friends, has a wonderful sense of humor and is dedicated to his job and employees. It's been a long road and I'm still trying to determine if I want to stay or go. We still have a daughter and her child living with us, for him that was so difficult to accept, but he's a great grandfather now. I'm aware we all have options, not necessary our sun signs but what environment we grew up in to determine who we are too, but I personally haven't had a good experience with a Cancer man. Good thing I'm a loving, forgiving Pisces woman.
To Paulaj: I'm going to try your "30-day thing". It's worked for you and it's worked for MariaRia. I am going to stay very positive, as I want this man in my life so much. But it didn't go too well today at work, and I'm beginning to wonder is this the end of a beautiful friendship. I said to him today we have to talk about this. As someone reported him to management that he's spending too much time talking to me, so of course I understand he's worried about losing his job. He doesn't want me to go down at all to talk to him. Whereas before this incident, he even used to sing me songs, would you believe it. And if I wanted to leave, he would start another conversation. We used to have such lovely talks, and now it kills me that that has ended. And he's blaming me for it. And then all of a sudden he forgets he's angry with me, and starts talking about something else, and then he says we'll wait a month and see what happens. All this is so confusing for me. And now his Dad is going to go live with him and his 3 kids, so he'll be super busy. Like he always tells me he's busy when I ask him to go somewhere with me. I think I'm answering my own questions. It's his way of telling me he doesn't want to go out with me. But then he starts flirting with me. If only I hadn't called him drunk and asked him outright if he was ever going to ask me out. To which of course he said he didn't know. So there you go - what does he didn't know mean! I'm the fool here whose been chasing him all this time. He never once chased me, although a few times he came up to the parking lot when he saw me parking my car, all happy and smiles. I tell you guys, he leads me on and then all of a sudden he puts this barrier and says we're only friends. I am so hurt you can't imagine. All that friendship we had, and now just because his bosses told him he's spending too much time talking to me, he's going to turn all cold on me? Just a hello (if that) and that's that? I asked him can't we talk on the phone? Would he phone me? His reply: I don't have your number. I told him I'd given it to him. He said he lost it. I said you threw it away. He said it's somewhere at home among piles of paper. I said write it down. He said I don't have a pen, another time. OK guys, if this was someone else's problem, I'd tell them to tell this man to go take a hike and not give him the time of day. But my psychics, and even today, I asked my regular psychic to be brutally honest with me and described what had happened today, he told me to be patient. Right now isn't a good time for both of us, and to wait for him to approach me. And he reassures me that end of May he will ask me out. I said to my psychic, should I forget him? His reply: no, that he does have feelings for me and he will come forward with them. Just not now. ..... I'm just dying inside. I get it, it's wrong to talk at his work station. I get it, and I told him I get it. It's just that I miss not talking to him. And he won't ask me out. He says he's always busy. There's always something going on at home. And now that his Dad will come and live with him - I think this man might suffer from depression or even be bipolar, as he blows hot and cold all the time. And he has anger issues (are all Cancer men like this?). Guys, don't tell me to forget him, please don't. I'm just going to stay positive, and not go down to see him anymore. I guess he doesn't care whether he sees me or not, and doesn't miss our conversations. I guess I was just fooling myself. I know you're all going to give me a BIG WAKEUP CALL now. But I have to stay positive and will do the 30-day thing. Who knows, maybe I'll meet someone new. But do you think I'll give my heart to anyone again? For 38 yrs I didn't - I loved my ex-husband (who's now passed away) but I was never in-love with him. And then I meet this Cancer man (this very confusing Cancer man) and have fallen deeply in love with him. Also I find that this man loves "torturing" me and playing mind-games with me. He knows how I feel about him so he's torturing me. Is this a Cancer trait? But from now on, he'll see. I'll be just like him - cool and aloof. You want me, fine. You don't want me, to hell with you.....
That's all for today guys. It's 4:30 am and must go to bed now.......
Oh LibraChild...how I feel your pain. I just had a very eyeopening text message conversation with my Cancer. He also told me we were just friends, our relationship is strictly platonic, and he was floored that I could think it was anything more. It was humiliating and frustrating, because he made me feel stupid. I don't have a psychic to go to, but I don't think I need one. I'm going to stay friends with him, but in the meantime I'm giving up on him romantically. I'm going to do the 30 day thing again, but this time aiming for someone completely different. If we're meant to be together, we will be. But clearly not now.
MariaRia: try these psychics, they are really good. I try to use different ones each time, and believe me I contact them nearly every day. And you can have live chat online with them. Some of them are expensive, others only 99 cents a minute, even cheaper. I usually go for the 99 cents or $1.99 a minute. (And you can print a transcript of your session which is far better than calling them.) They all tell me the same thing, that mine has deep feelings for me but he's hiding it, but that end of May he will come forward and open up to me. But it's amazing that your Cancer said exactly the same thing as mine: when I called him (and I was really drunk, but that was a one-time thing as I was really upset) and asked him if he was ever going to ask me out, and he said he didn't know. Then I said to him "You men are all alike! (meaning they lead us on and then nothing happens.) to which he replied "I don't know what you think it is, it's just friendship." Just like yours. And mine really made me feel humiliated, frustrated and stupid, just like yours did to you you say, when he told me not to go down every day at work to talk to him (his reason because he'll get in trouble regarding his job). I really thought (and he's told me many times that he enjoys talking to me as well) he enjoyed talking to me. And on quite a few occasions he was the one, when I was going to go up to my office, who said "Stay, where are you going, there's nobody upstairs." (He'd seen my boss leave.) Another time he was called away, he asked if I was going to still be there as he wasn't going to be long. So I told him OK, I'll wait. If he hadn't seen me for one day, he'd ask the next day "Where have you been." And now somehow it's my fault. I guess he's taking it out on me because he got this warning from his bosses. I really feel humiliated. I keep telling myself I guess I was wrong about this man. Now another psychic is telling me that he does want to be with me but that his ex-wife is playing mind games with him as she wants to go back to him. I know, he's told me this but he said he doesn't want her back as she really hurt him. She dumped the kids on him when they were 8 and just walked out. She did drugs and fell in with a bad crowd, and drank. This was 17 yrs ago. I don't know. I think a grown man of 57 would know what he wanted. I guess he just doesn't want to be with me, and he's really proved it now by telling me not to go down. Let's wait a month and see what happens, he said., regarding the work situation. I think I'm just going to write this one off. But it is so humiliating as I run into him at work, and my heart breaks every time I see him, which isn't often. Mind you he told me this two days ago, so let's see what happens next week. But MariaRia, do try these LivePerson psychics. They're telling me this man is my soulmate. We'll see if by end of May he asks me out.
Did you say it was two days ago that he said that to you? Wow, that's weird. Was it on tuesday? Cause that's when it happened to be. That would be messed up. Maybe there was a bad moon or something.
I'll try the pyshics once we see how your situation pans out I do believe in it (I do tarot myself, lol) but I am very skeptical of pyshics I don't know. They could easily tell you whatever they think you want to hear to make money.
You know I've even begged the psychics to tell me if this man isn't for me so I'll move on. They tell me they say what they see. I've even asked one if I'll ever find someone who'll love me. This psychic said there is someone but he's hiding his feelings (this Cancer man told me a few months ago that there are some things he feels uncomfortable discussing with me!), and that he's shy about expressing his feelings but that he will come forward soon, that he wants to keep it as friendship for now, that he's got all these issues. (I know all about those issues.) And they all give me the end of May/August timeframe. I know when we're together that there IS something between us. Another psychic I contact regularly said to leave this man alone and to let HIM miss me, I'm giving him too much attention, it's his ego. (She's right!). And that he will come to me in his own time, when he's ready. And she reassures me he is the one. But anyway I started the 30-day thing just now. And if he's not the one, maybe I'll meet someone else. But what's happening with you MariaRia. Any success?
Librachild and MariaRia - I have contacted several different psychics about my cancer boy. It's been two months since I have heard from him. I even sent him a letter last weekend and he still hasn't called me. my psychics have all told me the same thing - it doesn't matter who I call. He is depressed and wants to be alone. He needs to be alone and he's in a very bad place - he has a horrible temper and he's very immature compared to me. This side of him I have never seen. they tell me that he thinks about me all the time - he starts to call me, but he gets another call, or he's with friends, or he goes to bed instead, thinking he's not ready to talk to me yet. They all tell me that we will be reconnecting at the beginning of May (it's the beginning of May and it still hasn't happened) and that he will be in and out of my life because he can't be the man that he wants to be, not only for himself, but for me. he is very depressed and he is behaving in a horrid manner. they also tell me that by September 09 he will finally get to a point where he is ready to commit to me (although it will be a struggle for us over the next two years) and he feels like he is who he wants to be. The last one said he will seek me out and if he can't find me, he will try to replicate me until he can find me.
So - to me - I look at it this way - whether or not it's true - he still hasn't tried to contact me at all, even though I reached out to him and told him that I hoped everything was going better for him and that I loved him. I do hope that he is ok - I called my psychic two days after I mailed the letter. She told me everything I wrote above. She knows he'll be back but he's flaky - he's still not stable.
I'm sorry for that - I do love him and I do want to be with him, but he threw me away like yesterday's bread. No matter what the psychics say, I have a choice to do what's right for me. If he does come back, then I will have to be alot different with him. I will welcome him with open arms, but not an open bed.......
I started my 30 day thing three days ago - we'll see what happens.
#1 don't shit where you eat! Yes I'm a Cappy 1/13 and proud of it. I dated a Cancer male for
7 years. There where more ups then downs, and yes they are moody and self serving. I guess ours work for so many years because our schedules conflicted. Day and night opposite in work and off days. We are still friends to this day, just our schedules kept us apart, but the upside he was an excellent lover. If this man is your design then you must learn patience or make a decision that you can live with.
Hi, I don't know why people assume that if someone wants to be friends, everything is dead. It's the end of the road. I can relate to the pressure one can feel from jumping into the fire. Actually, aren't we suppose to start as friends. If you jump into something, then you'll have to deal w/consequences later. I've had the same happen to me (reversed). Get to know people as friends w/common interests. Explain that you'd rather not jump in because of consequences. If they stick around, maybe they are your friends. Maybe then something might develop.
I would stick around and be just friends. Nothing intimate for now and see what happens. If your not comfortable w/this then I guess time to move on. I see being friends as a door opening and not closing.
Wow. I just wrote this long post and it dissappeared. I am not rewriting all of that. Damnit!! I'll summerize...
Dalia: It isn't the fact that he wants to be friends, it's merely his attitude. Like, instead of saying "I'd really like for us to be friends at the moment" he sounded more like "Wow. Where did that come from?? We're platonic and we'll always be platonic. How could you think it would be anything else??" Which does not give me much hope for the future.
Paulaj: That's intense. Don't worry, its still early. Early may is like from the 1st - 10th ish. So you technically have 7 more days. But if he has that many issues, you really have to think about whether or not you can handle that.
LibraChild: I haven't seen him. But, I did a tarot reading about what his feelings are for me, and I pulled the 8 of Pentacles, The Empress, and the Emperor. It blew my mind. That is a VERY high opinion of me!! So, I then asked why the feelings they were showing me conflicted so much with what he actually displays, and I got The Two of Swords and The Lovers. Incase you aren't familiar with tarot, the two of swords shows someone wearing a blindfold, covering their heart with their crossed hands that have a sword in each of them, with their back turned to the scenery behind them. The Lovers, in my deck, shows a man deciding between two women. But it could symbolize any choice. So...there you go?