Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • OMG girl, if you figure it out , let me know. How long have you been involved with yours?

  • It's simple. He wants you to tell him that he is the center of your world. That he can trust you with his heart. Everybody on-line is making this big deal about cancer moodiness. Cancers are moody when they feel insecure. Just say, " I love you babe, and I will always be there for you". See what affect that has. Ladies cancer can be moody, but you can owe him because of it. All you have to do is think about what needs he is expressing by his moodiness and you will be able to fulfill his dreams.

  • Piscesparadox: I have been friends with this man for 14 years and we lost touch for 10 of those but the connection we have was so strong that the minute we started talking again, it was as if nothing had changed. So I was going through a really rough time with the end of my marriage and he was there, as he always has been when times were tough. I started noticing that he treats me as if I am his gf, rather than his friend. He and I talked about pursuing a real relationship by just seeing what happens. We spent months dancing around each other, only to have him pull back when I got tired and admitted I had feelings for him. He, now, says that I am incredibly important to him and he cares more than I know but he "doesn't know" if there is anything else there. I tried to stop texting him, seeing him, talking to him and reconcile with my husband but it's not working. He (my Cancer) and I are still in constant contact at his urging. Like I said, I am dangling on this hook and can't wiggle free. It's frustrating!

    I am so sorry that you are being treated the way you are. It is not fair to be made to feel as if you are not what you are. One thing I learned from dealing with my Scorpio husband is: you can't allow these men to make you doubt yourself. If you know you are still a head turner, act like it. If you know you're smart, show that intelligence. Forget what they have said, forget the negativity and love yourself. Either he'll get a clue or he won't. If not, you will get your own inner strength and confidence built up and either tell him to hit the road or leave yourself. I am sending you strength and positive thoughts. Let me know if he does the typical thing when you stop letting him tear you down and flips back to the sweet Cancerian ways they have!

  • crystal-what you describe seems so typical of what everyone else is describing. So much you start thinking it must be the same man! Being sweet, reeling you in, then pulling back when you start showing your affection, but still doing things to keep you interestd when you try to pull away...disappearing for days...

    I've grown from my experience though, like you said, staying strong, confident, love yourself, etc...

  • He flipped back yesterday afternoon. I usually smile a lot and talk. And talk! LOL I was quiet yesterday and everyone who knows me knows when I am quiet.... trouble is brewing. He started talking and told me how worried he was about me going to work. He started talking about people and naming off who he thought he should worry about and who he didn't. I never even brought up what he said to me. I was shocked!

    I am surrounded by Cancers. Most of the closest people to me in my life are either Pisces or Cancers. In my experience you HAVE to be their friend first. If there is really something there it will develop from that. They are looking for someone to be their everything. Best friend , Lover, caregiver, partner in all things. They have to KNOW that they can count on you. It sounds like you and your Cancer are well on the way to something more than friendship. I let my guy know my feelings and then told him it was up to him. I also told him that if he didn't want me I wanted to stay away from each other for awhile and that was at a place in my life where I couldn't be just friends anymore. I let him decide for himself. He moved in with me not long after that. Before that letter we had spent years dancing around each other. He still has the letter. Even when we were dating for the longest time he hugged me goodbye.Not kissed, hugged. When we became " Official" he told me that we were. We never had the talk. He just told me! LOL I wish you the very best with your Cancer guy! Don't lose hope because these people are funny people. They have to know that you are 100% dedicated to them or forget it. Cancers whose birthday is on July 10 or close seem to have an attraction to me. Your guy is unsure whether to get involved or not. He is probably afraid that if you do and things go sour he will lose your friendship. If he goes out of his way for you ( and the Cancers I know won't unless they have strong feeling for you) then you are in. Flattery goes a long way as long as you really mean it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't tell my hubby that I think he is sexy, amazing and smart. Self preservation is something I have seen in every Cancer I have ever known and don't take it lightly because even if they love you it will come as first instinct. He will analyze your relationship like a math puzzle. Just make your experiences so the equation adds up in his benefit. The husband in the picture probably has something to do with his holding back.

    I have never had a good experience with a Scorpio. My experiences with Scorpios have usually ended up in physical altercations and not in a good way! LOL I don't know how you have dealt. If you want the Cancer then end it with the Scorpio. The Cancer is probably wondering if he is being strung along and justifiably. Your positive thoughts are appreciated and returned! These Cancers have a way of weaving spells on us Pisces. Powers that be help us! It would be easier if they didn't flip flop so much.

  • Luanizha: What is up with these crabs? I was ready to completely stop speaking to mine and then he started telling me what I mean to him and I was even more firmly hooked than I was before. ARRGGHH!!! Talk about frustrating. Every time I decide we just need to part ways for whatever reason, he comes up with a way to pull me back into his net. I'm just a lost cause where he is concerned... But I'm a dysfunctional fish and I like it!

    Piscesparadox: Sounds like the hubby saw that he better mind his p's and q's before his fish swims away. Oh I hope for your sake he will behave and show the soft underbelly instead of that hard shell these crabs have. I tease my Cancer that I have to "stroke his ego" on a daily basis or he gets his feelings hurt. LOL So I know what you are talking about with the flattery but my words are sincere and he knows it. As for him being there for me; it is without fail and he will drop whatever or whoever he is with if I tell him "I NEED YOU" because I don't use those words lightly. It's just the way he and I are together- we've known each other so long that we get one another that well. As for the Scorpio husband, physical altercations is why I left. I couldn't and wouldn't put up with abuse from him. He is quite controlling and possessive and this little fishy don't like those traits one bit. I am dealing with complications with the Scorpio about our little children, a Virgo and Capricorn (thank the powers that be my cappy is a little boy or I wouldn't get along with my and I have to put the kids first. My Cancer, amazingly, understands this and just keeps his thoughts to himself (well, most of the time). Flip flopping seems to be the Cancer man's specialty but like you say, it is probably about self-preservation.

  • crystal, that seems soooo typical! i've been participating on other cancer threads to try to understand cancer men better and I hear the same story over and over again, about how the women are just about ready to let go and move on, then they come back! One of them came back after 2 months of disappearing..they seem to have a way to hook you are reel you back in! Then once they feel they got you back, they pull back and start the process over again.

  • Luazinha,

    Yep pretty much a vicious cycle. He is never cruel, persay, just emotionally unavailable and will disappear with no word as to where he is. I have a suspicion though since he says he is "seeing someone from his past" that it is a certain Capricorn that ripped him apart BUT with that said, I am technically married and he knows it. Like I said, this man has known me for 14 years and knows everything there is to know about my life and I his... One would thing we would be bored with this "friendship" but there's no boredom for either of us. I don't know what it is about this man but when I try to do the right thing so he can perhaps start a new relationship, he wants me more than ever to talk to him, spend time with him, etc.; it is enough to boggle the mind but like I said, part of me enjoys the chase both as the pursuer and pursuee... Dysfunction at its best, I think...LOL

  • Another characteristic of cancer seems to be that they do not let go of people easily and also this "seeing someone from his past" makes since since they also seem to keep going back to the past and getting involved with people from the past rather than moving on to someone completely new. They also do not let go of friendships. Example, this cancer guy i am involved with was someone I sort of rejected 14 years ago. i had totally forgotten about him as he was literally living on the other side of the world (south america as opposed to me llving in asia). So 13 years later he shows up at my doorstep and tells me he needed to talk because he needs to resolve something in our relationship since the last time we talked it was not on friendly terms, so I said WTF, that was 13 years ago i have no clue what you are talking about as if it was just a few weeks about not letting go..

  • Luazinha,

    Yeah that sounds about right. He said that the relationship with HER was never resolved, he'd never give her another chance to hurt him, blah blah blah. Then about the time that we started pursuing something besides friendship, she started talking to him again. Next thing I know, he is asking what would be my opinion if he gave her another chance. OMG, I blew a headgasket but it did no good. Now, he is "seeing" her again but still texting me daily, except when he is with her and Idk about you but sexual innuendoes and blatant sexual comments are not something you send to a friend. RIght? He just doesn't understand he is ripping me apart with all this flip flopping he does. I'm the fish, not him. LOL He makes me feel so good when we are talking or spending time together but can send me spiraling downward when he goes back into his shell. I just can't understand for the life of me why this is happening now and what I am supposed to do about it!

  • That's pretty dirty. Don't let him string you along. Wonder how his gf would feel about those messages?! He's cake eating. DON'T let him do it! When my guy and I got together he was seeing several other girls besides me. When I started finding out about them he dropped them quick. He knew I wouldn't settle for #2. Came back to bite me later I guess but he has always dropped them when I found out. What is it with cappies and cancers! Aghhh! The only respect I've ever got is what I've demanded so maybe I'm jaded. He doesn't know what he wants. Make him choose! Either just friends or not. You deserve better than to be a safety net while he sees if he can fix this other relationship.

  • You are not the first to tell me that I am his "back-up" woman. I don't know, I have tried to tell him that friends do NOT talk to each other that way but he keeps messing with my head, telling me that we've always teased like that and it's true, when we were teenagers, we would goof around like that. I try to place boundaries on the friendship, referring to his gf as the one who he needs to be teasing like that but he somehow manages to get me to play along. I am so so so weak...

    Like I said, I am so drawn to this man that I behave in ways that are completely out of character for me. I have even said to another friend of mine, female and Taurus, that I would have an affair with him just to cure my itch for him. Of course, that didn't go over well and Idk if I could actually do that or not. I am almost afraid to be alone with him because of how weak he makes me feel... Any advice on how to make it stick when I put up the boundaries? Like I said, I can't cut him out of my life; he is just too important to me.

  • Don't give in! If you give in and just have a friends with benefits relationship then that is all it will ever be. Just come flat out and tell him that you only put out in committed relationships and stick to it! Ever time you feel like you are about to give in just know that if you do it is the most you will ever get out of him. My man was seeing other girls at the start. They were willing to put it on him. I wouldn't give in without a commitment and it was me he ended up with. We were living together before I ever gave in. He won't think less of you for it. He'll respect you more for it! He probably thinks it's okay to go back and forth like that with you because it was okay before. Just let him know that things have changed and feelings have changed. Tell him you are no longer comfortable going on with him like that. Know that you are worth the wait and he will catch on that you are too. Don't have an affair with him. You may think that you are getting what you want now but later on down the road you will want more. If he breaks up with her because she finds out about you then you will wonder if he is just with you because of the fact it didn't work out with his Cappy. Men don't pick up on hints. You just have to be direct. What's worse? Pussy footing around and torturing yourself and not getting him because he never " got" it or stating your peace and maintaining your self respect and not getting him because he realized you weren't one to be played. If it runs him off because you demand respect then you didn't need him anyway. I've fought and scratched with my man from day one. I've lost some and I've won some but I never just rolled over. Don't roll over just because yo want him so badly. You are living on his terms. Live on yours! No one appreciated what comes too easily to them. Make him work for it and he will come running to you.

  • Good pointers... I really appreciate them. Being as he'll be with her this weekend and I "might" here from him when he is away from her, I will tell him I think our friendship would be better suited if we just keep things strictly platonic. We are good friends so it shouldn't be so difficult, right? LOL Ok, I am going to do this- wish me strength!

    I know it won't drive him away, like I said we've been friends for a really long time and we both have a certain affection for that relationship in itself. I just wished he would quit the game playing with me... Guess that is what you meant huh? Thanks again!

  • Well, the fact that you two were friends first makes it complicated but my hubby and myself were also. You two were close friends first so you will be hard for him to give you up. It's not fair he is jerking you around. You've never cheated on him or done him any harm. You situation is complicated! Know what you want, stick to your guns, believe that what you want is yours and it will come to you. You deserve happiness, love and respect just as much as the next person. Unfortunately these things that should be freely given have to be demanded. My mom has this saying...., " People will only do to you what you let them do to you". In my 30 years I have found this to be true. My awesome Cancer momma gives the best advice. I wish I could get her on here to help people out. She can read situations like a book. A lot of times she can tell you exactly what will happen before it does! She used to read cards for people but gave it up saying it took something out of her and left her depressed.

  • I would like to meet this Cancer momma you have. I am always impressed with people who just know what is up at first glance. I tend to overanalyze everything and that is where I goof up. As for letting him know what the deal is, I have been lately and he seems to be upset by the fact I am trying to pull back. (Feel like telling him, well welcome to my world)LOL. He and I just have reached a point in our relationship/friendship that everyone who sees us together says we should be "TOGETHER" and I think it makes him nervous. He is an incredibly private person and our relationship has always been called under the microscope because of the way we are together. That bond we have just seems to make others believe we are more than what we are. Idk, I just wish he could see what others and I see. We would be a awesome match. I have told him that the Scorpio husband wouldn't be an issue if he would just commit to "trying" to see what there is between us. He still gives me that blasted "I don't know" line and it drives me up the wall! I will just stick to my guns, keep it platonic and see what the future holds, I guess. Wish me luck... this Cancer man can wrap me around his finger so tight that I don't know what I'm doing!

  • He is probably reluctant to get something started when you have someone else and fact that he does too. He doesn't want to be the safety net. You guys seem to be each others safety nets! LOL Does he have kids? Every man I have ever known has been scared to get involved when there is trouble brewing between their woman and the kids daddy. just be honest with him. They say you can't lie to a Cancer and in my experience it's true. Every Cancer I know knows when someone is trying to put one over on them or manipulate them. Everyone says my hubby and I are made for each other but that doesn't stop us from having our issues. If other people can see there is something there then there is. You two are just having ex issues. I bet when those work out everything will fall into place. My Cancer guy is really private too. He had a gf before me who would tell on him for everything he ever done. Good or bad. He dumped her. After the Cappy told on him for being with her he said he doesn't trust her anymore either. He says I am the only person who understands him and his need for privacy. The Cancers I know tell a lot of little fibs all the time. Maybe " stretch the truth" is a better way to put it.

    Don't lose heart girl! it seems like if a Cancer and Pisces get an attraction for each other, it WILL happen. My Cancer and I started dancing around each other when I was 14 and didn't become " official" until I was 17. No matter what we always found our way back to each other. Let him know how you feel and what you want and let him see that you won't settle for anything less. Every Cancer person I know is always nervous about entering a relationship. I know a lot of them who haven't been in a relationship for years because they always talk themselves out of it. They have plenty of people wanting to take them out but end up alone because the people isn't exactly what they are looking for or said something silly that sent them on the run. Stupid things like talking about an ex or something. Seriously! These people are picky!

  • LOL yeah, I guess that I can see where he is my safety net, as well. But not in the way that he thinks. In actuality, the husband is my safety net, as weird as that sounds. I started dating my Scorpio basically as a buffer from a rejection from my Cancer. He and I have been through a lot of BS together as friends and when he rejected me, I turned to the nearest available body, BIG MISTAKE. And to answer your question, No my Cancer doesn't have kids although he really wants children of his own. It's amazing that you mention Cancers talking themselves out of relationships, he actually told me that he's been alone for over a year because he goes through these phases where he wants someone, then manages to either NOT follow through or else gets scared and runs. LOL I guess your experience with Cancers is extensive. As for lying to him, that's not an option. We have this RULE about our friendship; Honesty first above all else. Neither one of us will break it as it is the very foundation of our friendship and anything else that happens between us is just icing on the cake. He and I have been dancing this dance for way too long but I was too young and innocent when I was completely available for him (his words) and now, he isn't sure what we are or whether we can be anything but friends, yet like I said others see it, I feel it and I know he is SCARED of me. Why, I don't know but something isn't right with this picture. If he would just give me the chance to prove I am not his exes, I could make him happy in love. He is a pretty happy guy in all other ways, luckily. It's just a one step forward, two steps back dance with the Cancer... OMG, do I tire myself out talking bout him. Sorry everyone and Piscesparadox, in particular... It's just no one else seems to understand what I am going through and are not judging me. Thank you all for that!

  • crystal0227 - I'm in the same boat as you are. I was very lonely and withdrawn for years and didn't even realize it until I met my cancer neighbor. I was drawn to him immediately and the care he injected into casual conversations we had seemed to break through to my heart. We were somehow pushed together - kept running into each other or leaving our houses at the same times bumping into each other at the mall shopping at the same stores, etc. Well long story short I told him how I felt and he after giving the situation lots of thought and consideration and talking by email for a while he and I met up and talked. It was amazing and everything felt so natural.

    Well like everyone else on here everything was great in the beginning he emailed me everyday so sweetly and wanted to see me once a week. Then he got busy and started taking classes in addition to his already heavy workload. So right after we confessed we wanted to be together for the rest of lives a few days later he dropped off the face of the earth!

    Then he apologized a week later and had valid reasons for the sudden withdraw. However, contact was less after that and we saw each other less too. Then in Dec. he didn't contact me for 12 days until Christmas when I texted him. We saw each other after that and I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me too. It felt really good. Ran into him on the mall on New Years and it felt so natural for us to shop together he told me he was almost done with a song he was writing about me. He also said he would try and see me soon. Well he emailed me a couple times after that saying how nice it was seeing me on New Year's and how nice it was being together at the mall and then - he dissappeared again! Now it has been 12 days again and now I feel it is worse than ever as I called him even and he not only did not answer his phone he has not even read any of emails over the past 7 days. Since he lives next door I know he is home or working most of the time when he is ignoring me! It is just hard to chew. I was ready to file for divorce this week and I texted him I needed to talk to him it was important and nothing! I don't get it. I am so confused now.

  • Flowyair> hi and sorry to talk into it. i just had a thought and wanted to share. don't you think you should file for divorce and reall make moves about separation from your husband? and im not asking it from the reason of 'dont see another person while you are married'.

    im telling it cause it has a bit of a similarity with my cancer guy. when i got to know him and we started to like each other, i still had a long term relationship. and though he (cancer guy) supported me in the decision of breaking up and everything, in the middle of the break up and moving (my ex and me lived together), he just withdrew and well, almost disappeared on me. and i was angry with him and did not understand. but i went on with the separation from the ex etc. finally around xmas my ex moved back to his homecountry. now im starting to rebuild my own little life. and i had a lot of time to think. and now im not angry with cancer guy anymore. because i have a feeling, he had a very hard time with my separation. imagine... you say, you are divorcing. but you still live your husband. even if you are honest (and i believe you are)... how can he know for sure, you really will separate. i think cancers (and actually most of the people generally) are really insecure in a situation like that. and he has to be really afraid to invest all his true feelings into your relationship and then what if you make up your mind. how will he get over that? just think about it. maybe this is not the problem, but it might be... and good luck (i know how it feels to struggle with a cancer guy) 🙂

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