Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • Hey still in love with *******ex- cancer just wish, but i should be able to see my our dog anvil since me and (the soulmate i can't stop loving)ex he's starting to call and it makes me happy scared nervous what do you think

  • I have been gone a long, long time from here too! I have only looked at the last posts here on this page, and still see two of the ones who helped me thru SO much HiPrincess and MariaRia the founder of this great catalyst!

    I guess I will update since I'm here....

    For some reason almost a month ago now I decided it was time that I push my cancer as far away as I could. So I put him on the spotby asking that age old are we "still just friends" after 10 months and of course got the "I love you but not like that" but total different actions. I slipped and ended back in his bed 2 nights after the first week and 1/2.

    I finally found a "replacement" great sexy guy with money! BUT I still miss my cancer. The pain has subsided more this time than ever before. He tried to call me on Labor Day and my phone was temporarily disconnected so he called my son and my best friend thinking I had changed my number and asked them both if I had and if so what it was. My son, of course, didn't convey this until almost 3 days later and just night before my friend remember's.

    We did text a tad Thursday and then a good bit Friday, but it was all trivial. However, I initiated both times and he almost immediately my new friend is helping make this a little easier, but I can NOT get this cancer man out of my head and heart.

    I almost got sucked back in with him the last time we were in the same room, but held strongI felt it was just time to stop settlingstop blaming his every word or move on being a cancer. But I feel like I was probably hasty because his actions were definately good. He and I were only in bed with each other, had loads of fun, spent 4-6 nights a week together....Heck! I even had a key to his house and just because I felt it was time for him to say "it" and not take it back I had to walk.

    I still do not think he is gone forever, he can't be. I am not broken to pieces as I have been over him, but as a Virgo, I don't like the fact that he can make me cry. He did not long ago, but he didn't mean to. I assumed one thing, which is always the wrong thing to do - never assume-never.

    Just the fact that something or someone can invoke such pain is not a comfortable feeling to anyone and I can't love like this because WHAT IF HE REALLY ISN'T IN LOVE WITH ME? You know?

    Like HiPrincess, I had to stop coming here because as helpful as it is, after you are with them and DO understand the "it's not personal crap" you can find yourself making up scenario's in your head from what is posted here LoL!!

    It really is nice to see this thread still here! For those I don't know, back in April or May I lucked upon this board and I have made some true and wonderful connections with a few women across the world who we do still share our feelings over our cancer's and other tidbits.

    I am going to try and read back to see I'm sure that nothing has changed with these guys!

    And if anyone can answer me....Why did I push him away? Also, is he so stubborn he won't come to me or does he really not want me back? UGH! Why do I care?! LoL

  • Because u love him. As stubborn bc he is a man. U care bc u love him still. He has u by his strongest claw. either submit n accept or bite ur arm off.

  • I was with a cancer man for 3years, we fell in love very fast and started trying for a baby 3 mths into relationship, weve had our ups and downs coz im a very jealous person and my ex was very lazy and stubborn. we split up last year as he lost feelings for me and few weeks later we got back together. 11 mths on i found out he had a drunken kiss on night out and i got very angry with him and said few things i regret, he turned round and said he wasnt happy for past 7mths and lost feelings but didnt say anything as he thought they wud sort out by themselves. he now doesnt speak to me or see his son even tho b4 i found out about the kiss he was telling me he loved me and was very affectionate and 1st week we split he was still acting like we was a couple and then became cold as we had a lil argument over him not seeing his child. i dont no how to get him to talk to me or see his son as hes v stubborn and i think deep down if i hadnt found out about the kiss or questioned him we would still be together now.

  • Hi again Y'all

    After I posted last night went back a few pages cuz I was curious as to TG and one of the newer posters threads because I couldn't imagine TG to be in such as quandry. LoL MariaRia! Go! and thanks, too many people would be in a bad way without the thread!

    I went on back and read until the last I posted in late July and saw that some of us regulars are still visiting.

    Aquagrrl82: I apologize for being remiss about trying to help you when you specifically asked but I whole heartedly agree with what J3D posted. I say do not let him demean you like that and also took his harsh comment as a clear sign that HE FELT REJECTED BY YOU and is uncooth enough to not mask the sting and tried to turn the tables so as to make you feel just like you did! Pardon me but in true Biotch fashion--screw him! I wouldn't even speak to him again he isn't worthy to smell your breath LoL!

    2Knowme! I guess I lost my mind, because I gave J his key back! I haven't so much regretted it but I do hate that I did it; I honestly feel though that while he did/does love and care about me that he was not over the ex wife (who remarried very recently) and that kind of put him in a tailspin. I had heard about it, and waited, he told me about it all. That is the point I decided he was not IN love with me. I miss him, but I have to be strong and true to myself.

    I am using the "If you love something, set it free" logic. So far he doesn't seem to be coming back to me, nor is he running from me. I am 100% sure that if I were to pick up the phone and call him if he has his phone with him he would answer it; and if it is in his truck or what have you he would call back when he saw I did call.

    I now find myself wonder WTF difference does it make. If he loved me, I would not have been allowed to be gone from him this almost month now....It is also healthier to me to move on.

    I think I am kidding myself too I am not over him and won't be for a long time. As a matter of fact I have a feeling I will be going to the bar we hangout at very soon at a time I KNOW he will be there. That will be the true test, we have NEVER been able to stay away from the other in the same room, and people who barely knew of us have said "what is it with you two, there is such a magnetic pull between you"

    O.K. loves! I am going to stop myself now or I will be calling J and saying something X rated so I will be checking back in. I am well and glad to see my old friends do still post!!!

    Until next time!!

    J3D?!! Please email me and let me know how things are!

  • Bente! Thank you for answering my questions!!! ;+)

  • I have been lurking for many months and am ready to tell my story:

    I am a Libra. My husband of 17 years is a Cancer. We met when we were 15. Dated off and on until we were 21, then became exclusive. Married at 24, child #1 at 26 and child #2 at 27. In March (six months ago) I finally got up the courage to ask him to leave. Why? I believe he is certifiably crazy. I believe he may be bi-polar. He is controlling, domineering, verbally abusive, selfish, demeaning, hurtful, hateful, charming, giving, caring, self-less, compassionate and loving ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

    Throughout our dating years (age 15-21) he pushed me away/pulled me in so many times I can't even begin to count. Every time he would push me away I would go through normal break-up emotions. As I would finally start to heal and get into a relationship with someone else he would appear (literally) on my door step and beg, plead, woo, CHARM me into going out with him again. I always caved. We would start dating again and the cycle would repeat. I could never say "no" to him.

    After college we became exclusive. He quit pushing me away, but over time he forced me to remove everything from my life that he felt was threatening to him. By the time we got married I had no friends (why did I need anyone but but him?), no independence (why go alone when we can go TOGETHER?), no outside interests (if HE wasn't interested then I shouldn't be either), and pretty much no thought process I could call my own.

    I worshipped him BECAUSE he worshipped me. He made me fell as if nothing was good enough for me but him because I was the only thing good enough for him. Does that make sense?

    Of course I didn't see any of this at the time. After our kids were born I quit my job to be a "better mother" at his insistence. Of course I agreed. We had plenty of money with his job and I felt so special knowing that he was taking care of me and the kids. All I had to do in return was EVERYTHING HE WANTED. Small price to pay to know that I am raising my children in the "best environment a child could ask for."

    About four years ago I began realizing that most of my adult life I had allowed myself to fall into this trap. I could not, however, find a way out. Nor did I really want to... I had a beautiful, big house, nice cars, house-keeper, no limit to the money I could spend, well-mannered, intelligent, beautiful children, etc. I knew I would have to give ALL that up if I wanted things to be different. When you look at it that way - my life was pretty perfect. So I resisted the negative thoughts.

    Last September he became absolutely, unbearably possessive. I literally could not use the bathroom without him following me. He pretty much quit going into work (except for about ten hours a week) and literally followed me around EVERYWHERE. If I went to the grocery he went along for the ride. If I went to work out he went too. PTA meeting at school? He joined. I spent probably less than three hours a day apart from him.

    Needless to say, I became more and more miserable every day. The more he wanted to be with me the more I came to despise him.

    The final straw was in March. Quite by accident I discovered that since November he had been tracking my every movement with a GPS system installed on my car. He put spy-ware on my computer and knew every email I sent or received, every web-site I looked at, every song on i-tunes I listened to AND read everything I wrote in my "journal". (A lot of it was very negative stuff about him.) He also had my cell phone tapped and got a print out of every text I sent or received. I had not one iota of privacy. I felt like I had been violated!!!!

    He was keeping track of all this info at his office. His SECRETARY documented and made a report for him daily. I went in to get some insurance papers while he was at a funeral and stumbled across her in his office typing the reports.

    Long, long story shortened (if you can believe it) I mustered up the courage THAT day to tell him to leave. Did I EVER give him just cause to spy? NO! Did he "find" any "evidence" of any wrong-doings on my part? NO! Why did he do it? To "get closer" to me. He felt like I was becoming distant and he wanted to get into my mind so we could be closer. DUH! When was he going to stop? NEVER!!!

    For six months I have stood strong. Now I can feel myself weakening. He is back to his charming ways. I am starting to wonder... was it really that bad? Can we start over with some new ground rules? I don't think things will be any different. I don't think he CAN be different.

    Actually, now that I have written this VERY condensed version of my life I am experiencing some of the pain all over again and wondering WHY I would even consider giving in to him. Funny how that works. I've just given myself the strength I need to stay strong.

    I am going to post this anyway so I can "see" it and you can all hopefully learn from my mistakes. But rest assured my friends, I have just re-realized how miserable I was and how much better-off I am now.

    Thanks for reading.

  • My Husband is a Capricorn,and he is a wonderful husband, because he is masculine he doesn't work well with expressing feelings and emotions, as a female I'm very much like him.My husbands best friend is a Cancer and he always wants to talk to my husband about his bad relationships,other problems ect. and my husband can't stand it, he says the same thing it drags him down and his friend is too clingy.Never the less thats his best friend and he'd do almost anything for him in a heart beat.

    Some people are just different its not like they don't want to help but if he's not considerate enough for you and how you feel this problem will never change, but there are men out there who offer allot of help and support and usually they are the good ones women overlook.

  • hi skellitover: man to me it sure sounds like either a very, very guilty concious or definatley some sort of disorder. i am not familiar with all the in's and out's of being bi-polar but as hard as it is NOT to fall back under that spell it seems on a cancerian can cast don't! i'm sure it is hard too having children with him. i have a hard enough time with no children in common with mine!! i was married to an obsessive and possessive libra and he sounds a lot like that. some men are just crazy like that, kind of like they love you alright but in a twisted kind of way. just please watch your back. i found out via his own mouth several months after i divorced my husband he was having his mom keep our then 2 year old son on daddy's weekends and following me around. creeped me out. however he was killed in a car accident before our son's 3rd birthday-23 years ago now so i can't offer any insight except to say listen to your gut! oh and good luck to you.

    on to my cancer man...the very night after my last post, i just couldn't take it any longer. i went to our bar on an evening i KNEW he would be there just to see what he would do and how he may or may not act. of course he was the very first person i saw just inside the freakin' door ;+) so i touched him on his side and spoke as he said "hey there woman" then he shot pool and sat 3 stools away and he casually talked with me the first hour and 1/2 then as the supper crowd dispersed he all of the sudden comes up to me takes me in his arms and picked me up off my bar stool and gave me the biggest and very public hug and he really hugged me for a long time while holding me up in the air. he is 6' 2 and i am 5' 5 so you can imagine. then he kissed me several times in the appropriate way for public. and yes you guessed it! we ended up spending the last 5 days/nights together with the exception of work hours.

    it was really great! we laughed and just had a very enjoyable time together!!! before i came home he told to me to call him if i got bored and maybe come back, but i had some things i needed to do and i also decided not to wear out my welcome so to speak.

    i am finally to a place with this realtionship that on friday night i had no problem calling him just to find out where he was and what he was going to do and he was at work so he called me back before 6 p.m. and was just finishing up getting some contracts signed and we met up again, then on saturday we watched our favorite college football team's game and to eat and spent most of sunday watching nascar racing and into late this evening together! neither of us had work obligations. it was WONDERFUL to be able to sleep in his arms and pinned under his leg LoL!!

    he expressed a lot of positive feelings that he experienced during our time apart. he came darned close to saying "i love you" he's told me before that he does but seems that every time he says it outloud he freaks out and has to pull away; his actions and definately his kisses this time said it without vocalizing and i like it better that way!!! he also made it a point to let me know he had not been out with another woman and that i was who he wanted to spend time with...and told me that he had given my house key to his mom but anytime i wanted to come to his place to let him know and he would leave the back door unlocked for me. he also said on thursday night as we were going in to his house that "he didn't know why i didn't just stick with the original plan and move in with him" i let him know i missed him but i did keep myself from gushing all over him. instead of calling tonight and going back over i sent him a text message saying i really enjoyed spending time with him and that i had missed him. i decided on that method in case he was being polite about me returning so soon; i figured that way he had a couple of options if he needed to change his mind. well he texted me back within less than 2 hours and said he had a really good time too!!!

    so this virgo girl is very happy right now! my planets are aligning and i just feel happy in my instincts! well i'm off to do check out some other threads! just wanted to update the ones who have helped me through so many roller coaster rides and also to let people know that with time and patience these guys can be worth your effort; you just have to come here and read and post to be able to handle the oddness of their ways!!! and to learn it isn't personal when they don't call everytime they say they are hahaha, one of his guy friends said something at the game the other day about J not returning his phone calls!

    well love and happiness to you all!

  • Hi - I am new here and I've been reading thru the posts - I'm in love with a cancer male 8 years younger than me. He is married (yikes) but not in love with his wife.

    He and I have emailed and texted extensively over the past year and half. We had sex ONCE last December (yes 2008). I've only seen him twice this year - 5 minutes in March and an hour in July. I can't figure out why I'm so attracted to this man. He makes plans with me then cancels them or doesn't tell me anything as to why he doesn't show up. He's one of those that seems supportive and caring in his correspondence but then doesn't care what he does to me when he makes plans and then breaks them.. He's also one of those that "started to this" or started to that" or "I almost did this but..."

    Staying twisted around all the time got old and i wrote him a lengthy email letting him go. I did tell him I loved him - the emotional connection I had to him was/is strong. Anytime something went great or went badly, he was the first one I emailed. He's never told me he loved me and I figure he really doesn't.

    I just wish I knew how to get over him. I feel bad about the married part. He and his wife are so intertwined in every aspect of their lives. they both work at the same firm, drive the same car and have the same friends. I was the "closet" friend. Nobody ever knew I existed. that hurt as well.

    Am I just reaping what I sowed because I slept with a married man? I did/do love him. sigh...

  • Oh's only been 6 days since I let him go...I tried letting him go in May but he came right back after about 3 weeks. Maybe since I used the L word this time, he'll stay gone?

  • skettleover - Wow man....that is really intense. Don't go back to him, it is NOT healthy. I mean think of all the other measures he'll go to to keep track of you if those begin to not cut it for him. shudders ugh, I don't want to think about it. You can try counseling I guess, but nothing is really a guarantee.

    CancerCan -I'm glad to hear things are going well between you and your cancer! They definitely do need a lot of patience. I hope things stay this way or improve, instead of leap backwards.

  • MariaRia--he is jerking me around again!! I go to meet him Friday night as planned, as soon as he sees me, I get a hug and he said "I love you, I really do" and then proceeds to tell me that he was hanging out drinking the night before with his f'ing ex wife! Of course he said nothing happened since she is newly married. I just walked off, I am SO SICK OF HEARING ABOUT HER. I did call him as he was out of town about an hour away that night and he didn't answer, but did call back within 5 minutes, he wasn't trying to hide anything.

    I had all kinds of men hitting on me and I thought how sad everyone wants me but the one I want. I did leave with a guy to go other places. Jeremy called me and said "where did you go" then he tells me he wanted to get together and talk. I told him maybe, but I already knew what he was gonna say. Of course he tells me I don't. I did go to his house yesterday and we watched our college team BAMA's game but no heavy anything talked about. Then he went to get his kids. I went out with a guy who is super good looking that I have been seeing some since I pushed J away.

    I don't know what I will do...

  • Hi. I ran across this forum and was relieved to read a lot of the postings that confirmed I'm not going crazy here! Everything is so similar to my Cancer.

    He too, was cheated on by one of his first girlfriends and says he has not been able to open his heart to anyone since then. Although he was in a FIVE year relationship before we met, he never gave her a committment and never loved her. This should have sent me running for the hills, but there was something about him that drew him to me. So I stayed. For a year things were so rocky. He kept maintaining he did not want a commitment until he knew me better. According to him, we'd just met (Even after a year). He'd get into his moods and get so distant and withdrawn--the longest "mood" lasted 4 months of me not seeing him. He said he was depressed and going through some things and he really needed me to not take it so personal and just be supportive. I am a Leo so this was like telling me to run smack dead into a wall!

    But then something changed in the last 4-5 months. Before he was only affectionate and passionate about me in the bedroom. But all of a sudden he was stealing kisses every chance he could get, holding my hand all the time, playing in my PUBLIC. I met his Mom, his siblings, his closest childhood friends. We spent just about EVERY moment together. It was PERFECT. He made such an effort I'd almost forgotten we had no commitment. But I was reminded in a very big way.

    Two weeks ago I get a message on Facebook from a 31 year old woman (I'm 23, he's 27) telling me I'm not the only one he's "f-cking". She proceeded to give intricate details about when, where, what, etc. Turns out, he's been seeing her the ENTIRE time he's been seeing me. She said she was in love with him too and also met his friends and mother and thought she meant something to him. She said she's known about me for a while but he'd always lie and tell her I was just some admirer of his. When I confronted him, he first reacted with anger and gave me the whole "I'm

    technically not your Man, it's none of your business what I do as long as I treat you right when we're together". I was devastated. When we spoke about it again he came clean. He said she was more of a friend with benefits for him but he never felt for her the way he felt for me and that's why he hid it from me bc he didn't want to lose me but he always discussed me with her bc he didn't care if she stayed or not. He talked about how we were growing so much closer to each other and his feelings were growing stronger for me but he is too afraid to love again until he is certain he will not be hurt again like in the past. He said he takes his time with women and does not commit to them until he is sure. I told him I no longer cared for him and I'd forgive him but I would never wantto be with him again, we could just hang out as friends. I watched him with tears in his eyes saying how that was so hurtful to hear and how could I not care for him anymore.

    After that night, the distance began. No phone calls, no nothing. When the "other woman" found out I was seeing him again (she stalks me) she began sending more messages calling me an idiot and going into explicit details of their sexual encounters. Just being evil. It hurt me so I wanted to hurt him. I text him and said something hurtful ( but I didn't think it was that serious- I told him I saw pictures of the girl and she was really gross and he disgusts me). When he finally called, he was calm and plainly told me he no longer wanted anything to do with me bc I wasn't the person he thought I was. Ironic huh? I went into panic mode. I kept calling and texting but nothing. The next day I asked "Are we really over?" he replied "I don't know." for the next 3 days I called and text religiously asking him to just talk to me and basically begging for his friendship. He never responded. So yesterday I told him I would disappear since that's what it seemed he wanted and that I wished him the best. He responded this time. It said "you are taking things far too seriously. No one hates you. I never intended on staying away from you or cutting you out of my life. If you want to disappear I cannot stop you". I asked if that was true, why hadn't I heard from him. He said "I had nothing to call you about". RUDE. Finally I realized I couldn't win so I said Lets call a truce. He wrote ":-) I never declared war". I told him I wanted to see him, he asked what I wanted to do but he never followed up. I didn't hear from him at all today.

    I'm really torn bc I feel like when I told him I no longer cared, he took it to heart and now he will keep his distance from me. I wish I could have things back to the way they were (before I had to find out about the other woman-I wish that never existed). Part of me doesn't know if I want him bc he is a person I feel I don't know anymore. The Cancer I knee would've never been sleeping with someone behind my back and hurt me this way.

    Do you think there is any hope for us??

    Wow. Funny thing just happened. I just got a text from him asking how's my day.

  • Oh God, I'm so sorry that's SO LONG. I didn't realize until I hit send ( I'm on my cell phone) and now I can't delete it!

  • Candiss: Picture your future. Let's say you get back together, get married... would you ever trust him? Is it really worth your time? What's better fr you in the long run?

  • Hey thanks a lot for your response! I Do think I could grow to trust him in the future. I truly believe that he has a good heart and he always maintained that he was not ready for a commitment and I'm learning now that when guys say that, even if you meet the parents and do Everything an old married couple would do, this does not equate to a relationship to them and therefore he can technically do what he wants (including sleeping with other women). Honestly, when I look into the future it's the mood swings and randomly getting distant out of nowhere that I don't think I could deal with. I just can't imagine my life without him though :-(.

  • Hmmm. So I've been reading a lot more of these posts and I'm sad to say I feel there is no hope loving a Cancer. ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO GOT THEIR CANCER TO COMMIT/MARRY THEM AND IT ACTUALLY TURNED OUT GREAT!?!

    What I see are 3 common themes:

    1.) women who still in the beginning dating stages ( and for a Cancer this can last for years so for those saying "we've been dating for 6 months & he still hasn't committed to me--6 months is 6 hours to them; it's no time at all) and getting pushed and pulled away, feeling one minute he's interested, the next minute you don't hear from him for days.

    2.) the women who have actually gotten their Cancer to discuss their feelings for them and begin to feel that they are in a true relationship with their Cancer; however, he's still telling you he's not "ready" although he "has love for you", he's not IN love with anyone.

    3.) the women who actually got their Cancer to put a "ring on your finger" yet yall are still struggling with the same crap and sometimes discovering it's worst than you thought (bi-polar, possesive, abusive, etc)

    My Cancer contacted me today and we went out and had a great time. Felt like a first date. I've decided to put everything that happened behind and sort of "start anew" with him. But since reading everyone else's stories I'M NOT SURE IF ITS WORTH IT!!

    I'm only 23, so I still have a lot of time ahead of me finding a mate and I feel I need to run for the hills NOW because I don't wanna be 43 going thru this after we're married with kids.

    Also, I've been told by so many psychics same thing! "He is my soulmate. Give him patience. We will end up very happy together. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT!?

  • And FYI--those saying you know your Cancer hasn't "cheated" on you, be careful. I just KNEW he would never do such a thing--he's moreso introverted and does not really go to women (i think he is insecure from his childhood, although he is an extremely attractive man & women hit on him all the time), he was always blunt and honest with me and I was ALWAYS with him, I didn't think it was possible! WRONG. very sneaky they are. Someone here said they are the best imitators of "nice" people in the Zodiac. TRUE! if u suspect he's cheating or seeing other ppl DESPITE what he tells you, it's bc he IS. ANNNND they won't feel too much sympathy about it when you find out bc guess what? "THEY ARE NOT COMMITTED TO YOU".

    Also, my Cancer is 27 (I'm 23) all his past "relationships" were women 30+ years old. He says me being young and beautiful (I'm a model and I noticed all the other women he's been with are not very attractive--I think it's part of his insecurity) is a factor why he can't commit to me. He says it scares him that I may get bored and run off so he has to be SURE. Im sick of this cop out!

    And I noticed Cancers are popular with their "vices". Mines drinks Alcohol, smokes cigarettes, smokes weed and I just recently found out does cocaine every once in awhile too. I FEEL BAD FOR THESE CANCER MEN! they're hopeless 😕

    Like all of you, I care very much for my Cancer, I don't see how I could not have him in my life. But honestly, the more I read, the more I am starting to feel terified and quite frankly, Turned Off!

  • to the woman who married her cancer, I could only dream that my cancer man would become even slightly possessive of me, I want nothing more than to always and forever be wrapped in his arms, and if he could show me an ounce of possessive about me then I would stop always wondering and crying and begging and blah blah.......aaauugh. he drives me insane with the aloofness that is ever growing and distance that only gets farther for him to tell me if I ask do u still love me........he says that's not the issue, I have said I love u over and over.

    I envy u girl.

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