Cancer man, and he is confusing



  • Hey everyone! I'm back after about 6 weeks.

    So my cancer, J, and I are done. He is actually dating someone else, but I found out that he wasn't exactly who I thought he was, so it was fairly easy to get over him.

    In the meantime, I've met yet another Cancer. Trainer (as I call him because he is a personal trainer) and I have been seeing each other for about a month. He is your typical cancer, i.e. confusing.

    Background: He's 15 months younger than me. I met him at the gym one day when he asked if I wanted to try a new workout with him. It was an AWESOME workout. We ended up boxing a couple days later. That night I was out with girlfriends and he was out with some friends as well. I was a little drunk and ended up at his place. So I didn't exactly set the precedent for much more than a hook-up. However, we worked out again the next week and ended up hanging out a couple nights that week. He then accompanied me to a comedy show when one of my friends backed out 24 hours beforehand. That night was GREAT. He treated me to dinner and drinks afterwards and this being our first "date" he mentioned cooking dinner for me. That following Monday he did cook dinner for me and we finally had a REAL conversation about who we really are. I've seen about twice a week since. I find myself doing the text messaging first a lot of the time, but he's almost always quick to respond and he often sends a text to say hi or to ask how work is going, etc. We didn't see each other for about 10 days because I recently started my residency and we've had a tough time getting schedules to coincide. However, Sunday night he came over and met my temporary roomie who was pretty impressed with him. We had a great time, he told me he'd missed me, asked why he didn't get to see me for his birthday (I was on call), etc. Then Monday, he turned all business on me. He sent me a text asking how serious I was about him being my personal trainer and mentioned that he didn't want things to get confusing because he couldn't have personal relations seeping into his workplace. Understandable. Then he asked me when I wanted to start training. I start tomorrow. I asked him over for dinner last night and he couldn't make it. I am about to head out to a place where we've done dinner and drinks before to hang out with him again. I can't figure out what he wants and I don't want to be pushy with him. I know to be his friend, which is easy. It's just trying not to come across as desperate when I'm dying to see him when I get off work, etc. Any ideas/advice are aprpeciated!



  • drpices: guess they are all alike, sometimes i try to not blame my J's on his being cancer, but reading your post-YEP.

    good luck and enter at your own risk ;+)



  • I MISS MY J!!! boo-hoo! a whole week without him, he's mr. mom this week! at least i am not in turmoil over something stupid or bad. just miss my man!



  • Karma - you are not retarded at ALL!!!! You simply fell in love with a man who gave you indications he was available but really wasn't...... It is a shame and is something that just happens as hard as it is to accept...

    You can't beat yourself up for someone else's actions (easy as it may be sometimes) And sometimes when someone is unattainable you want them even more!!!!!



  • KC, if you are "retarded" then i am too!! Don't blame yourself honey...

    We feel for you...



  • Cappy2 - mom, plz connect to me on fb plz. thanx



  • Up and down and round and round... I feel like I am on a merry-go-round today!!!!!!

    Hope everyone else is good 🙂



  • Hey Y'all!

    Karma-these guys could make anyone second guess themselves! Like HIP said, don't beat yourself up-it is his loss. You are gorgeous and have such an active & happenin' life for yourself-there's your proof you aren't retarded! not many can dance with a major hip hop artists show and then hang with his wife!!

    Hey TG!!!

    Bente-hey, mom is on vacation, so it will be about a week before she can FB you.

    Well, my latest with J is last night I held strong and didn't call or text. I'd been home about 15 minutes left my phone downstairs went up and ate a hotdog. When I got back by my phone almost 30 minutes after it was ringing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was his 2nd call. Now I had planned to not answer, but my instinct told me to, so I did and I'm glad. He was upset because he and his father had a big argument. Then we talked for a while and he had to go put the kids to bed and darned if he didn't call back a 3rd time!!!! I've noticed that for months now, if he is mad or upset, he will seek me out to talk it through.

    Needless to say, we were both laughing and very happy by the end of the conversations. I was so glad to be there for him and not to have tried to play a stupid game and trust my gut. I also thought "heck, we've been together long enough now and as bad as I was missing him" I didn't tell him I missed him. Don't want to flip him out LOL! He invited me to dinner at his place tonight too. However, I got busy at work and when I called him about it, he answered right away and was just getting off work and heading back into town and it was gonna be way too late for my dinner break. But he did answer!

    I know it's not all smooth sailing from now on, but since they are so hesistant to give their trust, I think I have earned his. He's told me many times he trusts me, but confiding in me makes it more real for me! He has really been going deeper and deeper into his childhood and telling me things I'm pretty sure not too many people will ever know.

    Well, hope everyone is good tonight. Duty calls, will try and check back.



  • Do any other than Taureenbits have good pendulum skills? IF you do and is on FB pls FB me lol



  • hahah Thanks CancerCan 🙂



  • Oh Karma!!!! I'm glad I was able to make you smile! So, no word?



  • Hey everyone! It's been awhile. About a month or so I guess.

    First of all, the original Cancer man I posted about, that's over. He's with someone else, and I'm ok about it.

    However, almost right after that ended I met yet another Cancer. He is 15 months younger than me, and my personal trainer. He trains mostly women and this sometimes gets the best of me when I start overanalyzing things.

    Speaking of overanalyzing...

    So we've been hanging out for over a month now. It initially started as NOTHING but a drunk hook-up. Granted, it was phenomenal, but that was all. Then, we hooked up again later that week. Then, he went to a concert with me when one of my friends backed out last second. That night he took me to dinner and out for drinks after the concert. The following Monday, he cooked dinner for me, and for the first time we actually got to know each other. He has a son who is 14 months old now. He was with his mother for 18 months before she got pregnant, and she ended up moving away to go back to be with her family and he didn't want to convert to her religion, and that was that. He sees his son once or twice a month and thinks the world of him. I often think it bothers him that he can't be with him more often. However, he didn't really expound on what's left of the relationship with her.

    I digress. We have been seeing each other about two or three times a week for the last month. I didn't get to see him for about 10 days in there because I recently started my general surgery residency and he was out of town for a few days. When we finally got to see each other he was asking "where have you been the last 10 days?" "where were you for my birthday?" (I was on call.) etc.

    On Wednesday night, we went out to dinner and out for drinks again. He had at least one too many drinks and had a lot to say. He tried to pry as to why I was attracted to him, and I just don't talk about those things. Not sure why I'm so reserved about it, but I am. 🙂 He eventually gave up and then proceeded to tell me why he was in this. He said he was impressed by the fact that I was so independent, ambitious, confident, and obviously successful. That while he was initially attracted to me at the gym because I worked hard, it was soon obvious that I worked hard in all aspects of my life. He then went on to say that he just wants to make sure that he is still the "man" in the relationship no matter how brings what to the table. That he wants some say over how things go, etc. He also REALLY put his foot down with me and told me that when I start acting illogical, then its done. Not the whole thing, but just that moment/conversation/whatever. That he wouldn't entertain that kind of behavior because he knows that I am smarter than that, period. It was actually VERY attractive because I'd like a man to put me in my place when I need it but who isn't going to completely run away when I have a bad moment. He later hugged me and was like "I LIKE you." It was corny but very cute. The following morning we got in his car and he said "Want to hear my favorite song?" I said sure and he played "You are my sunshine" by Ray Charles...the song that I had made him listen to the night before because I have such happy memories of my dad singing that to me when I was a little girl. It melted my heart that morning.

    Yesterday afternoon I worked out with him and we had a conversation about not bringing personal relations into the workplace and that he didn't want that to get confusing. That we had to keep things separate, etc and we talked a little about our training schedule/budgets, etc. Later that night he sent me a text thanking me for the morning waffles. And then I sent a response saying I was going to miss his company for the next few days while he was out of town. I got ZERO response. Today I sent him a text about my car (demolished by hail damage) and got NO response. So this afternoon I finally said "Is it illogical for me to wonder why I've received no response to my last two text messages?" He said, "Yes, I've been busy. And I forgot to empathize with your situation. However, that does really suck. I hope you don't have to pay for it."

    I feel so up and down right now. One minute his sweet and affectionate, the next he's all business and authoritative. I'm not sure how to read him. He is a Cancer sun, with Moon, Mercury, and Venus in Leo, Mars in Capricorn, and Virgo Rising. I am a Pisces sun, Moon in Virgo, Mercury, Mars, and Venus in Aries, and Sag Rising.

    I don't want to question him, I AM more secure than that. I know we ALL have these issues with cancer men. I think I just need reassurance! I am just afraid of pushing him away and then not doing my part to keep him close.

    Help girls! 🙂



  • Hey everyone! It's been awhile. About a month or so I guess.

    First of all, the original Cancer man I posted about, that's over. He's with someone else, and I'm ok about it.

    However, almost right after that ended I met yet another Cancer. He is 15 months younger than me, and my personal trainer. He trains mostly women and this sometimes gets the best of me when I start overanalyzing things.

    Speaking of overanalyzing...

    So we've been hanging out for over a month now. It initially started as NOTHING but a drunk hook-up. Granted, it was phenomenal, but that was all. Then, we hooked up again later that week. Then, he went to a concert with me when one of my friends backed out last second. That night he took me to dinner and out for drinks after the concert. The following Monday, he cooked dinner for me, and for the first time we actually got to know each other. He has a son who is 14 months old now. He was with his mother for 18 months before she got pregnant, and she ended up moving away to go back to be with her family and he didn't want to convert to her religion, and that was that. He sees his son once or twice a month and thinks the world of him. I often think it bothers him that he can't be with him more often. However, he didn't really expound on what's left of the relationship with her.

    I digress. We have been seeing each other about two or three times a week for the last month. I didn't get to see him for about 10 days in there because I recently started my general surgery residency and he was out of town for a few days. When we finally got to see each other he was asking "where have you been the last 10 days?" "where were you for my birthday?" (I was on call.) etc.

    On Wednesday night, we went out to dinner and out for drinks again. He had at least one too many drinks and had a lot to say. He tried to pry as to why I was attracted to him, and I just don't talk about those things. Not sure why I'm so reserved about it, but I am. 🙂 He eventually gave up and then proceeded to tell me why he was in this. He said he was impressed by the fact that I was so independent, ambitious, confident, and obviously successful. That while he was initially attracted to me at the gym because I worked hard, it was soon obvious that I worked hard in all aspects of my life. He then went on to say that he just wants to make sure that he is still the "man" in the relationship no matter how brings what to the table. That he wants some say over how things go, etc. He also REALLY put his foot down with me and told me that when I start acting illogical, then its done. Not the whole thing, but just that moment/conversation/whatever. That he wouldn't entertain that kind of behavior because he knows that I am smarter than that, period. It was actually VERY attractive because I'd like a man to put me in my place when I need it but who isn't going to completely run away when I have a bad moment. He later hugged me and was like "I LIKE you." It was corny but very cute. The following morning we got in his car and he said "Want to hear my favorite song?" I said sure and he played "You are my sunshine" by Ray Charles...the song that I had made him listen to the night before because I have such happy memories of my dad singing that to me when I was a little girl. It melted my heart that morning.

    Yesterday afternoon I worked out with him and we had a conversation about not bringing personal relations into the workplace and that he didn't want that to get confusing. That we had to keep things separate, etc and we talked a little about our training schedule/budgets, etc. Later that night he sent me a text thanking me for the morning waffles. And then I sent a response saying I was going to miss his company for the next few days while he was out of town. I got ZERO response. Today I sent him a text about my car (demolished by hail damage) and got NO response. So this afternoon I finally said "Is it illogical for me to wonder why I've received no response to my last two text messages?" He said, "Yes, I've been busy. And I forgot to empathize with your situation. However, that does really suck. I hope you don't have to pay for it."

    I feel so up and down right now. One minute his sweet and affectionate, the next he's all business and authoritative. I'm not sure how to read him. He is a Cancer sun, with Moon, Mercury, and Venus in Leo, Mars in Capricorn, and Virgo Rising. I am a Pisces sun, Moon in Virgo, Mercury, Mars, and Venus in Aries, and Sag Rising.

    I don't want to question him, I AM more secure than that. I know we ALL have these issues with cancer men. I think I just need reassurance! I am just afraid of pushing him away and then not doing my part to keep him close.

    Help girls! 🙂



  • Hi everyone....

    I wrote a book here today and it's gone with the wind. I must start writing these in an email or 'word' and then pasting them here so I can repost when they really don't show up. Things are going fairly well with my guy I am happy to report. He is still depressed and recently (I think) got a supplement to what he had been taking for it so hopefully he will be back stronger soon. I like it that he is the type of man that is aware when things aren't right (the depression over losing his mother and the ex wife doing some really nasty things) and gets help right away.

    I got in touch with Bente and helped her a bit with her Pendy and answered some questions for her. I will check in again soon and when I get home and see my guy again I will let you all know if things have changed or not! : ) You know.....we never know from day to day with these guys! My heart is happy so all I can do is enjoy each day that I can...the bottom has a way of dropping out from under us. I said quite a bit of hellows to you all individually and had a nessage to Dr. Pisces that was lost....darn.

    Take care and stay in touch....

    Love to all...

    Mom



  • they respond better after a few days of silence. don't worry he will snap back if you don't reach out and don't respond immediately to his attempt-just wait til the next day is all.

    or that works for me most of the time...good luck!



  • hey mom!!! having fun? can't wait to get together!



  • Hi CC -

    Yes, soon! ME, too!

    I miss everyone!!! (hi Jenna!)

    Hugs from Fripp Island, SC - We come here often for a beach vacation and just love it.

    ~Mom



  • Hi Girls - what an unbelievealble weekend!!!!!!! I really don't know how to feel or what I should do....

    I don't really want to put the WHOLE sordid story on here as it is too long and involved - but I am doing ok and am actually happy considering...

    I spent the whole weekend with my guy and we had a great time after a bit of a blow up and (maybe) misunderstanding... It was really lovely - am going there again tonight - I am quite hopeful this time it will work.... If not then I am completely done... I know I have said that before - but this time it is.... My brother said G was like my kryptonite - he paralyses me!!! I think that is the absolute TRUTH..



  • Today is 'my' Cancer Man's birthday. He's turning 30, a big milestone. It just makes me reflect on all that as happend. I'm sad how he's still pining over his ex and obviously blinding himself to her actions. It's pretty pathetic, it does turn me off about him. I am happy though that I told him he was the first man I loved. So dramatic our final conversation. I think it's better to be memorable than play it safe. I do think I was pretty memorable. Although I know she's on his mind now, I could be on it later when he moves on from her. She's not into him, so it has to happen eventually... Maybe my dramatic confrontation will inspire him to confront her... It is true, he did shut down when I gave him an ultimatum- which I did on purpose for him to reject me. I'm happy I didn't hang on too much longer. I would've driven myself crazy! I'll probably go for a walk today, it is nice out.

    It just hurts me that he's hurting though, ya know?

    **Thanks for letting me vent 🙂



  • hello to all - sorry it's been a while, but, i've been going through some emotional things....

    CC & HP both of you gave me great advise prior & i'm hoping that you can lend an ear and give me some advise as in what to do....

    my cancer male friend/co-worker/crush has put me through whirl wind....

    one night at work we were working late (again) and when i was leaving he got up came over by the door where i was held me tight (we were nose to nose, near mouth to mouth) almost kissed but i was hesitent but he was still holding me & we kind of teased each other then he said "LET'S JUST KEEP IT AT THIS FOR NOW"........no kiss........ok???

    just last week - this is where i'm really hurting and troubled 😞

    we were alone and he made a comment about what could happen between me & him in a certain area of work (which is closed off to most....especially when we're the only 2 at work). i was joking being flirty (still has a GF, which he never brings up to me anymore), and he touched me (stupid me let it happen)!!! now, ladies i do respect my self, but i like him so much i didn't realize at that moment that this was a bad thing. i said in a funny way "I can't mess with you" - he said "I CAN'T MESS WITH YOU EITHER, BUT WE ALWAYS DO"....

    since this happened, he hasn't been the same with me - very cool & sort of distant; OMG! I messed up.........BIG time, i can't take back what's been done but i can try to behave and not let anything like this happen again if it comes to it.

    i'm on vaca for a week so i won't see him until next tuesday.....he didn't even say have a nice vaca or enjoy - he actually seemed mad...what gives? i know i didn't put up a chase, this is where i made my mistake - so just maybe he knows what he can get - and he backed off??

    i just hate that i like him so so much & let my guard down & do something i would never do.

    i'm an aquarius - now what they say about aqua women is pretty dead on, except about the whole emotional thing (i'm very emotional & sensitive & want a man in my life & tend to get emotionally attached but independent at the same time).

    please help - ever since our last incident i can't go to sleep without thinking of what happened & how i may have done something wrong. and why he's acting this way - just a little insight.

    thanks & luv to all

    peace


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