Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • Hi all. Its been awhile sense I posted but have been keeping up with everyone and whats going on . The last few weekends I have been out of town, so when I get home I only have time to read your posts and then I am to tired to post.

    J3d, My cancer cheated on me but I DO NOT believ all cancers are like that. It is not all one sun sign that cheats. Its individual men not just cancers.

    Iam talking to my cancer again after I told him I was done with him. He would not listen. He called and acted like nothing happened. So of course we have been talking ever sense. I will never get back in a relationship with him but he is a good friend so that is were we will stay. I know it would never work out any other way. Im ok with that.

    Hope everyone is doing well.

    Mom I hope things will turn out the way you want. I hate to think of you as being unhappy. Your way to good of a person to be treated bad. He will realize he is an idiot and regret what he did. When he does you need to make him suffer (at least a little ). 🙂 Im sure if penndy says he will contact you again, he will soon

  • Hi guys, I'm kind of new to this site so bare with me. I previously looked over all of you guys reply's and I wanted to know what you were think about my situation as well. I started actually be-friending a guys last year who was a cancer. Now even though we were susposed to start off as just friends it ended up getting taken to another level, however the big problem comes in because he already was in a relationship with another woman and at this time still is. I try to find myself leaving him alone but at the same time I am really torn. What should I do?????

  • J3d- a persons Star sign does not make them a cheater. It's their morals and ethics. Lots of people are prone to bad behavior. That's Star sign stereotyping. You can find cheaters in ALL the signs. Some guys beat women too. How a person grew up, has a lot to do with how they respect the other person. How they treat their mother is a strong indicator of how they view women. When reading the complaints on here, remember there is always 3 sides to a story: His side, Her side and the Truth and God only knows the truth! I don't have any problems with mine. I don't even worry about him cheating but, I don't worry about a lot of things. life will do what it does. Don't let other peoples hurts shape your opinion of your guy friend, that's not fair to him. I was in a mood the other day cause, we Scorpio's get that way too plus, my horror-mones were messing with me! I finished all 32 emails that he sent me, in like a day and a half, even with getting side tracked. I learned a lot too, of what he does. I actually enjoyed it, it's another level of trust for us. I have dated Cancers before and they have been hard workers and usually pretty good with money. My first one, I wasn't really all that attracted to, we didn't have a lot in common so it just faded out. I've never had 1 cheat on me.1 had a drinking problem and his intelligence was limited. I love to talk about all sorts of things, I could see him shutting off to me and I could read"doesn't she ever shut up?" on his face. We didn't connect. This one I see now, he LOVES that I like to talk, he encourages it! We have the same warped sense of humor, we both are in the medical field, he's very intelligent but, he's very humble about it, I learn surprising things about him all the time! We connect but, I don't think him being a Cancer has as much to do with it as much as how he was raised. I listen to him when he talks to his mom on the phone...SNORE! They talk about who is dying or dead in their neighborhood. He respects her and he's patient with the conversation!!

    We are in that time of our relationship now, were past lovers/dates have wondered where we've gone and they start calling. I've had to tell a few in the last couple of weeks that I'm with someone and happy. And their reply has been " Well, if things don't work out, give me a call" JERKS!! He told me he got an email from 1 that I had told him she would contact him again, he just erased it. That's our individual way of how we handle things, neither one is right or wrong.

    Guys think differently about s-e-x. most have the fantasy of being with 2 women at the same time, actually it's watching 2 women and joining in. But, that kind of play is not personal to them, if they don't know the women, they are objects, like when they see a woman in a bikini, He's not thinking " Wow, I wonder what her interest are and would she be a good friend". it's not guys faults, they are wired that way, they think about s-e-x every 20 seconds or so. So that they are ready when we decide that we are ready! Haven't you ever seen a hot guy and just thought WOW and got a little hot in places? You weren't wondering what the last book was, that HE read. Having those kinds of reactions are natural but, that doesn't mean a persons going to cheat!

    more often then not, people won't get into a relationship because they are afraid that it will fail and that they will get hurt. So, they will do self fulfilling prophesy and sabotoge a good thing. Just think if we used that concept for driving: Statics show that your MORE likely to get in an accident then to get dumped. so to end the stress of waiting for the accident to come to you, you go out and have an accident. I know that reads a little crazy but, THINK about it for a minute. Why would a person ruin a perfectly good relationship (car) when there is a chance that they would NEVER have the break-up (accident)? Yet, you see people do it ALL the time! So, are you setting your self up for an break-up cause you can't stand the stress of waiting for the end to come or you like the feeling of hurt? Why would you do that if you enjoy his company? Be happy that you have this time with him, tomorrow is NOT promised to ANY of us. Were we are now is called a PRESENT for a reason, it's a gift, enjoy it! If you woke up tomorrow and got a call and they said that he had been killed in an accident how would you feel? What would you do differently if you got a second chance to do it? Pretend this is your second chance. Not everyone gets one. Some people never see the good in anyone and they miss out on love. Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all!!

    You have fears that you can change. And don't tell me that changing will be hard, I KNOW you've done hard things before.

  • Well everyone.....I think it's time I left the group since I no longer have a cancer man to gripe about. I will check in now and then and see how you are. I've loved getting to know all of you and those on FB can reach me there. Encourage the newbys to try the pendulum. Instructions are in the pendulum forum under divination...easy to find, on page three there, I think. Behave now children!

    Hugs to all...


  • Maria, I hope you do. I didn't realize how miserable I was with him. He broke up with me saying "I love you but am not IN love with you, and I need to be in love with the person I'm with" He was my insurance agent and after I moved out he pulled a credit report on me which made my insurance go up 500 dollars. I had known this guy from college.

    Once you pull yourself away from the drama-you can see how miserable you really were inside. It took me about a year and a half to get over him/it.

    He was also very manipulative-I had a lot of medical debt and he convinced me to see a lawyer for bankrupcy("its medical it's not like you just went out and spent money") He also said "I just can't see us being able to get a good start in marriage if you have so much debt" So I did it thinking our future was now secure. 8 months later he gave me the above break up line. I had a hard time finding an apartment that would let me move in, given my credit.

    I told him if I did that for us I would have to rely on him for credit. "No problem" My bankrupcy it still affecting my life 8 years later.

    I'm not kidding Run,Run,Run!!

  • Well my saga continues with all of the confusion and drama that I have come to love about my Cancer man..... I have no idea if we are back together but I believe he is thinking about coming to my sisters birthday party - I decided to play the damsel in distress - first timer - and I am awaiting a response to it.... I really believe he will come (and cancel the plans he has made or just re-arrange them) but I know I will be crushed if he doesn't....... I have been reading about the game that is being played out as life - I can sure relate to that..... I feel as though I am in the biggest game of my relationship at this moment..... He is saying and doing all the right things again - after the BIG hurt in Feb... But I am confident that this too shall pass and we will come back stronger than before all of this stuff happened.

    Its funny - I see him and tell him I have to go and he said on Monday night - not yet not yet.... and held me tighter... So I guess I am hanging in there - and I really do need to show him that I am not going to break up with him all the time over silly things - like the toothpaste tube!!!! Not that we ever fought over that - he would want to go out and I would get upset and then break up with him.... SILLY!!!!!!! So with all of the hurt he is more than likely thinking I am going to cause him I do need to show something....

    I have been thinking all about me in this relationship - ME being the biggest advocator of other people's feelings!!!!! How ironic....... I will wait and see how this turns out and keep you all posted......

    Cappy - sorry to see you go but I will be keeping in touch via FB - you rock woman and don't you forget it....

    CC - how was your weekend???

    J3D - I would go read some of the other posts about love and relationships that other women have posted re other cancer men - I think at the end of the day all MEN are the same - not just cancers....... They cheat they lie and they manipulate to get what they want out of women - I have a brother and he can go on and on and on about girls in the MOST disgusting way - but I know he is a GREAT catch for the lucky girl he chooses.... So do not put any thought into what "most" cancers do - they all do it....... I guess you just have to follow your gut - I think you are going so well and having fun and living your life at the same time - you will make a great pair!!

  • monique- leave him alone. He is a cheater. If he can do it to her, he will do it to you too. He's not looking to end it with the girlfriend, he's looking to add some spice to his life. He has not respect for you as a person and what this can possibly do to you emotionally, when it has to end. It usually take 2 to 3 years to play out

  • Cappy2 - mom - what will we do without you here ???LOLOLOLOL

  • Monique - i would never get into a relationship with a guy who is already involved. Do you feel you could ask him to choose? Big call considering I have no idea on the facts - but I have to agree if he can do it to her why can't/wouldn't he do it to you?

  • 2know,

    You and I could be twins. I too am scorpio and all that you said is true. Mine has hunted for me for years. He mad me cry the last time he saw me. 37 years ago and has wanted to aploogize since. He found me and I accepted his apology. I asked him what else he wanted. he has been wanting a soul mate and I believe we are soul mates. I can tell you that if you will just treat these cancers as if they are friends that it will develop into more. Mine is a J as well. Jim. We are so finely tuned to each other and if you can keep conversations light ad breezy they will have a tendancy to ease up and let you closer. I am so in love with mine. He is in love with me as well and has said so many times.

    Mom...keep in touch. I will with you. good luck all.

  • I am so glad to have you girls to remind me of what I do truely believe and had been all of my life until I met G.... I need to get back to that place...... Some of the things I am reading lately have been exactly what i needed to hear - those things I had forgotten about myself and I had hidden from myself by allowing love to BLIND me....

    I really should stress at this point in time - that I too am happy with my cancer - we have had a serious rough patch and seem to be getting through it although I thought for a time we wouldn't... I thought we were over and started looking toward the bad.. But honestly I love mine to bits!!! And I wouldn't have him any other way.... He does love me and I him - I think we just needed to go through this to get to the good stuff.... I have hurt him and he me and I think we are still feeling each other out for the long term..... I started on here when we were in the worst part of our relationship and have probably not reflected what is happening correctly - only my side and some of it is completely wrong..... Mine has been chasing me for 9 years before we got together and I kept telling him he wasn't good enough - so I think he now believes it - but I am showing him that I love him and him only and I think it is getting through and he is coming out of his shell and coming back to me....

  • Dear Karma,

    If he doesn't show up, then forget about him. Move on. he'll come back somehow, but just move on. I'm learning that about myself. Some people have really bad timing with us Cancers. Sometimes we just don't want to go out. We push ourselves, we try, but it's better when we're in our home sometimes or else! you'll feel or get our wrath! trust me . And that's not good.

  • Hi everyone! I was reading alot today. Anyways, thank you all for the birthday wishes! I had a good drunken time concidering i'm italian and Irish and that just adds to all the confusion in my life , besides being a Cancer. I do want to say that I had a strong conjunction to the moon last night. All the energy I had was so sucked out of me, I had nothing left. I noticed this. I couldn't deal with people or anything for that matter. I think I am very affected by the moon. it's very weird , so now that i discovered all of this, I keep an eye on how I act . Looking back , I think I've always been affected by this. That may explain all of my faults , but I'm still trying to figure it out. It's a very powerful feeling, because I always feel it, but I never put two and two together. I'm Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces . Sun, Moon, Rising.

  • Reading out what others had to say about Cancer men...It did give me jitters initially for I'm just at the onset of a relationship with a younger Cancerian man!! What drives me nuts is his ohh-so-casual attitude towards me and our 'relationship'. I mean...He'd call n then we'd talk for a long time n then a lull of a few days...GONE...back again...just like explanations given or received!! The whole scenario has freaked me out to such an extent that I'm beginning to think about getting rid of him!!

    P.S.- I'm a piscean btw.

  • Hello AntBee, My Cancer has a stuffy name and I always write L. I even call him that sometimes, when I'm not really looking for an answer, just telling him something cause, he won't answer to "L" I have to say Lawrence or just start talking and no name. I always feel like I'm in trouble when he says my name! I read your story awhile ago, sounds like those stories they have on things like the Oprah show! Mine and L's isn't romantic really, it's practical and comfortable. Don't get me wrong, we do have fun and we have that "no words needed" way of communicating. I realized that all the time I was hearing him call me s-e-x-y and yummy it was just low sounds he makes and I was feeling it from him. Months before we were a couple, I taught him how to kiss a persons neck and ears a certain way that makes them get loving feelings towards you,( he had asked me to teach him what a woman likes) he's been using it on me back from when I was teaching him and making him squirm!! He knew I was having too much fun with that!

    I have a thought about how come your guy was having second thoughts about you going to Iraq. he's asking you to give up your life and step into hell!! He realizes that he's asking you to possibly put your life in danger, there is a chance of an American getting kidnapped or killed because you are an American plus, not to mention the possibility of getting killed in a random hit. have you ever lived in a desert? dust and sand get into everything, your skin, hair, clothes. I have A/C, there isn't too much of that over there. I know when I read that you were planning on going to Iraq, I was concerned and I don't even know you. if you are my twin and the opposite of me, you'll enjoy it cause if I didn't have my A/C here, and things to do at night, I wouldn't stay here in las Vegas!

  • HIP-thanks for asking. it was nice to be off work 4 days! the weekend was quiet. i spent sunday and monday night with j. i can't remember but if i'm repeating sorry. i want to scream about now-i don't know wtf is really going thru his mind but i think i will let this ride about one more week and then tell my FRIEND i have to cut ties for a while.

    at least i am still not hurting and wanting to cry or vomit. brief re-cap. wed. he gives me a key to his house; thurs. he flirts too much & i give it back and leave without making a scene, he follows me out to my car to tell me he loves me but can't be in love because he still loves his ex wife, calls me on my way home and talks my head off. also i am his best friend and the 1st person he'd want with him if he was sick or hurt because i relax and comfort him by just being in the room with him. fri.-he insists on changing my tail light bulb so when i go to let him, 1st thing he does is hug me and hold me longer than just a regular hug. then the MF tells me he wants me to move in as a roommate with my own bedroom! wtf is this?! sat. we text back and forth a few times. sun. he texts me and i didn't answer so he goes to the bar and after i don't get there at the usual time, flat out asks the bartender where i am; i get there and don't sit in the stool next to him, he can't give it 3 minutes and he moves his stuff and comes to sit with me, and yes another hug & kiss; he drinks 1 more beer then says he's going home and for me to come sleep at his place. then a couple hours later calls to see if i'm coming there. i go, we talk a while he cuddles me we both fall asleep; mon. he tells me to come back over later in the day and he's gonna change my oil; i lost track of time and he calls me to tell me to hurry before the sun sets. when i get there he's cooking pork tenderloin, potatos, salad, and since i DID NOT make him a peach cobbler for his b'day he bakes a frozen one of them. he went to bed before me, i go he snuggles me. tues. i go to leave for work & get the hug/kiss and the "call me in a while". i did not call, i went to a guy friends after work instead we talked about j, and what the heck he may be really up to here, this guy knows him well enough and he said he definately is in love with me just afraid j calls 2 times and i didn't answer, 2nd call he left a vm that he was just checking on me to make sure i'm o.k., to call him back. yesterday, i finally call he answers and he's out of town at work, but wants me to stay at his house last night anyway ( i have the key back). he calls last night and i answer we talk a while and i say i'm tired but need to stay up a little longer so i don't wake too early. HE SAYS GO GET IN YOUR BED AND IMAGINE ME LAYING BEHIND YOU, HOLDING YOU. is he cruel enough to be just trying to string me along? my God.

    now after months of me wondering if he will answer or call back or call or text at all-i am pulling back some and he is jumping through hoops and calling me, wants to see me etc., we haven't been intimate for about a week now, but he still isn't doing that with anyone else because if i am not there he is on the phone with me so i don't see him having the time.

    i did tell him when he professed our friendship status again to stop patronizing me, he says one thing and then he acts the complete opposite. but like i said, i am not slamming the brakes on yet but i have changed my demeanor enough for him to know he may not stand a snowball's chance in he!! i also want him to think i am simply acting like i am to put on a show, but that i won't go anywhere. i'm trying to observe and analyze to be 100% sure he's jerking me around before i do slam him and cheat on him if that's what you want to call it. that is exactly what i WILL do too, find someone to have *** with and he'd better hope that just me being his friend is all he wants because i am very close to being done enough to stick a friggin' fork in me.

    i don't care if i do end up crying and vomiting if he is just jerking me around i can and will walk away from him and not be his friend. i will view him as not even worthy enough to smell my breath, and therefore won't speak to him.

    if within this week i think he isn't playing games, and is just afraid i am going to lay my cards and conditions on the table for him and give him a chance to admit to himself and to me that he does want to continue a real relationship. otherwise i'm out of here. i can not stand for someone to toy with me in order to have their cake and eat it to, i don't get made a fool of very often either. i don't even know if i will give a rat's A$$ if he wants me or not anymore, is he worth it?

    someone tell me what they think, please so i don't go off the deep end here!

  • I am just new to this site as well as my experiences with my Cancer man. I have to tell you , he is frigging stereotypical. Was falling head over heels in love with me within two weeks of meeting me then......screeech...put the brakes on! This started in Nov. By New Year's Eve, he told me he was in love with me but started back pedalling quickly when it became obvious that I was overwhelmed by him. I'm a Cappy (lord help us all, I say) so, I can get emotionally attached pretty quick if I feel the connection but still, I like to take my time. Be sure of my standing before risking it all, ya know. Anywho, soon after I confessed my love & scared the be-jesus outta him & he withdrew into that flippin shell. Since then, it's been a constant push & pull, I want you -I can't do this, not yet, not now-kinda thing. To make matters worse, I'm going thru a divorce & he is recovering from one (a very nasty one) She wrecked him for all other women, Thanks toots. He's sooo sensitive, loving, gentle, caring, romantic, cute & fuzzy when he wants to be & cool, moody as all hell, distant, stubbornly independent, bratty we he wants to be as well. & this can all happen within the same 30 minutes!! Gaaaaaaaa!!! I've never had my patience tested as well as now. well, I take that back. I'm getting out of a 20yr relationship with a rage-aholic Gemini. My latest issue is, we had agreed (mutally) not to be exclusive to one another since we both valued our freedom. He has admitted that he is not seeing anyone else but does not want to be tried down to anyone at this time. i agreed. I did meet a nice Pisces man (eh.. ya know) & went on a few dates with him & was intimate. Although we had fun & the sex was good there was no emotional nor spiritual connection like with my Cancer. So after reading some posts here, as trust is paramount to a cancer man, I decided to let my Fishy go. He doesn't know this yet..I just made my mind up yesterday, & Lord knows thats subject to change at any time...So my question it really monogamy a cancer craves or freedom..physically & emotional? Can I really trust what comes out of a cancers' mouth or is it just a test??

  • welcome littlebrownsparrow: in answer to your question about trust etc., it is ALWAYS a test, you'd think they were the national weather service and we were in tornado alley. i've been with mine since nov. too, and we got exclusive in late feb. without discussing it, i really think it is a huge thing to be able to trust you in EVERY way, as well as need a LOT of emotional support and he!! when they want their freedom they take it LoL! best i can tell you is if you want him, get some valium, then be as cool and non-naggy, clingy, and weepy as you can. don't act jealous either, but at the same time let him see you vulnerable once in a while or cry. just not over him. i am bi$ching about mine now, but i trust him, and he's told me he loves me, and he does treat me wonderfully, cooks, pets, baby's, waits on me almost hand and foot, and God forbid if someone upsets me-he handles it and is so loving and patient with me. not long ago a chick said something real ugly about me and he flat out put her in her place and made her look like a fool in front of a bunch of people. another time a guy acted like he was going to hit me-he got taken outside.

    it's just the fact that everytime he lets himself get almost there it trips him out and he wants to run hide. i sent him a text while ago just an off subject one about nothing and danged if he didn't text me right back telling me where he was-i didn't ask him. who knows. just learn to be incredibly patient. i am ignoring him some and it's driving him nuts. i also do something every so often i know he doesn't like without doing anything wrong!

    well gotta run, 3rd shift is here, but reply back. i'll get on later

  • A lil late WaterMan 😛 Well tonight was the final climax everyone. I just really needed him to say things to me that wouldn't lead me on anymore- I needed something to know to stop thinking about him. I love him and didn't want to hurt him by starting dating other men if he was still considering me. I was ready. I couldn't be in limbo anymore- I also knew this moon was a make or break situation. My competition was close to his restaurant, so I stopped by (I know I had this whole plan of not calling him blah blah- but I thought what do I have to lose?). So I stopped by, saw his car, and went in for a drink. They said he had left... which was weird cuz his car was there. So I thought he was avoiding me, which isn't like him. I went back and danced, then in between my rounds ( 1.5 break) I went and checked- his car was gone, so I went to his house (psycho I know- but again I felt I had nothing to lose, cuz frankly I just wanted him to verbally break us) I had never been to his house and knew where he lived... So I get there, he was online paying bills...not looking cute... again in his glasses... he said he was going to see if he could come Friday night to the comp- I rolled my eyes b/c I've heard that too many times. I claimed I was going to kidnap him but he wouldn't budge. He said he didn't want to lead me on (all of a sudden????) he's still in love with his ex, still wears that ring around his neck, blah blah blah so stupid. Using that classic line I'd been waiting for, "you're gonna find a great guy..". He's going to Flordia soon for work- he's way to into work. Despite the whole ex situation, I just think he would get on my nerves after the whole 'smitten' stage honestly. So I still begged him to come as friends ( oh I just looked so cute crying on his doorstep) He wanted me to stop and started retreating into his house ::eyeroll:: So I gave him a hug and told him how much it had meant to me meeting him and that he was my first love because I just wanted him to be happy. he held me tight. He wished me luck and we said goodbye.

    It's so weird all these special feelings I had for him and how I'd be psychic with him. That's usually how it is though, the more interested you are- the less they are. Well now I know, so I'm finally free.!? It's bittersweet.

  • Thank you Cancan. I love that...Get some Valium...yup I get it..Good for me that as a Cappy I can remain the picture of Calm, cool & collected while my inner landscape is churning in a schizoid mess. Yea, I get the " coming to the rescue" need of the Cancer man. He's done that for me on more than one occassion & it seems to snap him outta his Crabby funk pronto. & I'm an absolute sucker for it. Gets me everytime. The moods I'm beginning to get used to (maybe) at least I'm not flying into a panic post-date much anyway. It's just that I've had to adopt the attitude "expect the unexpected" & "keep ur expectations low & u won't get disappointed" in dealing with him. It's been quite a ride to be sure.

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