Cancer man, and he is confusing

  • Mom,

    Bless your heart. You have helped me so much. Now that I know why i have been sitting here falling asleep I can try to relax a little. I have never been so in tune with another person before. He will wake me out of a dead sound sleep to come read an email at 5:30 in the morning. We are truely in love with each other. Marriage is in the cards. Thank you again Mom.

  • Oh Cancers definately have a plan. We look for the long term security. Whether you are included or not may make the difference. We are not always at fault for our shortcomings, and I hate to keep arguing that. For me it goes like this. I will know if I like you right off the bat. The trust begins there, when it starts. Throughout time that may diminish and those standards have dropped. It was not our fault. Once those things diminish, it's done pretty much.

  • Hi everyone! I just want you all to know that I have read most of everything all you girls wrote, trying to gain insight of how i may really be. I believe alot of it is true about us Cancer men. I can't speak for all of us. I'm just relating to myself. I tend to come back here because i like to. I can express alot here. For me , I'm a very complicated person . I hear the same things over and over , such as you date other men but you think about us all the time. I can understand why. We are your safety in life. Noone else will give that to you. Not in the Zodiac. We are very territorial and protective. It's a given, besides our overwhelming charm. I'm not saying all Cancers are like this but , I am. I'm not a jealous guy, because I could take you or leave you and it wouldn't matter to me only because I will always see a bigger picture. Sure we leave and come back, but we know, always what we're doing. We've been dumped , dropped , hit , suckered, thrown to the curb, and pretty much dismantled by women/girls. Why? and then you wonder why we are the way we are....that's my peace for the night.

  • Sorry ladies but I QUIT! Im done this is crap. Im done trying to fit the mold of what Im "supposed " to be. I am fine the way I am and if he isnt seeing me for what I truly am then thats his lost. He plays to many f-ing games w me and its dumb. Life is too short. My kids deserve to have a mother that isnt going through emotional H e ll. I am not saying thats tru to you guys situation. but this is how it is for me. love me or not Im not waiting for him to decide if hes done being hurt by the past or can get past commitment issues or what ever the problem is I no longer give a sh i t. Im getting on w my life and leaving his memories behind like he left me behind. JERK WAD!

  • Well im giving up. MY cancer has till end 2009 to show he wants us to make it if not adios bud. Hello new life new men!

  • Hi everyone: I've been reading and reading and reading for hours, and still haven't caught up!! From where I'd left a message on p.102, I had to go back to p.72 to catch up. And when I reached p.102, I thought if I don't post my good news now, I'll never do it. (So tomorrow I'll catch up from p.102 to p.122. I gotta rush as I want to watch Y&R that I've taped.) Just love reading all the posts here - really it's like a sopa opera, and I mean it in a very nice way.

    Now girls, listen to this. Yesterday (Sat) my Cancer friend came over again in the afternoon. This time he was dressed in jeans, and he looked absolutely hunky and the jeans made him look so young. (He turned 58 on Fri but of course the uniform he wears at work makes him look much older. He looked so young and I couldn't get over the transformation.) Anyway, I couldn't wait for him to come over. I gave him his present as well, a lovely cologne which he said he'll treasure. Anyway, so we did the usual, which is have some wine, eat, talk, listen to songs, watch some TV, have coffee - and then? NOTHING. He left at about 8 pm. You know guys, I was so disappointed. So disappointed. And that white wine I had, OK it was nice, but it made me become depressed and sad because I knew nothing was going to happen. (I wish I'd had red wine like last time, which makes me all happy.) Anyway, my point is that, I know he's attracted to me (and he dammed well knows I fancy him!), and I was so much hoping that maybe he would kiss me Sat. But nothing happened. So far I've been the one initiating everything up to this point, darned if I'll tell him I want him to kiss me! I know he's a very shy man, and it took him 8 months to decide he'd like to come over to my place. I know he's a gentleman and I respect that. And I guess he can't just grab me and kiss me. An opportunity has to present itself for him to do that. Last week at work I said to him "And you didn't even ask me to dance!". His reply "You want to dance?". So I guess if we dance, or if we go out dancing (the poor man is really broke, and so am I!) that would be a good time for a kiss. Anyway, am I asking too much? He's only been to my place twice, and I know he likes to take things VERY SLOWLY. I don't want to scare him away. My sister said he's only just started to come to my place, whereas before he always used to find an excuse not to come. Give it time, she says. When he left, I said to myself that I won't ask him if he's coming over again. OK, it's good that we're friends and that he's started to come over. Then the wine starts talking that maybe he's just coming over to kill time. (Oh my cat just won't let me type, girls. He drives me crazy! Though I love him dearly, Mikey is his name.) But if he didn't like me, he wouldn't come over, right? Now this is my insecurity taking over. WHY DIDN'T HE KISS ME?? Oh, his daughter dropped him off at my place (because she needed the car. They only have once car) and apparently she said to him "Dad, be a good boy." So as he was leaving and he was thinking me and that he had a nice time. I said to him "And you were a good boy." I wish he wasn't.

    Anyway, I'm going to start the 30-day thing again. Paulaj, I think you started this 30-day thing and it's such a good idea. IT REALLY WORKS. I'm going to wish that within 30 days he kisses me. I told one of my cousins (who's really depressed right now) to do the 30-day thing so she'll meet her soulmate, etc. etc, and for all negativity to leave her and to only attract positive energy. I told her it really works.

    Well everyone, since I started typing this, I've had 2 phone calls: my cousin and my sister. So now I'm going to bid everyone goodnight, I will make coffee for myself, and sit in front of the TV and watch at least one episode of Y&R. (Any soap fans out there?). I am going to try and get on this forum every night if I can, because I'm missing so much and it's so interesting to read what you all have gotten up to.

    P.S. Waterman: I'm so glad to read all your input about Cancer men. It's very very helpful.

    PPS: Next week I'm going to go on FB and join into our group. I will also send in my details which I haven't done yet.

    See you all next week.

  • what is the name of our facebook group? i'd like to join

  • Dont think we have a group, we just connected there.

  • This post is deleted!

  • All I can say is run. When I think of the five years of my life wasted on his promises...helping him work through his problems...Ugh. Of course his parents and family loved me. His nieces and nephews wondered why they couldn't call me "Aunt" That just made everything harder on me. He actually contacted me while he was engaged to another woman! I didn't know. He is still with her, they have a child BUT he will not marry her. I can't tell you how happy I am having him as a part of my distant past. If you like drama and inability to commit, date a Cancer. Oh and he was my third (and last) Cancer relationship.

  • I find myself getting addicted to this forum. I'm on vacation anyway until July 6th and I have been nursing myself back to health after getting all my wisdom teeth pulled last Monday. Trust me, I should have gotten that done 10 years ago! These stories are very interesting to me. They actually make me take a look at my own past relationships and make me wonder. And wonder , I do. Although I had many, there were 3 that I will never get over, so far. Out of 2 of them , I was in love. My Capricorn, I don't think I will ever get over. I almost think about her on a daily basis when my mind wonders off into space. Same with my Sagittarius. My Cancer woman I was with the longest intimately, besides Saggitarius. My Cappy, well we will be friends forever , I hope. Now she's married. I said before, that the first time I laid eyes on her, it was instant love , for me at least. I was only 16 and her 15. I tried to stay in her life and probably will forever until the sun stops shining. I left her alone now. I think that I have no business talking to her now that she's married. I was always told , let it go, let it go. But I can't. It still lingers in the back of my mind. But that's where it stays.Someone wrote that it's as if time stands still, when you see that person again. It's true. My cappy is now '' happily'' married, my Sag ended up being with one of my good friends, who's a Virgo, I don't know why, I never really liked him anyway and my Cancer is with a police officer but not married. I try not to ever run into them or see them anymore as it brings back old memories for me, and I'm sure, them too. Now, this is where us Cancer men lose in the game of love. We ran away and the only thing left is us. It's our own fault. I'm alone, not that it's a bad thing, but I'm alone and I can't blame you women for leaving. We end up alone in the end. I had true love , so I thought. Remember that you can't truly give your love to someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. I continue to chase that thought. I felt like I was a fool and rightfully so, I may have been.


    Advice I never give, a thought maybe, lol. I found that noone really excepts our canny advice even though it's pretty on target. Don't get me wrong, people suck it in but then it always ends up in one ear out the other. Then it's like , '' I told you so.'' So I don't do that anymore. I'm not just saying here, but in my everyday life, in person. I feel the let- them- figure- it out philosophy is better off for me and them. So, here is my thought on your situation :

    I'm glad to hear that you definately spoke up to him and said something, about the dinner and all. Then you told him that you were going out. Another good thing .But you never went. I would say it's a safe bet to say that if you did, he would try to find you downtown. He kinda counted on you being there. He was thinking about you. I'm only saying this , if you guys have been hanging for a long time, or have been around each other alot recently. He likes you, but again he's not sure of himself. We own this problem. We start to think , am I good enough, will it last, can I do better. Now that may seem pretty harsh, the last one, but trust me , it goes through our heads. Too much analyzing. It gets alot more unconfusing when Cancers mature. They may actually know what they want and they will tell you. Some may never grow, only because they haven't allowed themselves to. They end up stuck in pause mode. This may be where he is. I have been there. Sometimes I think I'm still there. In my heart I know, I have moved on. My problem is, is that I hold a great memory. On the downside of you're story with ''Joey, '' I find it interesting that he didn't even kiss you goodbye. Please do not take this literally or quote me, I have to say in my own experience, that there are reasons why to this. Here it goes: He probably got what he wanted from you, this may not be true. He is also seeing other people, this may not be true. He was in a hurry, this may not be true. You had bad breath, this may not be true, he didn't find you attractive in the morning, this may not be true. He had work or prior obligations to fullfill, this may not be true. There wasn't breakfast on the table, this may not be true. The list could go on and on . It could be anything, I really don't know. Next time , ask him why he didn't kiss you before he left, and i'm sure he'll tell you. I'm typed out. So to all, I may be back later . See Ya's 🙂

  • i have a question. i've been looking at this thread alot lately,and glad i found it. i have a cancer male friend. i'm a sag so i allow everything so the ones i love will pursue their happiness. however, i tend to get taken advantage of. so , question for you, hope you'll help..... he and i have been friends with benefits for a little while,and i know i cheer him up (he's in the army and an iraq vet; god bless them all), and i really will always be here for him cuz i am a sag and were loyal if unconventional. anyway he has thanked me for my support, called me his girl, and now wants to know if i can give him advice about other women. should i be happy to have his friendship in life and not make him a daily priority, or is this part of the process. thanks for your time. 🙂

  • this is for WATERMAN: I'm actually impressed that you came here & read through our drama to gain insight of what us woman think of you cancerian men. I have dated 2 cancer men, 1 was worst than the other (lol)...but, right as we speak my heart is beating for a cancer man - i don't know what the ultimate attraction for me is towards a cancerian man all i know is what i'm setting myself up for.....

    Am I wrong to think all cancer men are the same??? Am I wrong to think this time might be different??? At the end of the day it all comes down to what you've experienced and does one move forward or does one get tangled in another web??????

    I'm falling so hard for my cancer man & I pretty much know the outcome, yes, it saddens me but, i can't balme no one but myself if i get hurt because i have the oppertunity to make a decision here...shut myself down or go with my feelings..

    thank you for your comments coming from a cancer man yourself - i know that most cancer men are the same at the end of the day (which sucks for me)......

  • WATERMAN: I just want to say i'm impressed with you coming on here & taking in what all us woman have to say about cancerian men...

    I have to say I've dated 2 cancer men, and took a liking to was worst than the other.....(i'm not kidding)...

    However, right now as I type - my heart is beating for another cancerian man, WHAT AM I DOING...i pretty much know the outcome.......yes, it saddens me but i can't place the balme on anyone but myself if i get hurt.

    it's that old saying "OH WHAT TANGLED WEBBS WE WEAVE".......

    Am i wrong to think all cancer men are the same??? Am i wrong to think that this one can be different??? At the end of the day it all comes down to who a person really is & that's a cancerian man!!!

    you hit the nail on the head with your statements - it's the free easy spirit that a cancerian man possesses (sorry if spelled wrong)....

    what is the ultimate attraction to you cancer men that drive us crazy????????

    thank you for your insight...

  • i keep writing but my threads aren't showing up??

  • Damn, this is nuts. One by one we're throwing in the towel. Well, good for us. The more I read up on Cancers, the more terrified I am by them. Its like, for every one success story of a happy relationship, you get 15 horror stories.

    j3d -Yes, it rings a bell. They do this all the time. But I like the attitude your taking with him! Looks like you have to give them some cold hard truth to snap them into action.

    blessed44times - As of now I am taking your advice.

  • Well, I have to say another interesting point. Always follow your gut feelings. The thing about us crabs, well , we approach situations sideways instead of head on. That's just us being very cautious, you know, feeling out the waters instead of just jumping right in. We want to know what's there and it may take along time before we '' jump.'' It goes back to the title of this forum. Why are we confusing? I say it's just because we are testing the waters and it may take a long time. If the waters, " a woman'' can actually hack our bullshit, then we will eventually give in. From reading these stories, it seems that not many of you can. So again it's our own fault. When I say test the waters, I mean test and test and test. It can be frustrating, i'm sure. We fall in love easily. We already know because if we are around you, we definately like you. We just hide all of that stuff and , I know it can just drag on and on to the point where you girls just give up. The biggest problem with us is communication. Not meaning that we can't do it, but be honest about everything you say to a Cancer male and we may open up. Keep us on our toes. Tell it like it is and we'll think twice because up until then we had all control and it probably drives you nuts! Someone said or asked me if it's a kind of control issue. Well , if we know we have you in our pocket, there is no hole to fall through, so yeah, sometimes. It's just another means of protection, that's all.

  • I love Saggitarius women. They will always make you smile and give us Cancer men a laugh. Anything , at least I think is possible with these gals. They are the ones that bring us Cancer guys out of our so- called shells, or depressive modes. I was with a Sagittarius for 3 and a half years and I couldn't say a bad thing about it. She was awsome and I still think about her. She wasn't the first Sag I was with either. Anyway, The one I'm talking about wasn't just my lover, but also my best friend and I loved that whole aspect about it. Otherwise I wouldn't have stuck around. She brought the best things out of me that I thought I never had. Everyday with her was like the sun shining on my back. I couldn't have been more happier. She kept me on my feet and always out and about. In fact, I give her alot of credit for that. I would have married this girl and I miss not being with her. Boy did she take some shit from me, but she dealt with it, somehow. I don't know how, but it always made me think and I loved her for that. We were a power couple amongst all of our friends. Opposites attract right? RIGHT! I always saw in her, what I was lacking and vise, versa. I'll tell you what, she was good for me. I miss that.

  • hello again! waterman79, thanks for what you wrote about sag women; that got me smiling again! my friend is in training currently so i haven't seen him for a few thing i've always noticed is that he'll keep me at arms length but then when we see each other or talk it's as though something caves in inside him and he has fun in spite of himself. i continuously surprise him, and he seems to enjoy that. i don't tell him what to do unless i feel someone has been wrong to him, and then i go off on one of my sag philosophical "we should all just love each other and be helpful" rants. he'll call me once in awhile and tell me he doesn't know whether to move to this state or that state or come back here. i just encourage him to do what makes him happy because he's the only one who knows and the people he needs in his life will be there no matter his decision. i tell him he always has a friend in me, and i really mean that. sometimes i think it makes him nervous that i don't get all drama on him. i'm more self contained about my emotions and i kind of figure being in the military is hard enough without a friend dumping grief at your door you can't do anything about. also, i hate for people to do or say things they don't feel just to make me happy.

    well, i'll just keep sending him happy thoughts and do other things for awhile. i'm always pleasantly surprised when i hear from him, since he's got so much going on, and i try to not make a nuisance of myself. when he doesn't hear from me though after several days, i usually hear from him. oh well, love to him and all you women on this forum- good luck beautifuls! 🙂 and waterman, hope your mouth feels better soon after getting your wisdom teeth out. ugh, thank goodness for codeine! 🙂

    happy day all.

  • If you are still out and dealing with this guy, I think you should go rent the move He's Just Not That Into You" and follow the advice in the movie. Like they say, if a man wants you, he will move heaven and earth to get to you. If he isn't trying, "he's just not that into you." Sorry

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