Confused



  • Dear Fanofkmm,

    Counseling is out he will not go for that so I quit asking. When I called her he was so angry that he packed his clothes and left for the night. I came in the next morning from work and he was home with all his junk piled up all over my living room. Said he slept in his car (yeah right) he knew that I worked that night could have come back after I left. He thinks I am stupid. If nothing was going on he would not hide what he was doing. My phone bill shows that he calls and text her while I am working or sleeping or when he takes off to go get beer or whatever. This isn't the first time for me about six years ago I found a letter in his office from another woman and her daughter come to find out he had been seeing her every time we came in on leave (he was military for over 21 years) for 11 years. I moved back home where we had just bought a home for about 7 months before he retired. I guess he has just been more careful about what he has been doing. I guess he did not believe me when I told him that if I ever caught him or thought he was messing around that it would be over. So I guess it is time to let him hang himself.

    Hopefully lost



  • Dear Turtledust,

    Well after 30 years of marriage I have been through the beer and porn stage, still deal with it on a daily bases. The phone thing is new to me never though to check his cell phone. It was an accident that I found the first text message on his phone. Our daughter who is 21 still living at home with a 2 year old herself was the one that found it. Her 2 year old had dropped her phone in the yard so she went to get her dads out of his car where he kept it all the time so she could call hers to locate it and so she read the text then she text her and asked her who she was of course she did not reply. But my daughter brought me the phone and showed me the text (which I erased so he never got it ) and that was what got me checking my phone bill and started tracking all of the times he calls her or text her. But of course all I hear is I am crazy and nothing is going on they just work together. But if that is the case why does he erase everything off of his phone?



  • Dear Hopefullylost,

    Stay strong. Men will do anything and say anything to protect their butts. You are right, they do think we are naive. Of course they can get creative as well, mine sent me flight booking confirmation to show he would be at a client in one part of the country, then switched to flight to where his gf was 400 km's away in the opposite direction. To this day in spite of all the proof I have, including wedding ring when she proposed to him, he still denies everything and has now shifted the blame to her. (she committed suicide and cannot defend herself).

    Shock the man - pack his clothes for him and have it waiting when he comes home. Change the locks - even if it is just swopping the front door and back door lock mechanisms with each other. Of course, before doing this you should be SURE that you no longer want him.

    It';s still POO no matter how he justifies it.



  • Mine wouldn't go for counselling either. I reckon it's because the counsellor would dig till he found the truth and make him admit it. Once they admit it, it becomes a reality and not something ficticious and they can no longer convince you that its in your mind. Just a thought.



  • Dear Hopefullylost,

    When I read "If I question him or ask anything he gets angry and defensive. Tells me that I am crazy and imagining things. I just wish for once I could get the truth from him."

    Big, Big Hug to you. I have found that when anyone and/or your partner gets angry and defensive when asked questions it ususally means they are in the wrong and they know it. This has been my experience, so all I can say to you is "Run Forest, Run".

    I am a runner and still running from men like this and also friends. Be strong, we are here for you.

    Good Luck and best wishes to you.



  • Dear Fanofkmm,

    Your right about being Poo. I am in the process of remodeling the house and he shows no interest at all. I tried to get him to go with me as I was buying supplies but he wanted none of it. While I was in the plumbing department the salesman working the area asked if I was related to my husband (of course he did not realize it was my spouse he was talking about) who comes in there with his cute little girlfriend. It really is getting difficult not to explode.

    Hopefully Lost



  • Dear Gnfishin,

    Dealing with his angry is getting harder and harder. I think my breathing now days makes him angry. I stopped wondering what I have done to make him angry and just ignore him. It is getting harder to just hold out until I can get things in order. As the songs goes Once I ran to him but now I run from him. But I think the hardest part is I have been with him all my life and he is all I know.

    Hopefully lost



  • Dear Hopefullylost,

    Know this - firstly, we are all here for you, even if it's just to listen. Secondly, you are a strong worthy woman who will rise above the situation. If he does not recognise what he has, that's his loss. Look forward to your independence, it will give you a new start.

    It worries me that his anger is so easily incited. Do you think his anger will turn to violence?

    Hugs to you. Fan.



  • Dear Fan,

    I don't think he would hit me. He just yells allot. He is just angry all the time. Sometimes I think it is more at himself but he strikes out at me instead of facing the truth that he is in the wrong. Thanks for listening.

    Hopefully lost