Life help



  • Dear TheCaptain: I have two requesst for you, please. First of all how was the week for you, your family and your mother? Next request,, today is my husbands birthday, 10/28/59, can you see any message for him for the next year? I hate to ask you this last one, but I did not get him anything for his birthday, but a bag of candy and was hoping I could share this with him. I have been thinking and praying for you and your family. I hope you have good news or medium, not anything bad to share with me. If you do, let me know how to pray for the situation at hand and I will. On another note, my grandson will be 8 opn Sunday and is in a home they call a :safe home, that is 3 hours from here. WE are going to leave Sunday morning and go see him for his birthdaY, I miss him and wish he was here. I do not see where this is going to helphim in a ;asting situation at home. I think it is a temporary fix and that my daughter is taking the easy way oput for her. I would ask her to sign him over to me, but I know that she will not. Anyway I am very excited and cannot wait to see him. Have a good weekend and I look foreward to hearing from you next week.



  • Sporty, for the rest of 2011 your husband enters a period of social expansion & creative success. This has the potential to be a social, happy period for him, and the energy around him until 2012 will generally exude bright and cheerful vibrations. This is a time when he will want to check up on old friends and broaden his social circle to include some new ones. He is more inclined to live life to its fullest now, even if he has to pay the consequences later on. He is likely to be more sociable and the bridle of responsibility will seem to be loosened a bit. He can safely take some time off to enjoy himself, but must resist the temptation to completely give in to having a good time; he must keep his goals in mind. It is a good time to expand his personal creative talents, particularly those related to the arts and verbal skills. Recognition in this regard may even occur.

    He may face certain challenges at this time -

    1. Scattering his energies. This will be a year of new people, new ideas and exciting opportunities. It’s important for him to keep focused on his vision and not allow himself to scatter himself and flit about hopping from thing to thing in search of the one right answer. He has a rare opportunity to bring new and creative ideas to the forefront but, in order to do so, he must practice discipline and focus.

    2. Getting caught up in the thrill of the endgame. He should feel a great deal of enthusiasm and optimism this year and it may cause him to speed up his projects when they actually need more time to develop. He can’t get to point Z from point A in one step so unless his enthusiasm is based upon the reality of work and concentration, he may find himself at the end of the year with entirely too many incompletions.

    3. Caring too much what others think. He can’t move from his heart when he's monitoring other people’s heads!

    In general this is a magical year for relationships and it can be a very lucrative year financially as long as his creativity is well directed. It can be a lucky year if his energies are focused on priority goals. This is a great time for p[rojects with an artistic focus, such as photography, painting, writing, or even visiting art galleries or attending plays. Popularity within large and small groups is highlighted, as is work in the public arena. Self expression is the keynote in both the written and spoken word. This can be good period for selling products, (including his writing), or services.

    In 2012, he moves into a period of hard work and slow, but steady progress. The previous year's frivolity will now be truly forgotten, as the facts of life are clearly spelled out. This is a time of hard effort when he must knuckle down to the task at hand. A year of digging in and hoeing, a reestablishment of self-control. This is an organizational period and he must look at his current and past performance in a very honest and objective light. It is a time to get organized and bring himself down to earth. Responsibilities will increase, magnifying the effort and hard work needed to maintain a reasonable level of existence. Health and diet should be carefully scrutinized this year, as physical resistance is low and he may become more susceptible to ailments. A tidying up of affairs is now in order, as he must make ready for a very hectic year ahead after his birthday. This is a foundation year, so he may actually complete many of the "loose ends" (uncompleted projects) in his life, possibly from 2011. He is also creating a solid personal inner foundation. He may want to do some weeding and feeding in the belief department - to write a long list of all the beliefs he has about himself. Make one list for the positive beliefs and one for the negative beliefs. See how many he can come up with, then look at the negative beliefs first and assess whether they continue to serve him. He is essentially restructuring the old beliefs that no longer serve him by transforming the energy that holds the old beliefs in place. Notice throughout the year that your inner foundation is strengthening with the new beliefs. This is a good time to eliminate clutter, clean house, and rearrange the spaces in which he lives and works, to let go of the things he has outgrown. He may also want to invest in some new "tools" to help him make progress in his life. No matter what field of endeavour he is undertaking, there are tools that can make the job more enjoyable, easier, and more efficient. 2012 is about creating his foundation. Building a foundation requires lots of digging, building forms, mixing and pouring concrete, removing forms, and filling in the dirt. Exercise and contact with nature will help sustain his foundation. Also he must pay attention to diet and what he eats. A healthy body supports a sound mind. Completion, patience, and persistence are very important this year. His thoughts and energy need to be directed to career opportunities, business, work, and security. This is a year to make important connections, keep the proverbial nose to the grindstone, and save money. It is possible that long awaited opportunities will come his way before the middle - end of 2012.



  • As for my mother, she didn't tell the counsellor much about what she was going through so she didn't make any progress. She is very much into avoidance. Still, it's her life - if she wants to be miserable, then it's entirely her choice.



  • Dear TheCaptain: If your mom chooses to avoid the issue than it will not go away and she will carry it with her until she learns how to deal with it, maybe even into her next life. The must be painful for you and hard as I know that you really want the best for her mom. How are you dealing with your moms decision? Are you finding that you want to close up as well and not open up because you are not sure it is going to help? Hopefully my thoughts are wrong and time will heal all wounds. Will she be going to more counseling or was this it?

    By the way thank you for my husbands birthday gift, he agreed with some of it and of cousrse is in denial with some of it. I explained to him that he has a choice in this and can change things, but he has a hard time with this. He has come along way since we got married, as he thought it was all witchery. I have been teaching him to trust his gut feelings and now does better with this than I do. Anything new and exciting for you?



  • Yes I do have to watch that I don't shut down like my mother does to me. But personal subjects are just something she won't get into, so I have to wonder how close I can ever get to her.

    Glad to hear hubby is opening his mind up.

    And life and learning at the moment is certainly keeping me on my toes.



  • Dear TheCaptain: I have tried all my life to be specialo to my mom and I am the black sheep because I tell her how it is and do not go behind her back. It sounds like you care very much for your mom and try to be close to her, treasure the time you have so that you do not have regrets later..Oh by the way I think I owe you another bottle of champagne as things are looking up, not the the way I want, and it is very hard, but better is good and you have to do with what is given to you at the time. I know I have your curiosity now so I better tell you. The company theat we were cleaning for 9 months ago called us up and offered us a job cleaning for tyhem on their payroll with benefits. It is the pits because it is nights, my health is not good with a bad knee and 210 lbs, but we accepted and we are doing it. I hope to continue pursuing a management job in an office or ioenb my own busibness. As I said before this is a step up the ladder to where God whats me to end up. I also filed fraud charges againts the guy that was suppose to save our house that took all of our money, who will not return are request for the charges or mail, or phone and the state just sent us a form back that they are looking in it. We came back from seeing my little grandson in the mental home and it has brought us both to tears. We know he needs help, but neither one of us think that this is the right place for him. Anyway we celebrated his 8th birthday on the 30th at Chucky Cheese and he said it was the best birthday ever, so I compliment his mom as she did a good job planning it and getting what family there that could make it. Can you tell me if he will be coming home soon or if he is getting the right help that he needs. I am sorry to ask you this, but I cry when I think about it as he is only 8 but knows the difference of where he is at and home. Well Thank you and please keep me posted on you and your mom.



  • Sporty, I feel like you are now or about to become a 'mother' again to someone, or even an animal. Is there someone who has come into your life that you are nurturing and looking after? - if not now, there soon will be and it will make you feel wonderful. I feel like it is your destiny in some way, and that it may lead to bigger and better things.



  • Dear sporty,

    I know you requested another person's input, but right now I am reading the need for you to stand outside of yourself and realize you need to take a break from life. Not a vacation, as such, but time off from the usual routine. Tonight, all of the anxiety ridden are writing and most of them are simply drained. Get outside of your regular routine and do something for YOU, whether it is shopping, reading, gardening or whatever. Separate yourself and give yourself personal space. It is my feeling that your space has been disrespected and this is adding to other issues, which you do not need right now.

    Hope this helps. Blessings & Peace be with you



  • Dear TheCaptain: Wow, Iit is so hard to do things for me, I have looked after people all my life physically and mentally. If I am not doing it for someone I am thinking about them. This comes from being the oldest, always having to take care of everyone else and not mysself. I was never allowed to be a child, never allowed to have any fun and it is hard to do this now. I will make an effort and try this week to start. I will let you know what I do. By the way can I ask how many siblings you grew up with? I had 4 that I lived with and 5 others that came and stayed off and on, sometimes at the same time and sometimes a few of them. It sounds like you and I have some common interests, maybe this is why I feel that you were sent to me, so that I can heal from my past. I guess we will see. Thank You and I love you as you are a very special friend.



  • I have four sisters, all younger. (And that last post wasn't from me).



  • Dear TheCaptain. I am so sorry that I did not notice that the post was not once of yours. I thought at the time that it really did not sound like you, but than I thought you were trying to shake me up to think more about me than others. Anyway I am sorry, I do not understand why others would want to jump into a post meant for someone else. Oh well, maybe they thought they were helping. People do not understand that I am doing everything I can to help out with my grandkids as some days this is what heps me to keep going and I do know that once they get older a grandparent is not the most important person on their list, it becomes all about frineds and going to do things with them, been there, done that. Since this was not you, do you see anything regarding my grandson that is at the safe home, (mental house) I am so worried about him. Better yet, I will tell you what I feel is going to happen and maybe you can help me see if I am intuitive all, besides what we all normally have. I think that Jake will be there for another 3 to 6 months. Two things will happen, either he will come home and be sent somewhere else for a couple of months after things go bad at home, or they will find a home such as a temporary foster home for him to help him in ways they do not think we can. I feel that he will be in and out of homes(much like a foster kid) all because his mom does not think we could handle him. This story could turn into something long, the way I feel about this, but maybe another time. Just got off work and have a busy day tomorrow so I better go shower and rest. Are your other sisters having a tough time with this family issue of yours, or some of them or none? I feel that 2 of you are more involved and trouble than the others, is this true? Take care!



  • Did you see my comment about you and 'motherhood'? I actually posted it before I read your comment about your grandson.

    Yes, all my sisters have been affected by my parents' bad marriage, me less than the others as I got out early before my father turned really monstrous. But only one other sister is here in town with me and Mum, the others living in other towns and even another country.



  • Dear TheCaptain:

    No I did not see the post about the motherhood, don't know how I missed it. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.

    How is your week going? Better I hope!



  • Much, thanks.

    I am thinking you may be taking over the care of your grandson one day.



  • That is sweet of you, however I was not asking for me I really wanted to know how you are doing. Don't get me wrong, I always thought that I would end up with raising him, not sure when, but see it coming within the next 2 years.So thank you!

    Please tell me that you are not helping everyone else hoping that your problems will not be as important? I am only asking this because this is what I do alot. Do you have a best friend or best family member to talk to you regarding what is going on with your mother and you? I could be this person if you need one. Our story is much the same, only I was not the one sexually abused in my family, I was the one that stood up to the step-fathers and they did not like or trust me because of this. I always took the beatings and the abuse shielding the others, but I am a much stronger person because of this ( ok so I am fibbing a little bit and I know I cannot get this past you, but it sounds good) I use to be stronger than what I am now, but I will become strong once again. With this new job we finally are eligible for benefits and I went to my knee dr. and I really felt like I was becoming a cripple with my knee problems, believed it in my head. He gave me a cortizone shot and drained the fluid in my knee and I know there is hope for me. I went shopping all day today with my neice and granddaughters without my husband going to help me walk. I can almost walk normal without help or a bad limp. He said he would not do my knee replacement until I am 55 so I have a few years to wait. Ok I gave you some exciting news about me now please share something great about you for this week, if not this week it will be next week, I am sure of this! Have a happy weekend and the world is still here, among all the bad puclbicity.



  • Sporty, I am learning to let my mother live her own life, even if she has basically given up. She sees old age as getting ready for death, rather than a chance to try new things and meet new people. So be it! I cannot push her just because I think I am right about what is good for her. So now we are polite strangers because she doesn't want reality - she prefers to live in a fantasy world of books and TV.

    So we have a sort of uneasy truce at the moment. I will just let her get on with it as she pleases - that is the kind of 'peace she wants - to not talk about reality.



  • Dear TheCaptain,

    Time to catch back up with you. How are you doing? How is the family, Christmas seems to be a time of healing for many families, maybe this will be a time of help for you as well.

    Just to let you know I am on the 8th step now, my life is in a whirwind full circle. /the place where we were doing the janitorial last year called us and offered us a full time job will benefits, so in Sept. we both started doing that and last Friday I was hired to do accounting for a farm and equipment business. I start this on this Wed.. I am ging to keep doing both jobs until I make sure that I get through this probationary period of 3 months. The janitorial place has really good benefits and I have been trying to get on in there because of this but it did not happen so I am not sure what to think about this other job. It just kind of fell into my lap and usually when that happens I think of it as a good sign, no matter what everything is starting to happen for me and it will only get better. My grandson has been home twice since Thanksgiving and it was so good to have him home, but the daughter does not think I can handle him and tells the safe center that thibngs are not working out. So I thibnk that I am being sabatoge and so is he by his mom. I have to figure out how to handle this without getting hurt myself. Anyway I have you caught up now with me. What have you been up to? Take Care



  • Look at you, Sporty girl - TWO jobs, whereas before you had not many working prospects. Good for you! And the situation with your grandson will sort itself out in time.

    My situation is much better too, with my mother eating healthier foods and taking much better care of herself. I would prefer she did it for herself but I guess for now I can live with the fact that she is doing it to make her children proud of her. Whatever works, I guess! Hopefully her self-love and esteem will also improve.



  • Dear TheCaptain:

    It looks like we both will be celebrating the old year out and the new year in, all in a good way. Thanks for sharing your goood news with me. I am excited for you and your family. got to run to the other job. Take care



  • Dear TheCaptain:

    How are you and your family doing? I am good but very busy, trying not to complain after the last couple of years, it is all good. I had a bad something going on at my new job and so I told it to go away and acted like I turned the bad switch off and a good switch on and it seems to have worked as I have had two really good days. Amen I mjissed the wloe New year time, did you get lots of request from people about the future or the world ending? I saw a picture of you looking at the stars does this mean anything to you? It was great getting to catch up with you. Happy New Year.


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