Should I let it Go?
I am a Virgo woman (8/24) who begun a relationship with a Cancer man (7/17) last year in June.
When I first met him we instantly connected. I thought that he was my soul mate, my long lost love from past lives. It seemed like we shared a special bond that would always be there.
Although we loved each other it was a difficult relationship. A quote from "A Tale of Two Cities" comes to mind... "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." We met over the Internet. He lived in another state. Eventually he moved in with me. It was a financial strain because he was out of work during 7 out of the 8 months we were living together. I was battling with depression and developed high blood pressure over this time period...
Monumental moments of the relationship came in October when I found out that he was writing his ex. He talked about problems we were having and asked her did she still think about their past. When I found this out I kicked him out and he went back with his mom. He said he was stressing about our relationship and he didn't know who to talk to. We eventually reconciled and he came back.
Everything seemed to be going well, that's until Valentine's Day weekend. I was upset that I didn't get a card. He didn't understand why it was important since he surprised me with a spa treatment and out to dinner (he was working for about 6 weeks now). That Sunday and Monday things were very tense in the house and it seemed like a dark presence in the house. I tried to avoid him but Tuesday morning we had a big argument and I yelled mean things at him and asked him to leave. This is the short version. We both did things that we regret.
After that he went to the airport to go home. During this time I kept calling him and he ignored me. I went to the airport to speak with him and he ignored me at the airport. He changed his number two days later (2/19) I was writing to him by email and he wrote back and said that he was confused and lost and that I hurt him more than he has ever been hurt. By 2/20 he was writing me on messenger and he was saying how he missed me and things seemed better. We talked pretty long until I fell asleep. Then I write back the next day and he says he is confused once again and he needs time. But then it seems like he would push then pull away.
This was driving me crazy. He would call me from block number. His behavior I couldn't really identify. I knew I love him and wanted to work through any problems we came across. I had a feeling that he wasn't being totally truthful with me and this was confirmed 3/15. I checked his email account and found out that he had left his mother's house and went to visit his ex (sagittarius) (3/6)(who is in a different state) the same one he was in contact with before. He was writing me by email the whole time. I was extremely upset and emailed his ex and texted her. (I wasn't nasty or anything.) Just let her know that he was emailing me while he was there with her and leading me on. Not sure what he was telling her.
I also emailed him calling him a gold digger and some other mean things that were really the voice of others. I was really acting unlike myself and didn't like it. I apologize the next day (3/16) and told him I am sorry how I addressed matters although he was wrong for what he did.
I haven't received an email from him since then. I want to email him again because I really don't want to talk to him, but I can't stand the constant rejection. Also, this hurts because this is the first time I opened up and trusted someone as much as I trusted him and now it seems like he keeps rejecting me. One of my weaknesses is the fear of rejection.
Someone called me this past Saturday from a blocked number. I don't think it was him, but don't know for sure. I am afraid to contact him by email because I think it will just open up a wound. I really think I should let it go (just because I don't know what he is thinking or doing), but he was really there for me when I needed him and it wasn't always easy for him being there for me.
Am I just being naive?
I've been married to my Cancer for over 20 years and sometimes I wonder how we've managed to pull it off. He needs space, a lot of it, privacy, he's undemonstrative, I don't think he's EVER sent me a valentine gift and he rarely sends me B-day gifts either. He's friends with old girlfriends but also old friends, at least that one I can understand as I'm the same way, my friends are friends for life! Cancer's are "supposed" to be all about house and home and nurturing but I'm the one who keeps that part of the relationship going, although he's good with money and does provide well. If he really gave you his trust and his heart, he'll most likely be in your life again, it's up to you whether or not you want to deal with the headache....,I wonder sometimes why I do,lol
Thanks.... He was very sensitive and I was more analytical. It sometimes conflicted, but we still loved one another.
I really don't know how to take his "new" mood swing. He really was always there. Now it seems like i'm the emotional one and he's not. Like the roles have reversed. I'm trying to exert patience and am trying to be understanding, but it seems like he has built up such a high wall. I want to knock it down.... but he is hundreds of miles away.
I want to email him, but then again I don't... I'm really am confused.
It took me forever to get used my husband's mood swings, I tell him that he gets a period more often than I do,lol When things aren't going well in his personal/professional life he's really distant!! I used to try to see if I could reach out to him and help make things better, but I've learned, after years of trial and error, that he really just wants his solitude when he's in his funks. I don't see where it could hurt to reach out to him, at least you'd know where you stand and have some closure Cancer's are crabby and they really do retreat into their shell.