Am I going crazy or is this normal ?
I am looking for any insight anyone can give me here. I (bd 8/11 -) recently started dating (so to speak) this cancer male (bd 6/24) a little over a month ago. The only reason I say/know we are dating is because he called me his girlfriend. Which, I am not complaining, however, I don"t FEEL like his girlfriend....I think actions normally speak louder than words, and unfortuanely the words between us have become fewer and fewer. I understand in the beginning of a relationship it"s all new and you tend to talk/text more, but he is able to go a few days with out contacting me. Is this normal? Should I be concerned? I don't want to seem needy or overbearing, so I just let him be.. and then he'll just text me like we chatted 5 minutes ago.. I am like ???? Also, let me mention that I work days and he works nights so the communication for us is a little trickier than normal situations. Plus, we each have our own kids. I think one problem I am having is I want to know if this is a real relationship or if I am just wasting my time. (Can you tell I have trust issues?) However, I do not want to seem insecure to him by asking where we stand. I have read on numerous sites how Cancer men retreat, and do not show their feelings that well at times, have a difficult time opening up, etc..... Can anyone give me any advice/insight? Am I going crazy or is this normal for the Cancer sign?
Thank you all in advance
I think the definition of the word 'girlfriend' is different for both of you. To him, it means you can't see anybody else. He wants his freedom and hates to be tied down but wants you to be tied to him. To you, it means he should be faithful and committed to you and give you his total attention. He likes to be in control and, once he knows he is in the driver's seat of the relationship, he keeps you waiting at his beck and call like a tame pussycat. Don't come on too aggressive or dominating but you need to set this man straight about what you want. When he realises he has been treating you bad, he should behave.
I really appreaciate your input. I was thinking he just threw the word 'girlfriend' out there (since it was out of the blue) to appease me or something. Even though I wasn't asking where we stood then..
Ok, I will definitely try to take your advice... Thank you VERY much
There is the chance for a good close relationship here.
I forgot to mention that he is currently away on vacation. I don't even know when he is returning. I assume he should be back soon, if not already, but find it wierd that I don't know this. (We have spoken a few times via text while he has been away ). I guess my question is, do I wait to hear from him to discuss this? That could take a while if I do, huh? I don't want my "need to know" attitiude to push him away, however I also need to advise him the current situation (lack of communication) is not working for me. Do you think he has possibly met someone else? I always think the worse in my head, however I have been cheated on before. I was just wondering if you had any thoughts or insight due to our birthdays or anything.. I am recently new back on the dating scene and although I would love to believe this man thinks "honesty, loyalty & respect" are core in a relationship, but I am having a hard time believing it/trusting him since he doesn't seem to be giving it back... Can you tell this is eating me up??? thank you
I feel it is easy for this guy to forget you when he is not with you (as he does with everyone). He tends to be a sort of 'love the one you're with' sort of person. You are right to think he will be attracted to other people while he is away. But if he feels you are trying to pin him down or limit his freedom, he will run. Wait for him to contact you and don't be too heavy about this.
You should forget him until he returns - get on with your own life. You seem to feel your life rests on having a good relationship but your relationship with yourself (and dealing with your trust issues and their source) is more important. At the moment, while you are giving off vibes that say 'I do not trust you', you are attracting those whom you cannot trust. If you can learn to take each person on their own face value and not expect them to cheat just because of past relationships, you will attract a more positive relationship.
So instead of sitting around moping over this guy, get out and enjoy yourself. There is more to life than just romance.
This is so dumb. you're worrying over nothing. You mentioned he has kids so ofcourse he has a life outside of being with you also.
Having one child is hard work, having more than one takes up a hell of a lot of time i'd imagine ! And I'm sure you know that too. !?
Cancerians are very devoted to their family.
If you guys have only just started dating, then why does he need to let you know when he'll be back etc and the rest f his where abouts. You're not his mother ? He's just taking it easy. The space that he is taking is very healthy. You should use that time yourself, to focus on you instead of wondering about him. Its not unnormal for someone to not contact you for a few days. Goodness. I'm not a cancerian but i know i can go for days without contacting someone i'm dating.. not because i want to be mean or have other motives to cheat or anything but simply because i have so much going on in my life, that i need some time to myself ! Same goes for cancerians. They're actually quite clingy to their family. He most likely loves spending time with his kids, as most cancerians seem to be big kids themselves !
You have nothing to worry about. The fact he calls you his girlfriend out of nowhere, is just his way to suprize you..and let you feel special. If you're waiting to be wined and dined.. well go to his and cook a family meal.
IM GONNA HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH YOUR ADVICE. I FIND THE ADVICE YOU GAVE TO LACK FEELING EMPATHY SYMPATHY AND BASIC CONSIDERATION FOR ANOTHERS FEELINGS. YES HAVING CHILDREN IS VERY TIME CONSUMING AND YES THEY HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF ONE ANOTHER BUT IN MY OPINION THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE TO LEAVE SOMEONE THAT YOU HAVE EITHER TOLD OR HAVE GIVEN THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU CARE FOR THEM JUST TO LEAVE THEM TWISTING IN THE WIND WONDERING HOPING AND PRAYING THAT THERE IS MORE TO THE RELATIONSHIP. YOU CAN SAY IT ALL YOU WANT BUT IF THERE ARE NOT ACTIONS TO BACK IT UP THEY ARE WASTING THEIR TIME. I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU. ITS NOT ABOUT TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH THEM IT ABOUT BASIC COMMON CONSIDERATION FOR YOUR "GIRLFRIEND" THAT WORD CAN MEAN A WHOLE LOT TO WOMEN SOMETIMES.
IN MY OPINION IF YOU DONT FEEL IT DONT IGNORE YOUR GUT INSTINCTS. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT HOPING AGAINT HOPE I WAS WRONG THAT HE REALLY DID CARE. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS SIGN FOR WHAT EVER REASON HE HAS SOFTENED. I CHOSE TO CONFRONT MY MAN OF COURSE HE TOLD ME I WAS CRAZY. ACTIONS DO SPEAK VERY VERY LOUD. I LEFT. THE LONGER YOU STAY THE MORE IT HURTS. OF COURSE THIS IS JUST MY OPINION BASED ON MY OWN EXPERIENCE BUT I HAVE NOT EVER SEEN OR HEARD OF A MIRACULOUS TURN AROUND IN THESE SITUATIONS.
JANUARYGIRL & Ethereal27-
Thank you both for your input. You both have very valid points. I did hear from him today when he "landed" letting me know he was home... even though I am not his mother...lol. You are correct, I do not need to know these things, I want to. However, I find it odd that he picks and chooses what he wants to share. I hear it takes a while for Cancers to open up, but who knows...I am new to the dating scene, so I HONESTLY do not know how things work these days (ie: it's ok not to call for a few days?) but I do think that actions definitely speak louder than words and I intend to discuss my feelings with him once I see him... I honestly do hope I am worrying over nothing, however only time (not too much) will tell
"Girlfriend" is just a word. It is when people attach themselves to things like such that leads to disappointment, because words are nothing.
"I FIND THE ADVICE YOU GAVE TO LACK FEELING EMPATHY SYMPATHY AND BASIC CONSIDERATION"
That ofcourse would be subjective. But maybe that is exactly what it should lack. When troubled, we have our choice of either surface comfort or psychic understanding.
if the choice is for comfort, such as associating with those who sympathize, we cannot have understanding. the demand for comfort blocks psychic insight.
but if the choice is for understanding, which forces you to stand all alone without comfort, understanding breaks through.
every time we choose understanding over comfort, we walk a greater distance away from troubles, for such are caused by misunderstanding.
I'm aquarius with cancer ascendant and my brother is a cancerian.
(i.e retreating with no warning nor any contact happens from me a lot, and i guess ultimately i'm lucky to have those who have grown to understand this about me, including ex bfs and the current one.. )
I was merely sharing my understanding, which ofcourse may conflict with yours or whom ever else but that is not the focus. You are who you are, as am I and as are they.
Nobody is perfect.
It isn't done to spite or hurt anyone, but rather just how we deal.
Also, in some cases for myself, this is how i can view things objectively, yes without emotions, and feel more in balance when i 'come back' than to act out from spewing erratic emotions and convey all the wrong things !
Cancerians are known to retreat without warning. If you can't handle it, don't be there because you should put yourself first and remember what it is that YOU want.
In that sense, JANUARYGIRL you're right
But take care to remember that if you're gonna be in a relationship with someone whom's way of living / mannerisms may be awkward for you, then it is only fair that whilst you may state your case, that you also take the time to understand their perspective to live in better harmony and understanding of each other !