Should my daughter stay in a relationship

  • my daughter has always been attracted to one of her friends. On new years day they finally got together. once they did one of his exes started saying she was pregnant but always refused to get tested until a week ago and now she definitely is. the guy doesnt want to lose my daughter but yet he wants to be there for this baby if it is his. what should she do? Sometimes i wish i had powers to see for sure if it is his or not. I feel bad for her because she really cares for him and she says he his making it really hard for to walk away.

  • First of all, he sounds a decent fella and he wants to do what is right. He has got to be strong and stand his ground - scans are fairly accurate nowadays & you can pinpoint roughly the date of conception. He would know if he made love with her or not then. He has got to be clear what he means by being there for the baby - does he mean he would give the mother financial support & share the care OR does he mean getting back with the mother just because she's having his baby? Until those questions are answered,then your daughter will know what to do. If she loves him, & accepts his fatherly duties & is willing to help care for his child when it is his turn & willing to accept that he will have financial layout ...then there is no reason for their relationship to discontinue. I think your daughter will need to be strong to cope with any jealous feelings that she will encounter...either her own or his ex girlfriend's. I think you will need to be strong too ...either as a shoulder to cry on or to take on the role of "step gran".

  • Hi, It seems to me this guy and your daughter have not been together very long. That's a component to this. It's my feeling that this may take a very different meaning once the baby is born. I think, as a mother, you need to sit down and talk to your daughter about the length of the relationship. Also, what might well be in store after the baby is born. This guy might very well reconcile w/ the girl. I feel it's probably too early for your daughter and this guy to be considering a long-term (committed) relationship. If your daughter is a legal adult, it is truly her decision. Hard to say what's going on with the other girl. She may decide to terminate, if not in a committed relationship. If this guy makes it clear to her that he is going to support the baby, she may have the baby.

    This is a very strange situation mainly because there is not much of a time lapse between the two relationships, if it's true that the other girl is pregnant w/this guys child.

  • the boy was dating the other girl just a few months and he broke off the relationship with her because she was always cheating on him. He tells my daughter that he wants to stay with her and make it work and he doesnt want to lose her over this. He is not interested in the other girl anymore and he is not even sure the baby is his but if it is he doesnt want to abandon it. My daughter told him she is scared that once the baby is born he might decide to get back with her and he promises that will never happen because he loves her and only wants to be with her. I dont know i just dont want my daughter to get hurt because she always had a thing for him and she really seems to be falling hard for this guy.

  • Hi again, Just let her know the possibilities that MAY occur w/this type of situation. If it was me, I would put the ball back in his court and be friends. Letting him know that the relationship needs time to "grow". Would avoid intimacy. If he is sincere, he'll still be around. They won't know until the baby is born who the true father is--right. I have trust issues myself, I feel for her if she lets herself be open for hurt down the line. Also, I have heard from men that when hormones are involved they'll say anything. What's your opinion on this guy. Besides everything else, do you like him as a person.

  • I agree with Dalia. There's no harm in keeping their friendship going but I would advise her not to jump into a physical relationship with him.

  • He seems to be nice guy and my daughter tried to back off but she tells me he gets upset and begs her not to leave and that all he wants is to be with her and not the other girl. I dont know I've tried to tell her I guess I have to step back and hope for the best. It'll be a lesson learned for her i guess. She has such bad luck with guys and she is such a good girl. She is seventeen, honor roll, doesnt do drugs, doesnt smoke and WAS a virgin until this guy came along. I just want good things for her, she deserves it.

  • Agree with most of the above advice, DNA tests are common now.

    Depends if he wants to be a father to the baby and support the baby but does not have emotional/sexual attachment to the old girlfriend.

    If he does it is only heartache for your daughter.

    Also is the old girlfriend vindictive and jealous, this could be a ploy to keep an attachment to him.

    Some girls can be very nasty jealous and immature especially in their 20's....

    Communication is the key they need to have a serious talk or just be friends.

  • well things have changed now. She says she thinks she has had a miscarriage. She is crazy i do think it was all a big lie to get the boy back and when she relized he wasnt her story changed. Thank goodness.

  • I think that pregnancy could've been a lie too - I've had 2 miscarriages at 3 months and you know if you've had one or not!! I'm pleased that your daughter and her fella can get on with their own lives now and I wish them both the best of luck in their future together. x

  • Ginia, I hope that you don't think this is over. Undoubtedly, this can and may occur again. Ginia, whatever you do, don't just back off when your daughter is concerned. You could very well be the only thing standing in between her and a real ugly reality/world. The trust/sincerity/commitment of the relationship will continually be tested and your daughter must be aware of this. Though she feels strongly for this person and has known him for a while, they have just begun the relationship and this should be kept in mind. I agree with Dalia in that the relationship has to grow and this young suiter, needs to go through the steps of this new relationship. Your daughter is only 17, please don't let her be like my daughter and a mother at 19. If they have only been together as a couple for only 7 weeks and she has already lost her virginity, they are going entirely way to fast. It would definitely be a good idea that they put the intimacy on hold for a while. How did she feel about the possibility of this guy being a father already? If this guy is the right one, he will survive. No one has ever died from being celbate in a relationship. Tell your daughter that she can look at it as a test of the relationship, to see how he reacts. If sex is a continuing issue with him, he is in it for the wrong reasons, if he accepts her decision, that is a good sign. Unfortuanely, your daughter could very well be enjoying it enough that she won't want to stop. Staying with the guy doesn't mean she has to have sex with him. You know better than anyone if this guy is right for your daughter. What is your opinion of him? Can you see him as the father of your grandchildren, your daughter's husband, your son-in-law. If the answer to either of the first 2 questions is no, then you really need to intervene as you will probably be right, and you are not as emotionally involved as your daughter is, and could be looking at matters in a clearer light. You seem to have a real good grasp on the situation and I hope that this is because your daughter is sharing with you. Whatever you do, don't be confrontational as it will sever this.

  • We talked about this and I told her it would be best for her to finish school and she would like to be a nurse so that takes more schooling then once she starts working and has the means to support the responsibilty and is a little more grown then she can settle down. This boy seems like a really good guy, all he talks about is what he would like to do in future terms so i told her he seems like he plans on sticking around so take things slow and work on things so in the future them two could have a happier life together instead of struggling on things. If it is meant to be it will be.

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