Am I drowning my Virgo man?!!
Hello to all from the Netherlands first
I recently started to read on this forum, cause i think the dutch really lack subjects like these
and because I don't feel fit in easy with my Piscean personality, I'm trying to get lucky here.
So if my story isn't clear at all...don't blame the dutch girl
I'm a real Pisces born on february 22nd. I'm the dreamy one, the emotional, insecure girl who wants to take care of everyone else instead of myself first. I'm not lucky in love. I divorced from a taurus, and it seems I fall only for leo, sagg or taurus....till the end of june, when I met my new boyfriend who's a virgo (Yikes!!) I never was into a relation with a virgo, and I've read a lot about virgo men and their personalities...again YIKES!!
When we've met it was heaven galore. We bonded immediately, we had great talks, but he went to egypt 2 days after we've met. In those 10 days we texted a lot, we called 4 times, and had our laughs. As a Piscean my heart did the talking. Said to him that 10 days was to long, while he said as the practical virgo that we could overcome those 10 days easily. Till he texted me the day after that for him 10 days was to long too he texted me a lot saying he was missing me, that he liked me so much, and that he gave up hope finding someone to spend his life with. Offcourse I was in heaven reading that from him. I've picked him up from the airport when he came back and it was the first time we saw eachother. Still it felt not awkward at all, and it felt like a match made in heaven. I stayed for 5 days with him, and we had the time of our life together. He introduced me to his parents (a man who introduces me to his parents right away...omg...good sign!!) He introduced me to his sister and his friends. And he told everyone that I'm his girl...
My Virgo man was single for the last 3 years, and he told me he just waited for the right girl to come along...(offcourse I felt flattered) But he also told me to take small steps...that's the virgo right? On his own pace to see and observe me if I'm really the one for him. So we only see eachother in the weekends, because we live 1 hour drive from eachother.
When we are together he's sweet, tells me he's crazy about me, that he sees a future with me, and when we're in public he's very protective about me. grabbing my hand in crowded places, keeping me close to him. Those are the things I like as a Pisces, but he can turn like a leaf. Getting distant and real cold. It's confusing me like crazy.
During the week when I'm not with him, it's like out of sight out of mind. When I text him, I get a short reply, or none at all. Even when he said you can call me anytime or text me, I'm scared to do so, because i think I'm to pushy with him.
I'm trying to not let my emotions take over, cause I know he's allergic to it, but I still want to be myself, because that's what he likes about me too. As a Pisces I can't think logic, I think with my heart, and I know I can learn to be logic from him. I don't want to split my personality because of him. I need to be myself, but on the other hand, I like this guy so much I want to make this work, and I do want to make some compromises towards him.
He doesn't need to reassure me everyday that he likes me, but I do want the feeling that I'm in a relationship during the days I'm not with him. It makes me so insecure, when he ignores me, that I'm questioning myself if he's really that into me, eventhough he tells me often that I know he likes me...
I'm such in a twilight zone with this man lol
Tomorrow I'm going to spend the weekend with him again, and I want to talk to him about my feelings, but I don't know how to approach him, and not scare him away from me, or thinks I'm pushing him to say things he don't want to say, or actions he don't want to take.
He tells me he wants us to be honest towards eachother and that communication is key for us to work...but I'm scared that he'll run away (thanks to my past with a taurus man)
I have loads of self esteem, but when I'm falling for someone I really like, than I'm such an insecure little girl...sigh...it's hard to be a Pisces lol
thanks in advance for your input!!
hanswolfgang last edited by
You are not drowning your Virgo man. He is identified with his work, with his career, with money and security.
Do you have always to go through this way of pain and
tears to reach your inner being? It all depends on you.
If you love it, if you want it this way -- only then do
you have to go through pain and tears. Otherwise you
can go through laughter and singing and dancing. The
whole question is that in pain and tears, or in singing
and dancing, the ego disappears -- it is your choice.
Thank you Hans....very much appreciated...
But how can I give him security if I don't feel secure now? If he finds all those things more important than me, why fight for a place in his life I can't get? I'm a care taker, and I do want to take care of him, but not on my expense. I'm 30, had bad relationships and I know now what I want and don't want. I'm not going to fight for something that's doomed from the start...
hanswolfgang last edited by
But how can I give him security if I don't feel secure now? By submitting to his mind.
If he finds all those things more important than me, why fight for a place in his life I can't get? Because he is opening his heart to you.
Love is a contagious disease which has no cure. The
world is loveless so much because very few people are
there to spread the disease.
Oh wow that's actually more confusing lol...
so I actually have to see him like a reversed world? Withdrawing himself means he's into me...
But still, what's the best approach to let him know what I need in this relationship?
Sure he can take the leading role, I want to wait for him, because he needs his space, but I'm not waiting till eternity. I don't want to expect things from him, but I have needs too.
I think I can say I'm an intelligent woman, and I do know I need some sense of reality that he can provide. I know virgo's are perfectionists and so am I, but we all know that nobody's perfect, and in this case my name is nobody...
Hi Piceses, I'm a virgo and am currently dating, have been for the past year...and I'm going through the same thing you are. My virgo and I started of great! I was breaking up from a bad relationship when he and I first started dating, and he completely understtod. He and I were friends, very attracted to eachother, the works. Our downfall - we are both virgos!
Virgos can take months even years to decide whether someone is the right match for us. Most of the time we're confused but sure at the same time (not even sure that's possible). But we tend to let our thoughts get ahead of us. So while we may feel very strong about someone we always proceed with caution. When virgos love, we love deep. Our hearts are not to be messed with. Yet, on the other hand we like to keep our options open...just in case (wink, wink).
So while understanding all of this, my heart and pride hurts a bit from being with my virgo guy. Although we've known eachother for a year, it feels like its only been four months! He totally does the I miss you thing, then the hot and cold thing. For example, I emailed my guy four days ago, very casual (because I'm not too emotional nor do I appreciate being smothered or smothering someone else), so my email was something like hey, how are you, how was your day/weekend? Simple enough right? Yup, no response.
So here's my (virgp) advice to you. If you really feel in your heart that he is genuinely into you, develop the skill of paitience. If he wants to be with you, he'll come around. Next, use this time to get in touch with your inner self. I mean, really, really get to know yourself because trust me, virgo men are excellent at reading people, especially the woman they're dating....so you want to make sure you're emotions, thoughts and behaviour is intact the next time you see him.
With regard to this weekend, I say don't mention anything, enjoy the moment and when you're back from your lovely weekend, look forward to devoting some time to yourself and you'll be just fine.
Good luck, hope this helped!!!
WoW Orchid, thank you for that wonderful insight of Virgo...
I definitely can use some of the strings you threw towards me.
The one thing is that I know myself through and through. When I turned 30 I had a weird sense of self reflection, and came to the conclusion that some things in me can't and won't be changed.
Like for instance...I know my virgo man can help me to give some sense of reality instead of my dreamy nature, getting organized (chaos is my middle name), especially on the patience thing and being practical.
But still I'm a thinker by heart and not by mind. I can't change that, like he can't change his logic way of thinking. I don't want to change him, I just want to accept him the way he is, but I do want to know where he bases his actions on. I want to learn who he is, what drives him to act. And if it's possible he can accept me like I am with the Pisces personality I have.
We are opposites, but so much alike either. It's scary, but yet so challenging, and that so intruiging to me. As a Pisces I'm bored easily, but I think with my Virgo man...there's always a twist and turn that I want to figure out.
He doesn't believe in signs, but heck...he's such a typical virgo lol. When he has his "good" mood he really is the sweetest, most loyal man I've ever had. Which is giving my Pisces a boost of confidence, but when he does the cold thing, it's breaking again aarrgghh lol
He can make me, or break me
It is very emotionally draining, I know. But again, everyone is different and you can't nor should you base ALL of their actions based on their sign. However, when I met my virgo guy he told me why his last relationship fell to pieces and it was becauase she put her heart on the table too soon. Now mind you, I think love and giving love is what life is all about, however, to a virgo guy, too much love, too soon could seem scary for them. They always need tons of time to think. So my guy said the woman he was dating gave him an ultimatum which was along the lines of -- if you're not ready to be exclusive then we're gonna have to stop seeing eachother because I love you and I don't want to be on an emotional rollercoaster. Guess what his answer to her was? You should just move forward without me.
So what I'm saying is this -- although you love your guy or know you want to be with him and want to know how much he wants to be with you, try to understand those feelings you're having. Understand that its all a journey and that you already know the answer because its within. Understand that even when he acts cold, all you have to do is get quiet, quiet your mind and heart and you will FEEL the answer, you will know if he is really there for you. In life there are no guarantees people will love you the same way you love them or will even love you for the same amount time you love them, but some of the best love relationships are not handed to us on a silver platter, we have to fight for them.
At the end of the day, I agree that no one should change who they are for anyone. Your individuality is what he probably likes most about you. However, you should use this opportunity to explore who you are. Because although you're 30, you're still learning and growing. During this exploration time your heart will tell you which path is best for you. If this relationship is not for you and is too much to bear, you will for sure make the right decision.
So talk to him, ask him how he feels about you, take note, then leave it at that. The ball is in your court.
Orchid you're so clear in your words that it's great you responded.
I'm not hanging everything on his sign. But still I deal with the personality of a virgo, and allthough he's an individual, I like to learn a lot about these intruiging personalities. Guess I'm a sucker for trying to read people
The more I get a closer look into virgoans, I feel I'm getting more and more relaxed dealing with him. I know he needs his space, and I'm willing to give him that. As he's clean, neat and tidy, I'm trying to be clean and tidy too (it's not that I'm changing myself, but I never really looked into it, and I must say, I feel very comfortable with me getting organized, so another credit for him while he even doesn't know lol)
I need to loosen up more, don't be cramped and want to analyse every word he says and interpret it wrong ( I'm the queen of wrong interpretation) He still wants me to come every weekend, so that means he still likes me. And I'm a sucker for good clothing, so he never complaints about that lol.
I'm going with the flow...as a pisces I'm good of going along with the stream...fingers crossed it's his stream
Although I'm a virgo myself and me and my virgo guy are almost exactly the same, I've learned so much while being with him. I learned how to be paitient, to be more tidy, and more important, to not hang on to his every word and action and like you said, just go with the flow. I think you're a good space with your guy right now. There's always going to be highs and lows when it comes to dealing with virgos....mark my words there will be. So now that you have more knowledge of who you're dealing with, you'll be better equipped to make more sound decisions with your guy.
Enjoy your weekend with him. When you're back and you don't hear from him for a bit, don't fret, he's probably just taking in the amazing time you guys spent and will be back for more once he's sorted things out.
Have fun and have a great weekend!!!
tinatw last edited by
When I read your story I could'nt believe how much it was so much like my life.
I met him online and we talked for hours. We decided that he would come to CA. where I lived since he was from Wi. I too felt it was right and couldn't believe the connection we had between each other.
I had been single along time by choice since I just couldn't meet anyone where I was from and most of the men that asked me out were alot younger than me. Not what I wanted.
So, when I met him I was so happy and thought I met the man for me.
I moved to WI to be with him. Now when I look back I think what did I just do.
Of course it was great for about a year, but unfortunately I found things out about him that he should have told me.
These are things that affected my life. He's a good man, but not for me.
So, now I'm stuck here in WI trying to get back to Ca. I've been here for 2 years.
Bottom line if you are afraid to be you or talk about how you feel there's a problem.
To me a relationship is based on truth, honesty and most of all being able to be you.
Like you I'm a true Pisces
I wish you the Best and everything you Deserve!
tinatw last edited by
I forgot to mention he also is a true Virgo man.
Aawww thank you again Orchid!!
Yes, I came to the conclusion that this sign for me is the one sign I can learn a lot from...maybe that's why Virgoans and Pisceans opposites.
I still have one question though... is there room in your personalities that can accept people who they are? In my opinion, when you're so perfectionistic as you can be, you want to change people to your perfectionistic image.
I know he can live with some of my flaws luckily, but in little hints I do feel he wants to see me like he wants me in his mind if you know what I mean.
for example....he told me to try some other color lipstick, and thankfuly I'm blessed with some sense of humor, so I told him to try that color himself, he would see it wouldn't flatter at all
Or when he saw some great leather pants, which he said would look great on me, I said...Babe if you see something you'll think that will suit me...than buy it for me, cause I'm not going too lol and than his gorgeous smile...
those are the times I can look at him in aaawww
have a great weekend too Orchid!!!
Aw Tina thank you for your story!!
Moving to another state just to be with him...Well I'm in the netherlands so moving in won't be such a hassle, but I know that I'm impulsive as h*ll, and it brought me loads of time to nowhere. I'm at a stage of my life, the dating years are over. I need to settle down, with a man I can trust, gives me a secure feeling, and just love me for the way I am. Offcourse I long for romantic evenings etc, but on the other hand, I know that I'm a pisces and that the images we have in our minds are not realistic. That's the thing I've learned to not have those high standards on the romantic things, cause noone can live up to our romantic standards, just like we can't live up to the perfectionistic standards of virgoans.
If we find a mid way between our differences in personalities I really think we can make it work. We both have to give in something to come close to eachother.
I think my english isn't that great to make it clear what I mean, but I'm trying here
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and your virgo man Tina... I hope you'll find a man again who loves you dearly...with any sign that is
domini last edited by
I understand everything you guys are going through. I am an Aquarius girl and that has been with her Virgo man for about 6 years (we broke up for 2 and got back together).
In the time that we were apart , he went back to his ex-girlfriend who is also a Virgo. The way he is and the way he tells me she is I don't understand how they got together. For example, she would let piles of dishes in the sink for 3 days, he would get sick of seeing them and wash them. She would put on the clothes she was going to wear the next day to work , to bed so she would not have to change in the morning. Yuck! My man keeps the house clean because I do. I am a neat freak (I wonder sometimes if I was born under the wrong sign). In our bedroom he will take off his clothes and leave them right were he took them off and he has papers all over the place. He is not tidy at all. He resects the rest of the house, but our room. Can any Virgo explain this to me? And why he was with a Virgo women that was less then clean? By the way they split because he found out she was sleeping with someone else.
Another thing I had to tell him last night. We were driving around and he passed by a house and slowed down to look at it. I asked him who lived there. He said "I use to live there till I got kicked out". Of course he used to live there with his ex-girlfriend before he meet me. This is not the first time that we are driving around and he drives me to were he lived with her. I could not hold it in any longer so I told him that I would appreciate if he did not reminisce on his past with me in the car. I have never driven him by any place that my ex-boyfriend lives, where we ate or hung out. He says that he is not reminiscing on anyone and that if he was he would not be with me. If he is not reminiscing on his ex-girlfriend, can any Virgo men/girl tell me what this is about?
We get along great and he tells me that he got back with me soon after his ex-girlfriend because I am the one he wants to be with and did not want to loose me and he knew that if he did not act right then and there he would loose me. Which is true because I think he realized one day that he came to pick me up from my old job , how many male customers of mine wanted to take me on a date. He says that he was not with his ex-girlfriend. They would meet up at a club and hook up afterwards, but he would not tell people she was his girl. That to me is weird because he NEVER treated me that way. He ALWAYS says this is my wifey. So it sounds like 2 totally different men. Sometimes he will call me out of the blue to tell me he loves me and he tells me "your ausome"! Which shocks me!
I relocated and moved in with him (not because of him, but I got a great job offer). He was bugging me for months to move in with him because he loves me. He used to call me everyday and we would speak for hours (sometimes I would feel a bit suffocated). But now that we are living together, he goes out with his friends sometimes and goes in the room and watches T.V. by himself. I use to ask what was wrong and he would say nothing, so now I don't ask and leave him alone.
Why is it that now that he has me close to him he is acting like this. Is it because he knows where I am at? He says he was insecure of himself before. Does any of this make sense to anyone? What is the deal with driving me by his ex-girlfriends house? Does he love me or not?
Ok I'm involved with a virgo for only 4 weeks so I can't tell you much about sign and action, but a lot of you are telling doesn't have to be specific for virgoans as well for just men
Let me tell you that men are simple creatures. They don't think as deep or far as we women do often. We're overanalyzing every step, word and action from our man.
I do think he loves you, just for the simple fact that he asked you to move in with him. Men are not always fond of jumping in great and bonding commitments like moving in or marriage. That he is withdrawing himself to watch tv alone can be a virgo thing, because he needs his own space and time alone, as for being a man....He has you, you're already in his inner circle, and for the simple fact he already chased you, he has you, he doesn't have to fight for you anymore. Just make it clear for him that it doesn't stop here. That the 2 of you need to keep fighting for eachother and for your relationship. Still...men are simple. They can't smell what you're thinking or feeling, make it clear and explain like they are a 2 year old. He probably will say that he never thought about it that he reacted like that or something.
On the drive by the old place. i don't think he does it on purpose, again a man doesn't stand still what it can do to your feelings. i don't think he even knows how much it hurts you. What i do know from virgo point of view is that when something, in this case a relationship, is over, it really is over. Loosen up a bit. He loves you, he chose you to be his wifey, and go along with the ups and downs men (virgoans or not) can make in a relationship. Just don't lose sight of yourself. If you can't speak out your feelings or needs or don't feel comfortable around him, than chose for yourself. You're the most important person to live with yourself.
Best of luck
domini last edited by
Thank you so much! As an Aquarius I think that I over think things sometimes a bit too much. I have to remind myself of this every now and then. I do speak up and tell him how I feel and that is why I let him know exactly how I felt last night. Honesty and communication is very important to me. I did not say something the fist time I noticed this because I was observing him to see if I saw anything fishy, but I haven't. He is very loyal to me and me to him. His smile drives me crazy, but I won't tell him that. I don't ware my emotions on my sleeves and he doesn't like all that mushy stuff which works out for both of us. I feel so much better. Thanks again.
Glad you feel better Domini!! Just be happy with your man, he loves you allthough he's not screaming it from the rooftops
I only wish mine did, but when I feel his arms around me in 2 hours, it's enough
Ok, I'm back from my confusing (again) weekend with my Virgo man...
On friday it was all good. When I arrived he was a real gentleman, kissed me sweet on the lips, took my bag out of the car, and talked for a couple of hours (not the talk I wanted) After that we went to a bar. I talked to a mutual friend, and he was standing somewhere else. It looked he didn't even notice me I was there. I was observing him, and he never glanced at me once. I just saw him, when he wanted to go home. In bed we had again great laughs because he drank a little bit to much, and he's totally funny when he's a little tipsy LOL.
On saturday we had a dull day. He called us a pathetic couple cause the only thing we did was doin groceries (allthough that was funny too. He always makes me laugh in a grocerystore) instead of doing some active things. At night we went to friends, and he made jokes on my expense...ow well I can handle that and I'm snotty enough to throw them back, but still, he was a little withdrawn. In the middle of the night we went to a friend who was fishing in the river, and there again...he ignored me. I was driving home to get the guys some drinks, but I was totally left out, so I was sitting in the car, reading all of his textmessages he sent me from Egypt. The sweetest, most caring messages like "I want to fight for you" and "Now I found you I'll never let you go" "I gave up hope finding someone I could hare my life with until I met you" etc. I was reading the messages and looking at my Virgo man, and thought they were 2 different people ô.Ô
When we were at home I curled up to him because I was freezing, and he cuddled me sweet and tenderly, and we fell asleep like that until early in the morning I heard his voice saying, Baby can you move over please, I need some space lol. He woke up early and went downstairs to get coffee. When I got downstairs he said that I was sleeping so sweet he didn't want to wake me up to make me coffee (sweet again) but after that...I got the cold shower again, so I did some household things, and he was telling me i didn't have to do it, but I said if I'm busy with those things just let me do it...Really, I'm not going to sit on the couch if he's giving me the coldness. My Virgo man is just so weird...Cold, next minute he strokes my face, cold again...sigh! We talked a bit and I was telling him I'm going out on thursday with a friend, and he kept telling me to flirt with other men when I'm going out ô.Ô why??!! Because he flirts too he said, because it's fun....When I'm dating I only see the man I'm dating, if men are looking at me and want to flirt I don't even see it, because it seems my eyes are only for the man I'm dating. And now it feels like he's keeping options open. If I don't meet his expectations, he can go to someone else?
I was packing my bag to go back home, and when I got downstairs he made me coffee (sweet!) but than again the tv was more important again...OMG..but when I said I was going he walked with me to my car, his arm around me holding me close andkissed me passionately...
Really...what's the deal with this man?!! I just don't understand, and I just don't know how to cope with this whimsical behaviour.
Sigh...I need again some insight, I can give advice perfectly to others, but when it comes to myself I can't act on my own words...maybe I'm the confusing part in this lol.
Can someone give me some insight on our DOB's?
his : 08/28/1976
thanks in advance