HANS WOLFGANG...can you please give some insight?
do you see that the Nursing program that I have applied for will get its funding: no.
AND if it it does - that I will then be accepted into it? no.
And if there are many things on the mind
continuously, the mind is dissipating energy; the mind
becomes dull, bored, so burdened that life seems just
meaningless. When the mind is unburdened, weightless,
fresh, then intelligence happens, then you look at the
world with a fresh eye, with a fresh consciousness,
unburdened. Then the whole existence is beautiful --
that beauty is God. Then the whole existence is alive
-- that aliveness is God. Then the whole existence is
ecstatic, every moment of it, every bit of it is
blissful -- that bliss and ecstasy is God.
I have to use the art of synchronicity. I have to
sing the song so your song which is in the seed starts
moving, becomes alert, comes out of its dormant state,
starts reaching towards the sky -- so that your seed is
broken, so that your song also starts having a longing.
Your heart has to be touched.
And you have a beautiful voice with which to sing it...
thankyou, and you have a really big heart.
Remember, just as there are born musicians, so there
are people born who have the capacity to receive music.
He cannot give you the ear which arrests the rhythm....
The rhythm he can produce. He can fill the whole sky,
the whole space with the rhythm, but unless you have
the ear to arrest it, to allow entry into your inner
world, for you it does not exist. ...nor the voice that
echoes it. He may sing a beautiful song to you, but he
cannot give you the voice. What to say about singing
the song? -- you cannot even echo it. Even the valleys
can echo it, the mountains can echo it.
I am a good music receiver/appreciator - I was definitely given that gift.... I can and do echo at times quite naturally, I think there are just lots of times when I got caught up in the practical plane details of my life and forget to tune in - I am most certainly guilty of this. I try not to judge myself to harshly for these times... I must be needing to learn somethings the hard way in this lifetime - and so many others that are just gifted to me - all I need to do is open my eyes and see/feel how lucky I am. Thanks Hans for walking through with me and reminding me... -) love to you...
there is nowhere to go, nothing to be
done. You are already there, and you are already that:
just open your eyes.
meditation is the art of discovering the light
within, the art of digging inwards, the art of
penetrating your own soul. It is one of the most
difficult arts in the world because it hurts to go in.
All your interests are on the outside, and when you go
in many interests have to be sacrificed. All your life
is extrovert, and when you go in you have to find time,
space for the inward journey.
firehorsecrab, I saw him the last time the night of july 24th. he acted a s though he really liked me. I cooked fro him and left a buffet on his porch, he never called. I left several msgs. he was drunk and angry and said that it wasn't normal that i left the food. said it was possessive and he cant do this anymore.
he made absolutely no sense. he pushed me all the way away.
he and his family ate the food. even froze half of the poundcake.
I realize he likes drama, esp when he drinks. he is an alcoholic, I am sure of it.
I have cried ever since. he acted as if I am a stranger. I apologized for making his feel that I was possessive. (because I was angry that he didn't return my call). I called once a month since then. last time was last week, the new moon, to bury the hatchet, he hasn't responded.
I was good to him and his family. never expecting in return, but I do expect respect and sincerity.
he said I am wonderful, but he doesn't see us growing together. the exact opposite of what he had told me for months. he said he is attracted to me, but we are from 2 different worlds. not true. I am from the same town. except I make him feel insecure about where he is in life. I am a doer and he wants to get by. I did push him, in a positive way to achieve, but it was to make progress. he said that he knows he hurt me and led me on and he is sorry.
a couple times he would say he wants to be friends and then be intimate and want to be with me the next time i saw him. he changed his mind a lot. this time I got emotional in August and shouted at him and he didn't like it. though he had done the same in the past.
I cannot believe he doesn't even want to be my friend. he literally treats me like a stranger or enemy. Why do cancer's do this?
he got angry with me, held it in and didn't express it. it snowballed into never talking to me again. I got very angry and yelled in a msg, he yelled before and I let it go.
I can't help but think that his family has put a wedge in it. maybe....not sure....he must be thinking about how cruel he was.
he owes me a MAJOR apology. I usually get them from guys. months years down the line.
but this guy, I can actually see myself with him. I cannot believe this is it. but i must leave it alone. and see what comes of it...any insight?
oh yeah, our horoscopes mention having a falling out a few months back and being able to smooth it out during this month and esp after venus goes direct.
I will let you know....xx
and one more question...are cancer's known to be fickle and change their mind so easily. or to be dramatic and say something but want you to actually fix it. He made me believe that he loved me and his last words were i will always love you...(how can he throw me away then?)
Hi Kmuse - I think you meant to address this to Hans instead of me - but it's funny because I too am a cancer, and I would have to say that we are moody (fickle of mood?) and we do unconsciously "test" the love of those we care about. It sounds like alcohol and family and all the other complications in his life don't allow him to really live the truth. He probably truly does care about you, but simply cannot be a partner to you. Hopefully Hans will look at this thread and respond in his insightful way for you too. Good luck to you, I understand your heartbreak, I've been going through a healthy dose of it myself this year - and am currently in an introspective self-searching phase of my heartbreak... hoping to emerge after venus goes forward with a healed and forward looking heart. I would love to leave all of the pain and learning chapter of this year to the past very soon! I hope you can too.
Hi Hans - me again. I am doing 100X better than I was earlier this summer and fall - and I am grateful for all the help and support you gave me to help me get here. I am still feeling like I am on the verge of some big changes and I am just wondering if you have any general (or specific) insights to offer me at this time. thanks!! I hope you are well - is it winter where you are? (Germany?)
Thank you friehorsecrab, btw you have a lovely photo.
yes, as you wrote, all of those external people and situations in his life are affecting him, they have from his childhood. he needs to go back and revisit hrut wounds, before he can have a true relationship with a real woman. hope fully, he can see through to me soon.
I will write again. Thank you.
Thank you Kmuse... I hope he can heal as you say... I hope that my friend can heal too - similarly from old wounds that probably have nothing at all to with me, but color greatly how he feels about me... but as I am also learning, his pain and suffering are for him to learn from, JUST AS my pain and suffering are for me to learn from... our co-learning was wonderful while it was good... and excruciatingly painful since it has been so hard... but, really in the end, our lessons are each for our own souls to learn, and neither can help the other to learn what we need to... at least if both aren't open to learning together. This is the case for my friend and I - I was far too pushy and presumptious, believing that I could help him.... he shut down and closed to me. Understandable to me now... a big lesson for me to learn is how to back off and love people just as they are, without swooping to help - especially when not asked to help. We just keep getting these opportunities to learn our needed lessons until they are learned... sweet, eh? (it actually is I think, even if I kick and fight while I'm learning...)
How is the season for you? I am just checking in to let you know I am not fighting fate anymore and letting my spirit guides lead me to the choices I make. I am in a relationship with a man 08/13/75, and we are very slow in the going. I did let go of the energy from the virgo who has not made up his own heart for it was too much on mine to play with both emotions. I choose the less drama and less likely to be around for the whole.
anyways it is all good. Hope it is well with you.
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