HANS WOLFGANG...can you please give some insight?



  • Kmuse,

    I was trying to write back to you earlier but my computer was acting up. I wish I could offer you insight into your man. All I can say, is as a cancer, I do think we tend to test a little to make sure people love us - push away, and if the other person can gently, steadily hang in there (loosely, whilst living happily their own life) it can be tremendously reassuring and steadying. It's not a conscious thing, it just seems to happen. We are a temperamental lot for sure! Give him some space, and let him feel in control. If this isn't possible, it might be better to just distract yourself and try to move on... If he's truly not feeling right about it, then all we can ever do, is let them free...

    Good luck to you! Find your joy!

    đŸ™‚



  • thank you so very much for your insight Hans-- I greatly appreciate your beautiful gift. I will certainly try and keep you posted!

    with gratitude,

    CapricornCat



  • Hans--

    I loved what you had to say and it resonates with me--learning to trust I suppose and to continue to do that--- thank you again, I will keep all of this in mind going forth.



  • Wow, I want to have him feel good with me, not to dominate him, nor do I want him to dominate me. How do we help eachother? What do we both have to do?

    you say his sister doesnt like me, REALLY, she hugged me goodbye, but she didn't like that I teased him. she said thank you fro being so nice to her family and to her brother because he doesn't deserve it. I just looked at her and didn't know what to say though we did talk and I seemed to talk alot. near the end she said he should get a tour guide job and I said he would yell at everyone, I didn't mean any harm, it was innocent really, my joke fell flat, but it was funny to me. she gave a weird look and left with 2 pieces of rumcake that I made him for his b'day.

    I definitely bought him alot of gifts in the past 5 months of knowing him. yes, it could look like I bought him, but I was giving him my love and I gave too much of everything and didnt get enough in return, the balance was imbalanced because of me, my insecurities (esp about my body) led us down that path. I didn't know how to accept from him and be accepted by him and accept myself.

    What can I do to bring him back, without pushing. In 20 days, I only text today to wish his boy a happy b'day, without even a hello to him. His text may not even work, he runs out. I haven't heard from him and I will NOT call him. How can this be mended. he jsut stopped calling. I think he is angry because I kinda raised my boice that i didnt want to go in the kitchen and meet his sister. I felt out of sorts and on display. he did things that annoyed me that night. he needs to be more expressive in a positive way too. and I can use some of that also.

    what did you mean when you said..you don't want to give up....on him or my career and did you mean DON't give up? that line confused me.

    also, the record exec did email me, I returned an email, nothing yet.

    thank you Hans, truly thank you fro listening and helping.

    I appreciate it.



  • Kmuse,

    Hi Hans, not sure what you are saying here regarding communicate to him IF and FHI? It is a unilateral connection. By the way, you started these abbreviations (FYI) and this feedback.

    Wow, I want to have him feel good with me, not to dominate him, nor do I want him to dominate me. How do we help eachother? What do we both have to do?

    What can I do to bring him back, without pushing: you can stop following your mind.

    How can this be mended: by inner strength.

    what did you mean when you said..you don't want to give up....on him or my career: on him.

    and did you mean DON't give up? no.

    Please be concerned with yourself only. Be selfish, I

    say, because that is the only way you will become

    selfless, that is the only way you can become a help

    and a blessing to the world. Don't be worried about it;

    that is not your concern. The greater your worries are,

    the greater you think your responsibilities are. And

    the greater your responsibilities, the more you feel

    yourself as being great. You are not. You are simply

    mad. Get out of this madness of helping others. Just

    help yourself. That's all that can be done.



  • Kmuse,

    How do we help eachother? by your energy without compulsively passing judgments and classifications.

    What do we both have to do? Turning around for new contacts.

    "What in the world happened at the picnic yesterday?"

    a fellow asked Mulla Nasrudin. "They are saying around

    the tavern that you acted like a coward."

    "Well, I am no fool," the Mulla said. "Some of the

    girls found a big hornet's nest in the top of a tree

    and dared me to climb up and get it. And I just didn't

    do it, that's all."

    "Whether you were smart or not," said the friend,

    "That sort of thing makes you unhonored and unsung

    around here."

    "THAT'S RIGHT," said Nasrudin, "BUT I AM ALSO

    UNHARMED AND UNSTUNG."



  • firehorsecrab,

    Will this satisfy me? Yes.

    Become effortless. His presence was the problem. The

    idea was constantly in your mind that he was

    there, judging. You were constantly wondering whether he

    was going to like it or not, whether he would discard

    it again. This created an inner anxiety and you

    could not be spontaneous.



  • CapricornCat,

    you have enough space -- just leave a little buffer zone between.



  • I'm sorry Hans---I don't understand your message to me.... can you please explain---

    thank you.



  • Are you referring to my housing situation-- because I would love a little guidance in that arena--- at my Mom's currently (just moved in), with three small children and would love to get a place of my own --- area in NJ is expensive but cannot move too far away because the children are close to their father... would love to be settled somewhere where I can start a garden, with lots of trees, etc.... good time to move and where are my questions I suppose.

    thank you again for your generous readings



  • Become effortless. His presence was the problem. The

    idea was constantly in your mind that he was

    there, judging. You were constantly wondering whether he

    was going to like it or not, whether he would discard

    it again. This created an inner anxiety and you

    could not be spontaneous.

    I was just thinking this very thing today - even though it felt so painful and sad to me to have him draw the hard line - it was truly a blessing bestowed onto me by him. A gift to me of my whole self... a self that is wide-ranging and free spirited. When I was with him, though I loved the feeling, he calmed me so, I also subjugated myself (happily) to his strength and steadiness. And in the end, I think I would have become resentful not getting to be my full spectrum. Neither he nor I would have been happy with the dynamic we had between us, and quite probably that dynamic is the only one the two of us might form. It's all okay now, I no longer feel that segment of my heart being ripped in half and pulled out of my left side of my body toward him. This feeling has miraculously vanished - I couldn't be more grateful. And grateful is how I feel for everything he and I went through together - even the grief and heartbreak of this last half year. I truly feel it was helping to grow me. I know I'm still on the path growing and changing, but happy to have emerged from this painful, productive chapter. Thank you Hans for offering your clarity to help me know/feel my way to righted-ness/balance. Thank you so.



  • CapricornCat,

    can you please explain: you think their hearts need your truth.

    Are you referring to my housing situation: yes.

    I would love a little guidance in that arena: have love for love alone.

    Very difficult -- because in the first place people seek authority just to abuse it.



  • firehorsecrab,

    I feel as if you are almost letting go, but a part inside you,small but very persistent, is holding on tight. It creates a feeling of anxiety, a cloud or worry, a sense of incompletion.



  • I think you are right... but it does feel SO much better, I just figured maybe time would take care of the last vestiges... will that suffice, or is there something else I can do to completely release? If we are truly all done with whatever we needed to resolve with each other, time oughta just let me let go I figure, right?



  • firehorsecrab,

    will that suffice: yes.

    or is there something else I can do to completely release? no.

    If we are truly all done with whatever we needed to resolve with each other, time oughta just let me let go I figure, right? no.

    And once it starts, go on pushing; don't relax. And

    don't be bothered about the positive. It will follow.

    Be hard!



  • And once it starts, go on pushing; don't relax. And

    don't be bothered about the positive. It will follow.

    Be hard!

    pushing to let go? I'm not sure I follow here... it feels like it is a relaxing process, the more freely I can flow with it and stop with repetitive thoughts leading nowhere, the better I am doing... can you explain this last part to me?

    I feel your wisdom to be so right on, and I do like that you keep us stretching, but I think I need a touch of help understanding.... thank you...



  • Hans-- again thank you very much for the insight-- please elaborate on

    "very difficult-- because in the first place people seek authority just to abuse it." I would greatly appreciate it -- who are you referring to?

    thank you again!!



  • firehorsecrab,

    pushing to let go? no.

    can you explain this last part to me? it needs strength to let go.

    I need a touch of help understanding: this represents the friendly welcome of lies which paralyse your sensors.

    t happens in your body, too. If you have a headache,

    your attention moves to the head; you forget the whole

    body. If you have a pain in the leg, then the whole

    attention moves towards the leg, you forget the whole

    body; then the leg becomes very important. It is good

    that legs and heads and hands are not politicians,

    otherwise they would constantly be in pain, they would

    remain constantly in pain. It is good that they don't

    have any egos. If the leg had some kind of ego, then

    the leg would continuously create trouble, because only

    when there is trouble do you pay attention: you massage

    the leg, you take care of it.



  • CapricornCat,

    please elaborate on

    "very difficult-- because in the first place people seek authority just to abuse it.": that´s how almost every relationship destroys love, by seeking power over the other in the name of love.

    who are you referring to? to your close friends.

    The love in you is dependent on the outside world.



  • thank you very much Hanswolfgang--- I don't want to be in that position with my close friends-- I only have the two that I can think of....and my love being dependent on the outside world---I've been working on this one for the last couple of years...


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