Extremely Sad about Cancer Man :(

  • Hello! This is the first time that i do this so im not sure exactly what specific information you need or what. But from reading the previous threads it seems like perhaps there are some psychics involved in these forums? If so, i was just curious about a cancer man (7/5/84) and i am a sagittarius girl (12/18/84). We broke up on 6/8 (well he broke up with me). We met back on Valentine's night by accident (i wasn't even planning on going out that night). I was a bit puzzled because when i first saw him i didn't thought much of him but then we found ourselves talking for almost 5 hrs straight until like 6am and i felt so comfortable with him in a very intellectual, open, hard to describe way. He asked for my number as i was leaving and then he texted me later on that day with him number and we started talking a lot since. Anyways, things were going pretty well but we have also both being hurt in the past really bad in similar ways by the person that we were last in a long term relationship with. For this same reason it was hard for us to open up to each other at times. And i know that im scared to open up too. Well to fast forward things (again, im not sure exactly what info u need so if u need anything extra just let me know pls), he lives about an hr from where i live and since i live with my mom and he bought his own place back in Jan, i used to go there. Sometimes when differences will arise he would ask me what was wrong but i was feeling uneasy so i would say nothing. I know the silence was the worst i could do 😞 Also since he would tell me that he was pretty good at reading people and could tell when something wasn't wrong. So the last wknd of May before Memorial Day i was over there and we had some misunderstandings and he asked me what was wrong because i didn't look happy and again i said nothing. Perhaps in the past once or twice we did had a heart to heart and actually open up to each other and got much closer. Anyways, since that weekend when i left his house, he basically disappeared for a lil over a week which he has never done. Mid through that week that he was mia i texted him saying apologizing for not opening up when he asked mee what was wrong but i was put off by the situation that we were having and felt like i was bothering him, which he replied that no i wasn't. He was just busy but still wanted to see me. But regardless, his tone in text seemed distant. On Tues 6/8 he called me to apologize for being distant but that he knew that i wanted a relationship eventually and he liked everything about me and how i treated him (im a very sweet and caring person - go out of my way a lot and sort of did with him at times when i care for someone), but basically that he was looking for a deep connection and wasn't feeling it with me. So he wanted to break up. I felt like my heart was in my throat but i told him that i understood if he wasn't feeling the same, etc. When i asked him how long he has been feeling like this he said for about 3 wks which is when we started getting more intimate (but didn't went all the way to full blown sex) and that's also the time when i started feeling a bit insecurities about some matters from my past that i was afraid to open for maybe being judge since i like him. As we were saying good bye (his best friend lives near me) so he said that next time he was in this area that he would call me to meet up. I don't know if he said this to be nice or actually meant it. Ugh, so i have been trying to not be a typical girl and since that day i haven't talk to him. The only contact i made was (which im not sure now if it was a good idea or not), i send him a cute/funny birthday card that i found relating an inside joke we had and put a simple happy birthday message. But also i wrote him a sort of long letter 😞 and enclosed it with the card. In the letter it was in a nice/good/respectful tone since that's how we always treated each other and i was telling him that it wasn't a ltr to get back together but more an im sorry/thank u ltr. I'm sorry for not being able to open up and i listed the different scenarios, reasons, etc and the main one which was that as he knew i had a really bad breakup before that hurt a lot. Some people even called it cruel (that guy was a virgo) and when we were breaking up virgo guy said that the reason why he didn't want to be with me was because he thought i wasn't worth it. That left a big hole in my heart and is why i close up at times when it comes to opening feelings/thoughts. But i also put in the letter thank you because during the time with him, i was able to gained part of myself back and start believing in me, etc (like what the virgo guy took away, cancer guy helped me find that part of me again). I also compared ourselves and said that maybe it could've worked between us if we had better communication when it came to our feelings. I closed the letter telling him how how i hope 1 day he can find a person that would treat him how he deserves, (he's a nice/sweet guy , hmm yes with a temper, lol) and that i always valued the respect that we had for one another and that hopefully we can still remain friends. There's other things too but sorry right now my mind still flying 1k mph. (Oh and it was a hand-written ltr... my hand was hurting at the end, lol). At the very end i apologized for deleting him off my facebook, but to please understand that i needed some space so i could see him with eyes as a friend only since according to him he doesn't have feelings for me. But that i was going to send him a friend request again and that if he wants to accept it: good, but if not, then i would understand. It has been about a week since he received the card/ltr and i haven't heard from him. Not even a thank you for the card 😞 The only thing he did was accept my friend request on facebook. Although in the letter i did say that although it would be nice to know his input, i also knew that there was a good chance that i wouldn't find the answers and that i wasn't expecting any feedback. I didn't want him to feel cornered. I'm curious if maybe is true that he doesn't have any feelings for me which is kinda of hard for me to believe given our interactions when we were together, how he initiated things with me, etc, or if maybe he got scared since things were starting to pick up pace a bit. Anyways, my mind keeps wondering if maybe does he still think about me? Will i ever hear from him again? Or maybe he thinks im crazy after i open up my heart and insecurities and what i couldn't tell him in person i told him in letter. 😞 I still care about him and is hard for me to deal with this no contact at all. i'm forcing myself to do it and have been good since that card/ltr that i mailed was the only contact since the breakup. But still 😞

  • This combination has a tremendous energy which, like that of a growing child, is difficult to contain and sensibly guide. It can be imaginative and visionary at its best but explosive, confrontational, and bitter at its worst. You two so desperately need wisdom, security and direction in your lives. However, you two can support and egg each other on in plans that pass the point of practicality. Dashed hopes may be the result. The strain this puts on the relationship is often more than it can handle. If you are wise, you will both learn to back off and bring your ideas down to earth.

    A hidden love affair will not remain secret here for long - as a rule, your energies will spill over into other areas of life. These hot streams of emotional lava are likely to leave devastation in their path, not only for the two of you but for your families and friends as well. Marriage is not recommended here, unless the relationship can succeed in establishing guidelines, principles or structures that will forestall emotional eruptions and guarantee any children of the matchup the security they need. Breakups here can be especially bitter and hurtful, so think long and hard before getting too deeply involved. The way your friend can be alternately dependent and withdrawing can drive you crazy at times and, as someone who loves their freedom, you might just find him to be too needy and moody for you. If the energies get out of control here, it could spell disaster for both of you. This is a very stressful match. You have to ask yourself if it is really worth the effort.

  • Thank you very much for your insight Captain. I've previously looked into our difference and understand that in order to make this work we would both have to have better communication but also work on our differences that i believe to some point they could even complement us one another. Since the breakup on 6/8 we haven't talked at all (i've tried to keep a distance and give him his space) with the exception of the birthday card & letter that i previously mentioned i sent. But still i haven't heard from him at all since then. I guess my question is do you forsee us giving another try/starting over slow in the future? Does he still think of me or miss me? After reading my letter, what does he think of me now or what does he see me as? And would we talk again later on or if anything become friends? During the breakup he mentioned that next time he was in my area that he would call me so we could meet up. But i do wonder if he actually meant that or just said it to be nice. Throughout the whole time we were dating and even at the end during the breakup i do appreciate that we both were nice and respectful to one another. Or does he not feel anything at all or care about me and i should just give up? Did he cared about me at all during our time together? Thanks!

  • Also, i think i was told before that i may have Moon on Scorpio which is a water sign. Could that help me understand him better in order to obtain that deep emotional connection that he seeks? My dob is December 18, 1984. I was born in Panama City, Republic of Panama at 8:30am. For him i know is July 5, 1984 and he was born somewhere near Baltimore, Maryland, (US) but i have no clue about his birth time.

  • Next Tues July 20 there's a concert that im going with my friends and he is going with his. I am not sure if he knows that im going. Maybe through facebook. I can't help to wonder at times if he would reach out to me before the concert or if perhaps i will run into him there. I really miss him as both a friend and someone that i was dating and although i have been trying very hard to not have communication with him, it seems like it just makes me want and miss him more. And in the event that maybe he is not showing in my future, what do you see happening then?

  • Sorry Sagibaby, but I feel your ex has lost interest and is moving away emotionally and mentally from you. I feel your letter actually irritated him as he thought you had gotten the message it was over between you.

  • That's probably why he didn't even say Thank You for the birthday card. Although in the letter i did stated clear that i wasn't trying to get back together. Instead i was just trying to close that chapter without leaving things unsaid but oh well. Thank you for your help. I do kind of feel a bit stupid by following my instincts and being so honest. Thought i was making things right so perhaps we could be friends in the future but i guess that will not be an option then. 😞 What would you recommend for me? Seems like im stuck in a vicious cycle. Being too nice and giving. Taken for granted, etc. It hurt with him because unlike other guys that i've dated he was actually a nice/respectful guy but somehow i must've messed up again ;-/

  • How can i learn to be like that? I recall when we first started seeing each other he would tell me that if he lost interest in a girl he would basically disappear and not talk to them again. So basically during the past few months he never really cared about me at all and that is why is so easy for him to just delete me altogether? I have seem to have a hard time letting go of what at some point brought happiness to my life. How can i learn to be like him in that part and just turn emotionns on/off so quickly?

  • Is there a way that i could send you something for clarification but in a private message method? It is very personal and i do not feel comfortable publishing that here.

  • Why would you want to be someone who can turn their emotions off? You seem to want to be anyone else but yourself. Stop playing the victim when it was you who deceived him into thinking you were someone else. Accept the responsibility for your part in the breakup. Mistakes were made on both sides. In future, be yourself - by the time you showed your true face in this relationship, your friend was thinking you must be two-faced. It came too late to be honest. Learn from this and be honest upfront next time. If you are honest, you will attract honest, good people who won't hurt you.

    Sorry, the admin here doesn't allow the posting of personal emails or private messages.

  • Ok, sorry but i am just very confused now. Like the part of me that i hide is basically my insecurities that i slowly started showing him by pieces. What im trying to understand is how do i come off portraying as turning off my emotions? When the whole time i was affectionate, actually it was me the whole time who would tell him/showing how i was feeling towards him. That i can't help it. When i like someone i do show it. I hide are my insecurities because im afraid to be judge and they(him) disappointed. But like i still showed my caring, affectionate, soft side. So what part of my emotions do i turn off then? Like is that represented by me keeping silence and not speaking up because im afraid to say something wrong? Or to show that im feeling insecure?

  • Actually i did showed that soft part of me minus my insecurities and it was certainly reflected by how i treated him because in the end he said he doubt he would find someone that would treat him so nice the way i did.

  • sagibaby, I am going thorugh the same thing!!! He made me feel so good about myself and I opened up to him lkike I have never donw with anyone.

    And then as I got more sensitive and closer with my heart and my deep feelings, and during intimacy, it started happening when we were intimate! and he hides his feelings and then he is all over me and then WHAM! he pulls away!! and I was getting insecure body issues because of past issues and yet, he made me feel like he was the man to my woman and then he gave me up.

    And I refuse to call him as I have done in the past

    One thing I feel you should not do...do not speak for him...don't give him an out fro his feelings...when you wrote i don't expect an answer...he shoudl answe and yes you want and deserve and answer....(google RORI RAYE, she has alot of insight on personal relationships, she is helping me...meanwhile I will def keep in touch here...

    pls read my explaination above.

    it is 2 weeks and I WON"T give in....he has to work for it now.

    WATERMAN and CAPTAIN andy insight will be helpful

    me: 9-21-65

    him: 6-30-76

    He made me believe in him, in us. he said he doesn't play games, but that was for me not to play him (which I don't) but here I feel now, that he has played me all along...though he is genuine...what I am to do??? wise sages please answer.

  • Kmuse, this is Sagibaby's thread. Can you please click on the "Create a new topic" at the top of the page to post you own thread and I will answer you there?

  • sagibaby

    you were not two-faced. you were scared and had insecurities as we all do EVEN him.

    google RORI RAYE. the best thing to do is work on yourself. he is immature and needs to grow-up. and learn how to truly care fro someon, if someone deosn't want to talk you don't hrow them out of your life, you try to figure it out with them...that is what people do when they care about someone.

    unevolved cancers play games..I ma certain of it...bottom line...he needs sapce and time to miss you.

    I am told they can never truly leave their past behind, and I know this about the cancer man whom I love.

    I have cries all day about him...I need to stop thinking about him.

    you never know what the future will bring.

    God Bless You

  • Sagibaby, tell me - do you really like giving so much to someone who does not return it? I'm sure you want to be mad at this guy but you are holding it back. You must feel free to express everything you are feeling. But I think you try and be the nice girl all the time in the hope people will like you. This doesn't work because no one is really that 'good' all the time. There needs to be an even balance of 'give and take' in a good relationship. It sounds like you did all the giving here and him all the taking. Look for someone who can give.

  • oh ok, I am neew to this, so Iwasn't aware I had to do that....I read several others and people seem to give their own problems on the same thread...

    I will make one now...

  • WOW! captain, that is sooo true what you just said to sagibaby.....I know from personal experience....

    how do I get you to my new thread?

  • Captain my thread is "I gave too much to soon to my cancer man, now what?" please give me some advice

  • Yeah when we first broke up i was feeling upset and mad. Well lots of mixed feelings really. But perhaps, it is because for the past few yrs i've had horrible dating experiences and something that got me from this cancer guy was that he was different. The way he approached me, and treated me was kinda of refreshing. More like what i wanted from someone. Respectful, caring, gentle, attention, seemed loyal, protective/nurturing and made me feel safe and secure. That's why i started opening up. Maybe im just being silly but i've always believed in serendipity: fate/destiny. Unlike my friends i don't actively go out and pursue guys. Probably also because im kinda shy. I'm that girl that may go out and if i see someone that catches my attention i may wonder in my head, if he makes eye contact i may smile back, but you really won't see me going up to him. If he talks to me, i'll reciprcate. Otherwise, the whole night will go by and i'll never talk to him. I'm sort of old fashioned and in some ways still believe in chivalry. So weird that when i first met cancer man (on valentine's night) i wasn't even going to go out but a friend convinced me. At the bar that we were all gathered i noticed him but just because he walked but not that he catched my attention. He seemed like a boring/nerdy/simple type of guy. Could really care less. Once this place was closed a friend suggested that we go back to 1 of the guy's (cancer man's best friend) place for an "after party" so i followed. WIthin 10 mins of getting there my friend started a conversation on the couch with cancer man and myself. I noticed cancer man kept looking at me but he seemed very shy. Within 5 mins later we were both talking nonstop about anything and everything (and i sort of felt weird bc i don't really feel close to someone like that especially when i 1st meet them). And is not like we were close to each other or flirting because we were literally on a long sofa (i was in 1 end, he was on the other complete end). Anyways, we stayed like that for almost 5 hrs straight talking. Friends will come around and try to do small talk with us and we were like in our own world. Later on i was leaving, he asked for my number and within less than 12 hrs later he texted me and we started talking back & forth since. At first i was just going to brush him off but the more i got to know him, the more i felt connected to him. Especially that night when he was telling me how he hasn't been in a serious relationship for 5 yrs and how his last gf broke up with him. (She's the only girl that he has been with intimately - or at least that's what he claimed multiple times). 7 yrs ago i was very hurt too and with him i could relate a lot the way that girl hurt him. We both gave so much to our previous partners and got taken for granted and hurt in the end. Therefore, we closed ourselves and became hesistant of trying with other people. That guy that hurt me before was a virgo and what scar me and left a hole in my heart was that i gave myself to him (body, mind & soul), even went against my mom who hated him, did so many things for him, his parents were upset when he broke up with me. While breaking up virgo guy told me that the reason why he didn't want to be with me was because he didn't thought i was worth it. That changed me a lot. Even my friends told me. Prior to dating virgo guy i was so full of life, open hearted, some even said that they admire and wanted to be me. But then after we broke up i because another person (full of fears, insecurities, etc) even a friend said that my lightbulb was turn off and she couldn't recognize me anymore. I went into a horrible depression then. I haven't felt genuinely comfortable, secure and free with someone until i met this last guy. Especially my main thing has been how my fears and insecurities have hold me back from finishing my degree which is one of the main things that i want to bad. I meet guys and pretend that everything is alright, almost done, etc. Which i am but i hide the part that i have made mistakes in school in the past due to fear and is why im still a bit behind. With cancer man i was afraid that he was going to look down on me because i think he's looking more for a girl that is already set in her career like he is. Instead of how we're both 25 (he's 6 months old) and while he just bought his house, good job, no debt like he would tell me, everything perfect, here i am, about 2 yrs away from graduating (credit-wise), lost my job 2 weeks before meeting him and living at home with mom. I moved back home with mom 2 yrs ago and that made me feel less too. Eventually i started opening up to him a bit. 3 wks before we broke up, i was starting my summer school term and he asked me what classes i was taking. I got scared because if i told him which ones, he'll figured out that i was behind. But i also like him and wanted to be honest. So although i was shaking and he could noticed, i opened up and told him how that's one of my biggest fears and i try to cover up so people don't judge me but i was going to be honest with him and told him what had happened in the past and how even though im not done yet, if anything i haven't given up and still doing it. He seemed to be very understanding and was telling me not to worry and how it took his cousin 8 yrs to get a teaching degree, etc. I don't know if it was my intuition or my fears/insecurities that made me feel that he just said that to be nice but was looking down/disappointed in me. A part of me was hoping that he could see past my flaws and acknowledge how im still going for it. Also felt insecure because int he past he told me how his ex-gf is currently in veterinary school. I sort of compared myself to her and felt lesser. All of this i told him in that letter when i opened up and also what virgo guy told me which is part of what made me insecure to open up to cancer man more even when inside my heart was screaming to do it.

    But yes, i went out of my way a lot too. Pretty much the whole time since im still living at home, i was the one who drove over to his place. Also because he seemed to be more busy than me with his work plus gym activities that he is very committed too. Not a lot of free time. When we were talking/comparing schedules to meet up it just seemed easier if i went there since i could spend the night there (we got intimate but never had sex), have more time with him, im currently not working, doing school online so i could bring my laptop anywhere and my gym membership (like him im also a workout freak) allows me to workout at any location in the country. So i was more flexible. He would tell me at times that he appreciate me driving there. Also something that he mentioned during the breakup, how he doubt another girl will go out of her way like that for him. Sometimes i think that he may still be somewhat caught up with his ex-gf. I mean, his best friends are some of her relatives. I did thought that he was stupid during the breakup because here i am who i wasn't trying to be nice because is really how i am with guys but also with friends. While he used to tell me that he felt a lot of times that his ex-gf didn't treat him like a bf and instead like just a friend, here i was being my normal self: affectionate, sweet, caring, he would always talked about how i had a way to make him feel so relaxed, supportive when he got his gym training certification - i sent a congrats encouraging card about him being a trainer now and how he was going to be the best for his clients, etc (even though i was afraid to do it and be taken for granted like in the past).

    Yes there were bad sides of him but i thought that we all have flaws and i care about him so i could deal with it. That i could see an imperfect person "perfect" and appreciate them for whom they are. Sometimes you have to mix a lil good and bad. But i wouldn't be happy that it was me always going there, how supposedly "joking" he would tell me sometimes "shut your mouth" and then give me a kiss but would do it like laughing/sweet so thought he was just being playful, sometimes he did seemed a bit possessive like he likes things his way or the highway and sometimes make fun of me because of how i have a crazy love for my 4lbs yorkshire terrier. That's my lil girl (i say that in lack of kids, that's my daughter). He thought i was a bit ridiculous at how i dress her up, take her everywhere with me, have doggie purses for her, had a mini birthday party for her, etc.

    I am mad at him but for leaving me without giving talking about it. Like if he would've told me that he was starting to not feel the same i would've open up and told him what i wrote on the letter (my insecurities) which was why the last 3 wks i was acting a bit different and not so attentive with him like before. Maybe giving 1 more shot after putting our differences in the table and then if it still didn't work out well we know. But instead is like, we had our 1st bump in the road and he totally quit and left. But i besides that i can't seem to be bitter or hate him since we never really had a fight before or anything like that. Instead i just wish that if we can't be together as a couple, maybe just be good friends. Also he used to "give" before. Still maybe i was doing a bit more. But overall seemed like an almost equal balance (which hasn't happened in a long time for me) until the end when things started getting shaky. But yeah you're right in that i need to find someone that can reciprocate all the time and not only here and there.

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