The Captain, reading please?

  • me; april 3rd 4:07

    will my father finally step up and be a real dad to me like he promises every time i see him? i see him very rarely, and only saw him these past two days because my aunt picked me and my sister up. i have tried showing very little emotion around him, because i went through an extremely difficult time of just breaking down because i was so hurt and felt so terribly alone and depressed. i've never had a male figure that has loved me in my lifetime. never. it hurts me so much, to the point where i just have this void inside of me, and i feel like i need to fill it- but i just can't. and when i think about it, i ache. it hurts me so much. i've told him this, too, i've broken down on the phone sobbing, begging for him to be a real father. with.. no results.

    my father's birthday; june 19th 1971

    oh, and my mother is trying to leave my stepfather, but cannot support us on her own. how long do you see us living with him? he hates me. i was terrible to him throughout my life, never accepting him and insisting i wanted my REAL dad- not him. he's been equally as mean to me and childish, though. we can't stand eachother. she has two children with him.

    i have gotten to the point i have hyperventilated and seized and had the paramedics have to come to my house because i can't breathe, and i''ll have no oxygen flow to my legs and hands because they both scream so loud at me that my body shuts down, i get terrified for my life. they haven't beaten me, i'm okay. but they're words hurt me more than i could describe.

    my mother: september 22nd 1975. 6:00pm

    my stepdad: april 7th 1967

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