A cancer in pain.

  • Hello, my rising and sun sign is cancer and my moon sign is scorpio. I have an extremely emotionaly unstable gemini for a mother who's fears lead her to destroying her family. She left my dad after 23 years of being married. Back before I knew anything about astrology I, after holding out for a long time, gave my heart to a sag, worst mistake of my life. I have no friends that I can count on or feel close to and I have no relationship with anyone in my immediately family, I'm the oldest of 5. I have for several years had many strong suicidal tendencys, the strongest after my heart was broken, but none ever take me seriously. I fear I will never succeed in life and never find a girl that can feel and think as deeply as I do. I believe I'm empathic and I'm very much so skilled and interested in all things philosophical and psychological. I would love someday to be a councillor of some kind and also a physical trainer. I desperately long to speak to someone that truly understands how I feel and can offer some bit of thoughtful and meaningful encouragement. I'm so sick of hearing predictable and emotionless things like, "everything will be ok someday", or "there's plenty of fish in the sea".

  • Nick, I believe that's a cancer trait, we see so much shallow and wonder at how far to go to get to the depths. We want depth since we give depth, maybe. Looking always for genuine, then we have to accept being limited in our friendly relations/relationships. We limit ourselves, for good reason I suppose, preferring it over the "there's plenty of fish.", why it'd be a waste of time (for me, I know I'd end up sabotaging it eventually) if it wasn't believable enough.

    We can be such a bratty sign, ha ha!

    Oh to be cancer. Hang in there, there are worthy relationships, and worthy companions, competitors and opponents just waiting to catch your regard and you to theirs.

    The best direction I can try to 'window' for you, would be to find one 'outlet' whether work or private (writing), an area that you can give to your hearts content and receive the rewards of it as well. A teacher, or something similar that has give and take. If you like Philosophy and Psychology, then a creative writing out-let could be fantastic. Go a step at a time, forget time actually, find pace instead and your natural rhythm. Breathe and find your internal self, that's where healing begins...first love who you are! and before you know it, you will feel balanced then start to take notice of those surrounding and one may catch your eye.

  • Nick777 i will share a story with you i was at this bar and i was hitting own this gal she was nice looking and every thing and we were hitting it off and she ask what sigh i was and i said Leo and she oh no bye and we had been talking about a hour i didn't get a chance to hear what sign she was but us Leos have trouble to and if i know a women is a Leo i just kinda bypass i figure i know me and if she is a hard headed as me we sure could not get along LOL.

    Since you like psychology find you a ( Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous) them steps will help anyone deal with problems and where they stem from and how to overcome them cause it deals with self and self improvement own a spiritual bases and it also helps anyone find a higher power that they can believe and if them steps are followed as they are outlined they can have a spiritual awakening and it would help you allot in the field you might seek

  • hi nick,

    i sense your pain. i also have a scorpio moon ( sun in virgo) and feel things very deeply. i also have had suicidal tendencies over the years too. it is a very isolating experience knowing that you cant share your darkness with someone. we live in a world that very much tries to deny painful emotions. which is understandable seeing it hurts. but it takes courage in my book to be truly honest about how you feel. you are someone who probably thinks outside the square and is interested in what is beyond our earthly existence. i commend you for that. i am the same...sometimes it does feel like a curse. i read somewhere that people with a scorpio moon struggle with their mothers.. that they felt betrayed in some way.. that there was basic nurturing that wasnt there for the child. i know i have felt this and to this day still feel it with her and struggle alot with her. she also left my father, but not after so many years, i think it was perhaps ten years. i was young. that affected many things in my life from that day on.... it was like a snowball effect. things just got worse and worse and deteriorated. i grew up with alot of anxiety and insecurities.. it has affected my relationships..with everyone i believe. partners, friends, family. so i HEAR you.

    because i lost so much as a child , i have i deep seated fear of loss. but on the flip side i fear attachment , but thats just cos i fear loss.

    like you i also am very interested in philosophy psychology and feel maybe i can help others who also suffer.. actually i will be doing training soon to be a volunteer phone counsellor which i hope i will be able to do! maybe you could try that too?

    remember you are not alone even though you feel it.. just keep expressing.. and be you. there is nothing wrong with being a deep and sensitive person. i think you will have alot to give to others.

    someone mentioned the twelve steps above.. that could be worth a try too... whatever it is, gardening..painting..counselling..it is letting go into something else something beyond yourself. you will be ok. the physical trainer sounds interesting too. go for it i say!!! you have inspired me.. i also want to do some of these things. now i just have to get out of bed and get motivated and out of my rut..;)

  • oops i said you will be ok. i know you said you dont like that stuff sorry!

    just take small steps..one day at a time( yes another cliche but it works- i have even taken one hour and one minute at a time). 🙂

  • Thanks yall for your words, especially you stranger2. That phone counciler thing sounds pretty cool. I might actually look into that. Iv heard of the 12 step aa thing. My personal approach to overcoming my issues is learning how to separate my fear from my desire. People make so many choices nowadays based on fear that true happiness is often never realized. I used to smoke alot of weed to counter-balance my intense negativety but not anymore though. I came up with a formula. Experience produces though, thought produces belief, and how and what you believe is what your actions are based on and action produces experience and the cycle begins again. The trick is to identify and avoid negative experience and also generate self perpetuating positive experience. However, apart from all kinds of cool sounding sayings and fluffy retoric, sometimes the best thing (for me atleast) is to just hear a simple, "I know how you feel" story. To be understood in a world so devoid of understanding. This is my way of love, to give the simplest and rarest gift I can imagine, relation through understanding.

  • Hi Nick777,

    I feel I need to reply to your initial comment. I myself am a cancerian female, who suffers from depression the past 5 years.

    All I want from life is to find someone that understands me as much as I understand others. I am currently studying philosophy and psychology.

    I feel that I've given so much in my past relationships (and friendships) that I have nothing left inside of me. It's like every person that came into my life took a part of me with them, and now I'm an empty shell.

    I am so desperate to speak to someone and just have them listen! without trying to change me! All I want is to be heared! Even for 5 minutes! I'm tired of being told the ways in which I MUST change!...

    This is why I find myself opening up on the internet lately. I'm tired of holding it all in. I will go crazy eventually. because the reality of the situation is that I wont find someone that will truly understand me. So I might aswell get used to the idea of opening up and pouring my heart out to people that dont know me!....

    I also feel that I will never succeed in life or find someone that will understand me (whether its a friend or more than that). I don't have many friends because I don't believe true friendship exists. At the end of the day, they will always choose to save their own bottoms, whereas I'm the sort of person that sacrifices everything I have, just to see others happy and healthy, nomatter what the cost is.

    I am currently in a long-term relationship with an Aries, and ever since I met him my self-esteem has declined to the point where it is now officially non-existant. He doesn't understand me. I want to leave him. But I'm bound emotionally to the past we've shared.

    Thank you for reading my response. I feel you. I truly do. truly.

    -your cancer friend in faraway Greece.

  • Exactly!!! I come up with little sayings often here's my latest. "To love is a curse, to be loved is a blessing". Simple and to the point. My family thinks I'm over negative and prideful. Isn't it strange that humans can find an element, illusion or maybe real, of comfort in the knowledge of another's similar pain? I'm glad that you shared that moonchild, I'm glad everyone is sharing. The more people who share on here the more likely I am to meet someone in the real world that feels the same way I do and with the same depth. Maybe somebody should start a cancer singles group lol herd us all in one place so as to bypass our introverted and solitary natures. Imagine a room full of cancers, lol.

  • Nick777,

    Hi! I know exactly how you feel too! This past Winter was the hardest ever for major depression, but, something magical is happening, the more I SEEK to break the "natural" hold it has over me, I am brought a gift of hope! I, too am very much interested in psychology and found that different ways of learning are also helping to influence my mood. I always was a strong "visual learner", but I am finding the more I listen to podcasts,audiobooks, it influences how I think about things. I am finding more answers that way too, I have sought a new avenue so I am being brought a reward. I started out with just walking short distances, but after reading this most recent book, "The Brain that Changes Itself, by Norman Doidge, M.D., I am going to the gym. We actually can re-wire our brains! It's fascinating! We aren't as "hard-wired" as we think. I encourage you to get this book, I also take Fish oil and sub-lingual B-12 every day, I push myself to eat healthier, I am a true lover of sweets, all things bad, but I also keep track of my mood after too, it has been very surprising to me! I am also learning, that I used to think wanting everyone else around me to be happy would bring happiness to me, when it has done that only partially. I am forcing myself to love ME, and it may seem selfish to others because we don't change very easily but I am still finding my way around on how to be that way, but now I want to feel just as worthy as everyone else, and I think sometimes "Cancer" doesn't always feel that way so we give our power away. Starting in little ways, be more gentle to yourself, we deserve happiness too!

  • A room full of cancers? are you mad? Or just a masochist? hahaha

    I do agree with you though! We do need a 'cancers' only dating group!

    I feel that sometimes it's not such a great thing to be in the presence of someone that is experiencing the same pain as yourself.

    It can cause one to fall deeper into the spiral of self-pity and cause one to fall inlove with the defeated soul all over again!...

    Nick.... loneliness is an illusion. It can be easily turned into a positive. Instead of loneliness, it can be seen as maybe inner-peace or content. We are lonely because we constantly need someone... What if we decided that we don't need someone? You see, all things are an illusion if we apply this logic to everything else in life...

    Everything is a choice. In theory, it seems perfect and simple! But practicing this, well that takes time and a lot of courage! There is a reason why communism doesn't work when practiced 😉

    Smile Nick. Peace and love to you

  • ok for some reason the word m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t has been bleeped out there.... interesting...

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