Feeling None existant and everything going wrong



  • Mesix's post of What is wrong with me?: Sounds so familiar to myself!!

    Every time something good happens in my life all **** breaks loose in a matter of speaking beyond my control. Like vehicle repairs out of the blue, loss of income, loss of friends or trying to make friends. I am beginning to feel like I do not exist to anyone but my own family (wife,kids). As most times i'm only known when someone wants something that 80% of the time I cannot give them. I try to just ignore it and drive on through life but it just keeps happening time and again. No replies to emails or post and sometimes phone calls. So where did I go wrong in life or past life and keep getting/felling punished time and again?

    I do have some of my own abilities but they never shed light for myself or people I seem to be working close too or around a few times. Just never gives me my own insight as when I was lots younger having major deja vu's. If you have any insight to help me and our willing then Thank You. If not no problem I wish you the best.

    BW



  • Loss is the Universe's way of asking you if you really need those things in your life or would your life be simpler without them? You are being called to re-evaluate your whole value system to decide what the really important things are in your life. This also points to where you may be wrong in what you think you need to be happy. It sounds like there are many things that you need to change about your life.

    When you say it feels like you only exist to your wife and family, it sounds very much like you want to contribute something to the world but don't feel you are doing it. Do you know why you are here on this earth and what for? Maybe you need something of real value to dedicate yourself to, apart from your family. Is your work really fulfilling you? Do you feel like a valuable human being? It's a sign of someone who undervalues themselves that they do not get the financial renumeration they would if they really felt they were contributing something to the world. You need to lift your value - then you will feel you deserve to attract more money.

    Maybe it's time for a complete change - to simplify your life or go after what you really deep down want and need to be happy.



  • Truthfully I do not know why I am here on Earth. My childhood was not great due to multiple family issues. I contribute to my family and give them what they need and go without for myself until I truly need something. I like my work but it can be monotonous at times (repetitive). My company changed my job title to suit their own greedy needs and cost me 10k/yr. I have been searching for other work since that time just these past 8 months.

    I am truly though an integral part where I work at and am truly needed by who I work with here. They are pushing to try to make things better and give me an opportunity to become a Government employee (permanent Full Time). It is just things are moving so slowly. The other issue is supposed friends or associates who I try to communicate with and far away family members who never respond or call. So socially even though I try it is the issue of feeling non existent. Other then that my dreams and visions point in so many directions I cannot make heads or tails of it anymore. What I need there is a true getaway to actually clear my mind and that will not be happening for awhile. Sorry I am kinda ranting without meaning too but these are the issues in my life besides a few others. Any insight from anyone would be helpful and thanks Captain!

    BW



  • Hi Blackwyvern, just a little hope and guidance for you. I'm no Psychic but we all go thru these periods in our lives sometimes. From what I understand when outside circumstances are crazy look within. I find for myself that when I write down what I'm grateful for in this life everyday it makes you look at the "Big Picture" and realize no matter how bad anything seems, it could be worse. Imagine that you want a better job, someone else is praying for a job. Love yourself first, find solace with your own company and then you won't need anyone else to validate you. Have faith that things will work according to the Devine plan and take one day at a time or minute or hour. Try meditation it really worked for me I wish you joy and Peace and if you ever need anyone to talk to look me up!

    You have the power within you to change your life, good or bad! :()



  • One more note, I found that your "thoughts" dictate your life and we speak good or bad things into existence. Expect good things to happen and they will but goes both ways, if you expect "bad" they will happen too. Focus on the positive! Everymorning say "This is going to be a great day." And it will.



  • hello poetic555-- I wanted to post and say how thoughtful you were to help BlackWyvern. By expressing yourself in that way, you give and help so many people. Thank you for these tools-- I will keep them in mind when I am going through a dark night of my own.

    in gratitude,

    CapricornCat



  • God Bless you Capricorn Cat, we all have dark nights, just remember the sun will shine the next morning and it shines on the good or the bad. 🙂



  • BW, you can feel lonely and cut off from the world and from true inspiration in your life, if you trust your mind over your heart or live your life according to other people'e dictates and opinions. You fear and attract betrayal by others - even by your own body - if you think negatively. Trusting your own higher wisdom as revealed by your feelings and intuition, and letting go of your need to be accepted is the only way you will be happy. You are here to find a way to communicate your unique ideas or unusual thinking to others. Blessed with a kind of genius, you may have difficulty expressing what you know. Born with your own particular vernacular, you may feel misunderstood by others because your patterns of thinking or speech are of your own making. This difficulty generates great frustration and can be the basis for many of your problems if it makes you attention-seeking and defensive.

    You may find that you end up far more disorganized and unstructured than when you began in life, as there is much to suggest that this lifetime will be a process of learning increased flexibility, broader vision, and the ongoing ability to speak your mind, regardless of the pereceived consequences. Though stubbornness and a tendency to be overbearing and a bit of a lone wolf can hold you back from better cooperation with others, you are gifted with a clever mind and original thinking. If you can tap into your innate love of harmony, and bring yourself to apply your unique gifts of passion and innovation in such a way as to bring them to manifestation, you can have a long creative and productive career. Yours is a competitive spirit with a real need for achievement and recognition. You have the capacity to go far in this lifetime - selling, writing, teaching and communication in all forms can bring you happiness as well as material success. What you really want is to be totally free to pursue Truth, have adventures, be spontaneous and be right 100% of the time. If you can avoid self-righteousness and focus on the people around you rather than solely on 'your Truth', you can help others to address their problems and gain the grateful acceptance and respect of your peers.

    This year is your year to achieve success and a breakthrough in your life. August is good for your working life and September is an especially amazing time in all areas.



  • Captain,

    I can be a lone wolf at times and that comes from having a hard time trusting anyone from issues from my childhood. So I did adopt that mentality early on but as time has progressed not much so but when I truly need to be if that time calls for it. I was a perfectionist for a long time until both of my children came along and it just got too hard and caused many problems so I dropped 80% of it from my life. I do find that at most times I am right but never 100% as I seek what i need to know before answering some questions unless I already know the answer. I do seek attention and recognition for what I do and it rarely comes along so I dumped that too and just do whatever is needed to make things work.

    I do have many ideals in my head for a lot of things It is hard to focus on people around me when we rarely share anything in common and they leave in a year or so for other places. I find it hard to make friends nowadays as everyone is on the net and has the money to do things while I get ahead only to get slap back down time and again as is such at this moment. I will be losing my job in two months and have already been applying and looking elsewhere for something more permanent even if it means leaving the area i'm in right now.

    So anymore insight as to my future and what might have happened in my past to cause such issues as all I have been hearing is Karma can come back to haunt you. Who knows in this life whether I suffer such fate or was meant to live this life this way to learn a lesson for some unknown future life?

    BW



  • All right, BW. Now tell me everything that has gone RIGHT for you in your life because I am hearing only negativity here. And if you believe you only attract negativity, then that it what you will get. Tell me what your strengths and your dreams and ambitions are.



  • what is good in my life? My kids are the best thing that happened in my life and I love them dearly!! I left my home to make a better life and that has allowed me to change and be a better person but was a struggle to change my personality. I like my job alot and help alot of different people and have helped save a life once during my military years. My strength is a Strong will and caring about people even those I do not know. I tend not to show it always depending on the issue as I do not like to make a big deal out of things. My dreams are gone and no more due to what life has dealt me physically in the eye sight department. As being a USAF Fighter pilot and owning a horse ranch in Colorado. i do have a home I can call my own and at least 5 acres not much but I love the space. My other dreams were music but never happened and I see it in my daughter who I encourage too pursue her dreams. My son is very Tech and Engineering and I do the same for him. My personal life with my other half is not going well and I try not to push her but have tried everything i can think of to make her happy.

    I once went to a psychic who said we came together for another purpose but are relationship would not last. So I assume it was the birth of our children who may change the world for the better in their lifetime. Some of the negatives that happened and i cannot shake is the possibility of having two other children and being told they are not mine by both women. One of which commited suicide just this past year or so which makes me wonder still to this day if her first child is mine. Secondly my Father passed away and I found out on Facebook of all things after the fact. Long story on that one but a few days later I heard his voice and he said he Loved me and was sorry.



  • BW, you talk like your life is over and you only hope your children will succeed where you failed. Worng thinking! As long as you are alive, you can be successful. The only thing that is holding you back is that you are stuck in past ambitions. Your OLD dreams are gone - time to make new ones as the others were out-of-date and didn't reflect your new strengths and lessons learnt. You have grown and changed, so change your dreams and goals. Revise what you wanted to do in the past and look into your heart to find what will make you happy now. If your relationship is not a happy one, fix it or change it. If your life is not a satisfying one, fix your attitude or change its circumstances.

    You can either live your past forever or you can become a new future man. Look forward, not back and just do something! You say your will is strong - then you need to make some hard decisions for your future and carry them out. Work with what you have, not what you fantasise about. If you have to leave your wife and home and go off on your own to find your authentic self, then do so. You are certainly not making anyone around you happy by being miserable.



  • Thanks,

    I will reflect on this and see where the wind takes me on this journey of life.