Hi. I'm a Capricon (01/05/1981) and I have been married to my husband (Gemini 05/29/1979) for 8 years, been together for 10. We have two daughters together. My problem is that I want to leave him. He is a good man, and a good father, but he puts his job before us. We have almost divorced once before about this, but I was determined to make it work. Here it is, 4 years later, and it is still the same old story. I have tried talking to him about this and he still acts as if there is nothing wrong with the fact that he barely sees his daughers. When he is home, he is a wonderful father to them. As far as I'm concerned, I think I fell out of love with him a long time ago. I have more or less stayed with him for financial reasons, as well the kids. I have also met a man who I connected with instantly. He is also married. We have discussed at length that we are both unhappy and will eventually each get divorced to our spouses and maybe end up togther. We neither one want to divorce our spouses because of adultry so our relationship has never been physical. Emotionally, yes, but we realized that we needed to slow it way down. I don't know if we will end up together, but I would like to. I am not getting divorced because of this man. I know that there is a HUGE possibility that we will never end up together. But, even knowing this, I am ready to start the path to divorcing my husband. Am I making the right decision for me and my daughters? I have tried so hard to keep my marriage in place, but I'm just tired of trying and being the only one trying. The man I have fallen for is an Aries (04/05/1985) and he has already told me that he loves me and wants me to be in his life. I don't think he is playing me, but what are your thoughts?
Thanks in advanced!!
CapKim4, your husband is a freedom-seeker and always will be. You cannot control him, no matter how determined you are. Your relationship takes a hard line and is better suited for friendship than love. Little need is felt to cater to the niceties of etiquette or of polite society; formality is observed only when necessary, and no obligation is felt to be considerate of personal sensitivities or weaknesses. Indeed the relationship operates on the principle that experience is a toughening process, the ultimate education. Although you two may feel warmly to each other, especially at the start of the relationship, an adversarial stance may well emerge as you come to understand each other's outlooks, pulling you increasingly apart. If you are both working towards the same goal, however, as you are certainly capable of doing, this combination's toughness and practicality can achieve a lot. Your love affair is usually cool, no-nonsense and unemotional. Sex id dealt with frankly: the attraction is on or it is off; no attempt is made to compromise. Yet the relationship is not without romance, though a romance that may not be recognised as such by others, having a private meaning to the two of you yourselves. Such a love affair can develop into either marriage or friendship, but more often you two drift apart until your connection ends. Marriage between you can be pragmatic. You CapKim contribute financial skills and domestic planning while your husband lends a sharp eye for bargains and an aggressive instinct for furthering the family's interests. Although practicality is emphasized here, a love of beautiful objects and furnishings will lead you two to spend time enhancing the ambiance of your home. Your relationship will probably feature heated ideological or philosophical interchanges. Your husband's changeableness will inevitably be confronted by your strong work ethic and stubbornness, while his finely honed critical faculties will pierce to the heart of your flaws. Mutual affection may offset the effects of insults and disparaging remarks but only as long as the love lasts. You two will rarely reach the kind of emotional understanding that allows easy exchanges to take place on a daily basis.
You and your new friend may have a rocky road to travel. Some astrologers believe such a combination should be avoided at all costs and indeed many walls to intimacy will have to be broken down, and personal defenses breached, if this relationship is to succeed. The relationship can have an oddly prickly side, a sore spot which, if pressed, can cause flare-ups of tension. In love and marriage, striving rather than strife should be the keyword. This relationship can be stimulating and competitive, or it can be upsetting and combative. If you both keep your respect for each other, you may spur each other on to new levels of sensitivity and awareness. You CapKim will find that your partner is highly independent. But independent as he is, he also needs attention and to be needed, and this particular desire might not be well filled by you, who may often be away from home, at work, or out socializing with friends. However, the kind of contentiousness that can arise between you may actually advance the longevity of your marriage or long-term relationship, since both of you hate to admit failure. Even the most combative of marital relationships then can go on for years. The biggest challenge here is to decide if you are actually friends or enemies..
You asked for opinions, so I'll give you mine. I've witnessed many women leave their husbands at around the same age as you are now, usually after 8 to 10 years of marriage. The funny thing is they often describe their husbands in the way you described yours, a good man and a good father. The reason for the break-up is frequently a lack of attention or passion in the marriage. These women often end up remarried to lesser quality men and divorce again. A second marriage brings a whole new set of obstacles to romance as the new man will likely not have the same feelings towards your children as their father does.
What you may not realize is that men will often work very hard at their jobs because it's the way they show love for their families. Many of them are hardwired to want to be good providers. In past generations this was usually enough to keep a wife content if not entirely happy. With today's shared and overlapping roles, it's easy to understand why a woman would want more. However, leaving a good man is often a regretted decision.
Instead, try to see his work ethic as a testiment to his love for his family. But make it clear that you need some quality time with him. I would suggest that the two of you go out once a week for a date night and set up special family outings a couple times a month.
When you approach him with this, start by telling him how much you appreachiate how hard he works and how he provides for his family. Men have a need to feel appreciated for what they do, even if it's not exactly what we want from them.
I know you're not feeling like you're in love with your husband, but maybe a little time together and a different perspective on why he does what he does will help to bring the passion back.
I also suggest that you find new interests or hobbies so that you're fun is not dependent on your husband. But this should not include an emotional relationship with another man.
Hopefully you can bring a new spark to your marriage. Once you leave, you can't really undue what's been done. I just think that a good man and good father is worth putting more time and effort into. It's not just you that you're decision will be affecting, it's your kids. Now, I wouldn't suggest that anyone should have to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids. But this seems more like a stale marriage than a bad one, so a little more effort seems reasonable.
Marriage counseling is another option that you may want to consider.
I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do.
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